You Become a Multiversal Sea Captain

[Pendaran]

I feel like the next thread is going to just be

"This guy hands you a bag full of drugs! You should do them! You'll get superpowers! All the cool kids are doing drugs! Don't you want to be cool? I mean, they're definitely not from Jeremiah Cornelius' private stash that will deform your mind through the very skein of all that ever was, is and will be or anything."

"That's an eerily specific disclaimer."

"Shut up and do your drugs."

[theoneandonly]

what about the crew? do they have the same skills? and if they do who is going to stop them from deserting when a better cosmic or mundane offer comes along? especially since the transfer can't be undone or is it limited only to those travelling on the ship?

[Pendaran]

That or

"Take this super badass sword that will make you a multiversal pantheon slaying badass!"

"That sword is clearly Stormbringer, it is going to turn on me and eat my soul."

"No it's not, look how different it is!"

"... you just put a pair of Groucho glasses on Stormbringer, while I was looking at you."

"Those were there the whole time."

That or

"Congratulations, you've been adopted into a fantastically rich and supernaturally powerful family!"

"Can we skip ahead to where it turns out to be the Von Beks and I'm now cursed to spend eternity walking the pathways between universes in a never ending war to preserve the multiverse that will probably eventually erode me in my very metaphysical existence?"

"Come now, that's not at all what's happening!"

"Yeah? What's their last name then?"

"Uh... Von Blek! They're really gross! That's the only tradeoff!"

"You just wrote an l on the adoption papers in marker."

"Amnesia dust!"

"Stormbringer wearing Groucho glasses is not amnesia dust. Also ow, my soul."

[Pendaran]

Or:

"Look, I feel bad about all the times I tried to trick you into becoming the Eternal Champion, or the Captain of the Ship that Sails the Seas of Fate, or just straight up using the Black Sword, or otherwise leading an inevitably cursed and tragic existence."

"Uh huh."

"I have a new offer to make it up to you!"

"... okay..."

"How would you like to be Emperor of your own civilization!"

"... well, Emperor could be good."

"Not just any civilization! One of impossible ancient magics, many powerful artifacts, a long lived race of deep metaphysical understanding as subjects, and you as the greatest of all!"

"This is sounding a little better actually."

"And you can fly dragons around! Army killing dragons! Woo, you're all Game of Thrones-ing it now! Now, they sleep most of the time, but you can try to rouse them in emergencies."

"Wait a minute, that sounds familiar.."

"Don't worry about it! Now there are some tradeoffs obviously. Your empire has basically withdrawn to this single powerful island, and your people are a bit sinister, but with your abilities, you can totally turn things around."

"...….. this is Melnibone, and you're trying to trick me into becoming Elric."

"Pshaw, that's crazy!"

".. is another one of the tradeoffs that I'm an albino?"

"Well there have to be some tradeoffs to keep things interesting! But look at this awesomely powerful imperial warsword you get!"

"You are definitely trying to trick me into becoming Elric, and that's Stormbringer. Again!"

"No it's not!"

"It's Stormbringer with a bowler hat on it."

"It's a gunblade from FF8!"

"The trigger and barrel are paper mache, glued onto Stormbringer."

[Sharkerbob]

I feel like the next thread is going to just be

"This guy hands you a bag full of drugs! You should do them! You'll get superpowers! All the cool kids are doing drugs! Don't you want to be cool? I mean, they're definitely not from Jeremiah Cornelius' private stash that will deform your mind through the very skein of all that ever was, is and will be or anything."

"That's an eerily specific disclaimer."

"Shut up and do your drugs."

Hey, I'll take some drugs. That ****'ll make a mint in the slum down the road. :P

[Güicho]

You start having dreams about the sea, and sailing. Then one Saturday morning you wake up and find your body has been transformed into your ideal...

I yam Popeye, and kicks everyone's patoot on da' list.

[MrSandman]

*Smashes the ship into R'yleh, hopped up on all the best multiversal drugs, wearing a modified Admiral Hat with nachos, dip and beer cans loaded on it, while the entire deck is loaded with rum*

Silver Surfer: What are you doing....

