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  1. #46

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    I think I can start dialing the speed back on how fast these are coming in... we'll just do three today... First up...

    2022 WHY YOUR TEAM SUCKS: THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS!

    A reminder, this is Bill Belichik's son, Steve Belichik, a nepotism assistant coach hire, and his magnificent mullet and facial expressions:


    The Patriots faithful doth speak:
    • Drew Magary: "Things started off promisingly enough. The Pats opened their season with a loss at home to Miami in which their running back fumbled away the ball with a chance to win at the end. Awesome. Great job! Fumble the ball around Belichick and he immediately has you shot and buried underneath his flowerbed. They would go on to start 2-4. Their Andy Taylor-ass rookie quarterback got picked off three times in a loss to New Orleans. They had a chance to defeat Tom Brady at home on Sunday Night, but blew it with a play-calling sequence that would make even Mike McCarthy wince. Speaking of McCarthy, the Pats lost another game at home in overtime to the Cowboys when they allowed Dak Prescott to pass for nearly 450 yards. So far, everything was going marvelously.

      And then New England had to go and **** it all up by ripping off seven straight wins, capped off by an early December win in Buffalo in which their quarterback attempted three measly passes for 19 yards in a game plan that made elderly Bears fans rock hard with pleasure. I had to spend the entire following week listening to Belichick get his d*** sucked for his mastery over not just Buffalo, but of the wind. Like he was a goddamn X-Man. These f***ing Patriots: turns out that losing Tom Brady only INCREASED the number of people falling all over themselves every time they win an unwatchable football game.

      Fortunately, for me at least, Buffalo would have their revenge not once, but twice. That second Bills victory was the greatest offensive performance in NFL playoff history: a game in which Josh Allen and company scored a touchdown on every single offensive possession, save for a kneel-down at the gun. The Bills didn’t punt once in that game. They didn’t even have to CONSIDER punting. The wind that night was as quiet as a well-behaved child. The Patriots left Buffalo marinating in the fact that their supposed revival had been extinguished before it had even begun to spark. That game is a sex tape to me.
      "
    • Jack: "Our defensive play-calling is being overseen by more nepotism than Waystar-Royco."
    • Charles: "The QB is so utterly boring in play style and personality that I’m fairly sure he thinks that saying, 'I’m Jonesing for some Mac' before eating microwave mac n’ cheese is the height of comedy."
    • Justin: "Remember when people used to debate about who was more responsible for the Pats’ dynasty: Brady or Belichick? The debate is over.

      The Bills never punted. What the f***.
      "
    • Mike:: "After the warrant went out for his arrest, Aaron Hernandez went to the practice facility and was there for 15 minutes. He left and the team immediately sent out a release saying he’d been cut. What was he doing for that 15 minutes? I’m convinced getting reamed out by Belichick for not disposing of the murder evidence properly, and I’ll be certain of this until they stick me in the grave."
    X-Books Forum Mutant Tracker/FAQ- Updated every Tuesday.

  2. #47

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    Our second offering today...
    2022 WHY YOUR TEAM SUCKS: THE LAS VEGAS RAIDERS!

    This team was a clusterf*** of drama last season, from Gruden's firing, to cutting former 1st round pick Patrick Arnette for making death threats, to Henry Ruggs III killing a woman and her dog... it was rough. But they made the playoffs!

    Al Davis' failson still runs this s***show.


    Raider Nation bring it:
    • Drew Magary: "I was excited back when the Colts hired Josh McDaniels to burn their franchise to the ground, but this is even BETTER. How will Josh McDaniels alienate everyone this time around? Will he cut players for noticing his emerging double chin? Will he chew out reporters for parking in his spot? Will he draft Kynzee Tebow? Yes, yes, and yes.

      The Raiders have always been decades behind every other NFL team, so it makes sense that they would hire McDaniels and new GM Dave Ziegler to do the whole “Let’s be the Patriots!” thing that nine other teams (not hyperbole) attempted and failed to do, including one that hired Josh McDaniels already. Does this organization even know what cell phones are yet? Does their practice facility have fucking running water? Is that stupid Al Davis flame their only source of light and heat? When this team moved to Vegas, they decided to cut out all of the “rise” part of any rise-and-fall Vegas story and just go directly to losing everything by putting all of their money on the Don’t Pass bar. Matt Patricia lasted longer in Detroit than Josh McDaniels did in Denver. That’s the kind of doomed wager we’re dealing with here.

