This I agree with. If there was some self-reflection on Peter and Tony's part, an acknowledgement that the movie they are making is the same one that all audiences are seeing, then it would have been okay. There would be problems stil, but at least you can get a sense you aren't being gaslighted.
First of all, what price did Tony pay for becoming Iron Man? Tony becoming Iron Man wasn't some self-sacrifice like Bruce Wayne who basically gave away a normal teenage youth, human happiness, relationships for his crusade.
By becoming Iron Man, Tony still got to keep his money (most of it acquired from his arms-dealing days), his company, his home, and he gets to be in a relationship with the girl of his dreams. And he becomes a bigger celebrity than ever before.
Iron Man didn't do it all by himself, he did it with the help of many others and yet the MCU Spider-Man singles him out over other Avengers.Oh, and said guy also just so happened to save his city from an alien invasion?
Let's not forget that Tony outright lied to Peter in CIVIL WAR and recruited him to fight his own best friends by telling him that Captain America went crazy rather than "I tried to force everyone to back this unpopular policy that got made because of a robot I built that killed a bunch of people, and when Cap thought it was too extreme, we argued and now I want you, rando kid, to get involved and participate in a gang fight". That's basically crude mall-recruitment tactics.
In Age of Ultron, Cap expresses sympathy for Wanda and Pietro on hearing their backstory about fighting invaders of their country and signing up for an experiment to get a chance, because they got radicalized. If Captain America can relate and empathize to kids in Sokovia having grievances and taking arms, why can't you extend that to Vulture (who after all doesn't exactly join Hydra or anything).Bird boy had himself a guy who could reverse engineer alien tech and decided to create weapons instead of literally anything else yet Stark's the one responsible because he "radicalized" him?