X-Men Gold #36 Recap/Review/Celebration

[Maestroneto]

First five pages were shown in the preview.

The X-Men arrive at Port Washington to confront a Kirby-cracklin' omega mutant. Kitty orders Storm to fuck off and save civilians, which seems like a waste of a mutant who's so powerful she can make it rain on the sun and move the moon. Rachel gets knocked out immediately, which really highlights how this issue is a celebration of everything that sucks about Gold (especially if you take those preview pages of CW drama into account too).

Kitty gets the omega mutant, Brian Morrison, to calm down, but he immediately gets shot in the head by a vigilante citizen. Kitty gets furious because Brian didn't hurt anyone, but the good citizen points out he destroyed an entire neighbourhood. Kitty and Nightcrawler teleport the mutant to the hospital. The doctor in charge there refuses to operate on Brian because he's a dangerous mutant. Kitty accuses him of being a racist, but I'm pretty sure she could've just reminded him of his Hippocratic Oath.

Kitty then demands Rachel mind control the doctor into operating on him, which really shows how much Marc "I read every Kitty issue ever" Guggenheim knows about that character. Fun fact: Kitty was an ethics teacher back during the JGS days. Anyway, the rest of the X-Men turn on Kitty but it's not like this was properly set up (on purpose at least) in the previous 36 issues of misguided fanwank, nor will it be further explored because it's the FINAL ISSUE. Which brings me to an adjacent complaint that is shown in full force here and in every other issue. What characters has Kitty actually interacted with in Gold besides Colossus? Guggs mentions in the coda that what makes the X-Men great is their dynamics with each other, but Kitty had zero dynamics with any character except Guggs' author insert. It's stuff like that which only further excarbates the fact that this is a crappy solo book. But with at least some good dynamics other characters would've been spotlighted, and it could've shown us something new about the characters. Could you imagine how good that scene could've been if the book had been about Kitty becoming like Emma all along as she wrestles with the responsibilities she now carries? But lol it was just a dumb romance comic for 30 issues.

Anyway, conventiently another doctor shows up and is willing to operate on Brian because she was one of the bigots Kitty talked to in issue #1, but became convinced of the X-Men's heroism by watching The Fact Channel, because Guggenheim is Not Very Subtle. Now the GENIUSES at Marvel don't have Perez redraw that scene from issue #1, but are actually using Ardian Syaf art, a guy who was fired for wanting to kill all the Jews. That definitely won't help the fact that the X-Office ruined their two most prominent Jews recently.

The issue ends with the X-Men waiting in suspense if Brian will be alright or not. A group shot shows the original six Gold members, plus the replacement team. But not Rogue and Gambit, who got MARRIED in this book (I guess Guggs is still sore about that). Also it mentions that Gold is dedicated to Chris Claremont. I'm sure he'll be happy about that.

This book died the way it lived: by doing a one-shot issue about an extremely dangerous mutant worse than Bendis or Austen did. Guggs' attempt to get vaguely political falls flat on his face. None of the characters except Kitty do anything. Kitty is unlikable and OOC. The art was great.

At least Guggs admits in the coda that Gold was unoriginal nostalgia garbage. 2/10, worst run ever but the wedding issue was iconic.

The good news is that it's over.

[WhiteQueenEmmaFrost]

oh my god.

It sounds so awful. JFC telling Rachel to mind control a doctor. That's something Emma, Jean, Xavier wouldn't have ever done. The Xmen have healers they should've taken him to one of those.

Ugh this writing. R.I.S.P. Rest in Shredded Pieces and let us never speak of this again.

[Maestroneto]

The Xmen have healers they should've taken him to one of those.

This was mentioned (well, the mentioned Cece, who technically isn't a healer) but it was too far away.

[WhiteQueenEmmaFrost]

This was mentioned (well, the mentioned Cece, who technically isn't a healer) but it was too far away.

Jean was able to stop a bomb from blowing Scott up during OZT. Rachel could've held him together long enough to get help, but that's not the way Gug thinks and this is what we got. It sounds like one of the two episodes of Charlie's Angels where Kelly got shot in the head and they did a "recap" episode.

