I think that people, in trying to make Harley out to be some heroic survivor of abuse, miss the point that she's a crazed villain. A monster who has been repurposed. It's fine if you like the repurposing, but I don't think we should interpret her relationship with Joker as some kind of star-crossed lovers situation of even a tragic 'origin' through which she gains personhood. The point has been made either by Dini or more likely Timm that she doesn't really work outside of her relationship with Joker, because she isn't a role model- it's a cautionary tale and tragic because they're both broken, but that's what makes her a compelling villainess. Of course, I also don't think Venom works in any regard without Spider-Man, but his fans aren't nearly as nutty in forgetting who he is as opposed to who he's been repurposed to be.
The best comparison I would make is Mr. Burns and Smithers, where it's absurd Smithers has been made some kind of empowering gay icon. It doesn't matter that he's gay, what matters is that he's just as evil and sick as Burns because he allows him to do horrible things and just kisses his ass due to his infatuation with him. So Burns treating Smithers poorly and never returning his love is what Smithers gets for being an enabling, equally terrible person. These are not characters we should admire or emulate. And before anyone pulls out an opposing quote from Dini, I defy anyone to create a character who becomes world famous and not be flattered and touched that they strike a chord; even if it goes against their original intentions with them.