Traitor Game L: Existential Crisis

[Chris Lang]

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Indigo Al 07-04-2007 10:52 AM

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Hela knocked Valhallen back with a Class 100 shove.

"As I have said, thou DOST SUCK. 'Tis Mr. Lordi who hath earned the right of consortship to the Goddess of Death!"

"If thou art finished with thine relationship idiocies, Goddess of Death," interrupted Odin, "I have also the unpleasant task of announcing the death of that sniveling sycophant, Dwight Schrute. His head, hands and limbs have been severed and sent to his mother, via Asgard Express. Further," Odin produced a slip, "a receipt from Asgard Express was found in Roy Lincoln's chambers!"

After all the shocked gasps and mumbling, Odin said: "Silence! Thou dost wish an answer to the question - was Peter Pan the last Agent of H.E.L.A.? Well, I shall tell thee...."

Before the All-Father could finish, the Great Hall was rocked by a massive explosion that sent debris and dust flying into the air …..

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Chris Lang 07-04-2007 11:11 AM

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"My spider-sense is going haywire here!" Mayday exclaimed. "I don't know what this means, but I've got a bad feeling about this."

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darkkeeperjr 07-04-2007 11:32 AM

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As the debris and dust settled, an unseen pan pushed over the tall stacks of dirty dishes. He was in the other corner of the room when they finally hit the floor and broke all to pieces.

[Chris Lang]

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Indigo Al 07-04-2007 12:17 PM

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As the dust settled, Players, Gods and Warriors saw an enormous army of soldiers, led by 20 smug, overconfident and immensely evil characters. Almost in unison, they stretched out their right arms into the air, palms up, and shouted:

“SIEG HEIL!”

Ingrid Weiss (America’s Best Comics – Tom Strong)
The Fenris Twins (Marvel – X-Men)
Tyrannosaurus Reich (DC - Major Bummer)
Meggan of Earth 597 (Marvel - Excalibur)
Junior Warrant Officer Schrödinger (Hellsing)
Storm Saxon (V for Vendetta)
Hauptman Englande (Marvel, Excalibur)
“Adolf” (The Surf Nazis Must Die)
Age of Apocalypse Apocalypse (Marvel - AoA)
Red Panzer (DC)
Karl Ruprecht Kroenen (Hellboy – movie version)
Baron Blitzkreig (DC)
Tubalcain Alhambra, The Dandy Man (Hellsing)
The Red Skull and Baron Zemo (Marvel)
Baroness Paula Von Gunther (DC - Wonder Woman)
Captain Nazi (DC/Fawcett - Shazam)
Baron Blood (Marvel - Invaders) and Tiernan, Leader of the Scourge (Angel)
Werewolf Women of the SS (Grindhouse fake trailer)
Vosk (Star Trek: Enterprise)

“Greetings, Asgard of 616. We are the vanguard of Asgard 597-X,” said the Red Skull. “In the name of our glorious All-Fuhrer - whom, on our world, thanks to the effort of all you see here, assumed the Wotan-force – we claim your Asgard!”

“We won our reality’s Traitor Game,” continued Baron Blitzkrieg, coldly eyeing Roy Lincoln, “which resulted in our Fuhrer slaying Wotan and wielding all the power of Asgard. And now, at the helm of the Einherjar 597-X army we can bring our RagnaReich throughout all realities and in all worlds and Pantheons.”

“Look, Paula, meine leibling!” said Nazi superwoman Ingrid Weiss with a vicious smile, “What a degenerate und racially impure Traitor Game they have!”

“Ja, Ingrid.” said the elegant yet evil Baroness. “Ve shall enjoy crushing their spirits and smashing their bones! Especially the little wench in the Spider outfit, for it was through her efforts zat ze Ark of the Covenant was activated on our Earth, preventing direct power attacks from ze All-Fuhrer.”

“I care nothing for this ridiculous flatscan Fuhrer,” explained AoA Apocalypse, looking at his other self. “I was a much better ruler and more efficient genetic cleanser than he with his magics could ever be. I merely wish to test my fitness.”

“We shall be gracious, Odin 616, and offer you a chance to yield in exchange for our absolute rulership,” this from Baron Blood, Nazi vampire foe of Captain America and the Invaders. “We hope you refuse…”

Hela, unimpressed with the threat, turned to Odin. "All-Father, we may be at odds until the end of time, but I've no desire to allow a syphilitic mad little fool with power he should not have to destroy the Realm Eternal. That should be MY honor. I hereby release my claim on all the dead of this game, so that they may join the coming fray.

