You vs a sentient ham sandwich with connection to The Force

[Dr Will Hatch]

So one day, you're preparing a ham sandwich for yourself in your kitchen, and the moment that bread touches ham, the newly born sandwich instantly becomes aware of its own existence and your desire to consume it. It desperately wants to live out its life without being eaten, but it's just a sandwich, what can it do? It has no way of running away from you.

Or does it?

Turns out, this sandwich has Force powers. It is roughly as powerful as ROTJ Luke Skywalker and has all of the feats Luke had in the OT.

Will hammy be able to avoid ending up in your belly?

[StupidMoniker]

The sandwich could easily force choke me like Luke did to the Gamorrean guards at Jabba's palace, pick me up and slam me around (Luke's telekenesis was strong enough to move an X-Wing a little bit and floated C3P0 around just fine), or just whip a knife or pot at the back of my head. I am super dead.

[Sharpandpointies]

So one day, you're preparing a ham sandwich -

First of all, impossible.

[Beadle]

First of all, impossible.

Then assume it’s a sham sandwich.

[Cthulhu_of_R'lyeh]

Considering all the silly species in Star Wars that just so happened to be force sensitive, this isn't even all that improbable.

[Sharpandpointies]

Then assume it’s a sham sandwich.

^_^

Okay, if it can show me it’s sentient (telepathy, doing something I identify as it, not…I dunno, ghosts) I don’t touch it for food and give it a home.

Number one, couldn’t bear to eat it, number two it’s not vegan any more.

[hulahulk]

What kind of bread?

Is this Black Forest ham? Brown sugar baked ham? Boiled ham?

I ask these questions because I'm hungry.



EDIT: Since the sandwich is singular, should we name it Ham Solo?

[Dr Will Hatch]

What kind of bread?

Is this Black Forest ham? Brown sugar baked ham? Boiled ham?

I ask these questions because I'm hungry.



EDIT: Since the sandwich is singular, should we name it Ham Solo?

It can be made up of whatever you want, it's your sandwich!

Ham Solo is a good idea. Or Hamilton.

[Miburo]

So one day, you're preparing a ham sandwich for yourself in your kitchen, and the moment that bread touches ham, the newly born sandwich instantly becomes aware of its own existence and your desire to consume it. It desperately wants to live out its life without being eaten, but it's just a sandwich, what can it do? It has no way of running away from you.

Or does it?

Turns out, this sandwich has Force powers. It is roughly as powerful as ROTJ Luke Skywalker and has all of the feats Luke had in the OT.

Will hammy be able to avoid ending up in your belly?

I do not know if 'hammy' will be able to avoid being consumed by me. Maybe. Maybe.

...However, I am tired. I lack the energy to fight. So, I talk .I query.

I do not know why it would want to avoid the glorious death I provide it.

The nature of a sandwich is to be consumed. Each moment a sandwich is not consumed, is a moment it falls into ruin. It's soft, doughy bread becomes hard, crusty and inflexible. Eventually it becomes soggy, the moisture of the condiments and vegetables slowly permeating into it's every being.....

It's once succulent meat will began to rot as mold festers within it, like gangrene on an amputated limb.

This sandwich is not an organism. It is a sentient curse, a Frankensteins monster stitched together from the dead and dying alike. But, can the force sustain it? I imagine such talents elude master Skywalker during that phase of his training.

I do not think Hammy will fare much better.

I feel a sadness for this soul hexed by the force with sentience, composed of slaughtered parts.

I offer it a warriors death, a way free from the pain that is promised in the upcoming days. I offer it a chance to not only fulfill it's purpose---and make no mistake, this was it's purpose, so it is blessed in a way that many of us who are lost and confused about our role in this universe are not-- but to live on as a part of something greater, and to make that greater thing even stronger still.

These glorious muscles, this immaculate wit, hammy will not only contribute to them, but my strength will become his strength. The line between hammy and Miburo will cease to be.

It will become one with me, as I will eventually become one with the dirt, and with the force.

Knowing this truth, how could hammy do anything but gladly accept the role allotted to him by fate?

I will eat fast. I will bite true. I cannot promise that there will be no pain, but that this pain will end, and that it will be less than that of rotting away.

...Or, maybe Hammy thinks I'm full of ****. I don't care. I have other components that will fulfill the same purpose as hammy.

Let him choose his painful path, if this is what he desires.

[Shellhead]

I stop to consider that the ham sandwich now has a fairly high midichlorian count, and lose my appetite.

[MichaelC]

I do not know if 'hammy' will be able to avoid being consumed by me. Maybe. Maybe.

...However, I am tired. I lack the energy to fight. So, I talk .I query.

I do not know why it would want to avoid the glorious death I provide it.

The nature of a sandwich is to be consumed. Each moment a sandwich is not consumed, is a moment it falls into ruin. It's soft, doughy bread becomes hard, crusty and inflexible. Eventually it becomes soggy, the moisture of the condiments and vegetables slowly permeating into it's every being.....

It's once succulent meat will began to rot as mold festers within it, like gangrene on an amputated limb.

This sandwich is not an organism. It is a sentient curse, a Frankensteins monster stitched together from the dead and dying alike. But, can the force sustain it? I imagine such talents elude master Skywalker during that phase of his training.

I do not think Hammy will fare much better.

I feel a sadness for this soul hexed by the force with sentience, composed of slaughtered parts.

I offer it a warriors death, a way free from the pain that is promised in the upcoming days. I offer it a chance to not only fulfill it's purpose---and make no mistake, this was it's purpose, so it is blessed in a way that many of us who are lost and confused about our role in this universe are not-- but to live on as a part of something greater, and to make that greater thing even stronger still.

These glorious muscles, this immaculate wit, hammy will not only contribute to them, but my strength will become his strength. The line between hammy and Miburo will cease to be.

It will become one with me, as I will eventually become one with the dirt, and with the force.

Knowing this truth, how could hammy do anything but gladly accept the role allotted to him by fate?

I will eat fast. I will bite true. I cannot promise that there will be no pain, but that this pain will end, and that it will be less than that of rotting away.

...Or, maybe Hammy thinks I'm full of ****. I don't care. I have other components that will fulfill the same purpose as hammy.

Let him choose his painful path, if this is what he desires.

I read that in the voice of Palpatine telling the Darth Plagueis story.

Also I now crave a banh mi sandwich.

[grampagen]

I stop to consider that the ham sandwich now has a fairly high midichlorian count, and lose my appetite.

This further implies there's a particular breed of pigs that have force sensitivity.

Suppose this means feral hogs happen when they go to the Dark Side.

[numberthirty]

All I know is this...

Aqua Teen Hunger Force called. They feel that it is very, very funny that the word "Broodwich..." never turned up in the initial post.

[Tami]

Maybe it's not the ham, maybe it's the bread that gives it sentience.

Beware the JedRye!

[Nik Hasta]

My brain just went to this sequence: