X-Cresence: I'm the best course, eat me last

[jwatson]

OMG this Q-force on netflix is generic and boring as hell. and cliche as all get out. Not all gay men like Barbara streisand and shania twain like wtf. sometimes i feel gay people play into strereotypes created for them than they should. its weird.

[jwatson]

Also what the hell since i went there gay life will never be normalized in my opinion as long as it's seen as some over sexual thing like all gay men have sex as soon as they meet. Go on a F'ing date, be courted, tell your gay sons to wait for marriage just like you do your sons and daughters who are straight. Overly sexualizing the lifestyle isn't doing anyone any favors.

[Rift]

OMG this Q-force on netflix is generic and boring as hell. and cliche as all get out. Not all gay men like Barbara streisand and shania twain like wtf. sometimes i feel gay people play into strereotypes created for them than they should. its weird.

Yeah, I'm like. I don't even know how I feel about the show. I ended up really liking it in the end, but at the same time I want people to continue tearing it down because it sucks. It feels like they saw Shore Leave from The Venture Bros., Roger from American Dad, and some memes from Twitter, and thought they could build a show around it without getting why the first two were so funny and charming. And they wanted to have a plot, but continually messed up story of character beats to make it happen.

The main guy's love interest was cute as hell, though.

[jwatson]

Yeah, I'm like. I don't even know how I feel about the show. I ended up really liking it in the end, but at the same time I want people to continue tearing it down because it sucks. It feels like they saw Shore Leave from The Venture Bros., Roger from American Dad, and some memes from Twitter, and thought they could build a show around it without getting why the first two were so funny and charming. And they wanted to have a plot, but continually messed up story of character beats to make it happen.

The main guy's love interest was cute as hell, though.

Maybe i will finish it at a later point. I gave up on episode three. I mean i'm pretty fluid but i never wanted it or gave it away as easy as these shows potray. They make gay men look thristy as hell.

[jwatson]

If your going to quote someone please use their entire post. That is one thing i find annoying people have a tendency to try to butcher someones word to make themselves appear to sound more reasonable.

[jwatson]

I am getting so nervous i am getting hives. As i'm getting closer and closer to finishing my project i am wondering if i really need to finally give twitter and instagram another go, i am just not the biggest fan of social media. It is giving me so much anxiety as i draw my underarms are starting to sweat. @_@

[Rift]

Did you try curating your experience? Like following accounts that don't post things that give you anxiety, or using blacklists. That's pretty much the only way I can enjoy social media these days.

[jwatson]

Did you try curating your experience? Like following accounts that don't post things that give you anxiety, or using blacklists. That's pretty much the only way I can enjoy social media these days.

Did not know about curating or using blacklists but i will definitely look into that. Thank you for the information i really appreciate it. Every time i've gone to social media platforms i'm just hit with how people can be so ugly inside.

[jwatson]

I wake up to Star Trek Prodigy Trailer AND Star Trek Discovery season 4 trailer, and some Picard info, then you sprinkle on i can finally watch logan (off to watch now) without having live tv on hulu and i'm all

this morning.

[jwatson]

This logan movie is actually pretty good but i can't get past them getting that family killed and still heading towards the mutant eden while they know for a fact they are being tracked. It just makes no sense how they are willfully putting people in danger.

Also the guy who was controlling young wolverine being gleeful at him killing the black family but then being all "oh no..." when he was killing the white folks pretty much sums up Fox and Fox-men for me.

[jwatson]

My heart is telling me this wasn't the right place for this particular post. And i always follow my heart. ^_^

[jwatson]

I am becoming obsessed with backyard builds and save my reno. obsessed!

[jwatson]

lucifer series finale was straight cliche (it wasn't trash because episodes 1-7 were good. could have been a 5 episode season though). I knew it was going to be cliche as soon as the future trope happened but i didn't know how stupid (or rather how much interest i would lose). Ugh. In my mind this show ended at the wedding episode.

The plot holes, the absolute suspension of belief needed for some of these scenes to work in the final episodes was just too much, there was just a total lack of common sense in some of the sense.Thank god for Maze and Eve. All i can think is this is what happens when you go into a season with nothing to lose or gain or if you promise a certain amount of episodes and truly drag it out.

[jwatson]

Let me just start off by saying I love Marvel Comics, or rather i use to love Marvel Comics. Typing that statement and reading over it makes me realize that it sounds kind of silly to say or rather to feel but it's the truth, for me Marvel has always been sort of a friend that was there through my most important moments, unfortunately they were that friend that you thought was there for you but truly never has been.

I will never forget how i got into Marvel Comics. My first experience was the cartoon in 1993 when i was in 5th grade and that was the same year i had an art teacher who was obsessed with comics, he use to draw comics all the time and i remember him having long conversations with us about his dreams of working with Marvel Comics. I remember loving his art and just loving him talk about the X-men in particular which was his favorite brand. He was a truly talented black man who to my knowledge submitted to marvel many times in the past only to be told he wasn't what they were looking for.

That was also the same year the elementary school i went to started a Saturday after school Program and this teacher who i will affectionaly refer to as Mr. A took his own freetime and headed up and art program there for any of the kids that wanted to show up and be apart of it, he believed everyone should have the chance to follow their creative dreams, any dream really, a true inspiration. I remember one Saturday morning he took us on a field trip, it was only about five of us that went to his Saturday art class, all students of color, so after building our rockets that day in another program and setting them off he took us to the comic shop, Alternate Universe, my first trip there he had us pick out books that spoke to us as he was going to have us learn to develop the stories in our own style, to re imagine the scenes as we would have drawn them taking in the words rather than the imagery the book i ended up choosing was an X-men issue with Candra and Jamil in it, the particular scene that stood out to me was storm coming down from the sky, using her skills she garnered as a thief before she became a goddess to take the gem out of the case. So that was the first thing i intentionally ever drew and from then on i was hooked on the world of marvel.

