Funny Golden Girls jokes that are rarely shown in sndication

[caj]

For some reason, a lot of great jokes are usually edited out of Golden Girls reruns in syndication.

Rose thinks she saw a UFO fly over the house:
Dorothy: It was probably just a plane
Rose: Dorothy, planes aren't that bright. Or that thin.
Dorothy: Neither is Oprah Winfrey but that doesn't make her a UFO.

[Hypestyle]

I don't pay attention to Golden Girls. I doubt there's anything that deep other than current timing standards for commercials.
Maybe on a streaming service they would have the original, first-run versions of the episodes.

[Jokerz79]

I don't pay attention to Golden Girls. I doubt there's anything that deep other than current timing standards for commercials.
Maybe on a streaming service they would have the original, first-run versions of the episodes.

They removed a bit involving the Microwave Sophia wanted to make popcorn and Dorothy said no due to Blanche's pacemaker. Apparently Microwave makers threatened all holy hell if it wasn't removed.

[caj]

Blanche's daughter Rebecca has gained a lot of weight in the four years since they've seen each other:

Blanche: Don't you worry, honey. I'm puttin' you on a diet
Rebecca: Do you hear yourself? You're doing it again. It's just like when I was young. It wasn't enough that I was smart - I had to be the smartest. Or that I was pretty - I had to be the prettiest.
Blanche: That didn't mean you had to go out and become the fattest.

[caj]

The hospital has misplaced Sophia after her hernia operation:

Blanche: Dorothy, slow down
Dorothy: I'm in a hurry
Blanche: It's not sexy
Dorothy: What???
Blanche: A woman should make tiny steps as if to say 'I may be slower than you, but I'm worth the wait'
Dorothy: Blanche, it's the middle of the night, we're in a hospital, and my mother is lost. You'll have to forgive me if I don't have the rolling gait of a nymphomaniac.

[caj]

The ladies are sick and a doctor makes a house call(!!!) to check on them:

Doctor (to Rose): what are your symptoms?
Rose: Well, I'm coughing, achy, and running a fever. And I keep having this recurring dream where I'm being chased by a bottle of Listerine. I try to yell for help but when I open my mouth, all I can do is gargle.
Doctor (to Dorothy): Are you experiencing the same symptoms?
Dorothy: Yes, except in my dream, I'm chased by a bottle of Scope.

[Powerboy]

For some reason, a lot of great jokes are usually edited out of Golden Girls reruns in syndication.

Rose thinks she saw a UFO fly over the house:
Dorothy: It was probably just a plane
Rose: Dorothy, planes aren't that bright. Or that thin.
Dorothy: Neither is Oprah Winfrey but that doesn't make her a UFO.

This is what DVDs are for.

[caj]

This is what DVDs are for.

Yes, that's where I'm getting most of these from. This one is actually from The Golden Palace series that aired after Golden Girls ended:

Dorothy sees Sophia carrying a dish tub full of dishes
Dorothy: Ma, give me that. You shouldn't be carrying that.
Sophia: What's the big deal, I do it three times a day.
Dorothy: This is way too heavy for you.
Sophia: It's not that bad. Besides, I carried you when you were a baby.
Dorothy: Ma, please. This tub must weigh 30 pounds
Sophia: That's the same thing the doctor said after he delivered you.

[caj]

Rose is devastated that her current lover died in her bed while they were having sex

Rose: I'll never date again. It's the second time a man died in my bed.
Blanche: What?
Dorothy: Charlie (Rose's late husband)
Blanche: What exactly do you do in bed, Rose?
Rose: Nothing. I do nothing.
Blanche: Maybe that's it. They have to do it all.
Dorothy: Come on, Blanche. Rose has a perfectly normal sex life.
Blanche: Now I knew a woman who was married four times and three of her husbands died of stomach ailments. They arrested her. She'd been putting ground glass in their salads.
Rose: Why?
Dorothy: Because she ran out of croutons!!!

[caj]

Blanche: How do I look?
Rose: Beautiful, Blanche
Blanche: but do I look desirable?
Rose: sure
Blanche: stunning?
Rose: yes
Blanche: sexy?
Dorothy: I'll handle this. Blanche, no woman ever looked better than you do right at this minute and no woman ever will.
Blanche: Thank you, Dorothy. Rose, I swear, sometimes it's like pulling teeth to get a teeny little compliment out of you.

[caj]

Blanche talks about the night her husband was killed:

Blanche: Then he comes back on the phone, crunching his chips. "Oh he's dead, ma'am. Wrong-way driver hit him head on. crunch, crunch"
Dorothy: Oh no!!!
Blanche: Calls me at 2 a.m. then eats Doritos while he tells me my life is over. Oh Rose has to tell her. Rose won't eat chips.
Rose: I never eat chips. I don't like them. They fall in my bra.

[caj]

The ladies discuss firing their inept housekeeper

Blanche: Oh alright, go ahead and fire her, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Why should I be the one to fire her??
Blanche: You're the meanest.
Rose: That's not true, Blanche. Dorothy just looks the meanest. We hired Margarite together and we should fire her together.
Dorothy: Thank you, Rose. And by the way, you look the dumbest.

[caj]

From The Golden Palace

Roland: They said you were very successful. They said you were part of a chain.
Blanche: Honey, the only kind of chain I was ever a part of I'm not gonna tell you about.

Rose: This is my worst nightmare. Oh how I wish Dorothy were here.
Blanche: Honey, I'm afraid even she couldn't help us out of this.
Rose: No, but she could beat the crap out of you.

[caj]

Dorothy is temporarily working with Blanche at the museum:

Mr. Allen (Blanche's boss): Hello, and who do we have here?
Dorothy: This is my mother, Sophia Petrillo. Ma, this is my boss, Mr Allen. Come on, Ma. I'll walk you to the car.
Mr. Allen: Goodbye, Mrs Petrillo. Sorry you didn't have an opportunity to experience our museum. I'd love for you to see my most prized acquisition: a magnificent pair of Gauguins.
Sophia: What are you, a pervert? I was married for 45 years, I never even saw my husband's Gauguins.
Dorothy then aggressively shoves Sophia into the elevator