Apotheosis: Rumblers Become a Pantheon

[Pendaran]

"This feels like another elaborate trick to get me to wield the Black Sword."

"It's definitely not!"

"Yeah? Does my divine panoply include weapons?"

"I mean probably..."

"And is one of them a sword?"

"Well you know, swords are not uncommon divine weapons.."

"And what colour is it?"

"Not black, ha ha!"

"Oh, well for once you might be on the level here I guess. I'm sorry I accused you of things."

"That's alright, I forgive you. Also as a god you get this shiny gem."

".... that's totally Hawkmoon's dark gem, which was, of course, an alternate guise for the Black Sword."

"It's totally not!"

"There's a label right on it saying 'if lost, please return to Dorian Hawkmoon Von Koln's forehead.'"

"No there isn't!"

"I can see you drawing over the label with marker, right now, in front of me."

"Amnesia dust!"

"Ow! Throwing the gem at me and trying to embed it in my forehead is not amnesia dust!"

[Shai-Hulud]

"This feels like another elaborate trick to get me to wield the Black Sword."

No Black Sword in this scenario.

And MrSandman is our Trickster here, not me, so if anybody is going to pull one over on you, it's him.

I figure I'll go last, if we actually get nineteen slots filled.

The Pantheon has eight godly Spheres of Influence left open:

• Agriculture — Food, Banquets, Harvests, Famine, Honeybees, Animal Domestication;
• Fate — Weaving, Spiders, Venom, Destiny;
• Hunting — Archery, Horses, Forests, Wilderness;
• Love — Beauty, Sex, Courtship, Etiquette, Pleasure;
  
  
• Medicine — Healing, Health, Purification, Absolution, Ancestry, Disease, Poisons, Potions;
• Seas — Ships, Sailors, Sleep, Dreams, Water, Weather, Tides, Oceans, Rivers, Lakes;
• Strength — Wrestling, Stamina, Durability, Mountains, Athletics;
• Wealth — Business, Economics, Trading, Homes, Luck, Fortune;

Plenty of options that have nothing to do with swords of any kind.

Or a standard issue Ring of Three Wishes and you remain both mortal and in this world.

[Pendaran]

See, you say that now, but let's say I only hypothetically picked, I don't know, agriculture.

"And here is your plowshare, god of agriculture!"

"This looks very much like a sword someone hastily beat into one."

"Well that's just an appropriate archetypal image!"

"And it's black."

"Still a plowshare."

"And it's whispering in my ear to eat souls."

"I can't be responsible for whatever clearly random, non applicable nonsense your plowshare decides to whisper."

[Shai-Hulud]

See, you say that now, but let's say I only hypothetically picked, I don't know, agriculture.

I wouldn't turn down a chance to be the Harvest Lord because of some past trauma concerning Black Swords.

You should choose King of the Seas. Deep underwater, the motion of any sword-swing by a land-dweller will be slow enough for you to dodge.

Also, in this pantheon, the Sea-King is also the Lord of Dreams, and you could send yourself healing dreams to get over this Black Sword psychosis thing.

Take King of the Seas. It's like being Aquaman and Prince Namor rolled into one, and more. As long as you're underwater, you're golden, Black Sword or no.

And you have giant sea-monsters to command. Just send them against any charlatan that tries to sell you a Black Sword.

Many, many options here.

[The MunchKING]

You should choose King of the Seas.

You know what ELSE falls in seas and lakes? Magic swords! Including evil corrupting ones!!

[Pendaran]

You know what ELSE falls in seas and lakes? Magic swords! Including evil corrupting ones!!

He does seem suspiciously keen on convincing me to become the king of the seas and also that the Black Sword thing is all in my head.

[The MunchKING]

He does seem suspiciously keen on convincing me to become the king of the seas and also that the Black Sword thing is all in my head.

Maybe Love? Only a small chance that you fall in love with an evil corrupting sword!

[The Arbiter]

C-can I use another wish? To teleport a certain sword into Pendaran's possession?

[Shellhead]

See, you say that now, but let's say I only hypothetically picked, I don't know, agriculture.

"And here is your plowshare, god of agriculture!"

"This looks very much like a sword someone hastily beat into one."

"Well that's just an appropriate archetypal image!"

"And it's black."

"Still a plowshare."

"And it's whispering in my ear to eat souls."

"I can't be responsible for whatever clearly random, non applicable nonsense your plowshare decides to whisper."

Blood and souls for Agricorp!

[Shai-Hulud]

You know what ELSE falls in seas and lakes? Magic swords! Including evil corrupting ones!!

He does seem suspiciously keen on convincing me to become the king of the seas and also that the Black Sword thing is all in my head.

Maybe Love? Only a small chance that you fall in love with an evil corrupting sword!

C-can I use another wish? To teleport a certain sword into Pendaran's possession?

Blood and souls for Agricorp!

I'm tempted to choose god of Medicine so I can also be Lord of Absolution and cleanse myself of the sin of traumatizing Pendaran with my Black Sword threads, if indeed I ever made any.

But....

I want the nineteenth poster to have a choice, even if it's only between two options, so alas, absolution must wait.

[The Dog]

In our pantheon, Death and Wealth are different Spheres, but there's always competition within pantheons.

Yeah, you can have as much gold and diamonds as you like. Not sure what you're gonna do with it, unless spreading the wealth in the mortal world is a way of furthering your influence, gaining more worshippers.

Then again, you're Death, nobody's gonna forget about you.

I'm gonna have a solid-gold jewel-encrusted throne and a pool filled with gold and jewels to swim through like Scrooge McDuck. And considering all the vengeful ghosts like Sadako and Kayako, revenants like Jason Voorhees, and other undead killers like Freddy Kruger I deserve both.

[Shai-Hulud]

And considering all the vengeful ghosts like Sadako and Kayako, revenants like Jason Voorhees, and other undead killers like Freddy Kruger I deserve both.

As Lord of Ghosts, the undead, like the dead, fall within your jurisdiction.

[MrSandman]

I'm gonna have a solid-gold jewel-encrusted throne and a pool filled with gold and jewels to swim through like Scrooge McDuck. And considering all the vengeful ghosts like Sadako and Kayako, revenants like Jason Voorhees, and other undead killers like Freddy Kruger I deserve both.

*gets to work covering everything in the underworld with gold paint and fake glitter beads*

[Steel Inquisitor]

Athena was always my favorite of the Greek Gods and Goddesses.

She and Hecate are underrated.

[The Dog]

As Lord of Ghosts, the undead, like the dead, fall within your jurisdiction.

Exactly. And who do you think will have to control them? Gonna be like trying to corral a bunch of murderous supernatural toddlers, I just know it.

*gets to work covering everything in the underworld with gold paint and fake glitter beads*

Don't make me throw you in the River of the Dead Sandman.