The Akatsuki vs. The Espada

[Dark Soul # 7]

The Madara vs Aizen thread made me think back to the heyday of the big three and I don't think we ever had a proper fight between these two groups so here we go.

1. Hidan vs. Aaroniero
The two weakest members of both groups duke it so everybody can laugh at them.

2. Sasori vs. Szayel Aporro
The theme here is weird body modifications and poison.

3. Kakuzu vs. Nnoitra
Their respective thematic opponents are already occupied in the first match so why not throw them against on another.

4. Konan vs. Zommari
...I mainly couldn't come up with anybody else for these two to fight. Pair the spares!!!

5. Kisame vs. Harribel
Shark themed dude against shark themed lady. Kinda obvious really.

6. Obito vs. Grimmjow
I was going to put Deidara here, but Obito might be a more interesting opponent for Grimmjow. We'll see. This is Obito before he's absorbed the juubi.

7. Itachi vs. Ulquiorra
They're both actually kinda awful but really popular and they've both got the whole dark and stoic thing going for them.

8. Orochimaru vs. Barragan
Orochimaru was an Akatsuki member at one point (he's even in the big Ultimate Jutsu in the final Ninja Storm game), and I honestly think his semi-immortality and regen are the best options against Barragan's respira.

9. Six Paths of Pain vs. Starrk and Lilynette
The leader of the Akatsuki against the officially strongest member (nobody actually thinks Yammy is the strongest member). To be clear, Starrk starts out with Lilynette and him unfused. So there's a theme of several people being one person as well.

10. Deidara vs. Yammy
I just found the image of Deidara flying around Yammy like airplanes around King Kong to be amusing.

Which group wins the most fights?

[Estrecca]

1. Hidan vs. Aaroniero
The two weakest members of both groups duke it so everybody can laugh at them.

Aaroniero convincingly dominates.

2. Sasori vs. Szayel Aporro
The theme here is weird body modifications and poison.

Poison is useless, but Szayelaporro is sufficiently weak defensively that Sasori might actually be able to hurt him.

3. Kakuzu vs. Nnoitra
Their respective thematic opponents are already occupied in the first match so why not throw them against on another.

Nnoitra fucking destroys Kakuzu.

4. Konan vs. Zommari
...I mainly couldn't come up with anybody else for these two to fight. Pair the spares!!!

Konan, if she scatters, may have too many components for Zommari to control with his love, as with Byakuya's bankai.

Not sure if she has either the speed or the dakka to win here, though.

5. Kisame vs. Harribel
Shark themed dude against shark themed lady. Kinda obvious really.

The flight capable shark with roughly half a zillion methods of ranged combat. She can probably take him in close quarters, too, but she is pragmatic enough to deny him any opportunity to fight back.

6. Obito vs. Grimmjow
I was going to put Deidara here, but Obito might be a more interesting opponent for Grimmjow. We'll see. This is Obito before he's absorbed the juubi.

Depends on whether Obito manages to land a convincing genjutsu, before his five minutes of intangibility run out.

7. Itachi vs. Ulquiorra
They're both actually kinda awful but really popular and they've both got the whole dark and stoic thing going for them.

...

Ulquiorra recognizes a superior in the ways of the emo and in shame commits sudoku.

8. Orochimaru vs. Barragan
Orochimaru was an Akatsuki member at one point (he's even in the big Ultimate Jutsu in the final Ninja Storm game), and I honestly think his semi-immortality and regen are the best options against Barragan's respira.

"Best option" in this case means that he might get to rot away twice, perhaps three times if Orochimaru spits new bodies fast enough.

9. Six Paths of Pain vs. Starrk and Lilynette
The leader of the Akatsuki against the officially strongest member (nobody actually thinks Yammy is the strongest member). To be clear, Starrk starts out with Lilynette and him unfused. So there's a theme of several people being one person as well.

Stark takes a nap, while Lily tries to be relevant. Not sure if she manages or not, though. Her performance against Ukitake was kind of shameful.

10. Deidara vs. Yammy
I just found the image of Deidara flying around Yammy like airplanes around King Kong to be amusing.

Not sure if Deidara has the kind of focused damage he'd need to put down Yammy, who is an idiot and a disappointment, but is actually capable of firing large scale attacks capable of tagging fliers.

[Nik Hasta]

I'm going to be honest, I cannot remember what Aaroneiro even does.

Like, I have a rough idea on what most of the rest of the Espada do and stuff, even though it's been a while since I looked at Bleach.

Aaroniero though...

[Dark Soul # 7]

I'm going to be honest, I cannot remember what Aaroneiro even does.

Like, I have a rough idea on what most of the rest of the Espada do and stuff, even though it's been a while since I looked at Bleach.

Aaroniero though...

He's got a stolen water zanpakuto, a large blobby body with tentacles and he doesn't like the sun. Speedwise he ran around pre-timeskip Rukia IIRC.

[Nik Hasta]

He's got a stolen water zanpakuto, a large blobby body with tentacles and he doesn't like the sun. Speedwise he ran around pre-timeskip Rukia IIRC.

I very vaguely recall him...

Is there sunlight in his match? I mean, I'd imagine that he beats Hidan given that was... just... two orbs in a jar or something, right? Hidan's shitty voodoo jutsu probably won't work on him.

2. Sasori vs. Szayel Aporro
The theme here is weird body modifications and poison.

I agree with Estrecca, the iron sand and Sasori's lack of actual squishy biology should be a big enough to deal with Syazael.

3. Kakuzu vs. Nnoitra
Their respective thematic opponents are already occupied in the first match so why not throw them against on another.

