NFL 2021 Regular Season!

[worstblogever]

All right, there's two teams left for WYTS, and I'm going to apologize up front to Super-E, because holy s***, did KC fans bring the heat for their own team... that's right, it's... Why Your Team Sucks... The Kansas City Chiefs! The Chiefs still have Patrick Mahomes and a ton of talent at skill positions, so it's gonna be okay, right?

... Right?



To the Chiefs fans:

• Drew Magary:Your coach is still Andy Reid, whose son permanently incapacitated a 5-year-old girl in a car crash on the eve of the Super Bowl. Assistant coach Britt Reid was driving nearly 84 mph when he hit that girl. He was also apparently s***faced and on more Adderall than a junior at Oberlin. Did ANYONE point the finger at Reid’s ***hole kid for the lives he destroyed? Not in this town, they didn’t.
  
  Meanwhile, Frank Clark was arrested for felony firearm possession. Twice. THIS GUY REALLY LOVES TO BE ARRESTED. Almost as much as Missourians love getting COVID! Frank just driving from state to state with a trunk full of guns, getting a rock-hard d*** and crying out ARREST ME DADDY the second he gets caught. You can get away with harboring the likes of Frank Clark and Tyreek Hill when you’re the Chiefs and whizzing the ball all over the stadium to win championships. But you CAN’T get away with that s*** when you get to the Super Bowl and then lay down like f***ing Lord Cornwallis did. When you let Tampa Bay—TAMPA BAY!—hog all that glory, people suddenly remember that your team is a boarding house for unrepentant s***bags. HONEYMOON’S OVER FOR YOU, F***NUTS."

• Bryan:"They went out with a hobbled, once-in-a-lifetime QB playing behind a papier mâché offensive line and changed exactly nothing about their gameplan to gift wrap Tom goddamn Brady his 600th Super Bowl."

• Keith:"The most exciting team in the league with the loudest stadium in the league is going to play in front of zero fans this season because the entire state either has COVID or is locked up for storming the Capitol."

• Kyle:"Mecole Hardman couldn’t run a correct route if a Bazookas girl walked him through it."

• Gilbert:"I work at an elementary school in Kansas near KC metro. The week of the Super Bowl, the staff decided to have a Chiefs themed pep week. One of these themed days was a Cheetah print day to honor Tyreek Hill. Our school day looked like something out of Carole Baskin’s wet dream. Bright red and cheetah print to celebrate a guy who assaulted his pregnant girlfriend and also got away with abusing and threatening his own kid.
  
  We deserved to our ass kicked in the Super Bowl."

• Brett:"Frank Clark is an absolute piece of s*** who we traded a first-rounder for AND paid a f***ton of money for so that he could drive around Los Angeles with a car full of SMGs like he’s hunting Sarah Connor."

• Mark:"I went to a Chiefs game about 10 years ago and, while tailgating, spotted a fan with a jersey that had six names of early-round defensive tackles that we whiffed on over the course of the previous eight years…luminaries such as Eric Downing, Ryan Sims, Junior Siavii, Turk McBride, Glenn Dorsey, and Alex Magee. No, you don’t remember any of them.
  
  This was right around the time Jovan Belcher committed a murder suicide, with the suicide part happening directly in front of the GM.
  
  How does the team respond? They basically say 'We can’t be 3-13 AND have historically bad character as a team. Let’s REALLY lean into the bad character and hope nobody notices because we hired a Santa Claus impersonator to be the head coach who can usually field a winning team.' So congrats to us, we have our winning team with no fewer than four recent/current players and coaches (Frank Clark, Tyreek Hill, Britt Reid, Kareem Hunt) who make Adrian Peterson look like a saint."

[worstblogever]

We have about four hours until the kickoff game, so let's wrap up WYTS for this year. Hittin' the pirate ship in Florida for... Why Your Team Sucks... The Tampa Bay Buccaneers! Pretty sure people are going to mention being sick and tired of Tom Brady.

Man, how I wish their Lombardi trophy ended up in the Gulf of Mexico on this in the ultimate FAIL gif.



To the Bucs fans:

• Drew Magary:"All 22 starters from the 2020 Bucs are coming back. That includes pass rushing god Shaq Barrett, who could have cashed out elsewhere but stuck around because we’re already in the “great players took less money to win and aren’t you so glad they did?” phase of things with this team. No team has ever been better prepared for a repeat, perhaps even to finally get Brady his 19-0 season. I’m already considering drinking again. Only this team could make excellence this depressing.
  
