Judging does not automatically equate to shaming. You can have positive and negative judgements of something to varying degrees of severity. Being firm on your disapproval of a course of action isn't shaming or bullying, its not being an enabler. Sometimes having too soft a touch, being too subtle, doesn't cut it. The Gotcha moment was you splitting hairs on terminology to infer a different context from the point I laid out. The "oh, you slipped up, I'm focusing on one word and making that the entire linchpin of what you're saying, regardless of the stated intent" moment. Disapproval and harsh disapproval are not the same thing, have different effects and are both judgements. Just like your attempt to break the cycle is a value judgement on the cycle that persons choosing to engage in, their personal choice, is not something you support and are even going to attempt to actively circumvent. If you didn't judge, it would be because you didn't care