Funny lines from tv shows

[caj]

Post some funny lines from tv shows

From Gilmore Girls:

Rory has run away and Lorelai finally tracks her down:
Lorelai: she's at my parents' house
Luke: that's good. at least you know she's safe
Lorelai: safe?? are you kidding. I grew up in that house. It's like the Amityville Horror without the happy times.


Luke: how was dinner at your parents' house
Lorelai: like the first 15 minutes of Saving Private Ryan but at least those guys got to go to France.

[Jokerz79]

Married with Children

Peggy: Who would you rather spend the night with A your Wife, B

Al: B.

[WestPhillyPunisher]

A topical line:

“As god is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.”
—-Arthur Carlson, WKRP In Cincinnati

[AndrewCrossett]

My favorite Arthur Carlson line is when he found out he sprinkled cocaine in his shoe, thinking it was foot powder:

"I've got a monkey on my foot!"

[Lee Stone]

Carol Burnett as Starlet O'Hara after fashioning a "gown" out of the curtain, complete with rod, receives a compliment and replies:
"Thank you. I saw it in the window and couldn't resist it."
(Carol Burnett Show)

Lucy Ricardo: "Ever since we said 'I do', there have been so many things that we don't."
(I Love Lucy)

[DanMad1977]

" I love it when a plan comes together" Hannibal Smith in A-Team (he always said that in German, I think its a direct translation)

[AnakinFlair]

Carol Burnett as Starlet O'Hara after fashioning a "gown" out of the curtain, complete with rod, receives a compliment and replies:
"Thank you. I saw it in the window and couldn't resist it."
(Carol Burnett Show)

Lucy Ricardo: "Ever since we said 'I do', there have been so many things that we don't."
(I Love Lucy)

Well, if we're going with the Carol Burnett Show, anytime Tim Conway and Harvey Korman were in the same scene. Tim always did his best to crack Harvey up, and he never disappointed.

Also, the Elephant Story from the same show:

[caj]

Married with Children

Peggy: Who would you rather spend the night with A your Wife, B

Al: B.

Peg: I see myself in a Jaguar
Al: Oh, if only I could find one that hungry

[DjMichael691]

Firelfly:

Mal to Jayne: "Well, my time of not taking you seriously is coming to a middle."

Mal: "Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back!"

[Iron Maiden]

Taxi:

Louie (Danny DeVito) witnesses 2 of his drivers having an argument Tony (Tony Danza) and Bobby (Jeff Conaway)

"Ah, a battle of wits between unarmed opponents"

[caj]

From Mary Tyler Moore - Rhoda's parents, Ida and Martin, are visiting

Martin: Rhoda, can I borrow your car?
Rhoda: Sorry Pop, it's at the body shop. I sort of leave it there and take it out for accidents.