Only in a Hallmark Movie...

[caj]

My gf has been watching a lot of Hallmark movies lately, which means so have I. Most of them are not bad. They're clean, family-oriented, uplifting, and always have a happy ending.

But there are some things that are eye-rollers or lol moments that occur in most of them.

So....

Only in a Hallmark movie... can a woman work part time at a used book store in a small town and still earn enough money to pay all her bills plus buy Christmas presents for all her friends - and their pets.

[caj]

Only in a Hallmark movie....

….does a woman living in small-town USA meet a great looking guy with a British accent who turns out to be a prince.

[Will Evans]

Only in a Hallmark movie.......does a woman return to her small hometown she couldn’t wait to leave, and now suddenly finds out she can have the love of her life, her career and everything she ever wanted there.

[SpiderClops]

Only a Hallmark movie...

...can be so freaking inoffensive.

Hallmark movies are comfort cinema, I mean that in a good way.

[Will Evans]

Only a Hallmark movie...

...can be so freaking inoffensive.

Hallmark movies are comfort cinema, I mean that in a good way.

They’re anti-urbanist.

Lol.



(Because of the budgets)

[Phoenixx9]

Expanding on Will Evans second to last post:


Only in a Hallmark movie....

.....does a woman quit her (high-paying) job in the big bad city that she professes to love, only to move back to the rural setting of her childhood that she has professed to hate and find the most handsome man of her dreams, who is either single or although he has a girlfriend and even about to marry.............throws it all away to meet, greet, fall in love with and eventually marry the woman who now LOVES her rural hometown..................(yeah, why not?).........

[CellarDweller]

Only in a Hallmark movie....

....can two families who have been feuding for years, come together and bond over a pumpkin pie recipe.

[Vakanai]

I really only watch the Good Witch, but only in a Hallmark movie...

... can the same small town have a different old tradition or old unsolved mystery every sequel/episode. You could fill up a good sized history book or two on Middleton and the Gray House by now.

[GOLGO 13]

The following are all requirements for a HALLMARK movie:

1. female: Single-30ish, blonde, still attractive, absolutely NON-FAT, college educated, successful career professional...

2. female: left her 98% white, conservative, picturesque quiet town for the "Big-City (NYC)"

3. female: Somehow on the way home for the holidays, gets car trouble & is rescued by a MEGA-hunk of a man that is way, Way, WAY to handsome for her but somehow he is "smitten" with her...

4. male: He is of course is a highly successful, talented, 6ft+ very masculine, humble-businessman that is a respected, admired & well know pillar of the community even though he's only just a few years older than her (4-5 years her senior). Did I mention he's rock-star handsome?

5. male: is almost always a widower with a young, beautiful child that is wiser than her years. Which conveniently explains how such a ridiculously high-value man is still single/available for the female to fall in love with, within 60 minutes.

6. "CRISIS": usually there is some real estate (farm/store/hotel) that is in danger of being sold off to the "Big Company" & needs someone to step in & save the day.

This is the more tiresome, basic-bitch TV recipe, trash available. This is where washed up Hollywood 80's sitcom starlets end up after they hit their 30's. See if you can identify which actors were kid actors back on ABC. Take a sip of your box wine when you win 80's bingo.

[Will Evans]

To be fair, not all of them feature a blonde.

[Vakanai]

To be fair, not all of them feature a blonde.

True, I've seen commercials for movies with redheads, brunettes, ravenettes, although now that I think about it, never seen a commercial for a Hallmark movie starring a non-white lead.

[Frobisher]

One day we’ll find out that Hallmark movies are actually subliminal recruitment for a small-town based suicide cult led by Dermot Mulroney and it will already be too late.

[CellarDweller]

Sorry the image is so big, but to read what's in the boxes, it has to be large.


Hallmark Christmas Movie Bingo!

[CellarDweller]

True, I've seen commercials for movies with redheads, brunettes, ravenettes, although now that I think about it, never seen a commercial for a Hallmark movie starring a non-white lead.

Are there actually any?

I know Hallmark had said recently that their Christmas movies are going to become more inclusive, so I would assume that means more people of color. Hallmark also said they are looking to film their first gay Christmas movie.

[Comic-Reader Lad]

I watch those Hallmark Mystery Movies...







... and I like them.