Originally Posted by
worstblogever
NFC South (*Division Note: The NFC South gets to play the NFC West, and AFC East this year, meaning these teams all benefit from getting to play the Rams, 49ers, Jets, and Bills. That's four winnable games for all these teams, out of division.)
Carolina Panthers (11-5): Now, THIS division is going to be ridiculously competitive. I don't particularly LIKE the Panthers, because they're owner's a bit of a bastard. Every other year, though, they're great. They sucked last year, and thus, this year get an easier schedule and can cake-walk their way to a division title. Their franchise QB, Cam Newton seems surprised people around the league didn't take well to him running out of the pocket and dabbing on them like fools, and would respond by trying to blast his gray matter right out of the ear hole of his helmet. The team drafted Christian McCaffrey at RB, so the people in Carolina who are uncomfortable rooting for the players of color will be satisfied and demand he be given the ball 35-40 times a game, even though Jonathon Stewart is still pretty damned good. There are plenty of weapons on offense like Greg Olson, a TE who's made of galvanized alloys with the amount of hits he takes and keeps going, and Kelvin Benjamin and Devin Funchess rounding out the receiving corps. The defense... Luke Kuechley has been one of the best players in football for the past few years, but I gotta hold off on writing him in as a badass again this year. He took one of the scariest blows I've ever seen in an NFL game, getting knocked in the brain hard enough that he was uncontrollably weeping, because the portion of his brain that controlled his emotions was where the blood pooled. Like... that's terrifying. I don't even know if I see that again in the near future if I could deal. But if there's one guy, just one who takes this defense to the next level it's Luke. If he doesn't recover to his full capability, this team is not going far in the postseason. Up front, this team has the best tandem of DTs possibly in all of football with Star Lotulelei and Kawann Short, and at DE they have an ageless Julius Peppers and Charles Johnson. Their secondary... well, that's the catch, I don't know if you can trust this secondary, with Captain Munnerlyn being its most noteworthy player. Were I to be making a fantasy team of players who sound like they were pirates, he's my #1 pick, though. While this defense was scary in 2015, it was because they led the NFL in +/- turnover ratio, a stat that doesn't tend to carry over from season to season. On top of those easy games against bottom feeders I listed above, the Panthers also get... the Bears! Yeah, that's a part of their last place schedule benefits. This team has five easy wins on its schedule, so for them not to get five more out of the other eleven would be a shock to me.
Atlanta Falcons (10-6) Wild Card: I think Atlanta's going to have a Super Bowl hangover. That said, I love, love, LOVE their offense. Matt Ryan, Julio Jones, Mohammed Sanu, Davonta Freeman, Tevin Coleman, just... they are so good. Up front, too, Matt Ryan has ridiculous amounts of time to throw deep on some plays, you think he's playing in a seven-on-seven drill. But, the psychology of Atlanta's defense... this team is Vic Beasley and 10 other guys for the most part. They blew a 28-3 lead in the biggest game of their lives, and the GM did little to change this defense for the better for this year. Sure, they drafted a few kids, but that isn't a "plug and go now" solution. Atlanta is going to be a mystery for me. They could miss the playoffs altogether, and someone like the Giants or Bucs get in, instead of them. But we'll have to see.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-8): They were on Hard Knocks. That never bodes well for a team. Their starting QB is a raw talent who makes the most bizarre turnovers, as if he's a living Madden glitch. One minute he's playing like he's got a 99 rating, and the next minute, it's just a 9, as he commits fumbles that are ridiculous enough to make Chris Berman come out of retirement to make 3 Stooges noises. And you'd better hope nothing happens to this kid, because his backup is HAHVAHD boy Ryan Fitzpatrick, aka that guy who was in Buffalo way longer than you would have thought possible. The good news? You have offensive weapons. WRs Mike Evans, DeSean Jackson, TE O.J. Howard, TE Cameron Brate, RB Doug Martin... that's promising. And the line isn't god-awful. How's the defense? Not too shabby. LaVonte David at LB, Robert Ayers at DE, Brent Grimes as a shut-down CB... it's really pretty well rounded. The Bucs will either make the playoffs, or be decimated by MRSA combined with mold after their locker room gets decimated by Hurricane Irma. We'll see how that pans out.
New Orleans Saints (7-9): DREW BREES!!!!! DREW BREES!!! DREW BREES!!!! Usually, that's all I have to say about the Saints. Well, Brees watched this team trade Brandin Cooks, and was left with Michael Thomas and Willie Snead at WR. That is, until Snead got suspended for 3 games for a DUI. Now, it's an aging Ted Ginn, Jr. to make due until Snead is back. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention... New Orleans brought in Adrian Peterson. That might be a big f'n deal, but A-Pete is more renowned for beating his kid than being the pinnacle of RBs these days. His yards per carry are starting to trend more toward "3" than "4", let alone "5" when he was in his prime. Still, at least with a Brees passing game, he won't see 8 in the box for like the first time in his entire career. The Saints' offense could be ridiculously good this year. Their defense, however, is always as effective as a mosquito net trying to stop a stampeding rhino. They at least drafted Marshon Lattimore, the first chance they have at a decent cornerback in like... a decade? That's probably not enough to be a difference maker, though.