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  1. #16
    Astonishing Member AndrewCrossett's Avatar
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    The entire "Homerpalooza" episode of The Simpsons, my nominee for funniest episode of any TV show ever.

    TEENAGE HOMER: You wouldn't understand, Dad. You're not with it.

    GRANDPA SIMPSON: I used to be "with it." But then they changed what "it" was. Now what I'm with isn't "it," and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you!

    also..

    (while driving Bart and Lisa to school)

    HOMER: "Well, we'll have to organize a carpool. Hey! Every day will be like a road trip! With your dad! To school! So how about those rainbow suspenders, huh? Pretty cool way to keep your pants up, eh? I see these kids now with jive printed on their shirts. Now, I can teach you how you're supposed to say jive. "You jive turkey!" See? You got to sass it. "Quit jivin' me, turkey!" You got to sass it. A turkey is a bad person."

    and of course...

    BILLY CORGAN: "Hey, Cannonball. I like your statement. When life takes a cheap shot at you, you stand your ground. Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins."

    HOMER: "Homer Simpson, smiling politely."
    Make America Good Again.

  2. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by AndrewCrossett View Post
    and of course...

    BILLY CORGAN: "Hey, Cannonball. I like your statement. When life takes a cheap shot at you, you stand your ground. Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins."

    HOMER: "Homer Simpson, smiling politely."
    Hilarious. I really liked "King Sized Homer" where Homer decides to become obese so he can work from home. My favorite from that episode:

    Lisa: I think it's ironic that Dad saved the day while a slimmer man would have fallen to his death.
    Bart: And I think it's ironic that, for once, Dad's butt - prevented the release of toxic gas
    Marge: BART!!!!!

  3. #18
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    I could do an entire thread just on Golden Girls. From the episode "Second Motherhood":

    Dorothy and Rose attempt to repair the bathroom toilet. A plumber delivers the new toilet then Dorothy throws him out.

    Sophia: Was that a plumber?
    Dorothy: No, Ma. It was a little girl selling Girl Scout Toilets

    Rose: If the Egyptians built the pyramids, we can move this toilet.
    Dorothy: Fine. Get me 20,000 Hebrews and I'll have it out of here in no time.

    Blanche: I never see Richard. This is the 3rd time this week that he's had a last minute meeting and had to leave. Even little Richard said 'now don't you worry, this happens all the time'
    Rose: Little Richard was in Bermuda??
    Dorothy: Yes, Rose. He was burying Fats Domino in the sand.

  4. #19
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    From That 70s Show.

    Kelso: He is undressing me with his eyes right now!

    Fez: You undressed yourself you son of a b****!!

  5. #20
    The Nature Boy AnakinFlair's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lee Stone View Post
    Carol Burnett as Starlet O'Hara after fashioning a "gown" out of the curtain, complete with rod, receives a compliment and replies:
    "Thank you. I saw it in the window and couldn't resist it."
    (Carol Burnett Show)

    Lucy Ricardo: "Ever since we said 'I do', there have been so many things that we don't."
    (I Love Lucy)
    Well, if we're going with the Carol Burnett Show, anytime Tim Conway and Harvey Korman were in the same scene. Tim always did his best to crack Harvey up, and he never disappointed.

    Also, the Elephant Story from the same show:


  6. #21
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    One of my favorite Tim Conway/Harvey Korman skits

    Last edited by caj; 12-07-2019 at 03:49 PM.

  7. #22

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    If we're going to include entire sketches, then of course we have to include the "Sorry" sketch.


  8. #23

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    ... and the outtakes...



  9. #24

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    and the first Mr. Tudball / Mrs. Wiggins sketch is another favorite of mine:


  10. #25
    Fantastic Member Indian Ink's Avatar
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    The Simpsons.

    Homer driving the car with family, hits a statue of a deer.

    Homer: "Doh!!"
    Lisa: "A deer!"
    Marge: "A female deer!"

  11. #26
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    One more from Carol Burnett - King and Queen vs the Guard


  12. #27
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    Alright, last one. I promise. The Family skit - Parent Teacher conference with the great (and much younger) Maggie Smith.


  13. #28
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    From Golden Girls - Season 2 Twas The Nightmare Before Christmas

    The ladies decide to return their expensive store-bought gifts and exchange gifts made for each other:
    Rose: I hope you like it
    Dorothy: Like it?? I LOVE it. Who wouldn't love a wooden broach in the shape of a turkey's head??
    Rose: No, it's a maple syrup spigot
    Sophia: You know what she took back? A set of pearl earrings.
    Dorothy: The ones I fell in love with from Jordan Marsh?
    Sophia: Yep, Ho Ho Ho.
    Dorothy: Well, this will come in a lot handier than those earrings. The next time I'm lost in the woods with a stack of pancakes.

    The ladies are held at gunpoint by a rogue Santa Claus:
    Blanche: Listen, I'm going to create a diversion by bending over and picking up something seductively. Then the two of you sneak up behind him and give him a karate chop.
    Dorothy: What do we look like, Charlie's Angels?
    Blanche: I have been told I bear I striking resemblance to Miss Cheryl Ladd. Although my bosoms are perkier.
    Dorothy: Not even if you were hanging upside down on a TRAPEZE!!

  14. #29
    Astonishing Member WillieMorgan's Avatar
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    From "Secrets of a Successful Marriage" The Simpsons Season 5.

    “What is a wedding? Well, Webster's Dictionary defines it as 'the process of removing weeds from one's garden'."
    "I don't stand for anything. I just crusade against everything I don't stand for."

  15. #30
    Astonishing Member WillieMorgan's Avatar
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    From Friends - 'The One With The Embyros'.

    Ross : Every week the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joey's apartment. What name appears on the address label?

    Rachel : Oh! Chandler gets it. It's Chandler Bing.

    Monica : No.

    Ross : I'm afraid the TV Guide comes to "Chanandler Bong".

    Monica : I knew that. Rachel, use your head.

    Chandler : Actually, it's Miss Chanandler Bong.
    "I don't stand for anything. I just crusade against everything I don't stand for."

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