Traitor Game L: Existential Crisis

[Chris Lang]

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Kevin M. 07-05-2007 08:29 PM

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"If you not Decepticon, then you friend of Grimlock" he said as fired a rocket at large crowd of Nazi fighters. Burnt body parts, and red armbands flew all over the place.

"This fun"

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Eternal Torment 07-05-2007 08:37 PM

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"It's almost time. It's such a pity that they must die, but I can't do a thing about it."

[Chris Lang]

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Tommy 07-05-2007 08:51 PM

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"If you not Decepticon, then you friend of Grimlock" he said as fired a rocket at large crowd of Nazi fighters. Burnt body parts, and red armbands flew all over the place.

"This fun"

“I am not a Decepticon,” Hana said firing into the Nazis creating massive property destruction, not to mention personal injury.

“Maiden!” Fandral said while slashing at Nazi hands pushing against the serpents. “MAIDEN! Wouldst thou help us in this endeavor?”
But Cobra Queen was still chatting with the blind Nazi.



“I didn’t want to be a sssssssshop lifter,” she was saying. “I wasssss ecconomicaly dissssssssenfranchissssssssssed. I wassssss under ssssstresssss. PMSsssssss. Okay, I wanted to be a Sssssssssshop lifter.”

Suddenly the serpents hissed in pain and started squirming away from the rift. The Nazis had brought out high tech laser riffles.

Bo dived in front of Fandral as a shot slit him open almost from his hind legs to his shoulder. He let out a howl of pain and rolled over.

“We have to close this rift!” Hana screamed transforming into a jet and strafing the area directly in front of it.

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Froggy 07-05-2007 08:55 PM

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Megaman, jumping over a group of soldiers he had knocke dout heard Hana shout about the rift. "Need to close it? I think I have a plan!

[Chris Lang]

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Deadpooligan 07-05-2007 11:10 PM

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Thorpool stood and stared into the red, fiery heat-vision eyes of Nazi Superman.

"Ha! Dost thou not read the Internets? They say Thor would'st totally whoop Superman in a fight!"

"I don't have a weakness to magic anymore. You can thank the Germans for pumping me full of different Red Kryptonite while they had me imprisoned..."***

Thorpool rubbed his chin.

"Well, mayhap I'll just have to find some other way to defea-- KRYPTONITE!"

He threw a green painted rock (it was in one of his many pouches) and hit Nazi Superman dead in the face.

"AARGH, THE PAIN IS UNBEARABLE! I CAN'T... wait... this is just a green rock. You tricked me!"

"Wow, you really are Pre-Crisis. Any random thug carrying around a green rock could just wipe the floor wit'cha back then."

"The Nazis have made me invulnerable to anything you can possibly throw at me. You have already failed, faux God."

"Yeah, well that's what the art school admissions office said to you!"

"W-what did you say?"

"You heard me, you talentless hack. You couldn't draw your way out of a paper bag!"

Nazi Superman's voice started to crack.

"But... Ma always said I had talent... they couldn't see it... Hitler told me I was good..."

"Oh, please. Your parents lived in mortal fear of you and Hitler was just jealous and patronizing you."

"*sob* Why do you say things that will hurt me?"

"Aww... is the widdle Nazi Supewman gonna cwy?"

"I'm... I'm not crying... *sob*"

Tears trickled down his face.

"Yes, yes Nazi Superman! Paint me a portrait with you tears! Mua-ha-ha-ha! Paint the Mighty Thorpool a picture of your failure at life!"

"*cries* I'm leaving this planet and never coming back! You're a dick, Thorpool!"

And with that, he flew away at FTL speeds to the great unknown areas of space. Thorpool brushed himself off and took a Broadway Playbill out of one of his pouches.

"Now where's ol' Hitler at? I got a Production I want him to see..."

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*** - Didn't catch that issue? The Nazis captured Supes and experimented on him surgically using magical tools and Red Kryptonite injections!

[Chris Lang]

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Tommy 07-05-2007 11:52 PM

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Fandral stroked Bo’s fur. “Beloved,” he whispered into his lover’s ear.

The Giteltron landed next to Megaman. “What is your plan?” she asked as she strafed the area.