      And maybe you’re thinking to yourself, McDaniels’s Denver years were a long time ago. He’s probably learned from his mistakes. This assumes that former Pats assistants believe can they make mistakes, which is like assuming that Jon Gruden has an IQ above room temperature. The only time that Bill Belichick disciples prosper is when they’re working for Bill Belichick. Untethered from the greatest coach in NFL history, they display all of the ability that a drunken Henry Ruggs does behind the wheel of a Corvette Stingray.
      "
    • Colby: "Five years ago, Obi Melifonwu was the Raiders No. 2 pick, 56th overall, ahead of Cooper Kupp, Juju Smith-Schuster, Alvin Kamara, Chris Godwin and George Kittle, to name but a few. Today he was an 18th-round USFL pick for the Tampa Bay Bandits, a league and a team I assume will have dissolved by the time WYTS rolls around for next season. The talent evaluation for this team sucks, always has and always will. Obi Melifonwu over Cooper Kupp. Jesus jaywalking Christ."
    • Burt: "This new coaching staff exudes a bland professionalism sorely needed here. The roster is full of true pros. We now feature a legit star WR. The game has slowed down for our formerly skittish QB. We found a pass rush.

      Having said that, there is absolutely no way this team finishes higher than fourth in the AFC West.
      "
    • Justin: "If anyone says “Patriots Nation” or “Colts Nation” or whatever, you can count on screaming and crying from Raiders fans. A poorly photoshopped picture of Ice Cube will follow. I promise you it will say, 'THERE IS ONLY ONE NATION….. BITCH!…' carefully watermarked by @MiDWeSt_RAiDeR_291."
    • Conor:: " I first got into the NFL about five years ago and chose the Raiders because they seemed cool. In that time, the following things have happened:

      - Our insurrection-supporting head coach (Del Rio) alienated the entire team to the point that the offensive line collectively chose to let our QB get murdered.
      - We appointed Jon Gruden as our head coach.
      - We were surprised when Jon Gruden turned out to be a disaster.
      - We were surprised when Jon Gruden also turned out to be a terrible human being.
      - We traded Khalil goddamn Mack to the Bears in return for picks which became a perpetually injured RB, a moron who got cut after less than 18 months following multiple driving accidents, drugs and assault charges, and threatening someone’s life on bloody Instagram, and a receiver who we traded for pennies after two years because he thinks a football game only starts in the fourth quarter.
      - We drafted a whole boatload of other busts, including an RB convert who couldn’t play RB, a safety whose primary skillset is injuring himself and his teammates, and a murderer.
      - We made it to the playoffs and took the Bengals to the very last play, only for our OC to call a passing concept which had our only two receiving threats 10 yards from the fucking goal-line whilst Carr had to throw the ball to Zay Jones in double coverage.
      - We drafted a tackle in the first round who, one year later, is getting training camp reps with the third string offensive line (UPDATE: He was just cut).

      I regularly have to wake up at 1am on a Monday morning to watch all of this nonsense.
      "
    X-Books Forum Mutant Tracker/FAQ- Updated every Tuesday.

  3. #48

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    And now, it's time for me to face the cold, hard truth...

    Our second offering today...
    2022 WHY YOUR TEAM SUCKS: THE ARIZONA CARDINALS!

    The team resigned Kyler Murray, but not after botching that good news by installing an unprecedented clause in that contract that required him to study game film for at least 4 hours a week outside of the facility, and when the media found out and was like, "WTF IS THIS?" Kyler had one snippy press conference about it and then the team yanked it from the contract to appease the new face of the franchise... who by all accounts from teammates, totally did not require a clause that insinuated he didn't study. The genius behind insisting the team put the clause in? MICHAEL F***ING BIDWILL! Yes, the former prosecutor who proclaims himself a "good judge of character" who gave a ringing endorsement of former college roommate (and thereafter, alleged serial sex criminal) Brett Kavanaugh when he got named as a Supreme Court nominee.

    F*** me, I'm never going to feel the shock and hope I did when Larry Fitzgerald got into the open field and ran for a TD with 2 minutes left in the Super Bowl in my lifetime with these f***wits. Why do I do this to myself?

    Anyway, let me leave it to Drew Magary and the rest of what few Arizona fans admit it and reply.


