2017 NFL Season Thread

[worstblogever]

NFC East
Dallas Cowboys (11-5): I believe in this offensive line. I'm not even thinking about Ezekiel Elliot being a piece of garbage lady-beater, amateur bar-fighter, or St. Patrick's Day sexual-assault-by-way-of-yanking-top-down-committer. He's such a scumbag that no one even remembers Dez Bryant used to be the guy with character issues. (Yeah, Zeke's a bastard, and I'm not gonna pretend otherwise.) But that suspension doesn't matter. Not the length, not if or when it happens... it doesn't matter. Dallas still has Alfred Morris AND Darren McFadden running behind five of the scariest dudes on the planet. Jason Witten's mummified remains are still out and when he gets tagged real good, embalming fluid squirts out... yet somehow the guy keeps playing. Dak Prescott showed he's starting QB material, and unless he drinks from the cursed chalice that RGIII did after his rookie campaign, the Cowboys will be fine on offense. Their defense... is another story... it gives me concerns. LB Sean Lee can never stay healthy, so hopefully red-shirted-by-injury former Notre Dame LB Jaylen Smith is ready to go behind him. Taco Charlton better get to the damned QB. Randy Gregory needs to stay off the weed. Dallas drafted two rookie CBs to address their long, long history of being weak at that spot since Deion Sanders left. That's gotta be better than Orlando Scandrick, but whether or not they're ready to play on Sundays... we'll see. I think Dallas had a charmed 2016 to only have two losses to the Giants, but 11-5 is more than enough to get them this division.

New York Giants (9-7): Oh, Eli Manning... why do you always throw picks that you should have learned not to as a rookie, and then make a "DERP" face like clockwork? Is it because you know big bro Peyton's gonna call you and laugh at you after you do it? You have OBJ, Brandon Marshall, Sterling Shepherd, and Paul Perkins to throw to. If you can get it within a foot of them and not the defender, you should be fine... and yet... Your RBs are still Orleans Darkwa and Shane Vereen. Sweet Jesus, how did you not get anyone else? New York's defense was vastly improved last year in free agency, and with Janoris Jenkins and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, it's still a veteran group. Hopefully, that means "experienced" and not "old and busted". Having Eli Apple take their spot and move one of them to safety this year is likely in the works. I must point out that a once fearsome Giants D-Line these days has only one player that scares you by name, and he has about as many fingers as a character on The Simpsons. Sadly, they're not divvied up between his hands evenly because fireworks aren't an equalizer. Yeah, I still laugh about JPP's hand, but I can do that because it was self-inflicted, and the dumbest risk an athlete could make with their body. Explosives? For f***s sake, man, hire one of the guys from Jackass who are desperate for money to load M-80s in his orifices for your amusement if you want to see stuff blow up. THINK, MAN.

Washington R******s (7-9): The offense of this team now consists of Kirk Cousins, Jordan Reed, and Matt Jones. Their top two wide receivers are Jamison Crowder and Terrell Pryor, the former who kinda sucks and the latter who was still a college QB and only had respectable NFL numbers in Cleveland because the Browns are ridiculous and didn't have anyone else to throw to in spite of spending four draft picks on receivers in one year. Anyway, it almost makes you think they let DeShaun Jackson go because Daniel Snyder is tired of paying franchise tag money to Kirk Cousins and wants to leave him with no one left to throw to so he can justify it when Cousins walks in free agency this coming season, and someone else starts throwing a god-awful sum of money at him. This team's secondary already had an aging DeAngelo Hall, an underachieving Josh Norman (Who knew this team would overpay for a guy after he had one good season? That's so no like them!), and their free agent pickup is D.J. Swearinger, a guy notorious for trying to free-range and leave his actual assignment unwatched. Their LB core is solid with Will Compton, Junior Gallette, and Ryan Kerrigan, and hopefully rookie DL Jonathan Allen lives up to the hype and can help them stop the run when they face the Cowboys.

Philadelphia Eagles (7-9): I'm still not ready to get on the Wentz wagon, and I don't know if bringing in LeGarrette Blount makes me a believer. HOWEVER... Alshon Jeffrey in a tandem with Torrey Smith could get interesting, especially with a 3rd down back like Darren Sproles on this roster. Just don't remind me Nelson Aloghor is a thing (still bitter over taking him in fantasy). The Offensive line is decent, assuming Lane Johnson doesn't get busted for PEDs and Jason Peters holds up. The defense... well, that still needs some work, especially up front. I don't know how a team with Chris Long and Fletcher Cox is planning on stopping Dallas from gunning the ball down their throat all game long. But in the meantime, Malcolm Jenkins will decapitate anyone on a crossing route and Ronald Darby ain't too shabby, either.

[worstblogever]

NFC North
Green Bay Packers (11-5): I want to open by saying the NFC North, outside Green Bay is filled with flawed teams, or in the case of one squad, god-awful teams. Aaron Rodgers' only handicap from last season to this season is he's not getting the sweet, sweet lovin' from Olivia Munn anymore. And as much as Packer fans blamed her whenever the team lost, even though Rodgers threw for like 400 yards and all the Hail Marys... well, that's just stupid. His estrangement from the rest of his family would be a much more logical distraction... but guess what? THAT AIN'T THE PROBLEM. You have like the best QB in the world, shut up and accept that fact. You still have Jordy Nelson, Randal Cobb, DeVante Adams, and now, Martellus Bennett for him to throw to in a division where only Minnesota is playing good defense these days. The problem? Your coach and GM forget that maybe RUNNING THE BALL would be a good idea, and after several years of letting Fat Guy Eddie Lacy be your #1 RB, instead, you just started giving the ball to another WR, Ty Montgomery, and act like all your problems are solved. The hell? This also fails to mention that your defense is still inexplicably run by Dom Capers, whose teams give up 500 yards whenever they play an even remotely competent offense, and unless they force turnovers, make whatever Herculanean effort Aaron Rodgers makes on the other side of the ball irrelevant. How is Clay Matthews still your most famous player on that side of the ball? That... that can't be possible. Jake Ryan? Please remedy this situation, STAT. Please tell me Clinton Ha-Ha Dix is ready to be a Pro Bowler, and not just a guy who made Key & Peele stop doing the college all stars skit because they couldn't think of a more ridiculous name than his. In short, I predict the Packers will easily win this division, but lose in the playoffs in a way that crushes the souls of their fans more than just living in Wisconsin alone already does when the defense collapses.