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Chris Lang 07-06-2007 12:38 AM

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"Now where's ol' Hitler at? I got a Production I want him to see..."

OOC: I already made a reference to that in Mayday's dialogue in my previous IC post.

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Froggy 07-06-2007 12:41 AM

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Fandral stroked Bo’s fur. “Beloved,” he whispered into his lover’s ear.

The Giteltron landed next to Megaman. “What is your plan?” she asked as she strafed the area.

"well I still have a gravity hold charge, but I think I'll need to combine it with two other devices I have, do you think you could somehow use these other devices? A spark drill and a flash grenade....."

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Tommy 07-06-2007 12:46 AM

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"well I still have a gravity hold charge, but I think I'll need to combine it with two other devices I have, do you think you could somehow use these other devices? A spark drill and a flash grenade....."

"I should be able to."

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Kevin M. 07-06-2007 12:50 AM

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"Me help to" Grimlock said as he walked over to the two. "Fighting Nazis getting boring anyway"

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Deadpooligan 07-06-2007 12:53 AM

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OOC: I already made a reference to that in Mayday's dialogue in my previous OOC post.

OOC: Ha! I missed that. Nice quip there, Chris.

[Chris Lang]

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Froggy 07-06-2007 01:21 AM

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"I should be able to."

"Me help to" Grimlock said as he walked over to the two. "Fighting Nazis getting boring anyway"

Megaman nodded. "Alright, I'll initiate the Gravity hold, while you two....take this" He said as he touched them with his left hand. Grimlock got the flash greande while the giltetron got the spark drill. "Now after I use the gravity hold to pull the the tear together, you use the spark drill while grimlock you use the flash greande, OK?" Megaman asked, before initiating the gravity hold

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Tommy 07-06-2007 01:24 AM

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"Alright," Hana Geltelman didn't really understand, but she trusted Megaman. Afterall she had played every single game he had been in, and read every single website about him.

She fired up the drill...

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Froggy 07-06-2007 01:35 AM

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Megaman fired the gravity hold at the tear, then shouted "GO!" to Hana and Grimlock

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Kevin M. 07-06-2007 01:36 AM

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"Me got it" Grimlock said as he fired the flash grenades at the tear. Streaks of energy began to escape the tear as fired round after round.

"This fun"

[Chris Lang]

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Jeremi 07-06-2007 01:53 AM

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OOC: I saw it too. I really enjoyed it as well, but had a small nit-pick. In the close quarter battles, it was difficult for me to tell exactly what was going on.

OOC: I have to agree on that as well. Still great movie, now they just have to introduce Shockwave and Grimlock in the sequel (if they are making one). Oh and Froggy it was Havik who ripped Red Panzers head off not Gan Ning.

Megaman fired the gravity hold at the tear, then shouted "GO!" to Hana and Grimlock

IC: Havik had been beating off the Nazis when he noticed Megaman and the robots trying to close the portal. “Do you need any assistance in closing the portal? My Chaos magic might help somehow.”

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Froggy 07-06-2007 01:57 AM

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OOC: I have to agree on that as well. Still great movie, now they just have to introduce Shockwave and Grimlock in the sequel (if they are making one). Oh and Froggy it was Havik who ripped Red Panzers head off not Gan Ning.



IC: Havik had been beating off the Nazis when he noticed Megaman and the robots trying to close the portal. “Do you need any assistance in closing the portal? My Chaos magic might help somehow.”

OOC: my bad


Megaman turned to see Havik, and nodded wildly. "Yes, can you're magic....help Hana and Grimlock keep this tear sealed? I've already started to close it, but i'm on my last charge, i dont know how much longer i can keep this uP! Megaman said firign another gravity hold at the tear

[Chris Lang]

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Jeremi 07-06-2007 02:06 AM

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Megaman turned to see Havik, and nodded wildly. "Yes, can you're magic....help Hana and Grimlock keep this tear sealed?

“Please what CAN’T Chaos do?” Havik started chanting and a purple beam was shot at the portal. “By Chaos this portal shall be sealed!”

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Froggy 07-06-2007 02:12 AM

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“Please what CAN’T Chaos do?” Havik started chanting and a purple beam was shot at the portal. “By Chaos this portal shall be sealed!”

