The Superman Fan Fiction Workshop

[Bored at 3:00AM]

I'm going to give a break for a few days.

There is quite a lot. Plus, it takes a little while to remember where you were when you wrote things months ago.

Plus, I have to grade midterms.

I'm looking forward to your new chapter.

I had questions about the whole Superhero suppression law.
Is that meant to be a reference to McCarthyite suppression of the comic book industry?
Or a homage to the X-men?

That's a reference to Darwyn Cooke's New Frontier, which played with Paul Levitz's idea of the JSA being driven into retirement by government persecution.

If you haven't had the chance to read DC: New Frontier, I cannot recommend it enough. There's a reason it's on so many best of lists for DC Comics.

[RobinGA]

OK.

Thanks for the reference.

It sounded a little like the Last Days of the JSA.

[RobinGA]

Here below is the second part of the opening screenplay entitled The Dance.
The title in case anyone wonders comes from a Garth Brooks song, which is used to describe the relationship between Robin and Power Girl.

The basic part of the story here is the Bruce Wayne-Richard Grayson relationship, the decision to get married, the wedding ceremony, the
early honeymoon. Super hero activity takes over in part 3.

Another significant part are the consequences when Wonder Woman inadvertently kisses Richard. Which leads to a long discussion where
Kara lays down the law, makes a few things clear to Richard about how he should conduct himself in the future.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...S7cDwJUCM/edit

[Bored at 3:00AM]

Here below is the second part of the opening screenplay entitled The Dance.
The title in case anyone wonders comes from a Garth Brooks song, which is used to describe the relationship between Robin and Power Girl.

The basic part of the story here is the Bruce Wayne-Richard Grayson relationship, the decision to get married, the wedding ceremony, the
early honeymoon. Super hero activity takes over in part 3.

Another significant part are the consequences when Wonder Woman inadvertently kisses Richard. Which leads to a long discussion where
Kara lays down the law, makes a few things clear to Richard about how he should conduct himself in the future.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...S7cDwJUCM/edit

You've got to set your Google Doc link to "anyone with the link can access it", otherwise no one will be able to read it unless you specifically give them permission.

[RobinGA]

I believe that it is now fixed.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...S7cDwJUCM/edit

[Bored at 3:00AM]

I believe that it is now fixed.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...S7cDwJUCM/edit

Yep, that works fine now.

[Bored at 3:00AM]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...fajkjKHGo/edit

It’s the calm before the storm as we edge closer and closer to the lightning strike that will change the DCU forever!

[RobinGA]

Thanks for posting this.

I know it can be nerve racking material that you have spent a lot of time developing.

A strength of your writing is the slow building. You have a sense that something major is happening, but
it seems to be down the road. Like going around a corner waiting for impending doom.

I loved hearing Alfred refer to Dick Grayson as "Master Richard." Especially as you know my
Golden Age Robin goes by Richard Grayson. Although often Alfred does use "Master Dick," I'd be
curious why you went by that name there?

The Bruce-Dick relationship is a complicated one. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure it out.
Here it comes across as respectful, almost like father-son. I know that is one of those things
that on the forum people can go round and round about. But the thing is that Dick Grayson, regardless
of who he is and on whatever earth that might be on, that he has his own code. It is more than simply an
extension of Batman. Here, Dick's loyalties are to Bruce, but they have limits. Dick clearly feels that
Bruce trying to keep him "safe" simply is not sustainable. It would be nice to get more of a sense of
where the other is coming from, that could be fleshed out a little. Because Dick is crossing Bruce, which
he clearly does not like to do. Dick is also telling Bruce that what you want is just going to make things worse.

Superman and Lois. This section is an interesting one, but their voice sounds a little familiar. Clark always
has a certain stiffness to him, it is hard for example to see him cursing (I've done it in my stories just one time).
This midwestern reticence, in that almost an aw shucks kind of personality. Lois usually doesn't put up with that
for very long, I enjoyed the "smallville" reference. But Lois could be more direct. Maybe there is a reason you
have her here going along with the flow. I would love to see her turn the tables on Superman.

