Today I spoke with Kris Kringle himself , aka Santa Claus. We had some small talk since Santa stiffed me back in the 1980's on those classic WWF LJN wrestling figures I always wanted. I wanted all of those figures but was denied. DAMN YOU SANTA !
Anyhow as I spoke with Santa , he discussed the dark times of this war on Christmas. As he said , things look bleak. JCPenny and K-Mart/Sears is going down and sales are being lost nationwide. The Elves can't find cheap consumer toys and good for folks due to this situation. Now with those 2 chains down , Santa may have to reduce the number of Elves working to lower levels. Due to price increases there.
Also with the new healthcare plan Trump has done with an Executive order , he may have to let older Elves go due to Insurance costs. This was bound to happen as Santa had hoped Trump would lower things insurance premium wise. Instead with this , he may lose experienced workers. Kids may end up getting coal now that never expected it.
Finally the biggest worry is that the internet is crippling Santa's business. Usually he delivers toys and good 1 night a year. And now fucking Amazon is able to deliver within days , year round. People are demanding Santa step up his deliver schedule.
All this worry has led Santa to neglect Mrs. Claus as well. As she usually has Santa spend year round getting down to business with her. As she told me the stress has gotten to Mr. Claus and even viagra isn't working well.
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So at the end of the day this War on Christmas is hurting the biggest holiday of the year. Its said Santa may contact the Easter Bunny to have him speak with Fox News to try and lean on conservatives to realize there is a war on Christmas and Santa needs their help ! Only you conservatives can help Santa this year. Do it for him !