From the roaring war cry of all the Asgardians and the Einherjar, Baron Blood and his 597-X cohorts knew they would not disappointed.

OOC: Your assignment for the final battle is to defeat the foe I have assigned to you - while the general fight goes on (Nazi Valhalla soldiers vs. our Valhalla soldiers).

I realize some of the Nazis I came up with are vaguely defined, fictions-within-fictions (Storm Saxon, Werewolf Women of the SS), or under or overpowered vis-à-vis your character. Just be creative. For example, Grimlock, you can say that Hitler-Wotan granted Tyrannosaurus Reich the power to grow giant and have superstrength - or Santa vs. Vosk with part of the power of Q – etc. You make your own rules, and don’t worry about continuity or whatnot.

Anything goes. Happy Independence Day to the Yanks among us – and to everyone, I think none of us can dispute the gratification of KICKING SOME NAZI ASS - Now GO!

Assignments

Havik and Gan Ning vs. Fenris
Grimlock vs. Tyrannosaurus Reich
Spider Girl vs. Meggan of Earth 597
Hotaru vs. Junior Warrant Officer Schrödinger
Peter Pan vs. Storm Saxon
Thorpool vs. Hauptman Englande
Dwight Schrute vs. “Adolf” (The Surf Nazis Must Die)
Apocalypse vs. Age of Apocalypse Apocalypse
Megaman vs. Red Panzer
Ty Lee vs. Karl Ruprecht Kroenen
Roy Lincoln vs. Baron Blitzkreig
Kamen Rider Odin vs. Tubalcain Alhambra, The Dandy Man
Bob & Karl vs. The Red Skull and Baron Zemo
Wonder Pig vs. Baroness Paula Von Gunther
Ares vs. Captain Nazi
Tara Maclay & Faith vs. Baron Blood and Tiernan, Leader of the Scourge
Bo vs. Werewolf Women of the SS
Santa vs. Vosk

EDIT: I have plans for Ingrid Weiss, unless one of you wants to fight her

[Chris Lang]

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Chris Lang 07-04-2007 12:50 PM

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Mayday quickly turned to the monitors. "Do you have any idea who these guys are?" Mayday asked Goombella.

"I think some of them might be in my book, but I'll have to look. If this were a video game, I'd be totally giving you their attack power and defense and HP now. But you'll just have to keep going at it until they're out of the fight."

"I know one of them." Kitty Pryde said. "And I never wanted to see her again. That Meggan is an evil Nazi alternate universe counterpart of one of my teammates. She has three powers, empathy, elemental powers, and shapeshifting. And sometimes they blend together. Watch out for her."

At once, the Nazi Meggan charged at Spider-Girl. Spider Girl was soon knocked to the ground, underneath a Nazi villainess who had suddenly changed into a werewolf-like creature. "Ugh!" Mayday quipped. "Did the Nazis ban breath mints on your world?"

With that, Mayday shot a stream of webbing into Meggan's mouth. Meggan jumped away, choking and trying to remove the webbing. Just as Mayday was about to follow up, Meggan violently tore out the webbing, and prepared another attack...

Mayday tried to brace herself for what came next...

TBC

OOC: Don't expect Goombella to do tattles on ALL the villains here, though there may be tattles on a few of them. It depends on whether I have enough time and drive to do them.

[Chris Lang]

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Chris Lang 07-04-2007 01:40 PM

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While the fighting began in earnest, Goombella looked in her book frantically. "Good! I found some of them!" she exclaimed. She quickly picked one of the Nazi villains at random to do a tattle on.

"That's Baron Blood. He's an Englishman who got waaaay too interested in vampires for his own good, and so he became a vampire himself."

"He was made into a vampire by the same Dracula we met in the eighth Traitor Game -- the one that comes from the 'Marvel' universe -- so he's got a lot of the same powers. Yeah, he can turn into a bat, wolf, and mist. And he feeds on people by biting their necks and drinking their blood. How totally, totally gross!"

"Unlike the vampires from Faith's world, staking him through the heart won't turn him to dust right away, but it will kill him. He also doesn't like garlic much, and holy water might also repel him. Oh, and sunlight will totally burn him, so I guess he doesn't have a whole lot of summer vacation options."

