NFL 2019 Off-Season thread

[BeastieRunner]

Also, best one I've seen yet:

[BeastieRunner]

Well, I need to get mine up before I forget:

AFC NORTH
1. Cleveland Browns (13-3)
2. Pittsburgh Steelers (8-8)
3. Baltimore Ravens (8-8)
4. Cincinnati Bengals (2-14)

AFC South
1. Houston Texans (11-5)
2. Tennessee Titans (9-7)
3. Indianapolis Colts (5-11)
4. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-11)

AFC East
1. New England Patriots (12-4)
2. Buffalo Bills (8-8)
3. New York Jets (6-10)
4. Miami Dolphins (4-12)

AFC West
1. Kansas City Chiefs (13-3)
2. Los Angeles Chargers (12-4)
3. Denver Broncos (6-10)
4. Oakland Raiders (4-12)

NFC North
1. Chicago Bears (12-4)
2. Green Bay Packers (11-5)
3. Minnesota Vikings (8-8)
4. Detroit Lions (6-10)

NFC South
1. New Orleans Saints (13-3)
2. Carolina Panthers (9-7)
3. Atlanta Falcons (7-9)
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-12)

NFC East
1. Philadelphia Eagles (12-4)
2. Dallas Cowboys (9-7)
3. Washington Redskins (5-11)
4. New York Giants (3-13)

NFC West
1. Los Angeles Rams (11-5)
2. San Francisco 49ers (10-6)
3. Seattle Seahawks (6-10)
4. Arizona Cardinals (4-12)

I think that works out right ...

PLAYOFFS

AFC
#1 Browns, #2 Chiefs -- BYE
#3 Patriots, #4 Texans, #5 Chargers, #6 Titans

Wildcard
W Patriots 35 L Titans 10
W Chargers 31 L Texans 20

Conference Championships
W Browns 42 L Chargers 24
W Patriots 24 L Chiefs 16

AFC Championship
W Patriots 49 L Browns 21

NFC
#1 Saints, #2 Eagles -- BYE
#3 Bears, #4 Rams, #5 Packers, #6 49ers

Wildcard
W 49ers 28 L Bears 21
W Rams 49 L Packers 42

Conference Championships
W Saints 42 L Rams 35
W Eagles 31 L 49ers 6

NFC Championship
W Saints 42 L Eagles 31

SUPER BOWL
W Saints 56 L Patriots 52

Brees throws 8 TDs to Tom's back-to-back 7 TDs in a playoff game.
Brees gets MVP and SB MVP, to cement him at the true #2 behind Tommy Touchdown.
Brees retires during his SB speech.

Tom Brady gets pissed in-game at BB because they go for a kick when he knows they should run for the first and jam in for a TD since they're at the 5. They're at the 2 minute warning, down 56-49.
Brady signs with the Niners and NE gets Jimmy G back though human sacrifice of Julian Edelman via Satan (AKA they trade Julian for Jimmy G).

Which sets up my storyline for the NEXT SUPER BOWL ...

Brady going for #7 with the Niners vs. the Patriots going for #7 as a franchise.
Nobody wins and football ends forever.
Yay, our Sundays are free again ...

EDIT:
@#$% I may have to edit this again ... I already dropped the Colts with Luck going away, Brees is having knee problems and Cook appears to be out 3-6 games ... UGH!!!

[worstblogever]

Be ready to curse the name Dean Spanos... it's... Why Your Team Sucks: The Los Angeles Chargers



From Chargers fans:

Andrew: " I live in Toronto and I cheer for the Los Angeles Chargers due to a series of convoluted (read: stupid) reasons that I won’t get into here.

No, what I’d like to focus on is how the entire franchise has managed to waste so many Hall of Fame careers and flat-out great team seasons with literally nothing but heartbreak and disappointment to show for them. I know it’s counterintuitive to even think about the Chargers in any way, but seriously, consider it: What other team in any frickin’ sport has wasted the skills and talents to the degree the Chargers have? Purely focusing on my fandom years (post-2000ish): LaDainian Tomlinson. Antonio Gates. Junior Seau. Eric Weddle. Even Philip Rivers has nothing but a Baker’s Dozen children to show for his career! I mean, my GOD, if I have to keep hearing about how Marmalard’s draft-mates - the functionally illiterate, derp-faced Eli Manning and he-wishes-he-was-a-functioning-illiterate, gray-dicked Ben Roethlisberger - and their TWO EACH Super Bowl wins, I might lose my ever-loving mind.