Kazuku has some big guns when he gets rolling and his multiple bodies will annoy Nnoitra but he's severely lacking in offensive feats to really stop angry mantis boy.

4. Konan vs. Zommari
...I mainly couldn't come up with anybody else for these two to fight. Pair the spares!!!

Fairly convincing blitz for Zommari I would think.

5. Kisame vs. Harribel
Shark themed dude against shark themed lady. Kinda obvious really.

Harribel has all the advantages here, even though she's kind of lacking in feats comparatively. Maybe Samehada could drain her enough if Kisame plays a really defensive game but I wouldn't put money on it.

6. Obito vs. Grimmjow
I was going to put Deidara here, but Obito might be a more interesting opponent for Grimmjow. We'll see. This is Obito before he's absorbed the juubi.

Well, Obito has genjutsu and an extremely frustrating playstyle for Grimmjow to fight against but he's dramatically lacking in firepower and can't really afford to get touch by anything even remotely significant. I'd back Grimmjow but it'll be a protracted and annoying fight.

7. Itachi vs. Ulquiorra
They're both actually kinda awful but really popular and they've both got the whole dark and stoic thing going for them.

If Uliquiorra can blitz him before he can throw up Susanoo or Tsukiyomi then he wins. Otherwise, the sealing sword was pretty ridiculously overpowered so... that might well do it.

8. Orochimaru vs. Barragan
Orochimaru was an Akatsuki member at one point (he's even in the big Ultimate Jutsu in the final Ninja Storm game), and I honestly think his semi-immortality and regen are the best options against Barragan's respira.

Barragan wins. Respira is broken.

9. Six Paths of Pain vs. Starrk and Lilynette
The leader of the Akatsuki against the officially strongest member (nobody actually thinks Yammy is the strongest member). To be clear, Starrk starts out with Lilynette and him unfused. So there's a theme of several people being one person as well.

Well, he's gonna want to fuse pretty darned quick. Pain's ability to drain energy and eat souls might well be very effective on what effectively amount to pissed-off ghosts. Once he fuses and gets his head in the game, I don't foresee Starrk having huge problems.

10. Deidara vs. Yammy
I just found the image of Deidara flying around Yammy like airplanes around King Kong to be amusing.

Dumb as he is, Yammy is stupid durable and has ridiculous widespread firepower. If Deidara suicides on him with his heart bomb then it might be enough for a double KO but I back Yammy here.

Which group wins the most fights?

Final score by my reckoning:

Akatsuki:1 or 2 Espada: 9 or 8

[Dark Soul # 7]

I very vaguely recall him...

Is there sunlight in his match? I mean, I'd imagine that he beats Hidan given that was... just... two orbs in a jar or something, right? Hidan's shitty voodoo jutsu probably won't work on him.

Let's say no sunlight just to be fair to Aaroneiro. And his body was two sphere heads in a relatively frail jar that somehow connected to the aforementioned giant blob. Not sure what kind of impact Hidan's voodoo would have on any of that. Assuming Aaroneiro would even let Hidan take a minute or two to draw the stupid circle.

Poison is useless, but Szayelaporro is sufficiently weak defensively that Sasori might actually be able to hurt him.

I agree with Estrecca, the iron sand and Sasori's lack of actual squishy biology should be a big enough to deal with Syazael.

Sasori does have a lump of meat that's all that remains of his original body, but that is admittedly a smaller target than Szayel's actual body.

Konan, if she scatters, may have too many components for Zommari to control with his love, as with Byakuya's bankai.

Not sure if she has either the speed or the dakka to win here, though.

Zommari was able to survive Byakuya's bankai collapsing on him. So nothing Konan has, except her massive papper flood which required prep, might do anything to him in his defensive shell. And the blitz Nik mentioned is very probable.

...

Ulquiorra recognizes a superior in the ways of the emo and in shame commits sudoku.

Not sure if writing sudoku instead of seppuku is intentional or not but I love it because it gives me the mental image of Ulquiorra sitting in his room angrily completing sudoku board after sudoku board while mopping about Itachi being more brooding than him

If Uliquiorra can blitz him before he can throw up Susanoo or Tsukiyomi then he wins. Otherwise, the sealing sword was pretty ridiculously overpowered so... that might well do it.

He'd still have to hit Ulquiorra with the blade, and I don't recall Itachi's Susano'o tanking anything as big as the fire power released Ulquiorra brings to the table.

Stark takes a nap, while Lily tries to be relevant. Not sure if she manages or not, though. Her performance against Ukitake was kind of shameful.

To be fair to Lily, Starrk seems to have gotten all the cool abilities and raw power from their initial seperation. Lily is basically a really good add on for him.

Well, he's gonna want to fuse pretty darned quick. Pain's ability to drain energy and eat souls might well be very effective on what effectively amount to pissed-off ghosts. Once he fuses and gets his head in the game, I don't foresee Starrk having huge problems.

Sounds pretty accurate. And with his speed and flight Starrk should be able to get away enough of a distance to fuse with Lilynette.

Not sure if Deidara has the kind of focused damage he'd need to put down Yammy, who is an idiot and a disappointment, but is actually capable of firing large scale attacks capable of tagging fliers.

Dumb as he is, Yammy is stupid durable and has ridiculous widespread firepower. If Deidara suicides on him with his heart bomb then it might be enough for a double KO but I back Yammy here.

One could make an argument that Deidara's microbombs would be a good weapon against Yammy. But that requires a bit of setup and Yammy might just blast the initial microbomb container away.

[Hiromi]

Sasori pretty much already has Mayuri's defense against Szayel's ability in not having any real internal organs