Cyclops: "......................."
Cyclops: "What do you think, Tabitha?"
Boom-Boom: "Oh, great. His eyes just ignited. Guess he figured out the PhoenixKinesis toggle and he's trying to look scary or whatever. Meh, he was being a total buzzkill about me shooting Logan and Hank to shut them up, so he can't be that mad, right? I think. Oh, okay, so now his eyes are burning even fierier. Real mature, Scott. Look, don't you think you should turn the other cheek and set a positive example in conflict resolution for you daughters?"
Cyclops: "I suppose we could set up a reconciliatory play date."
Boom-Boom: "Awesome! You hear that Carol?! Scott says... Oh. Well, maybe. Carol thinks you meant target practice for you and the girls."
Cyclops: "I did."
Boom-Boom: "Don't be like that, Scott."
Cyclops: "......................."
Boom-Boom: "......................."
Cyclops: "Fine. An actual play date. Happy?"
Boom-Boom: "Very. Oh. Okay. Carol wants to know if you'll apologize to Tony for blowing up his dumbass cannon..."
Cyclops: "No."
Boom-Boom: "...and if you'll give Steve his stupid shield back."
Cyclops: "Not my call."
Boom-Boom: "Oh, come on, give a girl a break! You've got this totally sweet PhoenixKinesis upgrade,"
Cyclops: "We're not calling it tha..."
Boom-Boom: "You're wearing clothes made of eternal space magical fire and, best of all, your baby mama left and vowed never to return as long as you wouldn't let folks murder Mini Rachel and Ruby. You know what, Scott, I don't think you appreciate how good you have it and how traumatizing the ordeal was for the rest of us."
Cyclops: "Surely, you meant Rachel and Ruby?"
Boom-Boom: "Well, yeah, them too. I guess. But, I mean, you haven't given them the S-E-X talk yet, so it's not like they understand why mommy burned daddy's clothes off, launched him into the stratosphere and why the rest of us were so freaked out by that big-ass celestial pillar full of Phoenix fire and optic blasts swirling all over the place and, oh, God, every time you'll fire an optic blast, we'll all be thinking of that crazy creepy kinky Phoenix sex you were having and, dude, that's like decades worth of therapy right there."
Cyclops: "Don't you think you're exag..."
Boom-Boom: "But that's not even the worst! When Rach and Ruby... spawned, I guess? Anyway, the girls were all 'Mommy, daddy! We're a family, yay! Let's make friends and burn stuff together!', but then your baby mama was all 'Woah, woah, I'm, like, a gazillion years old, I'm waaayyy too young to be a mom and the last thing I need is two efffin' Rachels to look after. Scott, babe, we need to bail, like, five minutes ago!' and then you were all 'Woah, woah, you're hot - literally - but not that hot, babe. We can't just efffin' leave, those Avengers a-holes are totally going to try and murder the crap out of the girls!'"
Cyclops: "That's not what I actually sai..."
Boom-Boom: "Scott, we talked about this. Don't let facts stand in the way of a way awesomer retelling. Anyway. Your baby mama was all 'Good! Let them! Problem solved!' and you were all 'We can't just abandon them! What the efff's wrong with you?' and then she was all 'Oh my God, that is not something the Scott Summers I've loved and stalked for decades would say!' and then you wigged out and were all 'Decades? What the eff?' and then the X-Men who were stuck in Nate's sexless lame-ass dreamland were all "Oh my God, she's right! The real Scott Summers would never say something like this! The nightmare isn't over, the nightmare isn't ov... Scott? For the love of... Scott, are you even listening"
Cyclops: "......................."
Boom-Boom: "I swear, you better not be trying to weasel your way out of this with a dumbass 'Ah ha, I made you look up' joke. Oh."
Rachel: "Dad! Hey, Tabitha! Check this out, it's like a hoverboard, but larger, rounder, faster, fierier and, get this, big enough for the three of us!"
Rachel 2.0/Ruby 2.0: ".......................?"
Rachel: "Oh, you'll totally get the reference after we watch the Back to the Future trilogy! Together! As a family!"
Rachel 2.0/Ruby 2.0: ".......................!"
Cyclops: "......................."
Boom-Boom: "......................."
Cyclops: "Sooo... yeah. Not my call."
Boom-Boom: "Right, so that's what you meant when you... Right. Carol? Yeah, tell Steve he won't be getting his stupid shield back for a while. Well, yeah, of course Scott's being difficult and lame. As usual."
Cyclops: *Long-suffering sigh*