Dan Jurgens Calls Out Fat People on Airplanes

[Conch22]

I'm not being a grammar nazi. My point is that when people are being self-destructive, we need to help them break that cycle. Judging them or their behaviour is basically shaming and doesn't give them the support they need. I've no idea what you mean by "Gotcha moment".

Judging does not automatically equate to shaming. You can have positive and negative judgements of something to varying degrees of severity. Being firm on your disapproval of a course of action isn't shaming or bullying, its not being an enabler. Sometimes having too soft a touch, being too subtle, doesn't cut it. The Gotcha moment was you splitting hairs on terminology to infer a different context from the point I laid out. The "oh, you slipped up, I'm focusing on one word and making that the entire linchpin of what you're saying, regardless of the stated intent" moment. Disapproval and harsh disapproval are not the same thing, have different effects and are both judgements. Just like your attempt to break the cycle is a value judgement on the cycle that persons choosing to engage in, their personal choice, is not something you support and are even going to attempt to actively circumvent. If you didn't judge, it would be because you didn't care

[Jackmando7]

Judging does not automatically equate to shaming. You can have positive and negative judgements of something to varying degrees of severity. Being firm on your disapproval of a course of action isn't shaming or bullying, its not being an enabler. Sometimes having too soft a touch, being too subtle, doesn't cut it. The Gotcha moment was you splitting hairs on terminology to infer a different context from the point I laid out. The "oh, you slipped up, I'm focusing on one word and making that the entire linchpin of what you're saying, regardless of the stated intent" moment. Disapproval and harsh disapproval are not the same thing, have different effects and are both judgements. Just like your attempt to break the cycle is a value judgement on the cycle that persons choosing to engage in, their personal choice, is not something you support and are even going to attempt to actively circumvent. If you didn't judge, it would be because you didn't care

Where do you draw the line between someone being compassionate and sympathetic to someone being an enabler? This is something I have been struggling with lately, on more issues than just weight problems.

[Conch22]

Where do you draw the line between someone being compassionate and sympathetic to someone being an enabler? This is something I have been struggling with lately, on more issues than just weight problems.

There is being silent when it's clear you should say something. Staying silent on a problem can be construed as tacit approval. After that, it's really a question of degrees as is warranted by a situation. Stressing a point a bit more if it came off as too mild the first time around and the serious concern didn't quite register. Of course making people aware you are there for them but not making excuses (an enabler will make excuses or pleasantries to feel good about themselves, which isn't helpful, just enforcing a delusion of healthy behaviour). Just honestly engaging that there is a problem and showing commitment, tact where needed and a willingness to address the serious implications of the problem and the need to address it being out of love/ caring. Sometimes, some people don't want help with a destructive vice, I'm sad to say. That's my advice since you asked, hope its helpful

[Malvolio]

It also depends on the relationship between yourself and the person you're talking to. For instance, a man can be harsh when he tells his best friend, whom he's known since high school, that he's putting on a few pounds, but that same man may need to be more delicate telling the same thing to his wife.

[dancj]

Judging does not automatically equate to shaming. You can have positive and negative judgements of something to varying degrees of severity. Being firm on your disapproval of a course of action isn't shaming or bullying, its not being an enabler. Sometimes having too soft a touch, being too subtle, doesn't cut it. The Gotcha moment was you splitting hairs on terminology to infer a different context from the point I laid out. The "oh, you slipped up, I'm focusing on one word and making that the entire linchpin of what you're saying, regardless of the stated intent" moment. Disapproval and harsh disapproval are not the same thing, have different effects and are both judgements. Just like your attempt to break the cycle is a value judgement on the cycle that persons choosing to engage in, their personal choice, is not something you support and are even going to attempt to actively circumvent. If you didn't judge, it would be because you didn't care

It sounds like we're working to slightly different definitions of "judge", but it's clear you aren't judging them in the way I was talking about.

I wasn't splitting hairs. I genuinely misunderstood you.

[Conch22]

It sounds like we're working to slightly different definitions of "judge", but it's clear you aren't judging them in the way I was talking about.

I wasn't splitting hairs. I genuinely misunderstood you.

I misunderstood where you were coming from as well, then. Sorry if however caustic I may've come off seemed unwarranted

[dancj]

I misunderstood where you were coming from as well, then. Sorry if however caustic I may've come off seemed unwarranted

It's all good.