"Oh my......" megaman stated as the portal was sealed slowly with the aid of Havik. "That....that was quite the tool. I've got a lot of reassessments to make after this is all over, wha with the nature of "magic" and all...." megaman said before powering his gravity hold down

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Kevin M. 07-06-2007 02:19 AM

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As the tear began to close, Grimlock continued to fire the flash grenades. "We also got it" he said as he stoped firing. He went to transform into is alt form when he realized something was wrong.

"Me can't transform"

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Jeremi 07-06-2007 02:42 AM

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I've got a lot of reassessments to make after this is all over, wha with the nature of "magic" and all...."

“Magic is a powerful tool, if you can use it right just ask the traitor witch.”

[Chris Lang]

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tangentman 07-06-2007 12:37 PM

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Gan Ning's answer came in the form of a back-handed punch from Baron Blood. "Fool! I'll kill you soon enough--after I rend this so-called 'Vampire Slayer' limb from shapely limb!" Before the pushy martial artist could react, he heard skittering by the masses. An army of rats flooded the area, overrunning Gan Ning. They wouldn't kill him, but if he stayed in the area, their sheer numbers would demand all his attention.

Faith snorted in amusement when she saw a wharf rat take a small chunk of Gan Ning's arm. "Talk about biting off more than he could chew...!" The moment passed quickly, though, as Faith turned her attention back to Blood. "It's your lucky day, BB. School's in session now--the class? 'Introduction to Dusting'. I bet'chu'll appreciate it."

Faith's jump kick rocked Baron Blood backward. "There's all sorts of cool stuff you'll learn. In the five minutes or less before I dust you." She followed up the first kick with a punch to the vamp's ribs.

The nazi vampire howled in rage as he leapt on Faith. The Slayer held his snapping jaws back with the shaft of her Scythe. "Damn! You really oughta invest in Listerine if you're getting that up close and personal on the first date!" Blood howled, "I'll wear your blood before this night ends, you insolent whore!"

Behind them, Tara went largely unnoticed. The young witch swiftly took advantage of Blood's preoccupation with Faith. She closed her eyes and went inward to the source of her power. "Apollo, God of Light and Healing, hear my prayer. I ask your favor in this moment, shine your light upon us in this evil hour. Let day pierce the night, illuminate the battlefield by the power of the living sun. Smite my enemy with your golden shaft! This I implore!"

A ball of golden light materialized between Tara's outstretched hands. The ball's light built in size and intensity. Then, the construct changed shape, taking on the aspect of a gigantic arrow. Tara held the energy as long as she could manage. When she couldn't restrain it anymore, Tara let the bolt of pure sunlight fly.

The "Bolt of Apollo" flew swiftly, striking Baron Blood in the back. "No! ACKKK! Sunlight!! Impossible, the Master promised...!" Baron Blood attempted to reach behind his shoulders and bat out the flame, but he couldn't reach it. The pure agony caused by sunlight blotted out any logic that might have told him to drop and roll. For vampires, the pain caused by sunlight blocked out any other thought.

Faith grinned cruelly at Baron Blood as he blazed from the spell. She reared back the Scythe for a final strike. "I should probably put you out of your misery." The Scythe swung and connected. However, instead of taking off Blood's head, Faith hit his torso. Baron Blood was chopped in half, his upper body burning rapidly.

As the vampire keened in pain, Faith added, "But something tells me you deserve to suffer. Guess it's Slayer Sense or whatever." While Blood flailed in vain, Faith shoved his legs toward the small blaze to make sure ALL of Baron Blood burned.

Faith walked over beside Tara. "Normally, I like making the kill shot myself, but...that was pretty damn good! What did you do to ol' Blood?" Tara smiled modestly and said, "It was just a twist on an old spell Willow worked out a few years ago."

[Chris Lang]

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The Purple Skull 07-06-2007 12:51 PM

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When we last left off, our villains were, shockingly, clever enough to fend off the Red Skull & Baron Zemo. Their fight seemed to be finished....but that was just not the case.

(Pissed off) "Fool! Did you think knocking me into the stratosphere would keep me down? I am the Red Skull! I do not go down that easily!"

