Internet headlines

[Trey Strain]

What are some words and phrases you would like to see banned from internet headlines? Here are some of mine.

-- baby bump

-- you didn't know

-- you've never heard of

-- you've been doing all wrong

-- not what you think

-- you missed

-- goes viral

-- reveals

-- cuddling

-- hilarious (especially when what's being described isn't even funny)

-- adorable

-- precious (sometimes I think Gollum writes internet headlines)

-- insanely

-- way more

-- clapped back

-- throws shade

-- absolutely

-- heartwarming

-- and Twitter isn't having it

-- broke the intermet

-- the internet is obsessed

-- us and we, as in "we need to talk" and "we can't deal"

-- that time

-- of all time

-- do this

-- this one thing

-- Kardashian

[Carabas]

Can't we just have internet headlines banned period?

[Trey Strain]

--just, as in something always "just" happened, even though it might really have occurred days ago.

[Star_Jammer]

Less vague headlines, such that I don't click them and immediately go, "Oh, this is just someone complaining about something".

[Trey Strain]

-- the perfect, as in "the perfect response" and "how to cook the perfect rice"

[Trey Strain]

-- a hack, as in a cool new way to do something. No, a hack involves a break-in of a computer system.

-- shamed, as in mommy shamed, which I see all the time. I have no idea how to shame a mommy. It's an honorable activity.

EDIT: I just now saw this headline: Khloé Kardashian Claps Back at Bump-Shamers & Workout-Shamers Alike

That one has shamers twice, claps back, baby bump and Kardashian in it.

[Trey Strain]

-- ridiculously, as in some kid is "ridiculously cute"

Newspaper headlines are supposed to give a give a fair summation of a story in a limited space. Internet headlines have much more space to work with, and they're supposed to serve as click bait. Therefore they've got no brakes. That's the difference.

[Trey Strain]

Another "we" headline:

"Meghan Markle Wore LIP GLOSS to Lunch With the Queen, and That Is Why We Love Her"

Who are "we?" On the internet, "we" always want to tell you what "we" think about something or other.

We, we, we, all the way home.

[Trey Strain]

-- breaks silence. As in someone who didn't say anything yesterday "breaks his silence" by saying something today. No, a silence involves intentionally not commenting for a long time. A silence is not short and random.

[Trey Strain]

-- everyone. "Why Everyone Hates Buying Groceries at Walmart" Um, if everyone hated buying groceries there, then nobody would do it.

-- nobody. "Why Nobody Likes Matt Lauer or Megyn Kelly" Um, if nobody had EVER liked them, then nobody would ever have watched them.

[Chris Lang]

I'm tired of the hyperbole, too. A lot of the headlines go way overboard in exaggerating what the article's about for the purposes of clickbait.

If I were to do an article with a title like the ones that annoy me the most, I'd do it as a parody. "Spider-Man's Top 20 Greatest Villains (Number 16 Will Shock You!)". Number 16, of course, would be Electro.

[PaulBullion]

I'm tired of the hyperbole, too. A lot of the headlines go way overboard in exaggerating what the article's about for the purposes of clickbait.

If I were to do an article with a title like the ones that annoy me the most, I'd do it as a parody. "Spider-Man's Top 20 Greatest Villains (Number 16 Will Shock You!)". Number 16, of course, would be Electro.

Why not the Shocker?

[Joker]

I hate arbitrary numbers placed on reviews.

Multiversity always do "5 THoughts on..." and I'm just like, why 5? WHy do you have to have five, and only five? Why limit it? What if you have six thoughts on it?

I dunno, I just really hate that kind of ****.

[Trey Strain]

I hate arbitrary numbers placed on reviews.

Multiversity always do "5 THoughts on..." and I'm just like, why 5? WHy do you have to have five, and only five? Why limit it? What if you have six thoughts on it?

I dunno, I just really hate that kind of ****.

Something else like that is, "The 14 most shocking moments from (something-or-other)." As if there were hundreds of shocking moments in it, and the writer has done you the great service of whittling them down to the most shocking 14. Or, "The 12 most striking red-carpet looks of Miley Cyrus."

[Trey Strain]

This is a headline posted on CNN right now.

"The 24 most grotesque lines from Jake Tapper's Stephen Miller interview"