    The rest of the damned Cardinals fanbase weigh in:
    • Drew Magary: "Your 2021 record: 11-6. The Cardinals started last season 7-0, and then HOO BOY did they s*** the bed with a primal sense of urgency. Their first loss came at the hands of a hollowed-out Packers team summoning their trademark brand of Packers resourcefulness that makes me abhor Green Bay. They lost out on a chance to clinch a playoff berth against Detroit when he Cards allowed something named Craig Reynolds rush for over 100 yards against them that fateful afternoon. A shorthanded Colts team defeated them using what the AP describes as “sheer grit,” which is the purest form of grit on the market presently. Sells for $50 a gram.

      Their defense also decided to throw Cam Newton a retirement party. They got kick-sixed by Jacksonville. Their best wideout missed seven of the final nine games, almost like he was telegraphing future absences to them. They lost JJ Watt for the back half of the season, because hoping that JJ Watt plays a full season is like hoping that we’ll all be able to live on f***ing Mars one day. They managed do-or-die situations with all the wisdom that a President Mickey Rourke would. And finally, they dropped three of their last four, including a loss at home to Seattle in Week 18 that cost them the division title. And brother, did that loss ever prove costly the following week.

      The had to play in the Rams' building in the first Monday Night playoff game in NFL history. I pray it’s the last. Once LA had raced out to a 28-0 lead in the third quarter, I thanked the Rams for giving me tacit permission to go to bed, which I then immediately did. It would appear that Arizona beat me to the sandman on this particular night, because they amassed just 183 yards the entire game. They turned the ball over twice. They converted zero third downs. Budda Baker left the stadium on a stretcher. This team has one of the coolest young quarterbacks in football and no shortage of talent around him, and yet they get figured out by midseason every year. Why? OH YEAH.

      Kliff Kingsbury's end to the season as a head coach…

      Texas Tech:
      • '13: lost 5 of 6
      • '14: lost 4 of 6
      • '15: lost 4 of 6
      • '16: lost 6 of 8
      • '17: lost 6 of 8
      • '18: lost 5 of 5

      Cardinals:
      • '19: lost 7 of 9
      • '20: lost 5 of 7
      • ‘21: lost 5 of 6

      It’s never fun to go .500. but it’s even less fun to do so when your coach loads up on wins at the beginning of the season and proceeds to vomit them all back up two months later. Kliff Kingsbury was a loser in college and, if you count the Wild Card loss last season, he’s a loser in the NFL as well. I don’t care how swank his stupid house is. He blows. But the Cardinals still extended both him and GM/angry beaver Steve Keim to contract extensions that run through 2027. Do you know how far away that is? There won’t even BE an NFL in 2027, man. Rollerball will be the dominant sport in America by then. Why on Earth did the Cards give these two f***ers tenure?
      "
    • Will: "Our quarterback forgot how to play before acting like a petulant child in his latest demands for money. Our top WR got popped for steroids. The linchpin of our offensive line is perpetually one play away from a career-ending injury. Our starting running back has almost hit his expiration date, much like all Cardinals RBs that seem to be in a manifestation of Logan’s Run. Our defense can never hold onto good players for long; they always go elsewhere in free agency or get injured and never play the same again. Even now, we’re just waiting for Budda Baker to do the same.

      My guess: 8-9, and our draft pick will be a WR from the SEC.
      "
    • Chris: "The last time there was a collapse down the stretch as bad as last year, Eight Belles was euthanized after the Kentucky Derby."
    • Ryan:: "When Kyler tossed that underhand pick-six in the playoff game, I knew he’d never have an unclenched ******* in a big moment. "
    • Josh: "Jake Plummer did a podcast interview recently where he justified throwing a Hail Mary at the end of the first half in every game he could with the Cardinals. “If we get a touchdown goin’ into halftime, then come out and get another touchdown, we’re only down by 14.” I realized I’ve given myself that same pep talk during most of the Cardinals games I’ve watched in my life."
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  4. #49
    Extraordinary Member MRP's Avatar
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    Took part in my first fantasy football draft in 15 years today. It was like riding a bike, everything came back very quickly.

    -M
    Comic fans get the comics their buying habits deserve.

    "Opinion is the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding." -Plato

  5. #50
    Old school comic book fan WestPhillyPunisher's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MRP View Post
    Took part in my first fantasy football draft in 15 years today. It was like riding a bike, everything came back very quickly.

