men harassing women, and why other men won't say anything?

[Madam-Shogun-Assassin]

Ok, so I heard a woman say she hates men, they always make her feel unsafe, always cat calling her, and men never say anything and none ever tried to defend her.

As for me I've mostly avoided this situation, cause I always had a group of guys in my inner circle as a teenager and young adult. Even when my circle grew larger with other women we still had a lot of guys with us. So I guess I was mostly insulated from the harrassment. But the potential for it was still there. I was coming out of a convenience store when these group of guys was being disrespectful. I flashed my nickel plated 1911 and they fucked off. Talk about a 180 lol, but seriously it's sad it had to get to that point.

But my question is why are men like this tho? And why other men won't stand up and say anything?

[KNIGHT OF THE LAKE]

Part of it's just societal. Men get taught to be assertive with women because it's deemed an attractive quality and as with anything you will have some men that go over the line and it crosses into harrassment and advancing when it isn't wanted. Then you have some that just like the power aspect of it, which makes them creeps.

A lot of men won't say anything for the same reason a lot of women won't say anything. People by nature prefer to avoid conflict and will turn the other way. With men it's particularly risky because another man is far more prone to fight another man as part of a conflict while a random women is far less likely to deal with that. So there is a safety issue that if a guy is being that aggressive with a women that if a man steps in it escalates to a potentially dangerous situation.

It's really on society in general to make this unacceptable behavior imo.

[Emperor-of-Dragons]

This might be controversial, but SOME of the complaints I hear from women seems to be hyperbolic. For instance some woman get upset just cause a guy smiled at them, or complimented them. So what's the unwritten rules here? Don't be a creep obviously, but In terms of just trying to talk? This is one of the many reasons why I just don't hang out anymore. Women are hard to read and men are idiots around women in nightlife settings. I'd rather just stay home and play video games and stream movies where it's nice and safe lol

[Ohnooze]

I don't mean this to be rude at all but this just is not reality.
I don't know what kind of turd people you hang out with but I'm 46 years, been in the professional world of business for over 22 years and can only think of one time I have ever witnessed a female being spoken to inappropriately and yes I said something. He was also fired two days later. I just don't understand why everyone is so obsessed with this topic and why they act like it's so common. I live in a house with me and 3 women... That stuff just is not as common as people make it out to be. Kind of the trend in the US these days I guess. I just don't think that this way of thinking is particularly helpful.

[Tami]

I don't mean this to be rude at all but this just is not reality.
I don't know what kind of turd people you hang out with but I'm 46 years, been in the professional world of business for over 22 years and can only think of one time I have ever witnessed a female being spoken to inappropriately and yes I said something. He was also fired two days later. I just don't understand why everyone is so obsessed with this topic and why they act like it's so common. I live in a house with me and 3 women... That stuff just is not that common.

It's not universal, but it is common in many sections of society. Just because you never saw the tree fall, doesn't mean it didn't. Pay closer attention to what is around you and 8t may surprise you.

[Ohnooze]

It's not universal, but it is common in many sections of society. Just because you never saw the tree fall, doesn't mean it didn't. Pay closer attention to what is around you and 8t may surprise you.

"sections of society“....well of course. Different sections of society carry different values. That's a no brainer. If a female is hanging out with a bunch of ex-cons there's a damn good chance that she's going to leave offended. But for the average adult men are not "cat calling" all the time and throwing themselves at the ladies. I'm not saying it never happens but I am saying that it's being blown out of proportion.

[Tami]

"sections of society“....well of course. Different sections of society carry different values. That's a no brainer. If a female is hanging out with a bunch of ex-cons there's a damn good chance that she's going to leave offended. But for the average adult men are not "cat calling" all the time and throwing themselves at the ladies. I'm not saying it never happens but I am saying that it's being blown out of proportion.

So, when it happens, you just want women to put up with it? Would you if it happen to you, over and over again? What if you began to feel threatened? If you felt like the words were on the verge of becoming actions? If you were bullied and degraded and objectified? Would you just put up with it?

