Herschel Walker
Welcome to what is the 1129th original profile here at “Fanatical Republican Extremist of the Day”, where we’ll be profiling Herschel Walker, the 1982 Heismann Award winning running back from the University of Georgia who in spite of having lived in Texas for many, many years and not the state he played football in… is somehow the GOP Primary winner as their 2022 candidate for U.S. Senate in Georgia, looking to knock off Civil Rights advocate and Democratic Sen. Rafael Warnock.
Buckle in, this is gonna be an absolute s***show to talk about.
Alright, let’s start at the beginning with his college football career at the University of Georgia. Walker was, frankly, a man among boys. He was the absolute peak of athleticism in his collegiate career, and was just faster and stronger than 99.99% of the people he played against. This concludes the nice things we will say about him.
When his career with the Georgia Bulldogs was over, though, Herschel Walker was faced with a dilemma that only happened for a small window of time in the 1980s… would he play a fourth year in college, and then enter the NFL Draft and play with the storied, decades old stalwart football league, or would he instead, leave school a year early to take a huge payday to enter the USFL?
He took the money, and spent three years with the New Jersey Generals, who were owned at the time by… Donald F***ing Trump. His time playing on Trump’s team ended primarily because with Donald Trump pressuring the other USFL owners into financial suicide pacts because he’s such a “genius businessman” that the league went bankrupt.
That put Walker back on the NFL’s radar, where he played a few seasons with the Dallas Cowboys, got traded to the Minnesota Vikings for enough draft capital to build Dallas’ 1990s juggernaut teams. He spent three years on the Vikings, went to the Philadephia Eagles for three years as a free agent, played a lone year with the New York Giants, and then went back to Dallas for one more year in 1996 before retiring from football in 1997. He was pulled out of mothballs by Donald Trump to appear as a contestant on Celebrity Apprentice in 2009, and went 2-0 as an MMA fighter in 2010-2011, still trying to find some relevance outside of athletics. As it is, there are questions as to his involvement with his business dealings with chicken processing plants, because it doesn’t seem like he does more than lend his name to an existing company, but is willing to apply for Covid-19 stimulus even though he only has a handful of employees.
Now, while Walker has been living outside the state of Georgia for some time, he’s still a hero down there, and starting in 2014, multiple Republican candidates would drag him out on stage to give “endorsements” even though he isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer… he’s still one of the state’s FOOTBAW HEROES and that’s enough to win over Republican voters and get them excited about candidates. In 2014, former Congressman Jack Kingston tried to win the U.S. Senate nomination with Walker, in 2016 and 2020, Donald Trump brought his own former player out at rallies, in 2018, Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp helped bolster his gubernatorial dreams using Walker’s athletic legacy, and in 2020, he was campaigning on behalf of former Sen. Kelly Loeffler.
Donald Trump really was trying to elevate Herschel Walker for some time, including appointing him to his Presidential Fitness Council in 2018, but Walker was removed from it in 2022. The reason? You can’t be a candidate for office while serving on the council… but hey, both Walker and Mehmet Oz threw tantrums when shown the door by the Biden administration (who were reminding them it wouldn’t be legal for them to continue working on the council, if they were working at all) after announcing Senatorial bids.