I know what you mean. I would be a total sh*t head if no one ever pulled me aside and talked to me about how what I was doing was problematic. I mean, I was one. But still - there is a time and a place. Like, for example, if I say something racist and happen to be around only my white friends and my one friend of color, I wouldn't expect my friend to feel safe or HAVE to mention it right then. I want to know what I'm saying is messed up, absolutely, I don't want to be causing that kind of harm. But if it causes them more harm or more potential harm, they're not obligated to do it, yanno? The same deal with strangers. It doesn't always feel safe - you kind of have to create and make safe environments to make that kind of just easy call out possible.