But in addition to those HOFers, there was a host of great-for-a-period players and perfectly suited role players who were summarily destroyed by the two-headed anti-coaching monster of Marty Schottenheimer and Norv Turner. It’s not even like after seasons of 11, 12, 13, and 14 (!) wins there was even a heartbreaking Super Bowl loss. Of course not! Just a single appearance in the AFC Championship game where they lost to - natch - the Patriots.

Oh, and extra points (not from Nate Kaeding, ovs) for moving to L.A. and in the process making all my “San Diego” Chargers gear immediately into hipster-esque retro clothing. F*** you Chargers, you suck."

Drew Magary: "Oh look, everyone is getting mysteriously hurt again, including Allen and second-year stud Derwin James.It’s like Dr. David Chao never left their employ. The Chargers are less a football team than they are a laboratory for radical medical experimentation. In one chamber, you have 67 petri dishes cultivating Rivers family offspring. In another, you have bioengineers feverishly devising ways to induce sepsis in Joey Bosa’s body cavity. "

Kenny: "I mean look at this picture of the stands. That’s all red. What were they thinking moving to LA? Isn’t KC like 2000 miles from LA? What are these Chiefs fans even doing there?"

[IMG]https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--739zRPZ8--/c_scale,dpr_2.0,f_auto,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/y0hagod6uh7tzyuynktp.jpg]/IMG]

Mike: " I swore I’d never root for them again after leaving for LA, because if there’s one thing San Diegans hate more than anything, it’s f***ing LA. But they are good enough now where they have a real chance to make a decent playoff run, and now I find myself rooting for them harder than ever.

F*** Dean Spanos with Boltman’s head."

[Sacred Knight]

The Broncos might be able to be a little better than most are thinking, but not playoff better, and that's what everyone around town expects so everyone's gonna be pissy all season again, lol. They're not realistic. But the leadership is at least there after the clown show of the past two years directly cost games as opposed to the guys on the field; the defense should be really good, the offense should at least be a little bit better, but special teams is still horrible. The real killer though is they have virtually no depth anywhere. Bad drafts until 2018 rearing its head there. They can't afford but one or two significant injuries before even that .500 mark will become unfeasible. But yeah, fans here are expecting this huge comeback immediately. Just not gonna happen.

[worstblogever]

The Broncos might be able to be a little better than most are thinking, but not playoff better, and that's what everyone around town expects so everyone's gonna be pissy all season again, lol. They're not realistic. But the leadership is at least there after the clown show of the past two years directly cost games as opposed to the guys on the field; the defense should be really good, the offense should at least be a little bit better, but special teams is still horrible. The real killer though is they have virtually no depth anywhere. Bad drafts until 2018 rearing its head there. They can't afford but one or two significant injuries before even that .500 mark will become unfeasible. But yeah, fans here are expecting this huge comeback immediately. Just not gonna happen.

Denver just doesn't have enough on offense to make noise in a division with the Chiefs and Chargers.

[BeastieRunner]

Broncos look like a 6-10 to me.

[worstblogever]

Apologies to Super-E... it's... Why Your Team Sucks: The Kansas City Chiefs




From Chiefs Fans:

Jake: "The last time the Chiefs appeared in (and subsequently won) a Super Bowl was on my dad’s 16th birthday. He retired last year and is eligible for AARP benefits.

If the Chiefs don’t at least appear in a Super Bowl by the end of the 2020 season, their last appearance will be chronologically closer to the end of World War I than modern day."

Anon: "When we picked off Brady to seal the game my first instinct was to look for yellow on the field. This team never fails in that department. Dee Ford. Dee Fucking Ford. Dee Motherfucking Ford.

Tyreek Hill will probably get a massive contract extension later in the season only to nullify it when he punches a blind person."

Brian: "In 2017 it was a questionable holding call.

In 2018 it was losing a two touchdown lead to the awful Titans.

In 2019 it was lining up so far offsides that it was clearly visible from space.