    -M
    I've never participated in fantasy football. Is it as fun as people say?
    Avatar: Here's to the late, great Steve Dillon. Best. Punisher. Artist. EVER!

  6. #51

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    Just one WYTS for today, and it's one everyone seems to look forward to:

    2022 WHY YOUR TEAM SUCKS: THE DALLAS COWBOYS!



    The most recent debate is whether or not Jerry Jones is too drunk to run a franchise, too much of a creep to run a franchise, or too senile to run a franchise.
    • Drew Magary: "Your 2021 record: 12-5, but f*** all that. I’m only here for History’s Worst Playcall. Let me set the scene, because it’s worth it. The Cowboys win the NFC East. They have four all-pros on their roster, including one of the greatest defensive rookies the sport has ever known. No team has scored more points the entire season. They have a few burps and farts along the way, as every team does. They lose to Tampa in Week 1 after Tom Brady does a bunch of Tom Brady s*** to them at the end. They need a 56-yarder at the end just to beat the Chargers. They get inexplicably crushed by Denver. They lose to Vegas in OT thanks to their cornerback committing four PI infractions. Their overpriced jackass of a running back suffers the worst yards-per-game average of his career. But 12-5 is 12-5. This is a wildly talented team; certainly one good enough to win the NFC, and perhaps the Super Bowl as well.

      Can you feel the excitement building? I can, mostly because I know what happens next.

      The Cowboys draw a home game against the Niners in the Wild Card round and, after three quarters, find themselves in a world of ****. They’re down 23-7. They can’t run the ball. They can’t stop committing penalties. They can’t get the ball to their best wideout. But then the fourth quarter arrives and oh! OH WAKE UP THE ECHOES! The Niners’ offense retreats into its shell. The Cowboys’ offense finally comes alive and pulls to within six. They get a first down reversed on the Niners’ final possession to get the ball back and one final chance to win the game. They have no timeouts left.

      America is transfixed. Everyone in the stadium finally stops looking at their phones. The Cowboys’ first play is a modest hook-and-lateral that works flawlessly. They’re already close to midfield. Then they complete two sideline passes in a row to get to the Niners’ 41 with just 14 seconds left. They’re in range. They can try one more sideline pass to get closer if they want. Or they can start taking shots at the end zone right away. Either way, a canny team would be able to squeeze off at least two more plays, and perhaps even three. This was one of those rare football moments where a comeback victory feels less like a long shot and more like destiny. The game is there to be won, and it will be. Here now is what the Cowboys did instead...

      A draw. With no timeouts left. No play brought me more joy last season. I cannot stop watching it. It’s a schadenfreude-ian orgasm. I find something new to love every time I watch. Jim Nantz’s utter incredulity. Tony Romo, himself a former Cowboy, reassuring Nantz that there was time to call a draw and imploring everyone to calm down, all before realizing that he’s dead wrong. Dak Prescott handing the ball to his center without remembering that’s the official’s job and not his. That last part is important because, to this day, Cowboys fans are still like, The ump got in the way! He cost us that game! Motherf***er, THAT’S who you’re angry at? That’s who you hold responsible for the end of that game? Don’t you know who your coach is? Well allow me to introduce him to you.

      Mike McCarthy.

      F***ing amazing. I could crack a safe with my nipples right now, I’m so happy. Mike McCarthy did the math that game and deduced that running the ball there would cost his team no more than 13 seconds off the clock. That it somehow cost them the full 14 is a cosmic error that, when you think about it, really should have been overturned by the league office. Did I mention that the extra yardage Dak picked up on that draw would not have substantially improved Dallas’s end-zone chances, even if they had gotten one more play afterward? PUT THIS TEAM ON TV AGAIN RIGHT NOW SO I CAN WATCH THEM F*** UP.

      When I think of bad head coaches, Mike McCarthy’s name is the first one that comes to mind. Every time. Same for you. When you think of Mike McCarthy, your brain doesn’t word-association him with terms like 'genius' or 'savvy' or 'handsome.' You just automatically picture Beav over on the sideline, mouth open, calling the stupidest possible s*** at the stupidest possible time and then looking around in angry befuddlement when his decision doesn’t work out. He’s the greatest straight man in NFL history, and I hope he never gets fired.