Minnesota Vikings (9-7): I cannot speak a bad word about this defense. It's loaded. It's one of the best in football over the past several years. But the days of them winning on its strength and Adrian Peterson are gone. Now, it's Dalvin Cook, a guy whose domestic violence issues make him about as hard to root for as the child-abuser that was here before him. If that wasn't clear enough that this team has given up trying to pretend morals matter, they also signed WR Michael Floyd, who could be suspended awhile or spend some time in jail after getting probation for a DUI while still in Arizona, and then violating that and drinking a f*** ton of sambucha (roughly 8 gallons worth) before taking a mandatory breathalyzer test and failing. That's... a drinking problem you got, son. Norm from Cheers would advise you to get help. Your QB is also still Sam Bradford, whose career record is... 32-45-1. Not bad for a guy who has made about $1 million per TD and $3 million per win over his career, right? Your offensive skill players who aren't s***bags are Laquon Treadwell and Kyle Rudolph, and hopefully that's enough for these guys to limp into the playoffs, but I doubt it.

Detroit Lions (7-9): Matt Stafford got PAID. Maybe Detroit should have considered saving some money for some receivers, because other than Golden Tate, he's got no options. And Ameer Abdullah, the fumble machine is still your RB, with Theo Riddick still his backup. Their defense remains an aging Haloti Ngata, Ziggy "This is the Year He Breaks Out Just Like We Said Last Year" Ansah, and nobody you've ever heard of in their secondary, but whose names you'll curse if you're an actual Lions fan who has to watch as Aaron Rodgers and the Packers carve them up like ham. Oh, and Detroit lost their starting LT for the first like... half of the season, so we'll see if Matt Stafford lives long enough to cash any of those checks. It's not like he's facing any pass rushers early in the season or anyth- WAIT, Arizona, last year's team leaders in sacks show up in Week One. Hopefully Chandler Jones, Markus Golden, and Robert Nkemdiche. Honestly, I have to stop writing before I read their schedule again and reduce their win total more than it already is.

Chicago Bears (4-12): They lost Alshon Jeffrey. Their new starting QB is Mike Glennon, and his development in the organization is going well enough that Bears fans are already clamoring to see Mitch Trubisky, who they booed the f*** out of at the draft less than five months ago. They're gonna be clamoring for Mark Sanchez AKA Captain Buttfumble before it's all said and done, just you watch. This team had better run the damned ball, and anyone who got Jordan Howard in fantasy is at least gonna see him get like 30 carries a game, because there's only one receiver worth a damn (Kevin White) and it's gonna be hard for him to touch the ball with these QBs. Oh, I gotta backtrack... remember how Chicago fans booed the hell out of drafting Trubisky at #2 overall? Because they gave the 49ers a slew of draft picks to move up? Well, the Bears defense was dreadful in 2016. Guess how many rookies got drafted on their defense? ONE. Eddie Jackson, out of Alabama. That's it. The Bears are STILL in a division with both Aaron Rodgers and Matt Stafford, and have no capability to stop either, and did nothing to correct that pattern. The only reason I think they're gonna win 3-4 games is because they get to play some garbage teams this year who are somehow on paper even worse. But this is going to be painful to watch. Your MVP will be punter Pat O'Donnell, in my estimation.

[worstblogever]

NFC South (*Division Note: The NFC South gets to play the NFC West, and AFC East this year, meaning these teams all benefit from getting to play the Rams, 49ers, Jets, and Bills. That's four winnable games for all these teams, out of division.)
Carolina Panthers (11-5): Now, THIS division is going to be ridiculously competitive. I don't particularly LIKE the Panthers, because they're owner's a bit of a bastard. Every other year, though, they're great. They sucked last year, and thus, this year get an easier schedule and can cake-walk their way to a division title. Their franchise QB, Cam Newton seems surprised people around the league didn't take well to him running out of the pocket and dabbing on them like fools, and would respond by trying to blast his gray matter right out of the ear hole of his helmet. The team drafted Christian McCaffrey at RB, so the people in Carolina who are uncomfortable rooting for the players of color will be satisfied and demand he be given the ball 35-40 times a game, even though Jonathon Stewart is still pretty damned good. There are plenty of weapons on offense like Greg Olson, a TE who's made of galvanized alloys with the amount of hits he takes and keeps going, and Kelvin Benjamin and Devin Funchess rounding out the receiving corps. The defense... Luke Kuechley has been one of the best players in football for the past few years, but I gotta hold off on writing him in as a badass again this year. He took one of the scariest blows I've ever seen in an NFL game, getting knocked in the brain hard enough that he was uncontrollably weeping, because the portion of his brain that controlled his emotions was where the blood pooled. Like... that's terrifying. I don't even know if I see that again in the near future if I could deal. But if there's one guy, just one who takes this defense to the next level it's Luke. If he doesn't recover to his full capability, this team is not going far in the postseason. Up front, this team has the best tandem of DTs possibly in all of football with Star Lotulelei and Kawann Short, and at DE they have an ageless Julius Peppers and Charles Johnson. Their secondary... well, that's the catch, I don't know if you can trust this secondary, with Captain Munnerlyn being its most noteworthy player. Were I to be making a fantasy team of players who sound like they were pirates, he's my #1 pick, though. While this defense was scary in 2015, it was because they led the NFL in +/- turnover ratio, a stat that doesn't tend to carry over from season to season. On top of those easy games against bottom feeders I listed above, the Panthers also get... the Bears! Yeah, that's a part of their last place schedule benefits. This team has five easy wins on its schedule, so for them not to get five more out of the other eleven would be a shock to me.

Atlanta Falcons (10-6) Wild Card: I think Atlanta's going to have a Super Bowl hangover. That said, I love, love, LOVE their offense. Matt Ryan, Julio Jones, Mohammed Sanu, Davonta Freeman, Tevin Coleman, just... they are so good. Up front, too, Matt Ryan has ridiculous amounts of time to throw deep on some plays, you think he's playing in a seven-on-seven drill. But, the psychology of Atlanta's defense... this team is Vic Beasley and 10 other guys for the most part. They blew a 28-3 lead in the biggest game of their lives, and the GM did little to change this defense for the better for this year. Sure, they drafted a few kids, but that isn't a "plug and go now" solution. Atlanta is going to be a mystery for me. They could miss the playoffs altogether, and someone like the Giants or Bucs get in, instead of them. But we'll have to see.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-8): They were on Hard Knocks. That never bodes well for a team. Their starting QB is a raw talent who makes the most bizarre turnovers, as if he's a living Madden glitch. One minute he's playing like he's got a 99 rating, and the next minute, it's just a 9, as he commits fumbles that are ridiculous enough to make Chris Berman come out of retirement to make 3 Stooges noises. And you'd better hope nothing happens to this kid, because his backup is HAHVAHD boy Ryan Fitzpatrick, aka that guy who was in Buffalo way longer than you would have thought possible. The good news? You have offensive weapons. WRs Mike Evans, DeSean Jackson, TE O.J. Howard, TE Cameron Brate, RB Doug Martin... that's promising. And the line isn't god-awful. How's the defense? Not too shabby. LaVonte David at LB, Robert Ayers at DE, Brent Grimes as a shut-down CB... it's really pretty well rounded. The Bucs will either make the playoffs, or be decimated by MRSA combined with mold after their locker room gets decimated by Hurricane Irma. We'll see how that pans out.