You have the bridge connecting the Gotham City and Metropolis worlds as being Superman. It would be interesting
to see Superman's thoughts about the differences between the two cities. Because Gotham City at times has
this lost feeling to it. That all the efforts that Richard and Bruce are a lost cause. Coming to terms with the hopelessness
of Gotham City is one of the issues that they face. Metropolis on the other hand has this much more vibrant
feel to it.

[Bored at 3:00AM]

Thanks for posting this.

I know it can be nerve racking material that you have spent a lot of time developing.

A strength of your writing is the slow building. You have a sense that something major is happening, but
it seems to be down the road. Like going around a corner waiting for impending doom.

I loved hearing Alfred refer to Dick Grayson as "Master Richard." Especially as you know my
Golden Age Robin goes by Richard Grayson. Although often Alfred does use "Master Dick," I'd be
curious why you went by that name there?

The Bruce-Dick relationship is a complicated one. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure it out.
Here it comes across as respectful, almost like father-son. I know that is one of those things
that on the forum people can go round and round about. But the thing is that Dick Grayson, regardless
of who he is and on whatever earth that might be on, that he has his own code. It is more than simply an
extension of Batman. Here, Dick's loyalties are to Bruce, but they have limits. Dick clearly feels that
Bruce trying to keep him "safe" simply is not sustainable. It would be nice to get more of a sense of
where the other is coming from, that could be fleshed out a little. Because Dick is crossing Bruce, which
he clearly does not like to do. Dick is also telling Bruce that what you want is just going to make things worse.

Superman and Lois. This section is an interesting one, but their voice sounds a little familiar. Clark always
has a certain stiffness to him, it is hard for example to see him cursing (I've done it in my stories just one time).
This midwestern reticence, in that almost an aw shucks kind of personality. Lois usually doesn't put up with that
for very long, I enjoyed the "smallville" reference. But Lois could be more direct. Maybe there is a reason you
have her here going along with the flow. I would love to see her turn the tables on Superman.

You have the bridge connecting the Gotham City and Metropolis worlds as being Superman. It would be interesting
to see Superman's thoughts about the differences between the two cities. Because Gotham City at times has
this lost feeling to it. That all the efforts that Richard and Bruce are a lost cause. Coming to terms with the hopelessness
of Gotham City is one of the issues that they face. Metropolis on the other hand has this much more vibrant
feel to it.

Thanks for the feedback.

I understand that Bruce doesn't really get much time here but that was deliberate. He's had more stories written about him than any other character in modern fiction, so I decided to keep the focus mostly on Superman & Robin in this chapter. As a result, Batman is only in it as he pertains to Robin's story.

As for Lois & Clark, I'm not sure what you mean. Direct in what way?

[RobinGA]

I think that Lois has this very clipped, don't beat around the bush way of speaking.
When I write Lois I try to remind myself of the way that Margot Kidder or Bitsie Tulloch like to speak.
You may have a better feel for how she sounded in comics from the 1950s.
I'm not as familiar with that Lois.

But it seemed that Lois was letting Superman move the conversation. But you might consider
how Lois would upend the conversation. Maybe you have Lois do that later. Just a suggestion.

[Bored at 3:00AM]

I think that Lois has this very clipped, don't beat around the bush way of speaking.
When I write Lois I try to remind myself of the way that Margot Kidder or Bitsie Tulloch like to speak.
You may have a better feel for how she sounded in comics from the 1950s.
I'm not as familiar with that Lois.

But it seemed that Lois was letting Superman move the conversation. But you might consider
how Lois would upend the conversation. Maybe you have Lois do that later. Just a suggestion.

How is she beating around the bush, though? I mean, she literally leaps on Clark's chest and tells him to stop thinking so much and just take action. You can't get much more direct than that She's leading the entire conversation while Clark's stuck in his head. I appreciate the note but I'm not really seeing it. Lois is moving the entire conversation throughout this entire chapter. Is there a specific example of what you're referring to?

[RobinGA]

I took another read. You are right, she is pretty direct toward the end of the document.

I was thinking of page 3 where she does less of that.

[RobinGA]

Here is the final section of The Dance.

