That 'cheh' told him quite a bit. This Ochazuke fellow, at least to some extent, saw through him. To say that made Totoma uncomfortable would be an understatement. Still, he could just turn, leave, and that would be that.
And yet...
He was curious. He wanted to ask this man a question. Just one, and perhaps he'd humor him with a response. Probably not. He felt his hand shake, his heartbeat quicken, and a shiver run up his spine.
Fear?
He could merrily throw himself into battle, uncaring about the consequences. If he lived, then so be it. If he died... then so be it. A few people would be sad for a few months, and then he'd be forgotten. A mere footnote in the lives of those people.
And yet, despite this, he feared asking a mere question of a man who would likely not even "waste the effort" to answer? What harm was there in asking? At best, he'd receive an answer, and at worst, be disregarded. So then...
...
He was afraid of how the man might answer, of what that answer might force him to confront about himself. He was fine with where he was at the moment, but he was certain he'd reached the limit of what he could achieve on his own, in terms of figuring himself out. But...
He sighed, mentally steeling himself. He'd likely only have one chance, so he'd have to think of a good question.
"Mister Ochazuke, this may surprise you--or not--but I am actually a halfbreed. A mutt, as Sarada would put it. My father was an Earthling, like you, and I grew up here, mostly. I did visit my mother's homeworld a number of times, and it was..."
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "...my kind are not treated well there. We are... mutts. Trash. Slaves."
Totoma paused again, and then added with a noticeable amount of resentment. "...meat."
"My Saiyan brethren say I am inferior... weak, pathetic, deserving only of scorn and enslavement. And those who know what Saiyans are like--myself included--would say that the Saiyan blood in me diminishes any positive I may have inherited from my Earthling father. Empathy, to give just one example."
"All that hatred and scorn directed at me when I was younger... I was like a mirror. I began to reflect that hatred back. To put it simply... I began to hate Saiyans. All saiyans."
He paused for a moment, shifting uncomfortably. "Even myself, I think. Though I have other reasons to hate myself, beyond that."
Like getting his mother killed, causing his loved ones so much trouble over the years, and other failings.
And finally, the question he'd been giving context for. And, perhaps, delaying a bit to work up the courage.
"...is there any way for me to move past that hatred? I thought I'd managed that, but the past two days have made it clear that I was wrong. Even being around that woman has made me irritable and moody."
That woman being Sarada. He could go from hot to cold back to hot and so on with her over the course of a few minutes, and, frankly, the emotional rollercoaster ride had already tired him out. Some of that was her touchiness, but still.
He exhaled sharply. "...I don't expect you to 'waste the effort' to answer, of course. Just thought I'd try to plumb your mind for answers... or at least hints. Miss every shot you don't take, after all."
That had been the hardest thing he'd done in years. If nothing else, getting a little of that off his chest made him feel a tiny bit better, even if Ochazuke didn't give a hoot.