New Orleans Saints (7-9): DREW BREES!!!!! DREW BREES!!! DREW BREES!!!! Usually, that's all I have to say about the Saints. Well, Brees watched this team trade Brandin Cooks, and was left with Michael Thomas and Willie Snead at WR. That is, until Snead got suspended for 3 games for a DUI. Now, it's an aging Ted Ginn, Jr. to make due until Snead is back. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention... New Orleans brought in Adrian Peterson. That might be a big f'n deal, but A-Pete is more renowned for beating his kid than being the pinnacle of RBs these days. His yards per carry are starting to trend more toward "3" than "4", let alone "5" when he was in his prime. Still, at least with a Brees passing game, he won't see 8 in the box for like the first time in his entire career. The Saints' offense could be ridiculously good this year. Their defense, however, is always as effective as a mosquito net trying to stop a stampeding rhino. They at least drafted Marshon Lattimore, the first chance they have at a decent cornerback in like... a decade? That's probably not enough to be a difference maker, though.

[worstblogever]

NFC West
Seattle Seahawks (12-4): I'm not exactly falling in love with the Eddie Lacey signing, and I thought Arizona might take the division title back from Seattle... and then somehow this team managed to get blackmail photos of Woody Johnson so that the Jets would be dumb enough to trade them Sheldon Richardson for Jevon Kearse. The Seahawk's worst enemy, though... is themselves. The defense apparently hate Russell Wilson and think he's full of s*** (he kind of is). The coaches are unable to control the aggression the D has for the O in practice. They can say "iron sharpens iron" only so many times before this locker room implodes. Can this team really continue to throw the ball with Doug Baldwin & Tyler Lockett? Can they figure out how the hell to use Jimmy Graham at TE? Did they actually fix their offensive line? (Hint: No, not really.) Is this the best defense in football? (If it ain't, it's pretty damn close.) The Legion of Boom are another year older, and if they can stop Frank Clark from beating any girlfiends or teammates, they can be the class of the NFC. But this locker room sits atop a powder keg... if they go on a 3 game losing streak at any point, or suffer a big loss in a high profile game, Richard Sherman's gonna start striking some matches, and make Pete Carroll wish he'd traded him this offseason.

Arizona Cardinals (11-5) Wild Card: I'm not enough of a homer to pick the Cardinals as the division winner, but I think they've got enough for a playoff run. The first 3 years under Bruce Arians, they won 10+ games each year, before last year's hiccup that saw them going 7-8-1. In unpacking the season, they suddenly couldn't win close games, and often that was due to missed FGs, or poor punt coverage. After a rough opening stretch, they also lost both starting guards and LT Jared Veldheer for the season to injury... so Carson Palmer got hit WAY more. The team has plugged in more aggressive and young players like Evan Boehm at guard, to compliment the new fantasy football darling David Johnson, who went for 1,000+ rushing yards last year, and also snagged just shy of 1,000 receiving yards as well, before he went out of the final game due to injury. That's... ridiculous. Only 3 players in history have managed 1,000/1,000, the last being Marshall Faulk. All signs are Johnson could be the fourth. At WR, John Brown was not healthy due to a cyst on his spine last year, and is finally back at full strength. Larry Fitzgerald still has the best hands in the NFL, and works at his game like a fiend. And the defense... Arizona lead the NFL in sacks last year with the tandem of Markus Golden and Chandler Jones. This team's weakness last year was special teams, and they brought in Phil Dawson as the new kicker, and veteran Andy Lee as their punter to fix what was like a 31st ranked special teams unit. Their offense and defense were both Top Ten. In defense, they were #2 overall, and in the Top Ten in every statistical category. They lost both Tony Jefferson and Calais Campbell in free agency, but have replaced them with Antoine Bethea and Robert Nkemdiche, which somehow is looking like a potential upgrade. Patrick Peterson is still one of, if not THE best CB in football, and opposite him, Justin Bethel is finally healthy. And the Honey Badger looks back in top form, too. As long as Carson Palmer, P-Twice, David Johnson, and Fitz stay healthy, Arizona could go deep into the playoffs.

Los Angeles Rams (5-11): GOOD NEWS... You finally got a WR. Yeah, the bills traded you guys Sammy Watkins. The bad news is, Jared Goff is still who's throwing to him, and your main division rivals have AMAZING secondary players to cover him. So Goff is gonna be dumb, test Richard Sherman or Patrick Peterson, throw to Watkins, and watch a Pick-Six go the other way. Bank on that happening at least ONCE this year. Maybe with a passing threat of some kind, though, the Rams can see Todd Gurley do more than get hit a yard behind the line of scrimmage this year, because of COURSE that's all they had on offense last season. Tavon Austin is still only good for End-Around plays, though. Now, the Rams' defensive front finally started to have players leave in free agency, after drafting a scary front four that made injury risks for any team playing them. They still have Robert Quinn, Michael Brockers, and Alec Ogletree in their front seven for this year... so they're still capable, but now it's easy to double-team those fellas rather than have to "pick your poison" against their defensive front.

San Francisco 49ers (3-13): This is a SAD roster. They do get two games against the Rams, also known as the only team they beat in 2016 for their two victories. Their rebuilding process was greatly helped by the Chicago Bears, who gave them a majority of their draft picks to move up ONE spot to take a QB that the Niners had no interest in taking anyway. So, they have a ton of rookies for new head coach Kyle Shanahan. With Brian Hoyer at QB, and Pierre Garcon as their top WR, it's pretty clear that they are content with being lousy and trying to get a franchise QB in this year's coming draft. They drafted enough quality players on defense to start rebuilding a squad that has only Navarro Bowman from their NFC Champion teams from a few years' back. I'm not lying, THAT'S IT. Everyone else bailed/retired/GTFO of Santa Clara. They might only win 3 or 4 games, but their losses should be far less embarrassing than some of the beatdowns they have endured the past two seasons.