"And let's see... who's taking on Baron Blood in this fight?"

"That's Faith. She's like, a really tough vampire slayer."

"She's got enhanced speed and strength which makes her a force to be reckoned with."

"It says here she went rogue and kinda went to the dark side for a while, but that was just a phase she was going through. Sort of a cry for help, y'know?"

"Anyway, as a Slayer, she's quick enough to stake a vampire through the heart faster than you could say 'Sunnydale'. Of course, the super-tough vampires and demons might still take her a while, though."

"But anyway, yeah, she's someone you want to have with you when you're fighting vampires or demons or other supernatural creatures."

"I already gave the tattle for Tara earlier. I don't know if Tiernan's in this book or not. I guess I can do one on him later if there's time."

[Chris Lang]

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Weirdopky 07-04-2007 01:59 PM

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OOC: This is before the Nazis busted in. Also, Indigo Al, thanks. Being that I'm jewish, it's always fun to beat the crap out of Nazis. That's why I enjoyed Medal of Honor Allied Assault so much. :-)

IC:Well, Karl, I see you're talking to your superior, MODOK. How is ol' Georgey Tarleton doing? Anyway, you mistake me for that bumbling fool who I so easily got banished, and then I murdered him. Still, I do have his gadgets in this god forsaken kitchen, but they're not directly attached to me. If you need a clone of myself, I would be willing to help. Then Santa sees Karl's befuddle look. Hmmmm, it appears you have been mindwiped by your superior, and he doesn't want you getting a promotion. Still, I have a neural implant that I stole from robo-fatty that'll prevent that, should the time arise. Now, let us start working together. AIM IS AWESOME!

Then, Santa sees the Nazis enter.

Dear sweet jesus, what the hell? Why'd they have to come and ruin the moment?

Battle with the guy who I was assigned to coming up in a later post. I have to look the character up now.

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Weirdopky 07-04-2007 02:08 PM

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So, Vosk, you lousy alien bastard. You worked againsts my favorite Star Trek team, and now, it is time... FOR YOU TO PAY!! Santa takes out a metallic club (like that of an ogre or giant) and bashes Vosk on the head. Then, Vosk does some crazy alien thing (not to familiar with the character, so I'm sorta improvising. It doesn't say much about him on wikipedia.) and stabs Santa in the stomach. Santa, being creepy and magical, has a cool healing factor, and repaired the stab damage. Then, Santa takes out his missile tow, and pulls the trigger, but it's out of missiles. Then, he takes out a ginsu sword, and chops off Vosk's arm.

OOC; This'll continue, and if I'm doing a terrible job, if somebody knows more about the character let me know. I'm not great with Star Trek characters. Also, I'm changing my avatar to match AIM now, and I might change the font to match the one Karl uses. If anyone can do a better job of making the santa avatar with a yellow suit, please let me know.

Right now, my compture isn't letting me add the avatar, since it says the file's too big, but i can't find a way to change it, since the size is right.

[Chris Lang]

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Tommy 07-04-2007 02:20 PM

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Bo once more found himself in the unenviable position of fighting three women. Each was topless except for a pair of leather suspenders holding up their leather pants (not that those pants required them, they were practically painted on). As they approached one blonde leaned in and said, “Ja, you smell of ze wolf.”

Another reached foreword grapping him by the belt buckle, “Join us in ze glorious thousand Year Empire!”

The third stalked behind him creeping her hands from his lower back down to his buttocks. “You could be ze father of a race of super-wolves.”

“Ladies, you are not selling anything that I want to buy,” Bo said pulling off his coat and in the process shoving the female werewolf back.

“He reacts strangely to our pheromones,” the fallen wolf said to her companions.

“It is impossible for any man to resist us, certainly not when he is giving off his own delicious cocktail.”

“Unless… he is crippled with effeminacy.”

The woman behind him leaned closer, “Tell me wolf boy are you a pederast?”

[Chris Lang]

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Jeremi 07-04-2007 02:44 PM

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OOC: Cool I like the Strucker twins…six feet under that is.:evilsmile

IC:Havik & Gan Ning was having a stare down with the Fenris twins.

“So let me get this straight…those two are siblings and are part of some weird cult thingy and are reaching for world domination?”

“Correct.”