All of this happened on our home turf."

Josh: "I sat through years of watching Alex Smith check down and waste a great defense. Now I get to watch a terrible defense waste the career of our new QB, who is Football Jesus. I can feel it in my bones. Super."

Alex: " We cut Kareem Hunt, not for kicking a girl while she was on the ground, but for lying about it to our billionaire dipshit owner, then immediately went out and signed Frank Clark, also a domestic abuser, while defending Tyreek Hill, who plead guilty to punching his pregnant girlfriend in the stomach. Now our fanbase is tearing itself apart trying to say Hill is innocent because of something he said in a recording while arguing with said girlfriend, and has taken up harassing our local beat writer (who, surprise surprise, is a woman) for covering the story like he’s a convicted abuser. At least we get the chance to waste Patrick Mahomes’ career.

Triple f*** Dee Ford for being offsides."

[Scott Taylor]

Ok here are my predictions for me to laugh about later:

AFC NORTH
1. Pittsburgh Steelers (10-6)
2. Cleveland Browns (10-6)
3. Baltimore Ravens (9-7)
4. Cincinnati Bengals (6-10)

AFC South
1. Jacksonville Jaguars (11-5)
2. Indianapolis Colts (9-7)
3. Houston Texans (9-7)
4. Tennessee Titans (9-7)

AFC East
1. New England Patriots (12-4)
2. Miami Dolphins (8-8)
3. Buffalo Bills (7-9)
4. New York Jets (6-10)

AFC West
1. Kansas City Chiefs (12-4)
2. Los Angeles Chargers (11-5)
3. Denver Broncos (6-10)
4. Oakland Raiders (4-12)

NFC North
1. Chicago Bears (11-5)
2. Green Bay Packers (10-6)
3. Minnesota Vikings (9-7)
4. Detroit Lions (6-10)

NFC South
1. New Orleans Saints (13-3)
2. Carolina Panthers (9-7)
3. Atlanta Falcons (7-9)
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-12)

NFC East
1. Philadelphia Eagles (10-6)
2. Dallas Cowboys (9-7)
3. New York Giants (8-8)
4. Washington Redskins (5-11)

NFC West
1. Los Angeles Rams (13-3)
2. Seattle Seahawks (10-6)
3. San Francisco 49ers (8-8)
4. Arizona Cardinals (6-10

WC

Jville over Cleveland
Chargers over Pitt

Bears over Hawks
GB over Birds

Round 1

Chargers over Patriots
Chiefs over Jville

Saints over GB
Rams over Bears

Champ Round

Chargers over Chefs
Rams over Saints

Superbowl

Rams over Chargers

Saints whine, Rams dine. Patriots fans cry boohoo, Chiefs fans say us too.

[BeastieRunner]

LA Bowl, huh?

[PwrdOn]

LA Bowl, huh?

Might be the first Super Bowl ever where good tickets are still available the day of the game. Seriously, whose bright idea was it to move two teams to LA and have neither of them be the only one that LA fans have ever actually cared about? Now the Raiders in all their godawful trainwreckitude own three entire cities, while the Rams and Chargers can win as many games as they want and still struggle to draw fans.

[SUPERECWFAN1]

This article details the egos and horrible ownership that destroyed the Jim Harbaugh era of the 49ers. Not only does Jed York and Trent Balkee look like fucking idiots ; the decision making coaching wise after is mind boggling.





- They grew mad that Jim Harbaugh disagreed with them on personel issues with the team. Wanting a YES MAN instead who wouldn't back talk them. As anger grew York refused to give Harbaugh a contract extension as this shows where he was a play away from winning the team a 6th Super Bowl !


- As season wore on York and Balke preceded to tell people even if Harbaugh won a Super Bowl he wouldn't be back.

- After pushing Harbaugh out the team was gonna sign Adam Gase to be coach and he was gonna name Vic Fangio his defensive coordinator. Anyhow Balke and York demanded Gase name Jim T (defensive line coach) to be the coordinator instead. Gase told them both to go get fucked and walked.


- After firing Jim T as head coach ; the team settled on Chip Kelly. Even though its clear Blaine Gabbert should NEVER START at QB the team and Kelly refused to start Kaepernick for so many games.