[Surf]

To my wife and kids, see you in February, be good.

Let's, GO, COLTS. And by GO I hope it's not to the tune of 6-10 but I have my doubts.

I'm predicting Dallas to make it to the Superbowl to face an as yet unspecified AFC opponent per my prediction.

[BeastieRunner]

Strong Pick:
Seahawks d. Patriots

Weak Pick:
Cowboys d. Steelers

Dark Horse:
Raiders d. Packers

I think those are the only Super Bowl ready teams. If any of those 6 are in against anyone that is not in those 6 ... I expect a blowout. Those 6 will produce a good game.

[Mister Ferro]

Appeal news:

NFL filed motion to dismiss Zeke's case in U.S. District Court last night at 10:20 p.m.

League source there is NO deadline on ruling by Harold Henderson.

From Rapoport - Clarity: 4 pm Tues deadline for Zeke Elliott relates to salary. If he’s on the roster past 4 pm, he gets paid. Doesn’t guarantee eligibility

[Witchfan]

WBE's Totally Irrelevant 2017 NFL Predictions
AFC East
New England Patriots (13-3): The rich got richer. Having Tom Brady, Gronk, and more players to make their offense click than should be allowed wasn't enough, and then the Saints traded Brandin Cooks to the Pats, who have their first deep threat since Randy Moss, really. And Julian Edelman goes down for the season with a ligament injury, they swing another trade for Phillip Dorsett? Side note... why do teams keep signing 30-something people that New England cuts? That almost never works. Belichek is a race horse owner who knows when its time to take a thoroughbred to the glue factory. Sure, he'll take a supposed draft "bust" in their mid-20s from another team and make them into a contributor towards a deep playoff run. But damned if people still don't try taking his castoffs. So New England lost LeGarrett Blount to the Eagles. They still have Dion Lewis, James White, and more offensive weapons than they know what to do with. Martellus Bennett went to the Packers. On the defensive side, Rob Ninkovich retired. But they're still loaded, ready to repeat, and sit atop a division filled with incompetent GMs that make this team with a double-digit win total and deep playoff threat year in, and year out.

Miami Dolphins (7-9): Jay Ajayi is gooooood. This team's QB option last year was Ryan Tannenhill, who with a weak schedule, got this team to 10 wins and into the playoffs. With a mediocre signal caller, they did that. And he blew out his leg, leaving the Dolphins with the choice of having a down year and to potentially draft higher with a new QB in 2018, or doing something desperate and stupid. They chose the latter, and brought Jay Cutler out of the broadcast booth to get under center. Jay Cutler, the most unlikable team leader in the NFL since the term of the millenium. Jay Cutler was turned down as an organ donor because anyone receiving his organs would also automatically reject those for being a part of the whole. He's got DeVante Parker, Kenny Stills, and Julius Thomas in his list of targets, and maybe if this offensive line doesn't implode, they might surprise some folks (But that hasn't happened for a couple seasons in a row now). This team's defense is also a hodge-podge of free agents from elsewhere, many of whom have the look of guys who are just looking to get a last paycheck. (See Malaluga, Verner, Timmons) Oh, and Donkey Kong Suh, who will stomp a mudhole in your *** and walk it dry. Hopefully he can fight though double-teams and keep a cool head so that Vontaze Burfict takes the "dirtiest player" title from him. Maybe if Kiko Alonso lives up to his potential, this team can do more. But they have 4 games against the Bills and Jets to pad their win total with, so they might just be in the postseason again. Even WITH Jay Cutler.

Buffalo Bills (4-12): Buffalo had to address their QB situation in the offseason, dicking around and eventually choosing to sign Tyrod Taylor to a one year deal, and drafting Nathan Peterman, who by even hopeful assessments, is a work in progress. Their #2 QB was T.J. Yates, who you might remember once was an embarrassing starter for Houston, getting carried into the playoffs by their defense. Well, both Taylor and Yates are in the concussion protocol before the season opener, and that doesn't bode well. Rather than bring in Colin Kaepernick, they're looking at Joe Webb, and are also considering moving former QB-turned TE Logan Thomas back to the position he played in college. There... there's not a lot of good going on there. The Bills also traded away WR Sammy Watkins, and they have to hope Zay Jones can get the ball at all this year. Expect LeSean McCoy to touch the ball a billion times this year... and when your hopes are being placed on a 29 year old running back about to switch to the long side of 30... that's not good. The defense... well, Adolphus Washington and Shaq Lawson are a hell of a start. Hopefully they're still in good shape when they get to hit the free agent market in a few years. Past that, this team is mostly forgettable.

New York Jets (1-15): Oh, poor Todd Bowles. The Jets are tanking, and making him field one of the worst rosters the NFL has seen in decades. They're starting Josh McCown, a 38 year old journeyman who has been mediocre in his best years in the league. Behind him, it's Christian Hackenburg (whose most beloved trait was standing behind a commitment to Penn State after the school got covering up child rapes) and Bryce Petty, who sure looked better playing against Big-12 defenses. Their backfield has Bilal Powell, an aged Matt Forte, and no one to block for them. Their young stud WR, Quincy Enunwa, and they responded by trading to get the second or third best WR the Seahawks had. What did they give up to get him? Sheldon Richardson, their beast of a DT and their only real Pro-Bowler left from this team's last playoff run. The secondary fell apart, and all of the high draft picks they've spent to fix the problem have yet to address it (Maybe Jamaal Adams? Maybe?). The LBs on this squad wouldn't make special teams squads anywhere else in the league. The Jets might pick a fluke win up this year, and I honestly only have them at 1-15 because of the Any Given Sunday philosophy. They'll probably beat the Bills by a fluke. I dunno. They're gonna have the top pick in the draft, though, and manage to draft a QB who's a bust, because that's what the Jets do.

The Bills could go 9-7 if LeSean McCoy stays healthy all year.

[Witchfan]

AFC North
Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4): Big Ben has become fatter and less mobile due to injuries playing in the NFC North for as long as he has. Luckily, he has one of, if not THE best receiver in football to throw to, and a bunch of other reliable targets. Oh, and a line and a running game with LeVeon Bell, provided he doesn't get suspended for some stupid ass life choice. The defense isn't exactly Steel Curtain or NuSteel Curtain quality like it was ten years ago, but James Harrison doesn't age (HGH or... how the hell does he do it?) But they also have Cameron Hayward, Bud Dupree, Ryan Shazier, and... they drafted J.J. Watt's little brother, T.J., who doesn't have J.J.'s injury history? Jesus. Their Front 7 is loaded, and the secondary is still good, albeit a year older.