“Sweet, dibs on the boy. So are you two ready to face of against the mighty Gan Ning…

“…And Havik Cleric of Chaos?”

“These ruffians bore me brother, can we kill them now?” Andreas puts his arm around her. “Why not sister? Are you two ready for a new world order lead by us?”

Gan Ning looked irritated. “You finished? Get ready for a beat down you will soon forget!”

“Bring it on miscreant.”

Gan Ning charged against them. The Fenris twins start to shoot their blast against him, one shot nearly took Gan Ning’s head out, but he managed to put up his sword to deflect it. Havik started to shoot his own blast only to get them deflected by Andrea’s shots. During this time Gan Ning was about to hit Andrea when they flew up into the sky. There they started to bombard Havik & Gan Ning with their blasts. Havik & Gan Ning jumped behind a pillar.

“They can fly…Peachy. So how are going to take them?”

“I think I noticed something about their powers. They are always holding hands! If we sever the link between them, then their powers will stop working as well!”

“How are we going to do that?”

“Trust me I have a plan. Chaos will be served.”

OOC: The end of the fight will come tomorrow, now I am going to watch the Jackass movie, later.

[Chris Lang]

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darkkeeperjr 07-04-2007 02:50 PM

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Pan attacked saxon from the back as Bling blinded him from the front. Peter lifted Saxon in the air while cutting away his gun belt and other weapons that saxon had. Pan flew him higher and higher,strip him of his clothes then let him drop.

Someone must had given Saxon storm a powerup boost. saxon hit a fountain and bounced three times before he stood up to face pan. Twin daggers hit Storm in the chest while peter grabbed him again. Storm was built to a lot of punishment. he wasn't as strong as pan,so peter just held storm head down in the water till he drowned.

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Froggy 07-04-2007 03:18 PM

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"Aha! Look at the little blue japanese robot! You're inferiority shall be your downfall today!" Red Panzer said, looking down on Megaman. "You do not even have any musculature, you look so WEAK! It will be easy to DESTROY YOU!" Panzer said, going in to swing on Megaman.

megaman blocked the punch, and jumped away from Red Panzer. "Ok...slight problem. It seems he's human, and I don't want to kill a human but...

in the middle of megaman's train of thought, Panzer fired a energy volley at him, causing a cloud of smoke to be kicked up. Panzer laughed as the cloud was kicked up, saying aloud "I TOLD MY COMRADES THSI WOULD BE TOO EASY!" before he turned around and saw a blue figure behind him. "WHAT THE? How can this be?


"You can thank Gemini Man for being easy to beat" the two megamen said in unison, onef romt eh smoke cloud, and one from behind panzer. "What the? Panzer asked as he swung at the one behind him, only to see it disappear. Megaman laughed and let his right arm grow large and jumped at panzer with frightening speed. "GUTSMANS ARM!" he shouted with the enlarged right arm, punching Panzer and knocking his face mask off. Panzer got up and shouted something akin to "IMPUDENT MACHINE" in german and tried firign at Megaman again, and actually hitting him. Megaman was knocked back, but bounced up and started glowing. "What are you doing>? Panzer asked as megaman started glowing and walking towards him. He saw the little robot wasn't answering him, and shouted "ANSWER ME!" before blasting at Megaman with another energy volley....thas when Megaman unleashed his full charged Mega buster. A large orange blast came from Megaman's right arm cannon, and knocked panzer back near his comrades, armor fried off, and unconscious. "You're lucky I only went half power......this may be a war of sorts but i'm not killing anyone! Odin, he's defeated!" Megaman said

[Chris Lang]

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Chris Lang 07-04-2007 03:59 PM

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Kitty shouted at Megaman through the monitor. "I don't think you have to kill them, just incapacitate them." She turned to Goombella. "Do you have any info that might help them?"

Goombella looked through her book. "Let's see. We've got Grimlock. About time I did a tattle on him."

"That's Grimlock. He's a Transformer, and leader of a sub-group of Autobots called the Dinobots. The whole Autobot-Decepticon backstory is, like, too long and complicated to go into here."

"Grimlock has a totally strange speech pattern, often referring to himself as 'me' rather than 'I', and sometimes he comes off as not being very bright. But don't let that fool you. He can be very vicious in a fight! He transforms into a giant robot dinosaur, and can fire flame and missiles in dinosaur mode. And those jaws of his can bite through several types of metal."

"It says here he loves a good fight. He loves challenges, so boss battle type fights totally appeal to him."

"He thinks of himself as the best leader, and calls himself king sometimes. Yeah, he kind of has an ego, but it's good to have him on your side, y'know?"

"Let's see. Who's Grimlock facing in this fight against the Nazi supervillains?"

"That's Tyrannosaurus Reich. He's a Nazi dinosaur from another dimension. I know, that sounds totally gnarly, but that's what the book says."

"Yeah, he's what you get when you cross a Nazi and a Tyrannosaurus Rex, and that's just about all there is to know about him. Except that this one rampage of his was stopped when he was driven back to his home dimension by a giant housecat."

I think maybe the Wotan-force or whatever might have given him an upgrade, so you'd best not underestimate him."

Goombella stopped there. "I might have more later, but maybe you won't need the info. Some of you are doing okay without it..."

[Chris Lang]

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Eternal Torment 07-04-2007 04:13 PM

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Scourge was pissed beyond belief. He screamed at his laptop. "I THOUGHT YOU SAID ALL OF THEM WERE MERGED!" Zero's voice came through the speakers. "They were. Something must have dislodged that last one from the connection." The Scourge loaded a bullet into his gun. "Fine. I'll go deal with this myself." He walked over and whacked the merged Apocalypse over the head with his gun. Almost immediately, the mutant stopped shaking and got up. "That version of me must be defeated. Kill him. Kill. Kill."

He extended his left hand, and grabbed the AoA Apocalypse. The counterpart responded by shooting spikes out of his face. But with the invulnerability of the animated Apocalypse, this did not harm the merged version. He walked closer and closer as the AoA version struggled to get out of his grasp. But it was too late. The merged became a semisolid and wrapped his body around the other's. Apocalypse got up. He was now truly a composite, and free from the seizures that plagued him.

[Chris Lang]

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tangentman 07-04-2007 04:30 PM

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“He reacts strangely to our pheromones,” the fallen wolf said to her companions.

“It is impossible for any man to resist us, certainly not when he is giving off his own delicious cocktail.”

“Unless… he is crippled with effeminacy.”

The woman behind him leaned closer, “Tell me wolf boy are you a pederast?”

Before Bo could answer, the She-Wolf jerked and spasmed violently.

"AGHK!"

A sword ran through her chest, the hilt held by an angry Fandral. "I'll thank thee to keep thy slatternly paws off my beloved!" The Warrior yanked his sword from the wolf-woman's chest, before cracking her jaw with his sword hilt. Fandral seized Bo in his arms, pulling the werewolf in for a kiss that was no less passionate for its necessary briefness.

"Thou'rt well, my Wolf?" Fandral's eyes ran over Bo for signs of injury.


Meanwhile...

Faith elbowed the fat bitch running the kitchen in her jaw. "That's a sacred weapon for Slayers only, Fat-Ass!" She snatched up her weapon and charged into the fray. "Oh look, Tara. We get to kill Nazis." The Slayer warily circled the leader of the Scourge, a fierce grin showing her readiness for her next kill.

Tara didn't meet her foe as eagerly. The tattle by Goombella let her know that Baron Blood wouldn't be a pushover. A leer turned up Blood's lips as he prowled toward Tara. "I thought they would send me a worthy opponent. You're just a little girl...one whose blood will look pretty on my hands!"

Blood leapt several yards toward a startled Tara. However, the experience in Asgard had substantially toughened the witch. Even moreso than the months she'd helped patrol Sunnydale in Buffy's absence, Tara faced combat without the reticence which had longed plagued her. She held up her palm and calmly said, "Thicken." The air thickened until it became harder than steel, and Baron Blood bounced off the makeshift-shield.

[Chris Lang]

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Tommy 07-04-2007 05:12 PM

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Before Bo could answer, the She-Wolf jerked and spasmed violently.

"AGHK!"

A sword ran through her chest, the hilt held by an angry Fandral. "I'll thank thee to keep thy slatternly paws off my beloved!" The Warrior yanked his sword from the wolf-woman's chest, before cracking her jaw with his sword hilt. Fandral seized Bo in his arms, pulling the werewolf in for a kiss that was no less passionate for its necessary briefness.

"Thou'rt well, my Wolf?" Fandral's eyes ran over Bo for signs of injury.

