Official : Bendis gets both books

[misslane]

Mostly by not losing your patience when you're having a rough day. It's okay if your kid knows your having a bad day, it's another thing entirely to let that slow you down in front of them.

Slow you down? Bendis was talking about crying in front of your kid. Crying slows you down? I disagree. I think actually expressing one's emotions is the fastest and easiest way to deal with them and move on. Let yourself feel something, and then show how you use coping skills like talking about it or spending time with people you love to come out the other side. This isn't about losing patience. Crying because you are sad is not a character flaw rooted in impatience.

Kids are at the mercy of their feelings far more than adults, and the world is a much bigger, stranger, scarier place. They need something that is constant and reliable to help keep them grounded, to give them something solid to hold onto. That's the parents' job. So you gotta teach them that, yeah, its okay to have feelings, but you can't let them own you. You can be mad, but you still gotta do your homework. You can be sad, but you still need to clean your room. You can have feelings, but life still goes on.

No one is talking about letting emotions own you. Bendis talked about crying in front of your kids. Crying in front of your kids is not letting your emotions own you. Letting your emotions own is when you keep everything bottled up to put on a brave face just so that emotion filters out somewhere else. I have said absolutely nothing about allowing one's emotions to consume one's life, especially in front of one's children. Bendis wasn't talking about allowing oneself to be overwhelmed by emotion to the point of where it becomes maladaptive. He specifically talked about the expression of any negative emotion. That is what I didn't like.

It is the epitome of toxic masculinity to suggest a parent sets a bad example for his children if he cries about things that are perfectly normal to cry about at any age. If a parent wants to teach his child that it's okay to be mad or sad as long as he or she is able to keep going, then a parent crying and dealing with his feelings in an open way is a great way to do that. If a child never sees his father cry and be stronger and more resilient by allowing himself to be vulnerable, then how will that same child learn that he can cry and still be strong?

A parent or hero doesn't cease to be his or her best as soon as he or she is witnessed having perfectly normal human responses to stress. The goal isn't to show no emotion is the best response to things that made us sad or angry; rather, it is to show positive and adaptive expressions of emotions. Crying or talking about how we feel with the people we love, even our children, is a good way to deal with emotions.

Look, as a school counselor, I work with parents and children all the time who would be so much better off if they were more honest about how they were feeling instead of letting that emotion find its way out in other ways that are even scarier and more confusing. Students can get off track for weeks or months -- some even fall into risky behaviors like substance abuse, eating disorders, and cutting -- because open communication and honesty about how one feels are not seen as accepted at home. Trust me, expressing and dealing with an emotion when it happens is so much healthier than putting on a brave face of perfection.

You may think you aren't letting your emotions dominate when you put your feelings to the side for the sake of your children, but bottling them up eventually slows you down and consumes you. One is much more resilient when one is open to emotion and uses available tools to cope with them in healthy ways.

[Ascended]

You may think you aren't letting your emotions dominate when you put your feelings to the side for the sake of your children, but bottling them up eventually slows you down and consumes you. One is much more resilient when one is open to emotion and uses available tools to cope with them in healthy ways.

I didn't say anything about bottling them up. I said you show your kids that they can't let their feelings control them. Which is a different thing entirely.

Also, I'm not going to argue about parenting theory. There are many different ways to raise a kid properly, most of which depends on the kid in question. This isn't the place to discuss it, I am certain you and I will disagree anyway, and unless you've got a kid of your own you can't understand it. Being a counselor is a noble job and you have my respect for doing it, but its a completely different thing than being a real parent.

[misslane]

I didn't say anything about bottling them up. I said you show your kids that they can't let their feelings control them. Which is a different thing entirely.

It is a different thing. It is so different that it has absolutely nothing to do with what Bendis said or my response to what Bendis said. Bendis said that he can't cry in front of his kids if he's having a bad day. Crying in front of your kids when you are having a bad day is not an example of letting your feelings control you.

Also, I'm not going to argue about parenting theory. There are many different ways to raise a kid properly, most of which depends on the kid in question. This isn't the place to discuss it, I am certain you and I will disagree anyway, and unless you've got a kid of your own you can't understand it. Being a counselor is a noble job and you have my respect for doing it, but its a completely different thing than being a real parent.

