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  1. #12466
    Reborn Samurai Len Ikari145's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by master of read View Post
    you know what? i'm gonna be real right now. just really real.




    i'm tired. i am drained of all strength in my soul because shit has been hard for me the last few months.

    my uncle died. he died suddenly and without warning. and my mom had to guilt trip my aunt to go spend some time with my other aunt to help her grieve.

    i found out my aunt and cousin are scum bags and i have to pretend to be nice to them because that's what's expected of me.

    my book, which i spent the better part of 3 years working on, hasn't sold a single copy in over 8 months, because people who said they'd read it haven't touched it because "they don't read books".

    i got driven off twitter because i tried to do something nice for a friend of mine.

    my teeth are so bad now, i wake up with a mouthfull of blood daily and spitting out pieces of teeth for god knows how long. but i can't get them fixed because we don't have the money.

    none of my IRL friends have seen me in over a year because they are too busy with their own families to check how i'm doing.

    in fact, one of my front teeth popped off as i was eating chicken and i damn near choked on it.

    but i still check in with my best friend to see if he's doing ok because he's a recovering alchohalic and he's still dealing with what his ex's husband did to his kids. i'm literally having to keep him and a lot of other people up because i'm a nice guy and whatever problems i have are nothing compared to theirs.

    and it seems like every time i open my eyes, i'm doing something to make something angry, like everything i do is a burden to someone else.

    and today was just the cherry on top of this emotional sundae, i can't even do a little small thing to make myself the least bit happy.

    so once again, i had to fight the overwhelming urge to walk into my mom's room, find her .45, go into the garage and end it all because i don't seem to matter anymore.

    so that's the reason. when i say "i'm gone", i'm mean i'm staying off my computer and the internet because it's not helping. i'm going away from the forum for a while. not sure when i'll be back or even if i'll be back. i just know that i'm a wreck and i need to get back to my happiness.

    once i hit post, i'm closing the messager, shutting off my computer, turning off the lights and probably cry myself to sleep because i'm so damn screwed up and i'm so damn tired.

    good night.
    Friend, I'm sorry that this is happening to you because you don't deserve any of this mess. You are one of the kindest, strongest and most compassionate people I've gotten to know(not just on this site, or online, but in general) and I thank God that you didn't go through with what you were thinking because you *do* matter to people. even if it doesn't always feel that way. Take whatever time you need to reclaim your happiness, man, but we're here for you no matter what.
    Ichigo: What even *are* you?!

    Kenpachi: Some say my mother was a train. Some say that I'm a rejected Godzilla monster too strong for the series canon. But everyone says: I'M THE KEEEEENPACHIIIIII!!!!

  2. #12467
    Legendary God of Pirates Nik Hasta's Avatar
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    Just going to say the obvious thing here, don't kill yourself.

    It's a bad idea. Do not go near a gun.

    If remotely possible, seek help. If you can go to a professional do that, if not there are numbers you should call to seek help. Suicidal ideation is no joke.
    Last edited by Nik Hasta; 02-17-2020 at 03:06 AM.
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  3. #12468
    BANNED
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    There's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said, so I will just say listen to the advice of everyone else in this thread.

  4. #12469
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    Quote Originally Posted by master of read View Post
    you know what? i'm gonna be real right now. just really real.




    i'm tired. i am drained of all strength in my soul because shit has been hard for me the last few months.

    my uncle died. he died suddenly and without warning. and my mom had to guilt trip my aunt to go spend some time with my other aunt to help her grieve.

    i found out my aunt and cousin are scum bags and i have to pretend to be nice to them because that's what's expected of me.

    my book, which i spent the better part of 3 years working on, hasn't sold a single copy in over 8 months, because people who said they'd read it haven't touched it because "they don't read books".

    i got driven off twitter because i tried to do something nice for a friend of mine.

    my teeth are so bad now, i wake up with a mouthfull of blood daily and spitting out pieces of teeth for god knows how long. but i can't get them fixed because we don't have the money.

    none of my IRL friends have seen me in over a year because they are too busy with their own families to check how i'm doing.

    in fact, one of my front teeth popped off as i was eating chicken and i damn near choked on it.

    but i still check in with my best friend to see if he's doing ok because he's a recovering alchohalic and he's still dealing with what his ex's husband did to his kids. i'm literally having to keep him and a lot of other people up because i'm a nice guy and whatever problems i have are nothing compared to theirs.

    and it seems like every time i open my eyes, i'm doing something to make something angry, like everything i do is a burden to someone else.

    and today was just the cherry on top of this emotional sundae, i can't even do a little small thing to make myself the least bit happy.

    so once again, i had to fight the overwhelming urge to walk into my mom's room, find her .45, go into the garage and end it all because i don't seem to matter anymore.

    so that's the reason. when i say "i'm gone", i'm mean i'm staying off my computer and the internet because it's not helping. i'm going away from the forum for a while. not sure when i'll be back or even if i'll be back. i just know that i'm a wreck and i need to get back to my happiness.

    once i hit post, i'm closing the messager, shutting off my computer, turning off the lights and probably cry myself to sleep because i'm so damn screwed up and i'm so damn tired.

    good night.
    I'm really sorry to hear that things have been so bad for you and your family.

