Spider-Man: The Animated Series: At War (Fan continuation)

[Darth Saevus]

This basically continues The Animated Series of Spider-Man(90's version). So, wait to be a mesh-up of many other comics too.

I plan to write, at least, 10-12 episodes

If it gets more popular - I shall write even more seasons.






https://www.fanfiction.net/s/1291866...ove-and-Devils

[Celgress]

I hate to be that guy, however, I have some constructive criticism.

The screenplay-like format you've chosen makes for a choppy reading experience and at times is very distracting to the enjoyment of the narrative. I would strongly consider using a more traditional novella or short story style if I were you.

spoilers:

Also, I'm not sure if having Spidey both locate and rescue Mary Jane so easily in the first chapter is a good idea. The event came across as rushed. But that is just my opinion.

end of spoilers

[Darth Saevus]

I hate to be that guy, however, I have some constructive criticism.

The screenplay-like format you've chosen makes for a choppy reading experience and at times is very distracting to the enjoyment of the narrative. I would strongly consider using a more traditional novella or short story style if I were you.

spoilers:

Also, I'm not sure if having Spidey both locate and rescue Mary Jane so easily in the first chapter is a good idea. The event came across as rushed. But that is just my opinion.

end of spoilers

1. That's because these " *** " were not passed in my story format on fanfiction.net(however). These *** were 'noticing' the reader when the next scene comes you know.

2. Opinion accepted. If you liked the story - just let a review.

But what do you think of the story as a whole?

[Celgress]

1. That's because these " *** " were not passed in my story format on fanfiction.net(however). These *** were 'noticing' the reader when the next scene comes you know.

2. Opinion accepted. If you liked the story - just let a review.

But what do you think of the story as a whole?

It was an okay if somewhat confusing start. There was a lot going on in relatively few words.

[ngroove]

1. The language. I have noticed quite a few B-Bombs, A-Bombs, H-Bombs, and worst of all, "OMG"-Bombs. None of which would totally pass as acceptable extensions to the, let alone any, children's Saturday Morning cartoon, had it been continued.

2. Stories, Emotions, seems quite complicated and dark, for a Spidey Saturday Morning Cartoon script. Does not have to be too simple low-bar-levelled Ultimate Spider-Man / Marvel's Spider-Man levels, but remember it was still a Saturday Morning Cartoon for children after all.

3. "Kill" for Saturday Morning Cartoon scripts? I assume that word is just as much a profanity as any other for children's cartoons, so I shall deem it "K-Bombs". I am not kidding here. However, I do recall "Destroy" has been used, just as same meaning, but less violently strong word, so how about "Destroy" instead?