Cincinnatti Bengals (9-7), Wild Card: Andy Dalton, the Red Rifle, aka the QB too good not to take a chance on getting rid of, but will never get you a playoff win. A.J. Green makes him look better than he is. This team still has Gio Bernard and Jeremy Hill for a good 1-2 RB tandem, but the offensive line being gutted by free agency might make the Bengals a bit dicier of a proposition than usual. Their defense is also a year older, but no less mental. Yeah, Vontaze Burfict is dirty. So's the aging Adam "Pacman" Jones at 33. Other than Geno Adkins and Dre Kirkpatrick, I can't respect a one of these guys on this defense. They're either dirty or they suck. Still, they're likely to be in the playoffs again, only to lose again, so we can wonder how in the hell Marvin Lewis still coaches here.

Baltimore Ravens (6-10): Is Joe Flacco an elite QB? We know the answer, this question only exists as a meme now. Jo-Flax has Mike Wallace to throw to, which is good, and they somehow ended up with Jeremy Maclin after the Chiefs inexplicably cut him. Terrence West was actually pretty solid last year. Still, this team's line is in flux, so much so that they made a trade with Arizona to get back Tony Bergstrom. And the defense has the reanimated corpse of Terrell Suggs to remind you of when it was last good, and other than a good couple of safeties in Tony Jefferson and Eric Weddle, doesn't seem to offer much hype.

Cleveland Browns (4-12): When you trade for Brock Osweiler just to eat his ridiculous $15 million contract and cut him to pick up a second round draft pick... you're not playing for this year. The Factory of Sadness is fielding DeShone Kizer as their latest sacrifice to the gods of sorrow, and this team let their best WR Terrell Pryor (who was a college QB) leave in free agency... even though he was playing in front of Ohio faithful who worshiped the ground he walked on. Josh Gordon remains the only receiver of note, and if he can just stop smoking weed, he might get 1,000 yards in a season. That's admittedly hard to do when you miss half your potential games. The offensive line is still Joe Thomas and four guys, and we'll see if that can't be enough to get Crowell and Duke Johnson some running room. The defense... isn't retooled yet. Jabril Peppers and Myles Garrett are going to whoop some ass, but give them a few years and some teammates before they're for real.

Baltimore will win 8-9 games, Bengals go 6-10 and fire Marvin Lewis. Predicting four wins for the Browns is really optimistic.

[Witchfan]

AFC South
Tennessee Titans (10-6): The Titans are the most complete team in this division, but that's not saying much. I believe Marcus Mariota is actually going to be a better-than-average QB, provided tackle Taylor Lewan doesn't get him killed in pass-blocking situations. Lewan, at least, is far better as a run-blocker, which is why the Titans are scary good. Everyone forgot DeMarco Murray existed after one year away from Dallas, but when he got behind this line, he was doing serious damage again. Behind him, oh, there's just a former Heisman-winner in Derrick Henry. Delanie Walker is a Top-5 TE in the NFL right now, and other than a lack of a deep threat, this offense is very well rounded. The defense... well, I can't say I'm crazy about the Tennessee secondary, but the good news is, most of the teams in your division don't have a QB, and the one that does can't find an O-Line to keep him healthy. Look for the Titans to get the 4-seed.

Indianapolis Colts (7-9): As I mentioned in the previous entry, the AFC South only has one good QB, and it's Andrew Luck. But he's still all f***ed up from LAST year's hits, and will miss Week One, at least, maybe be ready for Week Two, and Arizona's defense... which isn't a welcome party given how bad Arizona thrashed him the last time the two teams met. T.Y. Hilton is going to be double-covered almost all season, and the ghost of Frank Gore will use whatever poltergeist tricks it can to get into the end zone. There still is no offensive line, save for drafting rookie center Ryan Kelly out of Notre Dame... but Luck's still going to get killed from the edge. The defensive secondary appears average, and the front seven... when you take Barkevious Mingo off the free agent market... that does not appear like a team that will be able to stop the run. Or get to the QB. This looks more like the waste of another season of Andrew Luck than anything.

Houston Texans (7-9): J.J. Watt is a multi-time Defensive Player of the Year, and provided he's as healthy as he can be, will compete for that award again. Houston's defense is one of the more formidable units in the AFC. This being said, your QB is Tom Savage. I think the world of DeAndre Hopkins, but he's just this decade's version of Andre Johnson. Great receiver, shame no one can get the ball to him. RB Lamar Miller is capable, but not exactly the end-all, be-all running back in the league. He's capable of being in the Top Ten at his position, at best. Houston still has an outside shot at the playoffs, mostly because this is a competitive division. Although, every team in it is getting stronger all the time. The real question is... how long before they start looking at DeShaun Watson?

Jacksonville Jaguars (5-11): Jacksonville blew more money in free agency than anyone else, but did not resolve their perennial lack of a QB. Their preseason saw starter Blake Bortles suck it up hard enough that the team realistically thought about going to Chad Henne again. The disdain this team's receiving corps has for Bortles went from "body language" to "audible disgust" during training camp, and it's a shame with targets like Allen Robinson, Allen Hurns, and Marquise Lee that Bortles just cannot stop throwing the ball at his targets' FEET. Blake, news flash, "RECEIVERS CATCH WITH THEIR HANDS." This is mostly why people are still thinking new rookie RB Leonard Fournette will have his number called a lot, and hopefully he gets a chance from the Jags' O-Line, because Leonard was a man among boys in college... but it's all big dudes out there now. The defense has a lot of high draft picks like Myles Jack and Dante Fowler, and a lot of big free agent signings like DE Calais Campbell and S Barry Church. I want to say this team will be more competitive than five wins... but it's Jacksonville, man. Until they get a signal caller or a coach I'm not sold.

I want Houston to win this division, but the hurricane and the lack of a QB will probably ruin their season. Titans will win at least ten games.

[Witchfan]

AFC West
Oakland Raiders (12-4): The Raiders were scary good last year, until Derek Carr went down with an injury, then lost Matt McGloin, then had to start Connor Cook under Center. Oy vey. Carr's back now, looks fine, and still has Michael Crabtree and the ridonkulously talented Amari Cooper. They upgraded the TE position, bringing in Jared Cook, and at RB, have gone older yet scarier by brining Marshawn Lynch out of retirement, and making people wonder if Beast Mode is gonna be truckin' fools all year or not. The O-Line is pretty solid, and on defense, they have Khalil Mack eating other teams starting QB's alive with Bruce Irvin on the other side now. The only loss on the defensive side of the ball, really, is NT Dan Williams, who did a great job of stopping the run. As long as the young guys the Raiders have replaced him with can hold up against the rush, they're a lock for a division title.