  If you’re looking for anything new on the field here, you’re gonna have to settle for Gio Bernard and his rice cracker knees. Oh, and Antonio Brown re-signed! Yayyyyyyy confetti and stuff. Between this and Man U signing Cristiano Ronaldo, the Glazers are big into washed-up sex offenders. Aren’t we all."

• Mike:"Here’s your annual reminder that Warren Sapp is banned from all Best Buys."

• Jerry:" The team cast away its crab leg stealing QB for someone even easier to hate.
  
  When the clock finally ticked to 0:00 at the Super Bowl, it was more relief than anything. Cool, we won. Am I going to die if I go to the boat parade."

• Henry:"Long after Brady is done showing off his rebound girlfriend to his ex, we’re going to be stuck with the enduring myth that the GM who turned the keys of the franchise over to Jameis Winston for five years and traded up for a second round kicker is some kind of roster-building genius.
  
  Winning a Super Bowl with Brady is the cheapest possible version of the Super Bowl high. Yeah we’re high-fiving and smiling but deep down we know this franchise didn’t earn it. Ten years from now it’ll just be a funny footnote at the end of Brady’s career and we’ll be back to the third tier laugh factory we’re destined to be."

• Vlad:"In my school, science fairs were usually won by kids whose projects had clearly been done by their parents. I always assumed that the victory felt hollow for the kids, since someone else had done all the work. That was what it felt like to watch Tom Brady quarterbacking the Bucs last season. Deep down, I still know that this team—and the Tampa Bay area more generally—deserves Jameis Winston."

• Josh:"In the movies, selling your soul to the Devil always looks like such a dramatic proposition. A towering figure steeped in darkness and a contract written in fire, or at least Al Pacino and some over-the-top acting. But in truth, it’s a small thing. Like getting to win a Super Bowl in exchange for having to root for Tom Brady. The easy sin, sold sweetly.
  
  I’ll see you all in Hell!"

[InfamousBG]

Tonight is the night guys and gals!!!!!

Are you ready for some football????!!!! I know I sure am.

[Ghost Rider TheHellfireDemon]

My Super Bowl Picks are the Chiefs and Buccaneers.
The Chiefs a year later after being embarrassed by the Buccaneers rebound by playing great including offensively to defeat the Buccaneers in a exciting close game.

[BeastieRunner]

Bucs/Pats for the SB.

And there is a riot at half-time when a televangelist shares the final score.

This leads to American society as we know it to crumble and the great American experiment is over.

[WestPhillyPunisher]

The Ravens have had trouble keeping running backs healthy as they’ve lost THREE for the season to injury.

[InfamousBG]

Bucs/Pats for the SB.

And there is a riot at half-time when a televangelist shares the final score.

This leads to American society as we know it to crumble and the great American experiment is over.

I love it. Would love to see it as well.

[Ghost Rider TheHellfireDemon]

A successful long drive for the Buccaneers.

Buccaneers lead the Cowboys 7-0 in the 1st quarter.

[Ghost Rider TheHellfireDemon]

After the first quarter 7-7.

[WestPhillyPunisher]

A successful long drive for the Buccaneers.

Buccaneers lead the Cowboys 7-0 in the 1st quarter.

Cowgirls responded with a 75 yard drive to tie the score. It pains me to admit this as an Eagles fan, but Dak Prescott has looked pretty good in the early going, even though he hasn’t played for almost a year.

[InfamousBG]

Cowgirls responded with a 75 yard drive to tie the score. It pains me to admit this as an Eagles fan, but Dak Prescott has looked pretty good in the early going, even though he hasn’t played for almost a year.

Dak looks great so far. I cant stand the Cowboys but I like Dak.

[Ghost Rider TheHellfireDemon]

A high scoring first half in Tampa Bay.

[Ghost Rider TheHellfireDemon]

I assume Eagles fans are laughing tonight because Cowboys kicking tonight is awful because 1-3 for field goals, and missed a extra point.
I imagine Skip Bayless is yelling at a tv since his Cowboys have been self destructing in a close game because of awful kicking.

The Buccaneers lead the Cowboys 21-16 at halftime.

[Ghost Rider TheHellfireDemon]

The Cowboys can take the lead if they can make a field goal or score a touchdown.

[Kirby101]

I assume Eagles fans are laughing tonight because Cowboys kicking tonight is awful because 1-3 for field goals, and missed a extra point.
I imagine Skip Bayless is yelling at a tv since his Cowboys have been self destructing in a close game because of awful kicking.

The Buccaneers lead the Cowboys 21-16 at halftime.

So Dallas left 7 pts on the field? Looks like if the lose, that is what cost them. 2 minutes to go and they are down by 2.