“You and I are going to have a little talk about leaving your partner alone in a kitchen for a very long time.”

But as he said that his body began to transform. Gone was the boy, in its place was the wolf.

The two remaining women snarled and said something uncomplimentary about Fandral and Bo. Claws shot out of their fingers, their ears became pointed and a massive set of teeth began poking out of their jaws. But nothing to mar their “beauty.”

Bo leapt upon the nearest woman. She hissed and stabbed her nails into his throat. Bo roared with pain he leaned back and scraped her chest.

She let out a harsh shriek and attempted to kick him in the genitalia. Bo shrugged off the hit and with a sickening snap ripped off her arm and ate it. She couldn’t let out another scream since both of Bo’s paws where upon her chest, pushing the air out. With a crack her ribs broke. Her chest began taking on a sickening concave look. Bo took a swipe and ripped it totally open leaving his opponent dead.

[Chris Lang]

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Weirdopky 07-04-2007 07:25 PM

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Once again, Superheroic, you rock. It looks much better than mine. Now, back to the fighting.

Well, Vosk, it's time you meet my army of ADs.

ADs? What the hell are you talking about, fool?

Arachnodrones, ATTACK! As soon as Santa said that, 5 ADs came out from his bag, and latched on to different body parts on Vosk's new humanlike form. They grabbed his arms, his legs, and his neck, and wrapped themselves around each limb. Then, they pulled him to the grounhd, and rooted themselves into the ground with newly produces legs. Then, Santa went in for the kill. Well, alien scum, it's time you pay the piper his due. Have a taste of my Dillinger. It's a TommyGun I acquired on my adventures to Brookly in the 1940's from a man named Santino "Sonny" Corleone. Prepare to die! Santa then started blasting round after round from his seventy bullet clips right into Vosk's chest. Then, Vosk smashed the ADs, and jumped into the air.

You old fool, you can't destroy me that easily. I have the power of Q, and have learned to use my newest addition, bloodsucking suction cups on my arms. Enjoy life while it lasts.

Just then, as he was about to grab Santa's neck, he felt a finger tap him on the shoulder. He turned around, and all 5 ADs had repaired themselves into a larger bipedal robot with a large sword for a hand. Then, it sliced Vosk's head off, put it on the sword like a shish kabob, and used a flamethrower to cook it. Then, Santa ripped the head off of the skewer, and ate it whole.

Seems Vosk got too far a"head" of himself. He doesn't seem to have a good head on his shoulders. Now, he'll never get ahead in life. Muahahahaha, thank you Mike Myers, for the witty head jokes. Yeah baby, YEAH! Had to make an Austin Powers reference. Also, this stuff can be going on till the end, but I'm working for 10 hours tomorrow, and I wanted to get this stuff in before the game ended.

[Chris Lang]

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The Purple Skull 07-04-2007 08:04 PM

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When we last left off, our villains were in the middle of a recruitment drive. All of a sudden, Bob, Karl, and the rest of the players were put in a battle of most epic proportions. In what can only be considered a true dream match, the team of Bob & Karl were face-to-face with the team of the Red Skull & Baron Zemo!



"Holy crap! You two are like my heroes. Skull, you are like the man. The way you orchestrated the whole death of Captain America. A thing of beauty my friend. And Zemo....that is a great mask!"

Bob gives Zemo & Skull a hug. Disgusted, Skull smacks Bob really, really hard.

"Dirty American. Don't EVER lay your filthy hands on me. You and your idiot friend do not deserve to wear those uniforms."

"Exactly. You two are the cream of the crap. Waste of sperm like yourselves give Hydra & AIM a bad name."

"I am really..hurt by those harsh words."



"You damn right. You can call Bob a waste of sperm all you want, but when you associate me with that....UH-UH! That tears it. You two are going down!"

"Hardly. You see, once we vanquish you two, the two of us are planning to betray our teammates."

"And then, we will betray each other!"

"Spoken like a true Marvel villain. CoughActsofVengeanceripoffCough."

"What was that!"

"Nothing. He was coughing. CoughPeoplewhowearpinkwillneverbetakenseriouslyCou gh"

"What was that!"

"Nothing, dude. We've been in Niffleheim for a while. We were bound to catch a cold. CoughlosersCough"

CoughDrDoomisthemoresuperiorsupervillainCough

"Enough! Once I rid you, your idiot friend, my teammates, and Zemo, the world will be mine! And the first thing I will do is change all currency to Skull Funds!"