I don't have kids, but I have been a kid. My mother and father did exactly the sort of thing you are talking about and it was an awful way to be raised. I pity children who are raised with parents who will not let themselves cry in front of their children for fear of falling short of some idealized role model of emotional strength and restraint. Because the only thing a child learns from that sort of parenting is that maintaining the status quo is more important than anything else.

[DragonPiece]

Well they're still together in Doomsday Clock (set a year later) so that question was already answered...we just need to know Jon's status as that series hasn't provided answers just yet

I can't imagine the wait being too long solicitations for July will start soon, can't imagine they still want announce plans for Jon by then.

[Robanker]

My father never cried in front of me and didn't share his feelings until I was already a man. It just made me think he was tough and I wanted to be like him when days were bad. I thought he was larger than life. As I got older and simply saw him as a guy living as best he could every day and learned to appreciate him and understand his mistakes in life. He wasn't perfect, but no parent is.

Just because you took things one way doesn't mean all children do. Each child requires a different approach to parenting, and while there are some universal wrongs (violence), being stoic isn't necessarily wrong.

Bendis was arguing that when your dad is SUPERMAN, you need to show your kids a certain degree of strength every day, no matter how hard it gets. These characters are not us. Clark is the beacon of hope and strength for the DCU. No matter what alien threat comes to Earth, he leads the charge. Especially after Doomsday, he doesn't know if they can put him down but he has to do it anyway-- and he can't show fear. He always has to smile and be stronger than his worries-- and nowhere is that role more important than to his wife and child.

I don't think he'd ever tell Jon not to explore his feelings. Look at how they dealt with the cat. He respected his son by letting Jon decide when it was time to confront what he was feeling, showed pride and understanding at his son's choices, and supported him every step of the way. He's always got to be that guy for his family, even if today he found out Bruce was keeping plans to down all his friends. He can share that vulnerability with Lois, but he feels that Jon should only see his father at his best.

[Superlad93]

Just want to point out that Bendis never said he didn't cry in front of his kids. He said that he couldn't go off and cry in a corner while people depended on him so they can even function. That doesn't say that he can't cry in front of anyone, but rather that he still has to be aware of his responsibilities as a person charged with looking after the wellbeing of smaller, more fragile humans. Nothing seems to imply can't he can't show visible sadness or talk his feeling out with someone while he looks after his kids. The only thing that is clear is that he can't just not take care of them because he's had a "sh!tty Thursday." Even the phrase "sh!tty Thursday" makes it sound more like he got a speeding ticket that morning or people are saying that he's the worst online rather than a world shattering event that debilitates him physically or emotionally. He went through that with the whole almost dying twice thing, and he's on the records saying that he let his partner, doctors, friends, and even kids take care of him physically and emotionally, and he's forever grateful. And I think that relates perfectly to Superman. He can't just simply stay in his apartment and sulk because Parry chewed him out over a deadline or something. There are people out there that need his help.

I was paraphrasing, but if the wording for this one off comment is that imperative then you might want to check out the video and the moment in question first hand, and judge for yourself then.

[Ascended]

Still not going to argue the point with someone who doesn't actually have the experience to draw from and so readily writes off practices that they don't approve of, despite never actually having been in the position themselves.

[Soubhagya]

Discussions can go off in tangents. With all due respect to Ascended and misslane, i will point out that parents can choose their way. To cry in front of their kids or not. Its a choice best left to the parents.

Yet, to deal with such things every person must have a support system. Those who can help you. Friends. First friend is the husband or wife. Then there are friends. Parents or neighbours could be friends. And kids who have grown up can be friends too. Crying in front of friends and sharing is all important. Both of you would agree. I don't see any value in making friends with small kids. Understand my meaning of friend here. Those with whom you can share whats in your mind and your heart. Thus, one can cry easily in front of them. A parent can choose, as misslane suggests. But the general principle is you must have a support system beginning from your husband or wife.

With this i sign off. I think Bendis meant this. And i have no problems really. As long as Clark is open with Lois, it should be alright. Once, Jon grows up he can become the friend too.