    And I am equally sorry if what wrote in that one thread upset you even further. I genuinely meant no harm, but if I did hurt your feelings I am just really truly sorry.

    And I am going to echo Nik. Please don't kill yourself. We love and cherish you. Take your time to sort things out. Seek help if you can and take care of yourself.

  5. #12470
    Astonishing Member KingofPie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by master of read View Post
    you know what? i'm gonna be real right now. just really real.




    i'm tired. i am drained of all strength in my soul because shit has been hard for me the last few months.

    my uncle died. he died suddenly and without warning. and my mom had to guilt trip my aunt to go spend some time with my other aunt to help her grieve.

    i found out my aunt and cousin are scum bags and i have to pretend to be nice to them because that's what's expected of me.

    my book, which i spent the better part of 3 years working on, hasn't sold a single copy in over 8 months, because people who said they'd read it haven't touched it because "they don't read books".

    i got driven off twitter because i tried to do something nice for a friend of mine.

    my teeth are so bad now, i wake up with a mouthfull of blood daily and spitting out pieces of teeth for god knows how long. but i can't get them fixed because we don't have the money.

    none of my IRL friends have seen me in over a year because they are too busy with their own families to check how i'm doing.

    in fact, one of my front teeth popped off as i was eating chicken and i damn near choked on it.

    but i still check in with my best friend to see if he's doing ok because he's a recovering alchohalic and he's still dealing with what his ex's husband did to his kids. i'm literally having to keep him and a lot of other people up because i'm a nice guy and whatever problems i have are nothing compared to theirs.

    and it seems like every time i open my eyes, i'm doing something to make something angry, like everything i do is a burden to someone else.

    and today was just the cherry on top of this emotional sundae, i can't even do a little small thing to make myself the least bit happy.

    so once again, i had to fight the overwhelming urge to walk into my mom's room, find her .45, go into the garage and end it all because i don't seem to matter anymore.

    so that's the reason. when i say "i'm gone", i'm mean i'm staying off my computer and the internet because it's not helping. i'm going away from the forum for a while. not sure when i'll be back or even if i'll be back. i just know that i'm a wreck and i need to get back to my happiness.

    once i hit post, i'm closing the messager, shutting off my computer, turning off the lights and probably cry myself to sleep because i'm so damn screwed up and i'm so damn tired.

    good night.
    I'm sorry to hear your going through all this, Read. Take care, remember we're here for you and like others have said, seek help.

  6. #12471
    Mighty Member FistofIron's Avatar
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    I’m sorry to hear this.

  7. #12472
    Mighty Member FistofIron's Avatar
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    I had to deal with a rather aggressive sparring partner. Body shots and low kicks chilled him out pretty quick.

  8. #12473
    The Weeping Mod Sharpandpointies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by master of read View Post
    you know what? i'm gonna be real right now. just really real.




    i'm tired. i am drained of all strength in my soul because shit has been hard for me the last few months.

    my uncle died. he died suddenly and without warning. and my mom had to guilt trip my aunt to go spend some time with my other aunt to help her grieve.

    i found out my aunt and cousin are scum bags and i have to pretend to be nice to them because that's what's expected of me.

    my book, which i spent the better part of 3 years working on, hasn't sold a single copy in over 8 months, because people who said they'd read it haven't touched it because "they don't read books".

    i got driven off twitter because i tried to do something nice for a friend of mine.

    my teeth are so bad now, i wake up with a mouthfull of blood daily and spitting out pieces of teeth for god knows how long. but i can't get them fixed because we don't have the money.

    none of my IRL friends have seen me in over a year because they are too busy with their own families to check how i'm doing.

    in fact, one of my front teeth popped off as i was eating chicken and i damn near choked on it.

    but i still check in with my best friend to see if he's doing ok because he's a recovering alchohalic and he's still dealing with what his ex's husband did to his kids. i'm literally having to keep him and a lot of other people up because i'm a nice guy and whatever problems i have are nothing compared to theirs.

    and it seems like every time i open my eyes, i'm doing something to make something angry, like everything i do is a burden to someone else.

    and today was just the cherry on top of this emotional sundae, i can't even do a little small thing to make myself the least bit happy.

    so once again, i had to fight the overwhelming urge to walk into my mom's room, find her .45, go into the garage and end it all because i don't seem to matter anymore.

    so that's the reason. when i say "i'm gone", i'm mean i'm staying off my computer and the internet because it's not helping. i'm going away from the forum for a while. not sure when i'll be back or even if i'll be back. i just know that i'm a wreck and i need to get back to my happiness.

    once i hit post, i'm closing the messager, shutting off my computer, turning off the lights and probably cry myself to sleep because i'm so damn screwed up and i'm so damn tired.

    good night.
    I don't know if you can get help where you are, in your situation, but please try. If at all possible. You're a good person, the world needs those. And you deserve better than this.