      Luckily for me, the Cowboys kept him. Maybe because they’ll hire Sean Payton five months from now. Or perhaps because they kept their two highly compensated and in-demand coordinators in the fold—Dan Quinn and Kellen Moore—specifically so that those men could both jockey for the top job after this season is over. All I know is that, instead making the right decision NOW, Dallas decided it would be fun to put if off until McCarthy punts on 4th-and-two again, or until his team leads the league in penalties for the second straight year, or until he benches his starting QB for an unretired Rob Johnson. I don’t know how McCarthy will sabotage his own team, I just know that he will. And THAT is why I’m ready to watch some football again. **** me, I can’t wait for more of this ****. You might say the Cowboys play in primetime way too often. I say put them on every night. Plenty of teams choke, but none do so with this kind of gusto. It’s magnificent.
      "
    • Pat: "This year’s draft day Jamboroo on the importance of wide receivers was spot-the-****-on, which made it excruciating to read immediately after Jerry traded Amari Cooper for six gummi bears and some scotch. You could talk yourself into the front office having made savvy cap moves until you remember we’re paying Zeke Elliott (washed) and Jaylon Smith (unemployed) more than Cooper. F*** us."
    • Chris: "The Cowboys are not a franchise trying to win a Super Bowl. The Cowboys are a marketing engine grifting dumbass fans. We are no better than the f***ing Commanders.

      The Cowboys haven’t won s*** in most human being’s adult lifetime. They are one Dak Prescott injury away from 5-12. F*** this toxic ass irrelevant marketing team and all of their alleged fans who just think they’re cool because First Take insists upon discussing them.
      "
    • Tyler:: "Jerry Jones will never die.

      They traded Amari Cooper for peanuts after failson-in-chief Stephen crowed to the high heavens that they were gonna cut amari, only to see his deal become more reasonable the second Christian Kirk got WR1 money, and every other team that didn’t want to pay their own receiver got a first rounder for them.

      The only reason they had to get rid of Cooper in the first place is that, as usual, their cap is a bloated mess for entirely preventable reasons. They paid Ezekiel Elliott a bounty two years before his contract was up while he was already showing noticeable signs of decline. They refused to pay the franchise QB until his cost had ballooned to astronomical proportions. The o-line that used to be the lifeblood of the team now consists primarily of Zack Martin and 12 games of Tyron Smith when his back isn’t fucked.

      There are no heroes, only fools who harbor hope that this team might ever advance past the first round of the playoffs.
      "
    • Josh: "When the previous season ends, usually in the dumbest way possible, I immediately tell myself I will no longer buy in. I spend the following 8+ months thinking this way, brooding over the horrific end to the prior year: mad at Jerry Jones, mad at my dad for moving us to Texas as a young child (like it was his decision), mad at myself for continuing to watch this stupid team.

      And then September rolls around, Dak and the offense roll, I praise Kellen Moore as the best OC in football, and slowly talk myself into this finally being the year they are able to win a Super Bowl again. Hell, just make one!

      Meanwhile, the inevitable losses happen in December and January and I’m reminded, in my mid-30s, that the Cowboys haven’t even made an NFC Championship Game since I was seven years old. I couldn’t stop laughing at the end of the Mike McCarthy era in Green Bay and here I am thinking he could actually win a Super Bowl. I hate this team and I hate myself.

      This is definitely their year. Go Cowboys.
      "
    Last edited by worstblogever; 09-05-2022 at 07:00 AM.
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  7. #52
    Extraordinary Member MRP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WestPhillyPunisher View Post
    I've never participated in fantasy football. Is it as fun as people say?
    I will say it largely depends o the people in your league. I used to play with a group of friends form college, and it was a lot of fun for a lot of years, but stopped when they got too serious and wanted to make it big money, because it stopped being fun with them and became about the winnings. I played again with some work associates, but only stayed in that league for a couple of years because the friendly rivalry/camaraderie wasn't really there to make it very much fun, and it became a mechanical exercise rather than something I was looking forward to, more of an obligation that a fun exercise. I hadn't played since, but one of the players in my D&D group was running a league and invited me to join, so I am giving it a shot.

    It does change the dynamic of watching games, and gives you entry points into games you may not have had interest in otherwise, and can add a sense of drama to games outside of which team wins or loses, so it does add some very fun elements to football, but all that can be negated when its done in the wrong group of fantasy players. So your experience may vary. Others care less about the context of the people you are playing with and focus more on the elements of the fantasy game itself. That's not me.

    -M
    Comic fans get the comics their buying habits deserve.