The Red Skull shows them money colored in red with his picture on it.

"I beg to differ. You see, once I vanquish all of my enemies, the world will rightfully belong to me! And from there, all currency will be changed to Zemo Dollars!"

Baron Zemo shows them money colored in pink with his picture on it.

"Whatever happened to just using regular money?"

"No I will rule the world!"

"I will!"

"I will!"

"You had your chance already! It's my turn!"

Zemo & Skull begin slapfighting.

"Your mother looks like a whore!"

"Your mother IS a whore!"

Zemo & Skull now begin pinching each other.

"Ow!"

"Ow!"

Zemo & Skull: "OWWWWWWWW!!!!"

"Umm...weren't you dudes supposed to fight us?"

Zemo & Skull: "Stay out of this!"

"Hey, we won't get in your away again."

Zemo gives Skull a nipple twist. Skull retaliates by giving Zemo an Indian burn.

"This may take a while..."

"So what do you wanna do?"

"Wanna play cards?"

"I'm in! Hail Hydra~!"


OOC: What? Did you really think I was going to have an actual fight between the 4? :p

[Chris Lang]

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Deadpooligan 07-04-2007 10:33 PM

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Thorpool stood triumphant as Hauptmann Englande feigned punches in preparation for their fight.

"So let me getteth this straight, th'art a Captain Britain from an alternate universe..."

"Ja."

"...one where the Nazis won World War II...."

"Ja, der Allies did nicht succeed."

"...and your name is 'Captain Britain' in German, and you're a bad guy?"

Thorpool started to laugh. This guy was a walking contradiction.

"Ja, und I vas created by Chris Claremont und Alan Davis!"

"No mind control? No unexplained turn to evil? Th'art no Claremont villain!"

He laughed again.

"Ah, but at least I am better than any Rob "Heroes Reborn" Liefeld und Fabian Nicieza created heroes!"

Thorpool replied in kind with a hammer 'cross the face.



"Bash Rob 'Tig ol' Bitties Cap' Liefeld all you want, but say nay a word against my darling Fabes!"

Hauptmann Englande rose, cracked his knuckles and flew slowly upwards. Mjolnir returned to Thorpool.

"You are a stubborn God, and this realm will join the Third Reich with your death."

"You do, in fact, realize that you're a modern-day Nazi? Is it even called the 'Third Reich' anymore? I'm thinking something better, like "Hitlerland' or 'Naziworld'! Maybe even, the 'Schadenfreude Fair' or maybe --!?"

The Hauptmann flew at impressive speeds, tackling him.

"You will pay for your mockery of das Vaterland!"

"Vaterland? 'Tis fat camp for those strudel-packing fat kids? I bet they miss you, chubbs!"

The two traded blows in midair.

"I am not a 'chubbs'! Look at these washboard abs!"

"Sh'yeah, maybe a George Foreman washboard. You know, I hear obesity is genetic these days..."

More blows. The two crashed through a building and rolled apart on the floor.

"Say one word about mein mutter und it will be your head!"

Thorpool smiled; IHRE MUTTER KAMPH!! (YO' MOMMA FIGHT!)



"Thy momma is so voluminous that when she hauleth ass, she doth make two trips!"

He nailed Hauptmann Englande with a left hook to the jaw.

"Ihre mutter ist so dumm, she couldn't read ein audio book."

He hit TP with a fierce uppercut to the chest.

"Thy momma is so unsightly, I heard that thy father first met her at the pound!"

Thorpool lands a hammer-to-the-shoulderblade!

Ihre mutter ist so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks...?"

He throws an awkward punch, which is caught by Thorpool. TP retaliates in kind with a hammerlock, pinning Hauptmann Englande to the ground.

"'Twas terrible, Haupty. And now is where I finish thou."

He raised Mjolnir.

"Thy momma is so voluminous, when she went outside in a red dress, everyone yelled..."

'LO! KOOL-AID!

He swung his hammer down through the Hauptmann's skull, killing him.

"OH YEA, verily!"

And through the wall busted... VIKING KOOL-AID MAN!



"OH YEA!!"

OOC: Wanted to give Viking Kool-Aid Man a full beard, but decided against it.

Also, it's pronounced "Oh YAY!" for comedic effect and the Olde English tie-in.