- Kaepernick clearly was the better QB that season. But he couldn't make up for a lousy defense and he actually worked an offense everyone now knew in Kelly's system.

[Surf]

Then, in a year where you pass them off, they go to the Super Bowl and win simply because the Bears had Rex Grossman as QB.

Nothing about either team going to any Super Bowl happens simply. Don't take away my AFC Championship game, down 24 against Brady, don't you do it. As far as the Bears, Rex Grossman wasn't the reason that Bears team was so good in 2005 or 2006. Chicago has never been known for there dynamic Quarterbacking play. Without googling it, that had to have been one of the top 10 defensive teams the last 20 years, I'd put them at 5 myself If the 2000? Baltimore is still the #1. They lost like 4 games that season before losing in Miami to the Colts. Rex threw his way past Favre that season in the North and not for nothin' that was always hard to do.

Ever since, whenever the team pisses themselves or does something stupid (be it Manning throwing six interceptions against the Chargers, or the "Deflategate" game where we had the bright idea to celebrate that by hanging up a banner, or starting Scott "Yet Another Big Ten QB With Inflated Stats but Doesn't Know how to Throw a Ball on the Professional Level" Tolzien even though Jacoby Brissett won the job, or the fake punt), I just roll my eyes and curse a little. I attribute this to maturing mentally as well as getting older, and you may also attribute this to good ol' cynicism talking, but the ultimate truth is that I live in a city blessed with an NFL team, but cursed with a drunk owner who pill pops and buys guitars to mend his OCD or something.

I'm older so I've been watching Colts a bit longer and lemme tell ya. I'll take Jim Irsay over 80% of the current NFL owner field which consists of a host of assholes, greedy assholes and overbearing assholes and for good measure a couple of ownership groups. Just for scale, Papa Irsay who got the team here, was a HORRIBLE team owner... may he rest in peace. Jim's made it happen in the win column over the last 30 years and hell naw that does not absolve him of the Grigson/Pagano regime (spits on the floor) but c'mon. I always say there are franchises with pro teams, that if I lived there, I would have found other sports rooting avenues a long time ago. In the midwest alone- Bengals, Browns, Lions, Tacks have done nothing but drain fans soul since I was in high school following the NFL. I graduated in 1994. Ever since Jim Harbaugh drug this city by it's hair, kicking and screaming into believing India-no-place could compete on the biggest of stages, they've done it, with only like 4 years of high draft picks in that time span Not ever sure why Irsay buying and collecting guitars is a knock. I collect comic books and I'm the one paying taxes for his stadium so... I guess he could be getting busted for tug jobs like Kraft or talking **** like it's a pseudo plantation like Jerruh, or move the team like Mark Davis and give John Gruden 100 mil, etc, etc.

Just hit me at some point during the game against the perennial sorry-assed Bengals last night. Kind of excited about the new team but I am really gonna miss Andrew Luck.

[C_Miller]

Might be the first Super Bowl ever where good tickets are still available the day of the game. Seriously, whose bright idea was it to move two teams to LA and have neither of them be the only one that LA fans have ever actually cared about? Now the Raiders in all their godawful trainwreckitude own three entire cities, while the Rams and Chargers can win as many games as they want and still struggle to draw fans.

I mean that implies that most Super Bowl attendees are fans of either team. That'd be nice, but that's definitely not the case.

[BeastieRunner]

I mean that implies that most Super Bowl attendees are fans of either team. That'd be nice, but that's definitely not the case.

New England and the New York Giants are the only teams to have had 1/3 of ticket sales go to season ticker holders since 1999.

[SUPERECWFAN1]

Today was cut down day in the NFL. Numerous teams cut surprising players to get to 53 man roster limit. As far as the Chiefs go they have lost Chad Henne with an ankle fracture so they signed veteran backup QB Matt Moore to take his spot. Moore has been a backup QB with Panthers and Dolphins the last 12 seasons. He's a lot like Henne and not really a threat to do much.


The Chiefs are rumored to be cutting Carlos Hyde as part of the 53 cut down limit today. The Chiefs have been impressed with one of their RB's they drafted named Thompson in middle rounds of 2019 draft and he could actually end up the starter at some point this season !