Severus Snape Makes You an Offer

[Shai-Hulud]

You get home late one night.

Someone is in your living room, sitting in the shadows.

You reach for the light switch, only to feel your hand batted away by an invisible force.

“Don’t. Turn. On. The light.”

You recignize the voice. It’s Severus Snape.

You sit down across from him. You notice a long mirror, a dimly glowing blue gem, and a black backpack, none of which are yours.

“Aren't you dead?”

“Obviously not. Do you really think I’d get anywhere near Nagini without keeping the appropriate anti-venon on hand? Does that sound anything like a potions master?”

“Hey, that’s, you know, a good point.”

“Obviously.”

“So, uh, what are you doing here?”

He leans forward. You can see his face. He’s worn and tired.

“I hate it there. I want a change. Your world. I want to give it a try.”

“Ah, okay. But, why come to me?”

“Balance. If someone comes here, someone else must go there.”

“Yeah, about that, I’m a muggle, so, can’t really—”

“Stop. Talking. I have already worked everything out. So there’s no need to risk giving your brain an aneurysm. You pick up the gem. When you step through the mirror, you will find yourself reincarnated into your ideal body, except you will be magical, eleven years old, and on the train to Hogwarts for first year classes.”

"But—”

“Of course, you will retain all your memories. Not that they’re worth retaining, much as I’ve been able to discern, but if you leave your memories here, mine go back there. Balance. Don’t try to comprehend. I haven’t got all year.”

"Okay, but—”

“But you want to take your possessions with you. How very mugglish. And so predictable.”

He gestures and the black purse levitates into your lap.

“It has interior space equivalent to a fully grown bull elephant. And it does all the sorting and filing automatically. I didn’t want you to pop a brain vessel figuring out the proper use, so I made one that’s idiot-proof. Now, would you like to take a few hours to pack, or are you going to turn down the one chance you have for magic?”

[StupidMoniker]

Definitely in, though I would spend some of my "packing" time reading plot summaries of the Harry Potter books so I know how to either avoid or overcome the dangers I am going to face. I also ask Snape when I will be arriving at Hogwarts. Is it after the end of the series? Is adult Harry out there with his kids? Or am I arriving along with Harry at the beginning of Book 1?

[Shai-Hulud]

Definitely in, though I would spend some of my "packing" time reading plot summaries of the Harry Potter books so I know how to either avoid or overcome the dangers I am going to face. I also ask Snape when I will be arriving at Hogwarts. Is it after the end of the series? Is adult Harry out there with his kids? Or am I arriving along with Harry at the beginning of Book 1?

You're arriving in present time. So however many years have passed since the end of book 7 part 2, that's when you show up.

I think Harry was eleven in 1991, and you're starting out in 2018. You may get shunted a few weeks back in time if the train has already left, but nothing too paradoxical.

Snape insists he's worked it all out:

"Balance. If I mess you up, I mess myself up. Don't. Strain. Your. Grey matter. I have thought of absolutely everything."

[Guy1]

Yeah no. If some mystery magical dude pops into your house, insists you don't turn on the light, and insults you that much while making a 'deal' with you, it's generally not a good idea to trust them.
Work on your sales pitch Snape.
Besides, I'm not abandoning my doggie.

[The MunchKING]

Eh, It's not like I haven't hung out in the Potterworld before.

I throw him out of Castle much first though, and make him go elsewhere in So Asbena.

EDIT: Possibly with Fireballs... "One chance at magic" Arrogant jerk busts in on the King of Munch, one of the most powerful magical Mercenaries in the Multiverse and acts like an arrogant ass? Psh. Maybe I'll introduce him to the Knights of the Round or Ultima.

WAIT!! Even better. Watch HIM wander around So Asbena for a bit and see how well HE can handle it with his "Oh, you're just a poor stupid Muggle". Yeah, Say "Hi" to the Grand Dragons for me, Snape. Oh, Ex-Death is just a tree, I'm sure he wouldn't cause YOU any problems... *Laughs as Snape gets sent to the VOID*

[T51R]

I go.

And inside three books, the magical world ceases to exist.

Why?

"Mr. Riddle. You seem to think that conquering this world of weak, pitiful humans makes you something. Let me show you, and Mr. Potter, how wrong you are. You see, over the last year I've built something. Something magical obviously, however with a purely technological function. And last week, I turned it on."

"Oh you want to know what it is, Mr. Riddle? Mr. Dumbledore, Sir? Well the explanation should be somewhere inside lunar orbit as we speak."



"A tractor beam, my dear Sirs. Locked onto a small planetoid, constantly accelerating it towards the Earth. Upon which it shall impact in several hours."