[Ohnooze]

So, when it happens, you just want women to put up with it? Would you if it happen to you, over and over again? What if you began to feel threatened? If you felt like the words were on the verge of becoming actions? If you were bullied and degraded and objectified? Would you just put up with it?

Why would you say that? I never said anything even close to that.
I'm saying that it happens but that in the US we act like a female can't even walk down a street without being attacked. It's just not the reality.
That said, you have to be smart too and consider your situation and who you're hanging out with. Unfortunately that is always going to be the case because people are flawed.

[PwrdOn]

It's not universal, but it is common in many sections of society. Just because you never saw the tree fall, doesn't mean it didn't. Pay closer attention to what is around you and 8t may surprise you.

But most men are not sexual harassers, nor do we really witness it very often because these sorts of things tend not to happen out in the open where everybody can see it, so I'm not sure what exactly we can do about it. Besides, I have a feeling that the guys who go out of their way to protect women from would-be harassers are probably much more likely to be creeps themselves than whoever it was that they were supposedly defending you against.

[Emperor-of-Dragons]

I'm assuming the issue lies in the fact some men know a guy who does these things but won't say anything when he does it. Things like the catcalling and the overly aggressive behavior in clubs, public events, parties etc

[kjn]

A lot of basic social conditioning makes us assume that other people know what they're doing and teaches us to not rock the boat and make a scene.

Another is that harassment, like bullying, is often serialised in nature. As a bystander, you might only be witness to minor incident #11, which in itself can be dismissed as no big deal. It is the earlier ten that makes it a big deal. (Note: no particular relevance should be given to the numbers, and they are chosen to be exaggerated for effect.)

Interceding in harassment cases or bullying is a hard action to make, on a social and emotional level, and can be dangerous. It is much easier to just ignore, unsee, and forget. That's also why it's helpful to learn ways to intercede effectively to minimise the danger or the risk of a public blowup, because public blowups are by definition unsafe for everyone.

As for considering "who you're hanging out with", sadly sexual harassment isn't limited to ex-convicts. The #metoo movement exposed that there were problems with widespread sexual harassment not only in entertainment (remember Harvey Weinstein?) but also among professionals such as lawyers and physicians.

[ed2962]

Part of it depends on the situation and type of harassment. Most of the time men are only going to harass someone if they think they can get away with it (i.e. they're in a crowd of their like minded friends, they're alone with a woman in a isolated place, etc). The OP brought up that when she was with her male friends they kept her shield but when she was alone is when a group a dudes started misbehaving.


I guess the other side of that I guess is that men will defend women, but then get called "white knights" or get accused of "virtue signaling in an attempt to get laid" or whatever.

[KNIGHT OF THE LAKE]

I don't mean this to be rude at all but this just is not reality.
I don't know what kind of turd people you hang out with but I'm 46 years, been in the professional world of business for over 22 years and can only think of one time I have ever witnessed a female being spoken to inappropriately and yes I said something. He was also fired two days later. I just don't understand why everyone is so obsessed with this topic and why they act like it's so common. I live in a house with me and 3 women... That stuff just is not as common as people make it out to be. Kind of the trend in the US these days I guess. I just don't think that this way of thinking is particularly helpful.

It’s far more likely to happen to a women walking down the street by herself or in a garage or at a club when her friends aren’t with her.

The fact is, you being around, is probably a big reason why you don’t see it.

[KOSLOX]

I flashed my nickel plated 1911 and they fucked off.

Because some guys are out here flashing those too, and looking for any excuse to take it further.

[Emperor-of-Dragons]

I guess the other side of that I guess is that men will defend women, but then get called "white knights" or get accused of "virtue signaling in an attempt to get laid" or whatever.

That's a huge part too, other spiteful men will just say you're trying to get laid. One thing I noticed is that men and women tend to cave to peer pressure from their own gender.