Sandman: I'MMA CATCH TEH GRAT RED WAHLE, CHUNGTHOULU!!

Silver Surfer: ....we need a better screening program...

Sandman: *Kicks the rum barrels overboard* C'MON YE SQUWID! I JUS WANA TIE YE TA MA BOW! YE GET TA DO DA SHIRP RAMMBIN! IZA SWEET GIG *hic*

[The Watcher]

Why do you keep tricking people into terrible Michael Moorcock-verse jobs! Why!

(y'all gonna go inevitably blind from your terrible experiences and not in the way your horrible minds probably immediately leapt to!)

Don't worry, I got this. I'll invite opposing metaphysical forces to take a cruise, set up some plot contrivances which force them to associate together, manipulate slightly amusing situations to kindle shipboard romances and voila! Multiversal Harmony!

[Shai-Hulud]

Why do you keep tricking people into terrible Michael Moorcock-verse jobs! Why!

(y'all gonna go inevitably blind from your terrible experiences and not in the way your horrible minds probably immediately leapt to!)

My job is to post these threads here and pretend that I'm the one who made them up.

It's the only thing keeping me from a doom of my own making, from back in my younger, more reckless days.

I have no idea where the Powers are going with these things, but I'm not really in a position to argue. Each day I manage to stay out of the clutches of Gorgomelech is a good one.

I feel like the next thread is going to just be

"This guy hands you a bag full of drugs! You should do them! You'll get superpowers! All the cool kids are doing drugs! Don't you want to be cool? I mean, they're definitely not from Jeremiah Cornelius' private stash that will deform your mind through the very skein of all that ever was, is and will be or anything."

"That's an eerily specific disclaimer."

"Shut up and do your drugs."

No drugs on board, but you get lots of rum. And no bargemen on the biscuits.

[The Chou Lives]

I let Nik donthe job for me. He got this **** down to a Science, it’s his purview.

Plus me and the ocean are not on good speaking terms.

At this point I actually want Dark Lord Chou stuff back so I get the sweet ass multidimensional castle.

And Pen. He has done posts without the multiverse stuff, still awesome stuff.

[T-1000]

[Cthulhu_of_R'lyeh]

*Smashes the ship into R'yleh, hopped up on all the best multiversal drugs, wearing a modified Admiral Hat with nachos, dip and beer cans loaded on it, while the entire deck is loaded with rum*

Silver Surfer: What are you doing....

Sandman: I'MMA CATCH TEH GRAT RED WAHLE, CHUNGTHOULU!!

Silver Surfer: ....we need a better screening program...

Sandman: *Kicks the rum barrels overboard* C'MON YE SQUWID! I JUS WANA TIE YE TA MA BOW! YE GET TA DO DA SHIRP RAMMBIN! IZA SWEET GIG *hic*

*Cthulhu comes out of his home in a speedo*

What do you want ?

[Shellhead]

Sailor on the Seas of Fate sounds like a cool job, but I would decline and just keep the skills.

[Shai-Hulud]

what about the crew? do they have the same skills? and if they do who is going to stop them from deserting when a better cosmic or mundane offer comes along? especially since the transfer can't be undone or is it limited only to those travelling on the ship?

There's a first mate, a pilot, officers, a master, crewmen, a carpenter, a sailmaker, marines, etc. They've all accepted service for one reason or another, all screened by the Powers.

As captain you have authority over them.

Also, you can take on passengers as you like, although it's not good for normals to spend too much time on the Poseidon.

You can also recruit new crew members, if there's a need, or if you think someone has something to offer.

You are the captain, after all.

Is this the Poseidon as in ‘The Poseidon Adventure’? As in “film about a sinking ship”?

Cos dem’s not good omens for a superstitious sailor type.

Your Poseidon predates mortal cinema on our world by a large margin. And as the Poseidon is a cosmic ship, sailed by some of the most skilled sailors in the multiverse, it takes more than mere accident to do it any real harm.

[Cthulhu_of_R'lyeh]

*Cthulhu headbutts it and causes it to take on vacuum*

NOW WHO LIKES IT.