First a word about Ancient Egypt. I did intend when planning the first screenplay to have some super heroics
included toward the ending part of the screenplay. My plan was to place it in the honeymoon for a variety of reasons.
One of the prime ones is that neither Robin and Power Girl are engaged in being a hero at this point. Their KU school years are ones
where studies, adjusting to married life are the focus. The marriage takes place at the end of their Freshman year. The action must
come to them. I found attractive the idea of having Dr. Fate intervening. The JSA members in the original version was a little
more exhaustive. But it just made things way too complex, too long a story, the numbers were paired down to those who
had linkage to Egypt: Dr. Fate, Hawkman, Hawkgirl.

Joseph is seen as an important figure for the Abrahamic faith. He is more difficult to place chronologically, but is genuinely
believed by many Egyptologists to have been around 1800-1700 BCE. There was a woman pharaoh named Sebekkare, who ruled
briefly in 1807-1802 BCE. The revolution that our heroes lead is fictional. Although there were revolts, rebellions throughout Ancient Egypt.
I am not at all sure where chronologically Hawkman, Hawkgirl, fit into this period. When I read the original Flash #1 in reprint form it was many years ago. I simply have them chronologically in an earlier time period. If Gardner Fox were still alive, I suppose we could ask him. Readers will notice that the Golden Age origin is here in a resurrected form.

The conclusion of this screenplay is intended to describe some of the years from their marriage, before the start of screenplay #2: Grayson
Family Values. It is intended to be a short description because well Robin doesn't turn to fighting crime in Wichita until well established
at his local news job. How the two of them deal with various family issues are the subject of the second one: children, problems in Gotham City,
Robin getting shot, along with coming to terms with Krypton. I have a minor medical procedure scheduled for tomorrow. But when I am back
on my feet, I will start posting the second one.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...bX0t6WV70/edit

[Bored at 3:00AM]

I took another read. You are right, she is pretty direct toward the end of the document.

I was thinking of page 3 where she does less of that.

Ah, that makes sense. On that page, Lois is a little drunk and weirded out by the whole Lara AI/Clark dynamic. Normally, I'd agree that Lois is pretty direct about her feelings, but keep in mind that this is very early days for them in terms of them being together as a couple, despite a whopping 18 years of courtship, so I couldn't very well have Lois feel that comfortable yet about telling Clark how he should feel about his mom's highly sophisticated AI that's maybe her ghost...but maybe isn't. I think Lois also has complicated feelings about her own mother that are playing into it. If the subject was a little more Earthbound or less emotionally sensitive, I could see her jumping straight to it, but I figured she'd just want to table that particular discussion until she'd sobered up a tad.

Thanks for the comments though. A second pair of eyes is always helpful, even if it only serves to solidify in your mind what you were trying to get across.

I wish I could be more helpful to you for your Richard/Kara fanfic, but I don't think I'm the quite audience for this kind of story. Honestly, your conception of both Robin & Power Girl are simply too far away from my own perception of who those characters are to me. This isn't to say your interpretation of them is wrong or bad, but they don't jibe enough with how I see them to want to continue following their journey in your story. As a result, any notes or feedback I could give you wouldn't be very helpful, as they'd only be warping your story into something it's not intended to be. I hope that makes sense.

Keep posting your stuff though. This thread isn't meant to cater solely to my tastes. Perhaps your story will click with someone else, even if they won't necessarily post publicly about it here. I know I've recieved a few private messages about my own stuff from folks who aren't really comfortable discussing fanfic on a public forum.

Fanfic seems to be a bit of a red line for a lot of nerds. They'll feel totally comfortable discussing the minutae of superheroes, but the act of writing & discussing your own stories about them is viewed as too embarrassing for many.

[RobinGA]

I do appreciate your comments.

For myself the act of putting words on screen is enough.

I will say the series does change over time.

Starting with #4 the backstories, the pregnancy scare is in the past, the focus is more on the extended family.
In which they are dealing with supervillain challenges. It still may not be your cup of tea, but it will be different.
Eventually, the family will migrate to their own separate Earth, especially after the return of Helena.

I know that a lot of people don't like fan fiction. I can just say this for myself that I have a need to put on the screen
these plays, even if they only make sense to me. I enjoy the act of creation. But it is a solitary exercise. I need to go eat,
get ready for what should be a grueling day tomorrow. Thanks for listening.