"Evil, Harry? Am I evil to you?"

"That's DR. EVIL, thank you very much. So let us now discuss the ransom..."

[The Chou Lives]

“ O hi ho. You come into my home and insult me, and you seem to think that can recruit me?”

“ Ahh.. yes?”

“ Snape, I never liked you.” Kung fu takes away wand and one punches him to the floor.

“ I made a horrible mistake.”

“ You sure did!!” Flattening him with my mighty fists.

[Sol_M]

TIL, people really hate Snape.

Benefits of Snapes offer:

1) You get a lot of years added to your lifespan, depending on how old you are.

2) You have a muggle perspective of the magical world, so everything would seem somewhat more fun.

3) You get to spend 7 years in a magic English castle.

4) You can teleport, heal, use telekinesis, auto clean, and generally use a bunch of spells to make your life easier.

5) The Wizarding world has enough weirdness that an eleven year old claiming to be an adult might actually have people willing to listen. Not sure what the laws are regarding overage
students, but it's theoretically possible to work out an arrangement with the authorities if you choose to do so. Then again, they ignored Harry for a full year when he told them that Voldemort was back, so eh...

6) Snape found a way to traverse between worlds, so it stands to reason that with enough research, you should be able to do the same.

Downsides of Snapes offer:

1) Your old life would be basically over. It is mainly the people one cares about (and not mere possessions) that tie them to their lives, so losing all of them would hurt most folks. You're moving to another world entirely. If you simply moved to the UK, that wouldn't be too bad, considering easy communication and transport channels available to wizards.

2) You get deaged to the point where you're an eleven year old. This is good in the sense that you get some relief from the effects of age and injuries, but suddenly being placed into a child's body is not going to be convenient for most people. Stuff like puberty would still be annoying (although you're better equipped to deal with it), as would being treated like a child by literally everyone.

3) The magical world is significantly more dangerous than the real world thanks to well, mostly other wizards, cursed objects, and sometimes magical creatures. That being said, the chances of dying are usually pretty low unless there's a dark wizard running around killing people. And the advanced magical healing is pretty good for anything that isn't super crazy powerful. School in particular is ridiculously dangerous since the school authorities and teachers seem to have really strange ideas about what sort of things are appropriate to expose teenagers (and even preteens) to.

Overall it's not a bad deal if you don't mind losing everyone you know (at least till you can figure out how to get back, by which point you might have enough of a life in the new world that you don't feel the need to do anything more than just visit the old one).

To sum up, it's a "must have" to some people, "a reasonable offer, I'd have have to think about it, but probably no" for those that don't have anyone else dependent on them like children or a spouse, and a "no, but would recommend to a friend" for those that don't want to give up their life at all.

[Sol_M]

I go.

And inside three books, the magical world ceases to exist.

Why?

"Mr. Riddle. You seem to think that conquering this world of weak, pitiful humans makes you something. Let me show you, and Mr. Potter, how wrong you are. You see, over the last year I've built something. Something magical obviously, however with a purely technological function. And last week, I turned it on."

"Oh you want to know what it is, Mr. Riddle? Mr. Dumbledore, Sir? Well the explanation should be somewhere inside lunar orbit as we speak."



"A tractor beam, my dear Sirs. Locked onto a small planetoid, constantly accelerating it towards the Earth. Upon which it shall impact in several hours."

"Evil, Harry? Am I evil to you?"

"That's DR. EVIL, thank you very much. So let us now discuss the ransom..."

For some reason, this reminds me of Harry Potter and the Natural 20 and the Commoner Railgun Project. XD

[wjowski]

If the room's dark, how do I know it's Snape? It could be Hans Gruber for all I'd be able to tell.

[Shai-Hulud]

If the room's dark, how do I know it's Snape? It could be Hans Gruber for all I'd be able to tell.

Quickly, you take out your cell, type in the appropriate codes, and discover that your $600 million fortune is still present and secure in your offshore accounts.

Can't be Gruber.

[Photon Torme]

Yeah. Don't like your tone. You're one of the evil ones right? I'd feel badly about setting loose some kind of malevolent magical wizard or monkey thing or whatever you are on my world. There are a few people around I care about. So I guess that's a no. hmm. Dark in here I'll just get those lights.

[Cthulhu_of_R'lyeh]

Cthulhu lives at the bottom of the ocean in dead city with unknown coordinates for a reason.

How the hell do these people keep getting in my house.

[Guy1]

If the room's dark, how do I know it's Snape? It could be Hans Gruber for all I'd be able to tell.

[T51R]

For some reason, this reminds me of Harry Potter and the Natural 20 and the Commoner Railgun Project. XD

And they shall know true evil...