[misslane]

Just want to point out that Bendis never said he didn't cry in front of his kids. He said that he couldn't go off and cry in a corner while people depended on him so they can even function. That doesn't say that he can't cry in front of anyone, but rather that he still has to be aware of his responsibilities as a person charged with looking after the wellbeing of smaller, more fragile humans. Nothing seems to imply can't he can't show visible sadness or talk his feeling out with someone while he looks after his kids. The only thing that is clear is that he can't just not take care of them because he's had a "sh!tty Thursday." Even the phrase "sh!tty Thursday" makes it sound more like he got a speeding ticket that morning or people are saying that he's the worst online rather than a world shattering event that debilitates him. He went through that with the whole almost dying twice thing, and he's on the records saying that he let his partner, doctors, friends, and even kids take care of him physically and emotionally, and he's forever grateful. And I think that relates perfectly to Superman. He can't just simply stay in his apartment and sulk because Parry chewed him out over a deadline or something. There are people out there that need his help.

If that's how he described it, I would have been fine with it. However, to me, he expressed the idea poorly. He does that a lot.

I was paraphrasing, but if the wording for this one off comment is that imperative then you might want to check out the video and the moment in question first hand, and judge for yourself then.

I still think whether it's in front of others or in private, there's nothing wrong with crying. It doesn't take long, and it can be cathartic in a way that actually helps you do your job better. Superman's life is always going to be busy and people are always going to need him. It's also likely that there is always going to be something weighing on him, because of deadlines he can't meet, relationships that can't be maintained, or people he can't save. So, when does he actually get a chance to pause and feel something? I can appreciate that maybe Bendis is referring to some sort of prolonged or more intense exploration of emotion, and I can agree with him on that, but crying in a corner (in private) seems fine to me.

Still not going to argue the point with someone who doesn't actually have the experience to draw from and so readily writes off practices that they don't approve of, despite never actually having been in the position themselves.

Not every parent parents the same, and one doesn't have to be a parent to have a valid point of view on parenting and just emotional expression in general. I am someone who works with children and has young children in my family. I'm someone who, as a counselor, has to work tirelessly everyday helping students and teachers manage their responsibilities and feelings. I've listened to stories from parents and students in a confidential, therapeutic context. Just because we disagree doesn't mean my point of view is invalid.

[misslane]

With this i sign off. I think Bendis meant this. And i have no problems really. As long as Clark is open with Lois, it should be alright. Once, Jon grows up he can become the friend too.

To be clear, when I referred to a father opening up to his child about his feelings, the intention was that those emotions would be explained as close to age-appropriately as possible. In other words, if a dad is upset about conflict with a friend, family member, or coworker, then he can be as vague or as specific about how he's feeling depending on the maturity level of his child. Put it into words your kid will understand. Kids understand what it is like when other kids make fun of them, when they are misunderstood, and when something isn't fair.

[Ascended]

Copied from my post at the top of the page.

Also, I'm not going to argue about parenting theory. There are many different ways to raise a kid properly, most of which depends on the kid in question.

[Superlad93]

I can appreciate that maybe Bendis is referring to some sort of prolonged or more intense exploration of emotion, and I can agree with him on that, but crying in a corner (in private) seems fine to me.

And I don't think he has an actual issue with the act of crying in private or even in the open, he seemed to just imply that he couldn't let it debilitate him if it's something relatively minor for him (aka the "sh!tty Thursday") while he has people that can't completely function on their own need him. That seems more than fair because feeding your children and getting them to school somehow (either through taking them yourself or making accommodation.) in the morning trumps waking up to a bunch of minor sh!tty comments about your comics online or something.

[Kuwagaton]

Well in any event this is the first time I have had a chance to sit down and pore over the preview art, and I'm so happy. I don't think Bendis has said so much this time around to be more interesting than what Reis, JLGL, and Lee just threw down. And the Bendis speak in the finished sections really didn't bug me.

[RepHope]

I can't imagine the wait being too long solicitations for July will start soon, can't imagine they still want announce plans for Jon by then.

Wonder if DC will spoil the end of Bendis' mini? Would be kind of funny.

[DragonPiece]

Wonder if DC will spoil the end of Bendis' mini? Would be kind of funny.

I'm definitely excited to see the covers for Superman #1 and Action 10001. Hopefully Lois will get a new hairstyle to change things up and signal a new era.