    "Opinion is the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding." -Plato

  8. #53
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    I'm in a couple of leagues, all friends or family, and we do it for a low-stakes buy-in (also one of the leagues has a fancy expensive replica WCW/NWA Championship Wrestling belt we treat like a Stanley Cup, we get to hold onto it for the year until the next person wins) to add a bit to it but nothing crazy, and I will say like MRP says you do tend to know names of guys you probably wouldn't have paid attention to on teams other than your own because it's sometimes helpful to know who the back-up RB or 3rd WR is on a team because you own the primary guy.

    I wouldn't recommend a league with strangers, did it once a long time ago (so anecdotal, could be a bad experience) but there was no communication, no trading of players, and just less fun overall. I do miss the old CBR fantasy league, we used to have one here back before the reset when there were far more people on the boards. Though it was on Yahoo!, blech.

  9. #54

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    Today's offering:

    2022 WHY YOUR TEAM SUCKS: THE BUFFALO BILLS!

    Obligatory tailgate mentions!


    From the Bills Mafia:
    • Drew Magary: "Last season, the Bills blew a 10-0 lead to Pittsburgh in Week 1 and lost. They lost to the Titans in the waning moments when Josh Allen slipped and fell on a QB sneak on fourth down. The only way one can stop a Josh Allen sneak, really. They couldn’t muster a single touchdown against Urban Meyer. They got Belichicked at home by the Patriots in a game where Mac Jones was only allowed to throw the ball if he got a permission slip from his mommy. And they got absolutely dusted by Jonathan Taylor and the Colts.

      So there was plenty of reason to doubt this team’s championship mettle a year ago. But after the Bills emphatically walloped the Pats in the Wild Card game, the bandwagon once more burst at the seams with drunken hicks secreting dildos into their fanny packs. This Bills team was different. They were special. They would go to Kansas City for the Divisional Round, avenge their AFC title game loss from the season prior, and finally claim what Marv Levy, Jim Kelly, and Bruce Smith had staked out as rightfully theirs all those decades ago.

      And frankly, they weren’t wrong to believe. I watched that game in Kansas City. If it wasn’t the single greatest playoff game in NFL history, it was certainly one of them. I watched as that game burst open with three touchdowns in the final two minutes. I watched the Bills retake the lead for the first time since the first quarter after Allen engineered a 17-play touchdown drive and then nailed the two-point conversion attempt after for good measure. I watched the Chiefs answer instantaneously with a signature catch-and-run-a-million-yards touchdown from Patrick Mahomes to Tyreek Hill. I watched Allen answer right back with his own 75-yard touchdown drive (all three touchdowns at the end of regulation came off 75-yard drives), culminating in a 19-yard touchdown pass to Gabriel Davis with just 13 seconds left on the clock.

      Thirteen seconds. “They left (X quarterback) too much time on the clock!” has been used so often that it’s more of a meme than an insight anymore. But it didn’t seem apt to say in it either fashion on this night. It was 13 piddly s*** seconds. You could burn half of that just squibbing the ball on the kickoff. The game was over.

      Instead, the Bills kicked it away. Two passes later, they were f***ed.

      After Harrison Butker nailed the tying field goal, the Bills never had the football again. That ending alone was enough to make the NFL change its playoff OT rules this offseason so that both teams get a chance to possess the ball, regardless of what happens on the opening drive. You know what I think of that rule change? I think that you people are all f***ing soft, that’s what I think. That’s not performative hot takeage for the sake of this post, either. I say this with all earnestness: Take your f***ing losses like grownups. You had 13 seconds to punch your ticket to the AFC title game, and you blew it. You had all the time in the world in overtime to stop Mahomes and company from scoring that decisive touchdown. And you wanna blame a rule for everything that happened? Grow up. You lost fair and square. Of course you lost. You’re the Bills. If you expected anything different, you were a f***ing fool.
      "
    • Zack:: "Special teams coordinator and antivax freak Heath Farwell spends the whole season behind the scenes bitching about McDermott’s COVID policy. With 13 Seconds to go in the biggest Bills game in 30 years, McDermott calls a squib kick and Farwell either fails or refuses to relay the call to the only person in the entire f***ing stadium who needs to know about it. This throws Leslie Frazier into such shock that he forgets to call basic defense for three plays in a row. After causing this nuclear disaster, Farwell can’t wait to haul his ass to Jacksonville. McDermott will admit none of this publicly, because it’s all on him and his bulls***, Culture-Building CEO Brain that can’t manage actual games.