[jalsrix]

As usual, this is a silly confusing review with a lot of biased opinions about Gugg.

I am going to wait until I get a copy of it to get a proper understanding of what really happened.

[Luckystar.]

I bet he thought Angry woman from issue #1 returning a changed person now is such a homage to Claremontian long-term storytelling. Can't believe I wasted 4 dollars on this.

[Drakeon]

Brian Morrison

So the love child of Bendis and Grant?

[Askani's Flame]

I can't wait to skim this today. I'm glad the series is done, but good lord the damage that he has inflicted. It's like he brought a bat and felt like whacking all the windows and vases on the way out of his house for the last time.
I'd love to make a ban on discussing Gold after this issue lol. It's not worth the energy used to make our fingers type.

[Cmbmool]

oh my god.

It sounds so awful. JFC telling Rachel to mind control a doctor. That's something Emma, Jean, Xavier wouldn't have ever done. The Xmen have healers they should've taken him to one of those.

Ugh this writing. R.I.S.P. Rest in Shredded Pieces and let us never speak of this again.

Would they ?!? I mean considering their own past actions... do you really think that Emma, Jean and Xavier would not stoop this low ?

[Celestialbodies]

Would they ?!? I mean considering their own past actions... do you really think that Emma, Jean and Xavier would not stoop this low ?

They've done far worse for less immediate reasons, just to be fair...

[Gambit, King of Thieves]

They've done far worse for less immediate reasons, just to be fair...

Xavier would do it himself in a heartbeat. Xavier is, from what I've seen, little better than Magneto when it comes to the means justifying the ends; it just so happens his ends are a worthy goal.
To quote Kitty,

[Havok83]

Would they ?!? I mean considering their own past actions... do you really think that Emma, Jean and Xavier would not stoop this low ?

Nah, they'd use their TP to take the doc's knowledge and perform the surgery themselves. Jean definitely would as she has done similar things before

[jalsrix]

Would they ?!? I mean considering their own past actions... do you really think that Emma, Jean and Xavier would not stoop this low ?

Xavier has mind-wiped entire community before without their permission so why not Kitty?

I think it's silly that Kitty need to resort to this method when there are healers like that Elixir around and Kitty can also phase through his brain to get the bullet out.

Didn't she phase through Wolverine's skeleton before?

[Havok83]

Xavier has mind-wiped entire community before without their permission so why not Kitty?

I think it's silly that Kitty need to resort to this method when there are healers like that Elixir around and Kitty can also phase through his brain to get the bullet out.

Didn't she phase through Wolverine's skeleton before?

Elixir is on Asteroid M with Magneto and its not like Kitty is aware of that. He is effectively MIA

Kitty can phase a bullet out but then what? The bullet only created the wound but there's no accounting for the brain damage and bleeding which her powers are ineffective against. Her pulling the bullet out may have actually killed him faster

[Anchorsify]

Y i k e s that OP. The salt for Guggenheim never stops flowing.

Overall was a better issue than most, if not all of the others because it showed Kitty succeeding and failing but it seemed to be doing them more intentionally than accidentally as has been the case.. pretty much every issue. Tbh, though, it would have made more sense to save the call to Piotr until after everything happened and leave it with her calling him while waiting—showing her vulnerable and showing a reason for it beyond “I dumped you at the altar but I’m hurting too okay?” Which is just.. not.. something I think really most people would empathize with that much. But a stressful situation making people realize mistakes they made and who does and doesn’t matter to them? That is more believable.

Here’s to hoping at some point the issues presented in this last issue get dealt with by other writers (though experience says they won’t be): kitty crossing the line when telling Rachel to force the doc to do what she wanted, the toll leadership had on her and the mistakes she made, the illogical actions with the wedding she proposed and illyana has never had an issue with before..

Or we will see them mostly forget everything in gold aside from the wedding and lack thereof and marrow won’t even ever get to make good on her earning about treating Piotr right and we won’t see the flip side of the juggernaut bar brawl Piotr got to deal with. Ah well.

Marvel still really needs to get its shit together tho.