Kansas City Chiefs (9-7) Wild Card: Alex Smith remains mediocre, and this team let Jeremy Maclin and several free agents go from its defense. This means more targets for Travis Kelce than you would have expected, and not just because Smith is afraid to throw to anyone who can't get deeper than the TE. They lost Spencer Ware for at least half the season to injury, and are starting rookie Kareem Hunt instead. I still think they find a way into the playoffs, likely on Tyreek Hill returning more punts than should be legal, and because Andy Reid just does not go away quietly. I could easily be wrong about this, and KC could easily end up 6-10, and throwing Patrick Mahomes out to start in meaningless December games to get ready for the future. We'll see how it plays out, but I have learned to never bet against Andy Reid teams. They don't do much when they make the playoffs, but I'll be damned if they're not in there year in and out.

Denver Broncos (8-8): Trevor Siemian is somehow still the starter, although... the QB situation in Denver is gonna get weird by the end of this year, almost bet on it. Denver fans have HIGH expectations from that position since John Elway. Like, they had a few decent starters in there who were chased out of town for not being elite through most of the late 90s and early 2000s, and we're looking at a choice between Siemian, 1st round draft pick from a year ago Paxton Lynch (who's apparently disappointing the hell out of coaches), and the now-returning-on-the-cheap Brock Osweiler, who won 5 games in their Super Bowl run on the strength of Denver's defense. Speaking of, Denver's defense still has a scary-ass front 7 with Von Miller and Brandon Marshall, and the secondary still has shutdown corner Aqib Talib. They did just shock the hell out of everybody and cut safety T.J. Ward, so it will be interesting to see if the back end holds up, or gets beat like a drum. Oh, and they've got a whole stable of quality RBs to share the load and DeMaryius Thomas and Emmanuel Sanders, assuming anyone can throw them the ball. Denver could get in the playoffs, depending on how that QB situation goes for them, but I wouldn't expect a deep run.

Los Angeles Chargers (7-9): Phillip Rivers is still here, somehow. Hopefully Keenan Allen can stay healthy for him to throw to. Melvin Gordon is a friggin' beast. Antonio Gates is still here, although he's a shadow of his former self. The offensive line... isn't god-awful, so there's that. Defensive line has Corey Liuget, Joey Bosa, and Brandon Mebane... but this team just feels cursed the past few years when it comes to injuries. They haven't had their #1 and #2 receivers play a whole season together in almost a decade. They usually lose a RB or TE on top of that. A couple years back, they were signing guys off the street to play center, and teams were savaging them up the middle on at least ten snaps a game. Oh, and they've not done anything to address a shoddy secondary, so good luck stopping the Raiders from passing for 400 yards on you. I'm sure that will upset the 15,000 people in Los Angeles who head to the StubHub railway station to see this team play.

the Chiefs are a step down from last year, and are no more than wild card contenders. This division belongs to the Raiders.

[Witchfan]

NFC East
Dallas Cowboys (11-5): I believe in this offensive line. I'm not even thinking about Ezekiel Elliot being a piece of garbage lady-beater, amateur bar-fighter, or St. Patrick's Day sexual-assault-by-way-of-yanking-top-down-committer. He's such a scumbag that no one even remembers Dez Bryant used to be the guy with character issues. (Yeah, Zeke's a bastard, and I'm not gonna pretend otherwise.) But that suspension doesn't matter. Not the length, not if or when it happens... it doesn't matter. Dallas still has Alfred Morris AND Darren McFadden running behind five of the scariest dudes on the planet. Jason Witten's mummified remains are still out and when he gets tagged real good, embalming fluid squirts out... yet somehow the guy keeps playing. Dak Prescott showed he's starting QB material, and unless he drinks from the cursed chalice that RGIII did after his rookie campaign, the Cowboys will be fine on offense. Their defense... is another story... it gives me concerns. LB Sean Lee can never stay healthy, so hopefully red-shirted-by-injury former Notre Dame LB Jaylen Smith is ready to go behind him. Taco Charlton better get to the damned QB. Randy Gregory needs to stay off the weed. Dallas drafted two rookie CBs to address their long, long history of being weak at that spot since Deion Sanders left. That's gotta be better than Orlando Scandrick, but whether or not they're ready to play on Sundays... we'll see. I think Dallas had a charmed 2016 to only have two losses to the Giants, but 11-5 is more than enough to get them this division.

New York Giants (9-7): Oh, Eli Manning... why do you always throw picks that you should have learned not to as a rookie, and then make a "DERP" face like clockwork? Is it because you know big bro Peyton's gonna call you and laugh at you after you do it? You have OBJ, Brandon Marshall, Sterling Shepherd, and Paul Perkins to throw to. If you can get it within a foot of them and not the defender, you should be fine... and yet... Your RBs are still Orleans Darkwa and Shane Vereen. Sweet Jesus, how did you not get anyone else? New York's defense was vastly improved last year in free agency, and with Janoris Jenkins and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, it's still a veteran group. Hopefully, that means "experienced" and not "old and busted". Having Eli Apple take their spot and move one of them to safety this year is likely in the works. I must point out that a once fearsome Giants D-Line these days has only one player that scares you by name, and he has about as many fingers as a character on The Simpsons. Sadly, they're not divvied up between his hands evenly because fireworks aren't an equalizer. Yeah, I still laugh about JPP's hand, but I can do that because it was self-inflicted, and the dumbest risk an athlete could make with their body. Explosives? For f***s sake, man, hire one of the guys from Jackass who are desperate for money to load M-80s in his orifices for your amusement if you want to see stuff blow up. THINK, MAN.

Washington R******s (7-9): The offense of this team now consists of Kirk Cousins, Jordan Reed, and Matt Jones. Their top two wide receivers are Jamison Crowder and Terrell Pryor, the former who kinda sucks and the latter who was still a college QB and only had respectable NFL numbers in Cleveland because the Browns are ridiculous and didn't have anyone else to throw to in spite of spending four draft picks on receivers in one year. Anyway, it almost makes you think they let DeShaun Jackson go because Daniel Snyder is tired of paying franchise tag money to Kirk Cousins and wants to leave him with no one left to throw to so he can justify it when Cousins walks in free agency this coming season, and someone else starts throwing a god-awful sum of money at him. This team's secondary already had an aging DeAngelo Hall, an underachieving Josh Norman (Who knew this team would overpay for a guy after he had one good season? That's so no like them!), and their free agent pickup is D.J. Swearinger, a guy notorious for trying to free-range and leave his actual assignment unwatched. Their LB core is solid with Will Compton, Junior Gallette, and Ryan Kerrigan, and hopefully rookie DL Jonathan Allen lives up to the hype and can help them stop the run when they face the Cowboys.