    There's a lot in what you've said, but that's the essence. And I'm sorry, man.
    Why Are We Here?, by Pendaran

    "...the Myths Transformed version of the legendarium, in which the Moon is Melkor's attempt to make his own Arda with blackjack and hookers." - Estrecca

    "...dropping an orca whale made of fire on your enemies is a pretty strong opening move." - Nik Hasta

    "[Kent] Nelson was nearly invariably presented as the guy who, barring the Spectre, made everyone else generally gasp and go "Doctor Fate don't shiv, he balls nasty.", even Superman." - Pendaran

  9. #12474
    The Weeping Mod Sharpandpointies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FistofIron View Post
    I had to deal with a rather aggressive sparring partner. Body shots and low kicks chilled him out pretty quick.
    Aggressive as in 'how he fights'? Or aggressive as in 'was an asshole'?
    Why Are We Here?, by Pendaran

    "...the Myths Transformed version of the legendarium, in which the Moon is Melkor's attempt to make his own Arda with blackjack and hookers." - Estrecca

    "...dropping an orca whale made of fire on your enemies is a pretty strong opening move." - Nik Hasta

    "[Kent] Nelson was nearly invariably presented as the guy who, barring the Spectre, made everyone else generally gasp and go "Doctor Fate don't shiv, he balls nasty.", even Superman." - Pendaran

  10. #12475
    Mighty Member FistofIron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sharpandpointies View Post
    Aggressive as in 'how he fights'? Or aggressive as in 'was an asshole'?
    The asshole variety.

  11. #12476
    The Weeping Mod Sharpandpointies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FistofIron View Post
    The asshole variety.
    You tell the teacher?

    Edit: I mean, it's not a good thing having someone training like this. What if they hurt the next person? Etc.
    Last edited by Sharpandpointies; 02-17-2020 at 06:03 AM.
    Why Are We Here?, by Pendaran

    "...the Myths Transformed version of the legendarium, in which the Moon is Melkor's attempt to make his own Arda with blackjack and hookers." - Estrecca

    "...dropping an orca whale made of fire on your enemies is a pretty strong opening move." - Nik Hasta

    "[Kent] Nelson was nearly invariably presented as the guy who, barring the Spectre, made everyone else generally gasp and go "Doctor Fate don't shiv, he balls nasty.", even Superman." - Pendaran

  12. #12477
    Extraordinary Member
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    Last week I saw Parasite and Weathering With You. I really enjoyed both of them.

    The first for its dark humor and pulling off blunt social commentary without really making any of the characters into an antagonist, and the second one for its gorgeous animation, charming cast of characters and kinda odd ending.

  13. #12478
    Mighty Member FistofIron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sharpandpointies View Post
    You tell the teacher?

    Edit: I mean, it's not a good thing having someone training like this. What if they hurt the next person? Etc.
    He got pulled to the side after class.

  14. #12479
    The Weeping Mod Sharpandpointies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FistofIron View Post
    He got pulled to the side after class.
    Good stuff. That kind of shit shouldn't fly, and instructors need to put a stop to it.

    It's too easy to get injured as it is, without someone with low self-confidence having a sudden ego-attack.
    Why Are We Here?, by Pendaran

    "...the Myths Transformed version of the legendarium, in which the Moon is Melkor's attempt to make his own Arda with blackjack and hookers." - Estrecca

    "...dropping an orca whale made of fire on your enemies is a pretty strong opening move." - Nik Hasta

    "[Kent] Nelson was nearly invariably presented as the guy who, barring the Spectre, made everyone else generally gasp and go "Doctor Fate don't shiv, he balls nasty.", even Superman." - Pendaran

  15. #12480
    Mighty Member FistofIron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sharpandpointies View Post
    Good stuff. That kind of shit shouldn't fly, and instructors need to put a stop to it.

    It's too easy to get injured as it is, without someone with low self-confidence having a sudden ego-attack.
    Most definitely. I hit him just hard enough to let him know to calm down. I’m glad that I didn’t have to lay him out.

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