Rocky Balboa vs. the Wet Bandits

[The Drunkard Kid]

Rocky Balboa in his prime vs. Harry and Marv from the first two Home Alone movies.

A) in a bare knuckled brawl

B) they start off on opposite ends of the McAllister household and have to take each other out. Kevin's booby traps still in play, and he's attacking them indiscriminately.

[The MunchKING]

Wait, you put a heavyweight boxer famous for punching RUSSIA OUT FROM THE COLD WAR, against two thugs with no offensive showings?

Yeah I'm guessing the Italian Stallion wins with a KO in record time.

Kevin ZIP lines to safety and escapes to the cops though.

[The Drunkard Kid]

I'm still kinda woozy, and I figured that the Bandits have enough soak that they might be able to Homer Simpson their way through the fight for at least a little bit, anyways.

[Primetime Harder]

I figured that the Bandits have enough soak that they might be able to Hover Simpson their way through the fight for at least a little bit, anyways.

That's a pretty good point. Marv in particular was practically a cartoon when it came to damage soak; surviving massive electric shocks, and blunt-force trauma which by all rights should have caved in his skull.

[Hiromi]

Eh, old scary neighbor guy knocked both of them out cold with a shovel, and IIRC there were several times they were knocked out for at least short periods of time due to bad falls or being hit in the head via various comedic violence. IOWs, Rocky, who could likely eat a dozen shovel blows without changing facial expression, should easilly be able to pound through their soak.

[Primetime Harder]

Rocky, who could likely eat a dozen shovel blows without changing facial expression

To be fair, that's because his face already looks like it's taken several dozen shovel blows.

[Jonathan]

Even if they do have better soak(not that I'm saying they do) there is no way Harry and Marv are going to outfight a heavyweight champion boxer.

[Kuro]

Rocky keeps punching at both Marv and Harry.

"WHY WON'T YOU DIE?"

[The Drunkard Kid]

Even if they do have better soak(not that I'm saying they do) there is no way Harry and Marv are going to outfight a heavyweight champion boxer.

Admittedly, their only real option is to eat punches until Rocky runs out of steam, but considering the old neighbor guy only KO'd the two of them (possibly from surprise) after they each walked off enough damage to kill a Buick, they might be able to last that long, especially since it's two on one.


Note: I don't remember if they carried any firearms, but for the second fight the competitors are limited to whatever weapons they find in the house.

[The Drunkard Kid]

[Iron_Twister]

Admittedly, their only real option is to eat punches until Rocky runs out of steam, but considering the old neighbor guy only KO'd the two of them (possibly from surprise) after they each walked off enough damage to kill a Buick, they might be able to last that long, especially since it's two on one.


Note: I don't remember if they carried any firearms, but for the second fight the competitors are limited to whatever weapons they find in the house.

I recall that Harry did carry a gun in the second film...Which he reveals after all the crap he and Marv went through. Does make sense when you figure he finally had enough of the Hell Kevin puts him through.

[Hiromi]

Ya know, I forgot just how looney tunes the original two Home Alones were, though they're being a bit... okay they're being WAYYYYYY worst case scenario in those diagnoses, a lot of what they describe as crippling or lethal injury would in many if not most cases be extremely painful but perfectly walkawayable albeit needing stitches or a good couple days in bed(and an admittedly heavy dose of concussion). Basically the human body's a bit tougher than what they're giving it credit for. In their Die hard review they call dislocated shoulder because Mcclane bashes it through some dry wall for crying out loud.

[lancerman]

What I'm taking away from this thread is that the Old Man Marley can kick the ever loving hell out of Rocky Balboa if we call his shovel standard equipment.

[Hiromi]

We should also point out that if they were to do Rocky 4 every time Drago punches him in the face it'd be "severe facial fracture, Traumatic Brain Injury and Concussion, brain aneurysm and rupture, Rocky is Dead"

[HFMM]

What I'm taking away from this thread is that the Old Man Marley can kick the ever loving hell out of Rocky Balboa if we call his shovel standard equipment.

Yea, but can any of them end this cow?