How Do I Become More Extraverted?

[Timothy Hunter]

I love talking to people, I feel most at home in large groups of people. However I am absolutely abysmal at socializing with others. Because of this, I only seem to do well in life isolated from others. So to make a long I am an introvert, or wants to be more extraverted. How would I go about this?

[Tami]

I love talking to people, I feel most at home in large groups of people. However I am absolutely abysmal at socializing with others. Because of this, I only seem to do well in life isolated from others. So to make a long I am an introvert, or wants to be more extraverted. How would I go about this?

Breaking this down:
a) You love to talk to people (online? or in person?)
b) You have trouble talking to people, socializing
c) You feel at home in large groups of people
d) but you only do well isolated from other people

I don't think you are a classic Introvert. A true Introvert likes being alone and away from people. It is possible to be, by nature, an Extrovert, but have one or more issues that make it hard to interact with others. Knowing why you are having trouble interacting goes a long way to dealing with this. You can get professional help to work this problem out, something I'd recommend.

From my own experience, talking to people is a two way street. If you are in a group of people who share your interests, or are with people working with you on a shard goal, then talking with them is easy. It comes naturally. If you are in a crowd of strangers, don't be too hard on yourself if you find it hard to make conversation.

Social Magnets are people who are well known to a larger group of people. Those that are successful, active, involved; those are the ones who get the most attention. If you haven't made a name for yourself, if you're social circle is small, then it is going to be harder to interact with others.

All those people who seem to be socially interacting with each other, usually already know each other, or were introduced to one another by a shared relationship, or there is a Social Magnet to whom everyone recognizes and gravitate towards, or they share a common interest or activity.

In cases where you don't know anyone, look for someone who also looks like they don't know anyone and introduce yourself. Take it one person at a time.

Meanwhile, go out into the world and get involved. Find a group, club, organization, charity work, volunteer work, anything that gets you out of the house. Work with people, get to know them and let them get to know you. It takes a while, but eventually you will find that you will recognized more and more people, and they will recognize you. In doing this, your social connections will grow.

[MajorHoy]

Two words: mosh pit.

[KOSLOX]

You could try joining a public speaking club.

[CaptCleghorn]

You could try joining a public speaking club.

I'm not sure that's the OP's situation. It sounds like they're comfortable with public speaking but when the focu become smaller and tighter, the nerves hit. At least that's the way it is with me. Put me in front of a crowd and I'm fine. Put me with one to four people and I get tongue tied and nervously shy. For me, something I'm interested in as a topic for discussion helps considerably. However my interest may be focused on one part of the conversation and when there is content drift I lose the ability to interact well.

And crowds can be a great place to be alone. Especially in a city walking at lunchtime and just seeing all the sights and people but not needing to connect with any of them is a relief. People i don't mind. it's dealing with them I often find challenging.

Hopefully my experiences have given the OP something to draw on.

But on the suggestions, a club can be a very good way to meet more people with the same interests so one can develop social interactions.

[aja_christopher]

I love talking to people, I feel most at home in large groups of people. However I am absolutely abysmal at socializing with others. Because of this, I only seem to do well in life isolated from others. So to make a long I am an introvert, or wants to be more extraverted. How would I go about this?

Some people start bands or get involved in other types of performance arts -- especially solo acts where they can be themselves and still reach out to others.



Not saying that it's easy (the lead singer of the above band had anxiety attacks on stage back back in the 80s and stopped touring completely afterwards) just that it seems to be a common thread amongst artists and introverts -- even those that are famous -- so just make sure you know how much "socialization" you're prepared to deal with, regardless.

You never know if the grass is really greener on the other side until you get there, so always keep that in mind.

Also wanted to add that this might be a good time to get more involved in politics or other social causes if those things are of interest to you -- having common goals goes a long way towards building camaraderie.

[Joker]

Curious how old the OP is?

[PaulBullion]

Behavioral therapy.

[Sharpandpointies]

I love talking to people, I feel most at home in large groups of people. However I am absolutely abysmal at socializing with others. Because of this, I only seem to do well in life isolated from others. So to make a long I am an introvert, or wants to be more extraverted. How would I go about this?

Try the book 'Quiet' (it sounds like a cheesy self-help title, but that's mostly marketing). It's not a perfect book, but if you are an introvert, you will likely find insights into introversion (what it actually is and how it manifests, rather than the idea that introverts 'just want to be alone') and ways of dealing with social situations that might otherwise seem difficult to you.

[BeastieRunner]

Altering who you really are very rarely works out.

Introverts make great leaders, too.

We need people to be who they are, not microwave, fast-food, people.

Intro vs. Extro tends to be about where energy comes from, how you rebuild and recover.

Do you prefer 1v1 or small groups as opposed to parties? After being with people all day, do you like to be alone to recover?

My boss is an INTJ and everyone is blown away when he tells them he's an introvert. If you told people you were an introvert, would it surprise people?

[GOLGO 13]

Take opportunities to show-off any skills you may have.

I like to play piano (somewhat OK) in public spaces (hospital lobby/airport terminals). I do it sometimes as a goof & other times I'm feeling real pretentious. This past October I was visiting a friend of a friend in a retirement home, where I jumped on the piano inside their recreation room to play the theme from John Carpenter's Halloween. People become very approachable to any sort of unique talent. Never fails that somebody wants to talk to me afterwards.

During quite moments or If I'm stuck somewhere, I'll pullout a deck of cards & just do some card manipulation or flourishes. Nothing super-fancy, sometimes things like a revolution cut, faro or a cascade display is plenty to break the ice with people & get them to want to start talking to you.

So yeah take baby-steps but you gotta try to just get out there & try to mix it up with people. You'll surprise yourself, really.

[Jack Dracula]

A mild anti-depressant may help. Citalopram worked well for me.

[Vegan Daddy]

Alcohol

/10

[dancj]

Alcohol

/10

Not the most responsible advice in the world, but it can be my fallback. I'm not great at socialising, but I'm a lot better with a couple of pints in me.

Another thing that helps is a focus. I play board games with a group once a week. Socialising there is much easier, because we we have the game to play.