Can attractive people struggle to get dates?

[lancerman]

Being confidant and pleasant to be around are bigger factors than anything else. Also chemistry with person.

Attractiveness is almost like a preliminary thing. A great looking person can ruin it with bad personality. A great personality can overcome unattractiveness to a lot of people.

You're first mistake is not realizing that it's about people, not an individual factor of people. People attract people more than looks do. Looks are good if you are looking to go to a bar and get a one night stand. Dating actually means being forced to spend some time around the person.

Even attractiveness is a misleading thing to go by. You could be a model and have everybody think you're beautiful, and some girl might say "yeah he's good looking, but I like tall guys" or "but I like blondes".

My advice, work on being around people and having a good time. Dating will come after that.

[WestPhillyPunisher]

If you have an unusual, disdainful, unsmiling appearance you aren't actually attractive. But personality is the most important thing. And yours sounds like it needs some work if you're always walking around bored and disdainful.

I agree. To quote Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction, personality goes a long way. If you don't have that, you could look like Brad Pitt and not get anywhere.

[Kirby101]

Yes, being too nervous and lacking confidence makes it hard. Fear of rejections is a big hamper. Do you have any female friends you can talk to? They could be honest about your appearance, including tips on how to improve it.
I found the best way to deal with nerves is to acknowledge them, don't try to damp them down and suppress them. Say to yourself," I'm nervous but I will still talk to that person." Even telling them your a little nervous won't do any harm, it is even a little flattering. Worrying too much about your nerves becomes the focus, instead of the person you are talking to.

The first step BTW is to say Hi, I'm____." If they are interested, they will talk to you, if not, they will usually tell you so. If they are nasty, they are someone you wouldn't want to be with anyway.

Hope this helps.

[Wedge Antilles]

Dates can be a struggle for anyone, attractive or not. Just be yourself and keep at it.

[Mikekerr3]

I admit this has to do with me. I realize how narcissistic it is to consider myself attractive, but I'm pretty sure many girls, including some of my liking, thought I looked nice, or at the very least interesting. But I still haven't gotten a date.

I do have a hard time making the first steps. I appear rather disdainful. I have an unusual appearance, not that I'd tell strangers on internet message boards what exactly makes my appearance unusual. Do all of these factors account for me not getting dates?

I'm just wondering if I'm indeed an attractive guy who struggles to get dates, or can only someone considered ugly be in that position?

As a trollishy ugly man who never had much trouble getting dates I can tell you that appearances don't stop you from getting dates, Personality might, narcissism is not all that attractive. try not being an attractive person looking for a dateand try just being a person looking for a date.

[Pat Thomas]

You can't expect to get any dates by sitting there not engaging in conversation with anyone with a serious look on your face. Usually, people want to be around someone who puts
them at ease. It seems like you're so worried about getting laid that you are skipping over having to talk to a girl. They can tell, too. You are going to have to get that off your mind
and make some woman friends, so you can find out how cool it is to talk to the right girl. It's going to take a whole different outlook by you. You are going to have to smile and be around
people, and have fun even. The creepy act isn't going to do it. If it's genuine, you'll meet your share of women who want to talk to you. You can worry about the other stuff later.

[CliffHanger2]

You sound very...young. But standing around acting disdainful and bored expecting women to ask you out isn't a good strategy. You're supposed to act bored and disdainful after the second date, not the first time out. Cmmmoooooonnn.

[RobinFan4880]

Your salient point is, "I am attractive, why does no one like me?"

The issue at hand is the belief that being attractive somehow entitles one to companionship. It does not. Personality matters far, far more than looks.

Work on talking to women, holding an engaging conversation and being personable.

[TroubleWithTrebles]

If attractive people dissemble to get an end result, like pretending to go on dates with several guys (or gals) to crowd source their thoughts without asking permission, to write some thing for later publication, those physically attractive people instantly become more pathetic and homely than an out take from a Jersey Shore style tv show.

Speaking of reality TV, and difficulties for attractive people to get dates and the tacky extremes to which some will sink, has everyone here, including DS1, seen the show called "Catfish"?

Also, on this COMIC CULTURE site, one might say someone's attractiveness might hinge on how much of their posting actually involves COMIC BOOK STUFF, instead of Oprah episode topics.

Otherwise it's like a Civil War Reenactment lass showing up in full antebellum Georgia Peach garb expecting to turn the heads of knights at a strict SCA event.

Big fat bowl of failure, there.

[worstblogever]

If they have to work 80 hours a week to support themselves and can't fit it into their schedule, yes.

[Kieran_Frost]

While looks greatly help the majority of people, it's honestly not the deciding factor on who gets the most dates. Personality, confidence, just plain skill at talking to the opposite (or same) sex in a manner that puts the interaction of "flirting" rather than "friend." There are so many reasons people struggle or get dates or DON'T struggle to get dates. It's not just about looks.

Yes, STUNNINGLY good-looking (like turn your head in street as they walk past, oh my god they look like the hottest angel in existence) mostly don't struggle to get dates, because people (for that level of beauty) will make the first move, and find evvvvvverything they do "attractive". But you can definitely have goodlooking people single (not by choice) and a very aesthetically unattractive person in numerous relationships and batting them away with a stick. Look help, personality/abilities in conversation matter more.

[RLAAMJR.]

I admit this has to do with me. I realize how narcissistic it is to consider myself attractive, but I'm pretty sure many girls, including some of my liking, thought I looked nice, or at the very least interesting. But I still haven't gotten a date.