      We’re Super Bowl favorites which means we will lose in the Wild Card. Everything about this team still sucks. The owners are still fracking-mogul sociopaths, the players are still morons, and you can’t get anywhere in Greater Buffalo without sitting in traffic behind a Ford F-150 with a Blue Lives Matter bumper sticker.
      "
    • Ryan:: ""
    • Cole:: "As soon as the Chiefs tied the game, I turned the TV off."
    • Arun: "I think I hate the Chiefs more than the Patriots now. It’s at least a discussion, and a deeply unpleasant one at that.

      I didn’t fathom an outcome worse than the Music City Miracle. F*** me. This one is worse.
      "
    Last edited by worstblogever; 09-05-2022 at 07:04 AM.
    X-Books Forum Mutant Tracker/FAQ- Updated every Tuesday.

  10. #55

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    We're only days from kickoff... who's up next?

    2022 WHY YOUR TEAM SUCKS: THE TENNESSEE TITANS!

    Is Derrick Henry finally losing durability? Can Ryan Tannehill ever be better than average? Is Mike Vrabel finally a Belichik coaching tree success? Here we go...


    From the Titans fans:
    • Drew Magary: "Your quarterback is still Ryan Tannehill, who tossed three picks in a single playoff game and is about to take up the largest cap hit of any individual NFL player this coming season. I know it was (mildly) heartwarming when Tannehill flourished in Nashville after getting traded by Miami, and for a lower price than what the Browns fetched for Baker Mayfield just a month ago. But it’s not merely bad luck that Tannehill bombed out in Miami. And it’s not because the Dolphins are a toilet factory, either. It’s because he sucks antlers.

      Gifted with the best running back in football, an O-line that used to routinely rank among the league’s best (NOTE: this is no longer true), and stud wideout AJ Brown, Ryan Tannehill still couldn’t make this team look like anything other than a team led by Ryan Tannehill. He even finished 2021 ranked lower than Jalen Hurts in PFF’s quarterback metrics. There is a tier of good NFL quarterbacks who’ll never be good enough, and Tannehill would be the face of that tier if Kirk Cousins didn’t already exist. And yet, here he remains, entirely because the Titans can’t release or trade him until after this season is over at the earliest.

      Once they finally do, your successor is Malik Willis. Willis was the hottest name to come out of the Senior Bowl, and then NFL front offices remembered that he’s an inaccurate project QB who played at a GOP campaign infomercial poorly disguised as a diploma mill. After that collective epiphany, Willis’s draft stock tanked like Elon Musk had just tweeted about it. No player alive is more primed to reap the benefits of not being Ryan Tannehill than this guy.

      What’s new that sucks? Given that Tennessee can’t bail on Tannehill just yet, you’re about to experience a return engagement about as enjoyable as the comeback run of Will & Grace. Gone is wideout AJ Brown: traded to Philly because the Titans were too cheap to even lowball him. Also gone is wideout Julio Jones, whom Tennessee traded for a year ago in what proved to be an enormous, not to mention depressing, mistake. To fill the void left by Brown (and by Jones’s 31 catches, I suppose), they drafted Treylon Burks and traded for Robert Woods, the latter of whom tore his ACL in the middle of last season. If you like offenses, well this is certainly one of them.

      Over the past few years, the Titans built their entire philosophy around running back Derrick Henry. If you’ve ever watched Henry run the ball, you know that, on a superficial level, this is a good idea. In practice, it means that you’re still living in the Stone Ages and will never win a goddamn thing. And guess what? Whoa hey, turned out Henry missed the entire back half of last season—save for an injury-hampered, no-show performance in the Bengals loss—after the Titans brazenly overworked him the season prior. Who would’ve guessed? And who’ll be able to guess how this team’s offense will look this season, when it tries to do all of the exact same ****, only with Henry even more compromised and without their best wideout? I’d rather watch the Vols’ offense. At least their end zone still looks pretty whenever they fail to reach it. The Titans even reworked Henry’s contract so that they can give him another one sooner rather than later, so don’t expect this cycle of failure to change anytime soon.

