Originally Posted by
FluffyCyclopsRLZ
Boom-Boom: "Woah, woah, Carol! There's really, really no need for the attitude, alright? Just offering some friendly advice which, sorry not sorry, looks like you could totally use right about now, okay? I get it, Steve and Tony are, like, legends, and knocking them the efff out is not something I'd normally encourage, but let's face facts, here, you've got two grown men standing around and bitching about another dude getting lai... Oh, Logan and Hank are doing the exact same thing. Right now? For the love of... Hold on a sec, okay? Will someone just shoot Logan and Hank already? No, not kill them, you dumbasses, just, you know, shoot them in a 'you guys rock and we love you to death but oh my God you're embarrassing us right now, please, please stop' kind of way?' Seriously? Oh well, guess a girl really does have to do everything around her... "
Cyclops: "Tabitha!"
Boom-Boom: "Oh, goody, this is going to turn into a classic 'I get to have crazy creepy kinky Phoenix sex for the whole world to see - again - but you guys can't shoot people and have any fun, ever' Cyclops lecture, isn't it?"
Cyclops: "Tabitha. No shooting. Just try to ignore them."
Boom-Boom: "Please, like that would ever... Oh. You did say 'try'. Mmm. Still. Come. On. What do you care anyway?"
Cyclops: " I don't. I'm preemptively shutting down the inevitable whining and scapegoating."
Boom-Boom: "There you go - again - with the paranoia. That is totally not how we X-Men deal with, like, every single problem, ever."
Cyclops: "......................."
Cyclops: "Of course it isn't. Tabitha, stop trolling whomever you're..."
Boom-Boom: "Carol. She says it's your fault she's stuck babysitting Steve and Tony and it's embarrassing and she hates you."
Cyclops: "Hi, Carol. Tabitha. Stop being a troll and give me back my phone."
Boom-Boom: "Oh, please, that thing would've totally been burnt to a crisp when we slingshotted you into your crazy-ass cosmic ex soon-to-be baby mama and watched in horror as you two perverted whackjobs redefined the, huh... miracle of fire and life, I guess? Anyway. If anything, you should be thanking me for... "
Cyclops: "I left the phone with the bike, actually. You took it, wandered off and have been calling back slash trolling high-profile marks ever since."
Boom-Boom: "Pfff. Not even close. I'm totally helping. Carol left death threats on your voice mail because you wouldn't call Steve and Tony back and now she's got to deal with them standing around and bitching about you getting laid, not apologizing for blowing up Tony's dumbass cannon and not giving Steve his stupid shield back, which, granted, he totally threw at you and the girls, but don't you think not giving it back is kind of petty? Ooooh, speaking of the girls, did they pick names yet?"
Cyclops: "They did. Rachel and Ruby."
Boom-Boom: "Aaww. Rach is going to be super stoked. Poor girl could really use some cheering up after that seriously brutal ego mauling she got from your baby mama and Re..."
Rachel: "Finally! After all this time! A family who cares and loves me for being me!"
Rachel 2.0/Ruby 2.0: ".......................!"
Rachel: "Really? That's so sweet! Well, I think you girls have very pretty thoughts too!"
Rachel 2.0/Ruby 2.0: ".......................!"
Rachel: "Aaawww! Aren't you two the most adorable, huggable fireballs ever?"
Rachel 2.0/Ruby 2.0: ".......................!"
Boom-Boom: "Oookay. Full-blown meltdown it is, then. Classic Summers move. Figures. Wait, did you trick your other daughter into naming herself after your freakin' eyewear? Because that would be seriously lame, even for you."
Cyclops: "The girls said something about a half sister they'd like to visit one da..."
Boom-Boom: "Oh, please, who'd be crazy enough to have kids with you and name them after jewelr... Oh, no. Oh no, no, no, no, no. Duuude, she's been acting sooo weird lately. She's got this cardboard cutout and we keep telling her 'But you guys aren't together anymore!' and she's all 'Whhaaa? No, Scott and I are still totally together. You know Scott, he just doesn't do the PDA thing.' and then, I dunno, she does that weird telepath glare thingy and it's the next day or whatever. This. Is. Not. Good."
Cyclops: "Emma wouldn't..."
Boom-Boom: "Scott? You're Cyclops. You don't know anything about anything. Let the pros handle this. Carol? Yeah, we've got another Crazy Cyclops Ex crisis to deal with. The blonde, not the read... Which redhead? Ah, that's funny! I know. Believe me, I know. Humongous jerk, does nothing but ruin the lives of awesomer people, which is basically everyone else, ever. Problem is, standing around and bitching about him getting laid isn't going to make his twin Phoenix baby girls any less adorable. Well, Carol, you guys did try to blast the adorable, huggable fireballs into oblivion, so, really, you don't get to be all hurt and upset over the Internet calling you a bunch of Would-Be Baby Phoenix Murdering A-Holes. Speaking of which, Scott, you're not still mad at Steve, Tony, Carol and the drones for trying to put down baby Mini Rachel and Ruby just to spite you, right?"