I do have a hard time making the first steps. I appear rather disdainful. I have an unusual appearance, not that I'd tell strangers on internet message boards what exactly makes my appearance unusual. Do all of these factors account for me not getting dates?

I'm just wondering if I'm indeed an attractive guy who struggles to get dates, or can only someone considered ugly be in that position?

You can try reading articles about dating, especially those what you should not say during a date. You can also try dating those who you think are attracted to you. But of course, still pick the beautiful ones.

Also, you can try looking for ladies on some dating sites or even fb and start the conversation by just being friends. Then maybe after a week or two, you invite the lady if the two of you could meet and have a date.

It really isn't hard for attractive guys.

When dating becomes easy, you might end up dating for different girls every week and be more straight to the point.

[ScottSummers]

I admit this has to do with me. I realize how narcissistic it is to consider myself attractive, but I'm pretty sure many girls, including some of my liking, thought I looked nice, or at the very least interesting. But I still haven't gotten a date.

I do have a hard time making the first steps. I appear rather disdainful. I have an unusual appearance, not that I'd tell strangers on internet message boards what exactly makes my appearance unusual. Do all of these factors account for me not getting dates?

I'm just wondering if I'm indeed an attractive guy who struggles to get dates, or can only someone considered ugly be in that position?

It's harder in my opinion for attractive people to get dates. I'll say it: I'm attractive, but I also think that makes me awkward in a way because I frequently don't think I have to approach people, and sometimes in turn they don't approach me.

Kind of a stereotype, but I'll be the first to agree with it: being ugly frequently means you'll develop a personality. Not because ugly people are smarter, but because they frequently have to. They go out and they can't win on looks, so they learn to be funny and engaging. While the High School quarterback may have peaked in High School or College, now without an available pool of women forced to be around him in a school he has to master something the ugly kid in the back of class figured out in his teens.

I also think attractive people come off as intense and intimidating. Something my roommate once said was that people underrated "6s and 7s" (out of 10) because frequently they're more willing to have fun, and sex is sex and dating is usually supposed to be fun, so in the end it doesn't really matter that the girl/guy you bring back isn't "perfect" or the guy/girl you're dating is "kind of average".

The final issue is it's lonely at the top. If you're aim as a person is to try to match someone based on looks and you're a 10, you have a smaller pool to choose from. If you don't really care about looks the field is wide open. Despite all their talk, every self-professed "ladies man" I ever met (or self-professed "guys girl"), while they may have claimed to only date/bang supermodels, they did no such thing. They'd in fact take whatever they could get when they could get it.

I do find people tend to share interests. If you like working out, likely too will you're partner. That's sort of a "looks" think (but not always).

To sort of summarize, there is this stereotype that attractive people are by default getting the most, but I'm not sure that's true.

[Shawn Hopkins]

Scott's post shares a similarity with the OP that I want to point out, because I think it's a flaw in the OP's strategy that hasn't been considered. If you self-identify as "attractive," and go around saying that or implying that you think that in a non-humble way, then you're going to shoot past confident and come off as egotistical. That's a huge personality turnoff. Just being "attractive" isn't enough to overcome being seen as a narcissist, you're going to have to look like Warren Beatty. And even then women will only want to hatefuck you and write catty songs about what a dick you are.

That's why all the pretty people who want to build likable personas always go about it in a self-deprecating way. Zooey Deschanel and Kristen Bell are "adorkable," Anna Kendrick says she can't get a date, Brad Pitt tries to act like he's about everything but looks. Doesn't mean they believe it. All I'm saying is that when dealing with women, OP, don't go on about or let on about your own attractiveness. If it's there people will notice without you bringing it up. And definitely don't bring it up in a way that implies that you think it means you are owed women or owed prettier women.

[ScottSummers]

Scott's post shares a similarity with the OP that I want to point out, because I think it's a flaw in the OP's strategy that hasn't been considered. If you self-identify as "attractive," and go around saying that or implying that you think that in a non-humble way, then you're going to shoot past confident and come off as egotistical. That's a huge personality turnoff. Just being "attractive" isn't enough to overcome being seen as a narcissist, you're going to have to look like Warren Beatty. And even then women will only want to hatefuck you and write catty songs about what a dick you are.

That's why all the pretty people who want to build likable personas always go about it in a self-deprecating way. Zooey Deschanel and Kristen Bell are "adorkable," Anna Kendrick says she can't get a date, Brad Pitt tries to act like he's about everything but looks. Doesn't mean they believe it. All I'm saying is that when dealing with women, OP, don't go on about or let on about your own attractiveness. If it's there people will notice without you bringing it up. And definitely don't bring it up in a way that implies that you think it means you are owed women or owed prettier women.

Maybe Brad Pitt now. Brad Pitt circa 1990 I think got by on acting like Mr. Pretty boy.

Also there's another side to this: If you look like Brad Pitt all you'd find out is some women don't like Brad Pitt. To an extent we'll all aware of those who DON'T find us attractive, and probably less aware of those that do. If "everyone" finds you attractive, everyone meaning most, it's going to make the ones that don't seem that much more frustrating.

Uglier people may be used to this being more the other way around, no one finds them attractive so who cares, they'll just approach anybody and see what happens. And I don't think this is just a guy thing. I know plenty of non-attractive girls who use their personality as leverage against more attractive guys.