Philadelphia Eagles (7-9): I'm still not ready to get on the Wentz wagon, and I don't know if bringing in LeGarrette Blount makes me a believer. HOWEVER... Alshon Jeffrey in a tandem with Torrey Smith could get interesting, especially with a 3rd down back like Darren Sproles on this roster. Just don't remind me Nelson Aloghor is a thing (still bitter over taking him in fantasy). The Offensive line is decent, assuming Lane Johnson doesn't get busted for PEDs and Jason Peters holds up. The defense... well, that still needs some work, especially up front. I don't know how a team with Chris Long and Fletcher Cox is planning on stopping Dallas from gunning the ball down their throat all game long. But in the meantime, Malcolm Jenkins will decapitate anyone on a crossing route and Ronald Darby ain't too shabby, either.

The Eagles will win 9-10 games and challenge the Giants for a wild card.

[Witchfan]

NFC North
Green Bay Packers (11-5): I want to open by saying the NFC North, outside Green Bay is filled with flawed teams, or in the case of one squad, god-awful teams. Aaron Rodgers' only handicap from last season to this season is he's not getting the sweet, sweet lovin' from Olivia Munn anymore. And as much as Packer fans blamed her whenever the team lost, even though Rodgers threw for like 400 yards and all the Hail Marys... well, that's just stupid. His estrangement from the rest of his family would be a much more logical distraction... but guess what? THAT AIN'T THE PROBLEM. You have like the best QB in the world, shut up and accept that fact. You still have Jordy Nelson, Randal Cobb, DeVante Adams, and now, Martellus Bennett for him to throw to in a division where only Minnesota is playing good defense these days. The problem? Your coach and GM forget that maybe RUNNING THE BALL would be a good idea, and after several years of letting Fat Guy Eddie Lacy be your #1 RB, instead, you just started giving the ball to another WR, Ty Montgomery, and act like all your problems are solved. The hell? This also fails to mention that your defense is still inexplicably run by Dom Capers, whose teams give up 500 yards whenever they play an even remotely competent offense, and unless they force turnovers, make whatever Herculanean effort Aaron Rodgers makes on the other side of the ball irrelevant. How is Clay Matthews still your most famous player on that side of the ball? That... that can't be possible. Jake Ryan? Please remedy this situation, STAT. Please tell me Clinton Ha-Ha Dix is ready to be a Pro Bowler, and not just a guy who made Key & Peele stop doing the college all stars skit because they couldn't think of a more ridiculous name than his. In short, I predict the Packers will easily win this division, but lose in the playoffs in a way that crushes the souls of their fans more than just living in Wisconsin alone already does when the defense collapses.

Minnesota Vikings (9-7): I cannot speak a bad word about this defense. It's loaded. It's one of the best in football over the past several years. But the days of them winning on its strength and Adrian Peterson are gone. Now, it's Dalvin Cook, a guy whose domestic violence issues make him about as hard to root for as the child-abuser that was here before him. If that wasn't clear enough that this team has given up trying to pretend morals matter, they also signed WR Michael Floyd, who could be suspended awhile or spend some time in jail after getting probation for a DUI while still in Arizona, and then violating that and drinking a f*** ton of sambucha (roughly 8 gallons worth) before taking a mandatory breathalyzer test and failing. That's... a drinking problem you got, son. Norm from Cheers would advise you to get help. Your QB is also still Sam Bradford, whose career record is... 32-45-1. Not bad for a guy who has made about $1 million per TD and $3 million per win over his career, right? Your offensive skill players who aren't s***bags are Laquon Treadwell and Kyle Rudolph, and hopefully that's enough for these guys to limp into the playoffs, but I doubt it.

Detroit Lions (7-9): Matt Stafford got PAID. Maybe Detroit should have considered saving some money for some receivers, because other than Golden Tate, he's got no options. And Ameer Abdullah, the fumble machine is still your RB, with Theo Riddick still his backup. Their defense remains an aging Haloti Ngata, Ziggy "This is the Year He Breaks Out Just Like We Said Last Year" Ansah, and nobody you've ever heard of in their secondary, but whose names you'll curse if you're an actual Lions fan who has to watch as Aaron Rodgers and the Packers carve them up like ham. Oh, and Detroit lost their starting LT for the first like... half of the season, so we'll see if Matt Stafford lives long enough to cash any of those checks. It's not like he's facing any pass rushers early in the season or anyth- WAIT, Arizona, last year's team leaders in sacks show up in Week One. Hopefully Chandler Jones, Markus Golden, and Robert Nkemdiche. Honestly, I have to stop writing before I read their schedule again and reduce their win total more than it already is.

Chicago Bears (4-12): They lost Alshon Jeffrey. Their new starting QB is Mike Glennon, and his development in the organization is going well enough that Bears fans are already clamoring to see Mitch Trubisky, who they booed the f*** out of at the draft less than five months ago. They're gonna be clamoring for Mark Sanchez AKA Captain Buttfumble before it's all said and done, just you watch. This team had better run the damned ball, and anyone who got Jordan Howard in fantasy is at least gonna see him get like 30 carries a game, because there's only one receiver worth a damn (Kevin White) and it's gonna be hard for him to touch the ball with these QBs. Oh, I gotta backtrack... remember how Chicago fans booed the hell out of drafting Trubisky at #2 overall? Because they gave the 49ers a slew of draft picks to move up? Well, the Bears defense was dreadful in 2016. Guess how many rookies got drafted on their defense? ONE. Eddie Jackson, out of Alabama. That's it. The Bears are STILL in a division with both Aaron Rodgers and Matt Stafford, and have no capability to stop either, and did nothing to correct that pattern. The only reason I think they're gonna win 3-4 games is because they get to play some garbage teams this year who are somehow on paper even worse. But this is going to be painful to watch. Your MVP will be punter Pat O'Donnell, in my estimation.

The Packers will be the #1 seed in the NFC. The Vikings can't win with Sam Bradford at QB.