Cyclops: "......................."
Cyclops: "What do you think, Tabitha?"
Boom-Boom: "Oh, great. His eyes just ignited. Guess he figured out the PhoenixKinesis toggle and he's trying to look scary or whatever. Meh, he was being a total buzzkill about me shooting Logan and Hank to shut them up, so he can't be that mad, right? I think. Oh, okay, so now his eyes are burning even fierier. Real mature, Scott. Look, don't you think you should turn the other cheek and set a positive example in conflict resolution for you daughters?"
Cyclops: "I suppose we could set up a reconciliatory play date."
Boom-Boom: "Awesome! You hear that Carol?! Scott says... Oh. Well, maybe. Carol thinks you meant target practice for you and the girls."
Cyclops: "I did."
Boom-Boom: "Don't be like that, Scott."
Cyclops: "......................."
Boom-Boom: "......................."
Cyclops: "Fine. An actual play date. Happy?"
Boom-Boom: "Very. Oh. Okay. Carol wants to know if you'll apologize to Tony for blowing up his dumbass cannon..."
Cyclops: "No."
Boom-Boom: "...and if you'll give Steve his stupid shield back."
Cyclops: "Not my call."
Boom-Boom: "Oh, come on, give a girl a break! You've got this totally sweet PhoenixKinesis upgrade,"
Cyclops: "We're not calling it tha..."
Boom-Boom: "You're wearing clothes made of eternal space magical fire and, best of all, your baby mama left and vowed never to return as long as you wouldn't let folks murder Mini Rachel and Ruby. You know what, Scott, I don't think you appreciate how good you have it and how traumatizing the ordeal was for the rest of us."
Cyclops: "Surely, you meant Rachel and Ruby?"
Boom-Boom: "Well, yeah, them too. I guess. But, I mean, you haven't given them the S-E-X talk yet, so it's not like they understand why mommy burned daddy's clothes off, launched him into the stratosphere and why the rest of us were so freaked out by that big-ass celestial pillar full of Phoenix fire and optic blasts swirling all over the place and, oh, God, every time you'll fire an optic blast, we'll all be thinking of that crazy creepy kinky Phoenix sex you were having and, dude, that's like decades worth of therapy right there."
Cyclops: "Don't you think you're exag..."
Boom-Boom: "But that's not even the worst! When Rach and Ruby... spawned, I guess? Anyway, the girls were all 'Mommy, daddy! We're a family, yay! Let's make friends and burn stuff together!', but then your baby mama was all 'Woah, woah, I'm, like, a gazillion years old, I'm waaayyy too young to be a mom and the last thing I need is two efffin' Rachels to look after. Scott, babe, we need to bail, like, five minutes ago!' and then you were all 'Woah, woah, you're hot - literally - but not that hot, babe. We can't just efffin' leave, those Avengers a-holes are totally going to try and murder the crap out of the girls!'"
Cyclops: "That's not what I actually sai..."
Boom-Boom: "Scott, we talked about this. Don't let facts stand in the way of a way awesomer retelling. Anyway. Your baby mama was all 'Good! Let them! Problem solved!' and you were all 'We can't just abandon them! What the efff's wrong with you?' and then she was all 'Oh my God, that is not something the Scott Summers I've loved and stalked for decades would say!' and then you wigged out and were all 'Decades? What the eff?' and then the X-Men who were stuck in Nate's sexless lame-ass dreamland were all "Oh my God, she's right! The real Scott Summers would never say something like this! The nightmare isn't over, the nightmare isn't ov... Scott? For the love of... Scott, are you even listening"
Cyclops: "......................."
Boom-Boom: "I swear, you better not be trying to weasel your way out of this with a dumbass 'Ah ha, I made you look up' joke. Oh."
Rachel: "Dad! Hey, Tabitha! Check this out, it's like a hoverboard, but larger, rounder, faster, fierier and, get this, big enough for the three of us!"
Rachel 2.0/Ruby 2.0: ".......................?"
Rachel: "Oh, you'll totally get the reference after we watch the Back to the Future trilogy! Together! As a family!"
Rachel 2.0/Ruby 2.0: ".......................!"
Cyclops: "......................."
Boom-Boom: "......................."
Cyclops: "Sooo... yeah. Not my call."
Boom-Boom: "Right, so that's what you meant when you... Right. Carol? Yeah, tell Steve he won't be getting his stupid shield back for a while. Well, yeah, of course Scott's being difficult and lame. As usual."
Cyclops: *Long-suffering sigh*