From that moment forward every last Saturday from fifth grade until my best friend went into the army right before turning 18 me and those four other friends would make that trek to the comic shop, a walk of almost two miles which with legs those small may have seemed like a long trek but it was always an adventure as we talked about what comics we were going to get and then go back to my best friends house and read them. Afterwards we would usually have a sleep over where we spent almost the entire night drawing characters and coming up with story ideas of our own. At this point i was convinced i was going to be an artist and my future was in the creation of comics. Best laid plans i guess. As a young black kid i heard usually from the adults around that there was no place in art for people like me, no money to be had, nothing to be made, no place for us. If i'm honest i really didn't understand it, i often wondered what did they know that i didn't. I was always told i was talented, my mom and dad always kept all my gifts of art i gave to them, but yet there was always a reality there i seemed to be missing that they didn't want to spell out for me.

Looking back through the many years we went to the comic shop i now wander if my friends found the answers before me, as they started to actually look for creators and characters that looked like us i was still fixated on the X-men and the merry mutants, how could books that talked about being oppressed just for being different not understand and be welcoming of people like me, It just had to be right? Over the course of time my friends became obsessed with Spawn and the Gold Digger which was created by Fred Perry, an ex-army vet who to this day has the longest running consistent comic of anyone in America, a man who never seemed to get his accolades but always put the passion in the work, he did it all, writing, drawing, coloring, he was and is a true inspiration but still, something in me was still missing what my friends obviously saw.

As we grew older and the world started to come knocking i sort of fell away from my friends as we all went our separate ways but i never fell out with the merry mutants who still had to understand me, of course they did and even more so as i started to wake up to certain treatment i was now experiencing as i began college and really started to get a few of how people saw me as the other. I remember my art teacher, as i started to go for studio art giving me "The wake up call i needed." Comics don't hire black people. "Don't waste you intelligence on something with no future." I mean i don't know if i should have been insulted or pleased that every professor who knew something i apparently still was refusing to see wanted me to lean in on academia and eventually i did, after six colleges over several states taking everything from Art to Business Administration, to Business finance, to Animation, to back to Business and letting the voices get inside my head i finally decided it has to be business because that is where people are pointing and as i lifted my head up and became aware i saw the lack of what we call now diversity in a business that i had loved for so so many years, but i still never gave up the merry mutants because they were still me, the draw was still there.

After working everywhere from financial companies, to customer service jobs to running the front ends at some of the biggest retail companies in the world it wasn't until a few years ago where i knew i had to get back on the path that my heart wanted me to follow, the path of a creator, and took a long time to get there but when i did it came with new eyes a new sense of woke where i finally started to see what my eyes and mind refused to absorb before. And what i saw was an ugly truth that no one wanted to crush me with, it isn't that there is no place in the creative world for people like me, it's that people will do anything to keep me outside looking in, but never apart of the world i admired and had taught me so many lessons on acceptance and fairness, a world of smoke and mirrors that behind the scenes a different story existed. There weren't many creatives of color in the field, and for a world outside your windows as Marvel likes to tout there wasn't much of one on the pages.

Originally i did quite a bit of research on Marvel, their practices or lack there of and eventually i came to the conclusion that that isn't my place, this isn't a piece of judgement but rather a piece of closure as i move forward to the next chapter of my life as a person who will claim my place all on my own in a world that all too often uses people like me to hide their own dirty little truth, "When we say the world outside our window, we mean the world outside our very own backyards." or rather "the world we want to see outside our backyard windows."

Over the years it truly became even more evident as other mediums were becoming more inclusive marvel seemed to be going the other way. It seemed like they wanted to actually segregate their characters, well what few they actually had to one corner of their universe, where people of color would then be isolated so not as to upset their "white is the only thing that is right fans" But rather than point people to the answers i think it's better they discover them for themselves. I watched as in the last few decades Marvel had a story written where a 12 year old black girl was deflowered on the grass in a book, a rewriting of her history and i thought "wow, they would never had she been white." I remember the excuses and arguments being Africa was a different place yet this was an American company and too this very day unfortunately 12 year old girls are taking advantage of but Marvel would never print those kinds of stories, so what made it different in this case?

I remember instead of a good faith diversity push of characters marvel had them replace their current heroes in what felt like an effort for it to fail before it every begun. There was no place for characters of color, the best they could do was fit into the sweaty draws already worn by your Captain America's or the rusty Armor of Tony stark. Despite in the real world being forced builders of some of the very structures they enjoyed there was no place for them to be the builders or founders or thinkers in the world outside your window.

I watched as they took a group that was suppose to be in a lot of ways a reflection of minorities both of color and of gender and decimated them. Years later i thought the world out side their windows was Nazi Germany as i watched them gas that same group of people with a death cloud floating around their universe and the mass deaths being equated to nothing more than a peanut allergy and ultimately i watched as they put an Editor in Charge that had just come off a stint as pretending to be an Asian man and took work from other Asians only to fall upward into the head position of power at Marvel Comics. I have watched females i fought for to get their place in the industry only to fall in the Trump-ism mentality of better not to rock the white patriarchy and lose my place then to bring in others and ultimately i say "No More..."

So i say open your eyes, do your research, reach your own conclusions, but don't let anyone tell you there isn't a place for you. Do not be discouraged by a world outside someone else's windows that doesn't truly exist anywhere else but in the minds of those who seek to not only never give you credit but to discredit your very existence.

[jwatson]

Onward to bigger and better, as Stan the Man would say. "upward and onward to greater glory." Excelsior, indeed.

*the rest of this is for my eyes only but i'm at peace.*