[Witchfan]

NFC South (*Division Note: The NFC South gets to play the NFC West, and AFC East this year, meaning these teams all benefit from getting to play the Rams, 49ers, Jets, and Bills. That's four winnable games for all these teams, out of division.)
Carolina Panthers (11-5): Now, THIS division is going to be ridiculously competitive. I don't particularly LIKE the Panthers, because they're owner's a bit of a bastard. Every other year, though, they're great. They sucked last year, and thus, this year get an easier schedule and can cake-walk their way to a division title. Their franchise QB, Cam Newton seems surprised people around the league didn't take well to him running out of the pocket and dabbing on them like fools, and would respond by trying to blast his gray matter right out of the ear hole of his helmet. The team drafted Christian McCaffrey at RB, so the people in Carolina who are uncomfortable rooting for the players of color will be satisfied and demand he be given the ball 35-40 times a game, even though Jonathon Stewart is still pretty damned good. There are plenty of weapons on offense like Greg Olson, a TE who's made of galvanized alloys with the amount of hits he takes and keeps going, and Kelvin Benjamin and Devin Funchess rounding out the receiving corps. The defense... Luke Kuechley has been one of the best players in football for the past few years, but I gotta hold off on writing him in as a badass again this year. He took one of the scariest blows I've ever seen in an NFL game, getting knocked in the brain hard enough that he was uncontrollably weeping, because the portion of his brain that controlled his emotions was where the blood pooled. Like... that's terrifying. I don't even know if I see that again in the near future if I could deal. But if there's one guy, just one who takes this defense to the next level it's Luke. If he doesn't recover to his full capability, this team is not going far in the postseason. Up front, this team has the best tandem of DTs possibly in all of football with Star Lotulelei and Kawann Short, and at DE they have an ageless Julius Peppers and Charles Johnson. Their secondary... well, that's the catch, I don't know if you can trust this secondary, with Captain Munnerlyn being its most noteworthy player. Were I to be making a fantasy team of players who sound like they were pirates, he's my #1 pick, though. While this defense was scary in 2015, it was because they led the NFL in +/- turnover ratio, a stat that doesn't tend to carry over from season to season. On top of those easy games against bottom feeders I listed above, the Panthers also get... the Bears! Yeah, that's a part of their last place schedule benefits. This team has five easy wins on its schedule, so for them not to get five more out of the other eleven would be a shock to me.

Atlanta Falcons (10-6) Wild Card: I think Atlanta's going to have a Super Bowl hangover. That said, I love, love, LOVE their offense. Matt Ryan, Julio Jones, Mohammed Sanu, Davonta Freeman, Tevin Coleman, just... they are so good. Up front, too, Matt Ryan has ridiculous amounts of time to throw deep on some plays, you think he's playing in a seven-on-seven drill. But, the psychology of Atlanta's defense... this team is Vic Beasley and 10 other guys for the most part. They blew a 28-3 lead in the biggest game of their lives, and the GM did little to change this defense for the better for this year. Sure, they drafted a few kids, but that isn't a "plug and go now" solution. Atlanta is going to be a mystery for me. They could miss the playoffs altogether, and someone like the Giants or Bucs get in, instead of them. But we'll have to see.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-8): They were on Hard Knocks. That never bodes well for a team. Their starting QB is a raw talent who makes the most bizarre turnovers, as if he's a living Madden glitch. One minute he's playing like he's got a 99 rating, and the next minute, it's just a 9, as he commits fumbles that are ridiculous enough to make Chris Berman come out of retirement to make 3 Stooges noises. And you'd better hope nothing happens to this kid, because his backup is HAHVAHD boy Ryan Fitzpatrick, aka that guy who was in Buffalo way longer than you would have thought possible. The good news? You have offensive weapons. WRs Mike Evans, DeSean Jackson, TE O.J. Howard, TE Cameron Brate, RB Doug Martin... that's promising. And the line isn't god-awful. How's the defense? Not too shabby. LaVonte David at LB, Robert Ayers at DE, Brent Grimes as a shut-down CB... it's really pretty well rounded. The Bucs will either make the playoffs, or be decimated by MRSA combined with mold after their locker room gets decimated by Hurricane Irma. We'll see how that pans out.

New Orleans Saints (7-9): DREW BREES!!!!! DREW BREES!!! DREW BREES!!!! Usually, that's all I have to say about the Saints. Well, Brees watched this team trade Brandin Cooks, and was left with Michael Thomas and Willie Snead at WR. That is, until Snead got suspended for 3 games for a DUI. Now, it's an aging Ted Ginn, Jr. to make due until Snead is back. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention... New Orleans brought in Adrian Peterson. That might be a big f'n deal, but A-Pete is more renowned for beating his kid than being the pinnacle of RBs these days. His yards per carry are starting to trend more toward "3" than "4", let alone "5" when he was in his prime. Still, at least with a Brees passing game, he won't see 8 in the box for like the first time in his entire career. The Saints' offense could be ridiculously good this year. Their defense, however, is always as effective as a mosquito net trying to stop a stampeding rhino. They at least drafted Marshon Lattimore, the first chance they have at a decent cornerback in like... a decade? That's probably not enough to be a difference maker, though.

The Saints will be in last place at 7-9. The other three teams will be 10-6, 9-7, and 8-8. I don't know which will be which.

[Mister Ferro]

Appeal news:

NFL filed motion to dismiss Zeke's case in U.S. District Court last night at 10:20 p.m.

League source there is NO deadline on ruling by Harold Henderson.

From Rapoport - Clarity: 4 pm Tues deadline for Zeke Elliott relates to salary. If he’s on the roster past 4 pm, he gets paid. Doesn’t guarantee eligibility

**EDIT**

NFL distances itself from 4:00 p.m. ET suspension deadline

For years, the NFL has observed a weekly deadline when it comes to the implementation of suspensions. If the suspension isn’t finalized by 4:00 p.m. ET on Tuesday, the suspension gets delayed until the next week.
The dynamic first became widely known in the latter days of StarCaps, when it was clear that long-pending suspensions would be served and a weekly trigger of 4:00 p.m. ET on Tuesday would determine whether that week would be the week.


The NFL is now distancing itself from this past practice in the Ezekiel Elliott case, telling league employee Tom Pelissero that there is no such rule. But Pelissero acknowledges that the Cowboys believe the deadline applies. (Per a league source, so does Elliott’s camp.)

And PFT roasts the NFL at the end with

It’s unclear why the NFL is suddenly abandoning this practice. Maybe the person most keenly aware of it wasn’t invited to the meeting.