      Rodger Saffold is gone. So is Janoris Jenkins. Bud Dupree was a flop. They signed Buster Skrine and then he retired. Harold Landry just tore his ACL. Austin Hooper is here three years after being a clever DFS pick. Even if he returns to full health, Henry will never be as good as he once was now that opposing defenses know they can simply tackle him around his ankles. I see nothing in this team.
      "
    • Ilissa:: "We got the #1 seed even with our best player hurt for half the season. And yet the moment Tannehill threw a pick on the first play against Cincinnati, we all knew that it was over."
    • Kyle:: "They sacked Burrow f***ing 147 times. Got a miracle pick from Amani Hooker. And then I watched Ryan Tannehill turn into Matt Ryan. He costs f***ing $39M this year.

      After they lost, I went straight to the team shop after the loss and spent a rageful $130 on the jersey of the one offensive player who actually f***ing did something that game.

      And then he goes to the f***ing Eagles.
      "
    • Dennis:: "At best, they’ve given me two different 2,000 yard rushers. At worst… well it’s somewhere between our best player ever getting murdered on July 4th and those weird 48 hours where it seemed like Vince Young was about to off himself."
    • Greg:: "I had a great base buzz of roughly 10 beers leading up to the Divisional Round game, only to watch Ryan Tannehill ruin it by throwing a pick on his first pass of the game and on his last pass as well. I’m fairly positive that we just blew the best chance that we’ll have to win a Super Bowl for the foreseeable future. Ryan Tannehill broke my football spirit. I hope that he falls into an active volcano.

      We traded AJ Brown and drafted a WR who will not be nearly as good as AJ Brown. And then drafted a QB from an evangelical college that is most famous for its president jerking off to his wife getting plowed by the pool boy.
      "
    X-Books Forum Mutant Tracker/FAQ- Updated every Tuesday.

  11. #56
    Ultimate Member babyblob's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MRP View Post
    Took part in my first fantasy football draft in 15 years today. It was like riding a bike, everything came back very quickly.

    -M
    I have never done fantasy football. I would love to but I only have one friend interested in Football. So what we do is a pick em comp on the games with the over unders also.
    This Post Contains No Artificial Intelligence. It Contains No Human Intelligence Either.

  12. #57
    Astonishing Member hyped78's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by babyblob View Post
    I have never done fantasy football. I would love to but I only have one friend interested in Football. So what we do is a pick em comp on the games with the over unders also.
    Why not organize something here on CBR?

  13. #58
    Mighty Member cable guy's Avatar
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    I love football, but was not a fan of fantasy. I did it 3 or 4 times many years ago. I tried to like it, but I was terrible at keeping up with my team. Adjusting rosters each week and making trades and picking players up. I actually was known as the guy(to those who didn't know me) who never touched his roster and almost won the whole thing. First place until the last game. I guess I had to adjust my roster somewhat game to game. I forget honestly it was so long ago. Bottom line is it's just not my thing. I just want to watch and enjoy as many games as I can, and not worry about what individual player is doing what.

  14. #59
    Astonishing Member Ghost Rider TheHellfireDemon's Avatar
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    Predictions

    Playoff Seeds

    NFC
    Division Winners
    1. Bucs 1st Round Bye
    2. Packers
    3. Eagles
    4. Rams

    WildCards
    5. 49ers
    6. Cowboys
    7. Cardinals

    AFC
    Division Winners
    1. Bills 1st Round Bye
    2. Bengals
    3. Chiefs
    4. Titans

    WildCards
    5. Ravens
    6. Chargers
    7. Dolphins


    Super Bowl
    The Bills finally win a Super Bowl by defeating the Bucs in a highly entertaining close game.

    NFC Championship
    Bucs defeat the Eagles

    AFC Championship
    Bills defeat the Bengals

    NFC 2nd Round
    Eagles defeat the Packers
    Bucs defeat the Rams

    AFC 2nd Round
    Bengals defeat the Chiefs
    Bills defeat the Titans

    NFC Wildcards
    Packers defeat the Cardinals
    Eagles defeat the Cowboys
    Rams defeat the 49ers

    AFC WildCards
    Titans defeat the Ravens
    Chiefs defeat the Chargers
    Bengals defeat the Dolphins

  15. #60
    BANNED
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    Quote Originally Posted by hyped78 View Post
    Why not organize something here on CBR?
    We tried last year, it was only me and Babyblob doing picks and we gave up a few weeks in. Wasn't for everyone, I guess. We can always pick winners/losers here and keep track individually, though that's a bit of work.

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