Reckless Child.Originally Posted by grampagen;6034308
"What [I
Totoma's initial urge was to protest, but he quickly caught himself, realizing that this was neither the time, nor the place. Never mind that it was, even with a cursory bit of thought, an accurate assessment of his behavior the past year or so. Setting aside his, erm, battle-boner during these invasions, he'd actually been...
Huh.
When he has first ascended to Super Saiyan, he'd gone berserk, hadn't he? Yes, he'd gotten that under control enough to use it... good enough, but he'd done a lot of risky **** after that. Taking on the Daroga guy with Super Hitozaru, and when he'd gone Super Saiyan 2, even the control he'd developed for the first Super Saiyan form faltered somewhat. Super Saiyan 3 hadn't had the same issues... or did it? He'd never really bothered to use it in an actual fight, outside of a few spars with Vocado.
Could his new form be having the same sort of effect on him, albeit more... subtle? Making him more saiyan-like, in the worst, more stereotypical ways?
A possibility--a strong possibility--but he couldn't lay the bulk of the blame on his transformations. No, he'd made the choice to neglect parts of himself in favor of pursuing greater and greater power. He'd lost discipline.
Not that he'd ever been a particularly disciplined fighter, especially compared to, say, his mother or Mr. Ochazuke, but he'd at least had enough to compensate for many of his... idiosyncracies. But once he started delving into and exploring his Saiyan Power, that disipline had been ejected straight from the building. Though he could at least still focus and clear his mind, if push came to shove, and that took some measure of discipline, right?
Then again, one could add 'thoughtless' to that accusation of 'reckless child', too, so maybe he had a natural ability for blanking his mind.
...bah, whatever. It's pretty clear that I've still got issues to work on.
Totoma remained silent for a moment, then sighed. "Tch... I was gonna argue, but you're completely right. I..." The Just Saiyan paused for a moment. "...have been so busy reveling in my Saiyan nature and power that I forgot that I'm half-human, too. I've let myself become, hm, unbalanced? I guess I rejected it for so long that once I felt it was OK to actually embrace it, I... really really embraced it."
Leaving Zaofan to his task, he turned to Ochazuke, who spoke of Kizuna. While he was technically correct about the way he used it, the true nature of the ability was...
"Connection. That's its basis. I'm not really all that good at using it, but that excess power and second wind you get when I activate it, that's not coming from me, it's... you being temporarily more deeply connected to hidden reserves that you already have. True masters can unleash a person's hidden potential fully and permanently... supposedly. There hasn't really been anyone that could do that in centuries, though. And I..."
He paused to consider his usage of Kizuna, and his... mindset in regards to it. "...I form connections easily, but they're shallow, mostly, and that means I can only connect a little for a little while. Not that it would really matter if I could just up and turn all of you into... Ultimate versions of yourselves right now. Even I understand that even if we won with sheer power, it'd be a, hm, hollow victory?'
Privately, he had an inkling of why his Kizuna was so... shallow. He had a natural aptitude for the ability, but his early experiences had made him so guarded with others--even non-saiyans to an extent--that most of his connections, Kizuna and otherwise, were actually quite shallow, hence 'not very good at using it'. There were a few exceptions, like Karine and, to a lesser extent, his parents, but he found it hard to open up even to friends.
"I did try to ask her, by making mental contact, and it was rebuffed, and a bit of my energy taken, too," he said. "My mother pointed out that I should've just, ya know, physically asked her instead of going for such a showy, grandiose way of talking." And she'd been absolute right about that. Not that it was likely he could've changed the course of things.
The better universe. This was actually something Totoma had thought of quite a bit. But he'd never really arrived to a completely satisfactory answer.
"...I've become a, ahem, bit arrogant and prideful--Zao-san will attest to that--but not to the extent that I believe I can change the universe on my lonesome. Sure, I can fly around, stopping criminals or punching monsters to save a village or town or even the world, on some occasions, but even I have to have downtime. And I can't be everywhere, even when I'm 'on-duty', so..." Totoma paused for a moment. "...I suppose the universe I'd like to create is one where, instead of saving people, I inspire people to save themselves and others, and they inspire others to do the same, and so on. So that it doesn't matter if I'm around, active or retired, or even alive... that if something happens that needs a hero, one or two or even more will step out of the crowd and be that hero."
Sort of like what he'd managed to inspire Pinach and Rutaba to do, but on a way larger scale.
"...ideally, those heroes would be a bit less thoughtless than me, or at least how I've been lately." Battle-boners were a hell of a... thing. "It's probably way too idealistic, and I'm not sure where gods fit into all this. Like, Sihn and his... allies... seem OK and at least trying to make the best of a bad situation, but a lot of them seem to be, well... assholes. Or monsters. I don't like the idea of unaccountable, inscrutable immortals lording over everyone and treating people like pawns or... sources of amusement."
Totoma sighed. "...I'm rambling again. Sorry."