(Pissed off) "You idiots dare underestimate Baron Helmut Zemo?! That will prove to be the biggest mistakes in your pathetic lives!"



"Jeez....can't you dudes take the hint?"



"Yeah dude. We beat you two fair and square. We won. You lost."

"Hardly."

"We will not rest until you two have been disposed of!"

Skull & Zemo then charge towards Bob & Karl. However, Bob & Karl stop them.

"Whoa whoa whoa. Before you guys go on with killing Karl and myself.....can you guys read this script we wrote for you guys?"

"Yeah and a stand on this X."

"Uh...ok"

"Sure...I guess."

(Reading from the script in an unnatural, awkward way) "At last! We have you two....right by the balls.....Wait what?"

(Reading from the script in an unnatural, awkward way) "Yes! We will...um...grind them up, chew them up, and spit them out.....Now wait just a second! Zemo & I have NEVER said garbage like this before!"

"Just follow the script guys."

"Oh wait. Karl, it's our turn."

(Reading from the script) "Oh dear. Whatsoever will we do? Zemo and Skull have got us right where they want us."

(Reading from the script) "Woe is me. Things look dire for us. It is a good thing those anvils have come to save us...."

Zemo & Skull: "What anvils?!?!" (Looks up)

KAPOWWY!

Zemo & Skull: (Dazed) "Oh...THOSE anvils." (Collapses)

"Another victory for us! Hail Hydra~!"

"Oh sure, why not. AIM Is Awesome~! I forgot to ask...where did you get this idea from, Bob?"

"Oh I got it from watching The Animaniacs Vol. 3 DVD. Available in stores right now!"

"And don't forget! Vol. 1 & 2 are still available!"

Bob & Karl give a big thumbs up!

[Chris Lang]

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Superheroic 07-06-2007 01:02 PM

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"Apollo, God of Light and Healing, hear my prayer. I ask your favor in this moment, shine your light upon us in this evil hour. Let day pierce the night, illuminate the battlefield by the power of the living sun. Smite my enemy with your golden shaft! This I implore!"

Ares spied the traitorous witch and moved towards her. "Personally I find it reprehensible my step-brother would grant you your prayer with you be a black-hearted traitor and all!" He pointed the axe towards her, "Your help in defeating the Balrog is the only reason you still live." Faith seemed to be moving into a defensive position for Tara. Ares glared at her, "Don't be an idiot, Slayer."

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Schornforce 07-06-2007 01:15 PM

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OOC: I'll finish Piggy's battle this evening. The stupid library computer kept blocking the last page of the thread so I couldn't reply.

Thanks for the Piggy pic compliments, Chris.

Loved the plug, Purple Skull-- "and remember, Yakko spelled backwards is 'Okkay!' (O.K.)"

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Indigo Al 07-06-2007 01:28 PM

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Sonnenblume and Ingrid Weiss traded blows for a while. After Faith had finished staring down Ares, she noticed the two fighting. She instinctively recognized Sonnenblume - weren't her memories part of Faith's subconscious?

"Yo, Swiss Miss! I need it back when you're done!" Faith yelled, and threw her the Slayer-Scythe. Sonnenblume caught it, and the axe almost spoke to her, seemed so light and natural in its heft --- it was hers.

Weiss stared in amazement as, in a swift, Slayer-speed motion, Sonnenblume planted the axe right in her ribcage. She howled in pain, collapsed to the floor, bleeding, and soon began crying as Sonnenblume simply stared at her and heard her whimpering...."Nein...nein...please, have mercy - I wish to live..."

"I do not kill humans, Fraulein Weiss. You are fortunate that technically, you count as one."

[Chris Lang]

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Weirdopky 07-06-2007 02:31 PM

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I was about to ask the same question. we never found out if Pan was innocent or not. Also, CL, thanks for the nod with the Weird Al thing. I've seen that music video and it's so strange with all the nonsequitors, but that's Al's style. Mayonnaise on the lawn, viking helmets, all that stuff is god damn hilarious. Also, Skull, Deadpooligan, I can't stop laughing at your stuff. Schornforce, I have to say, a somewhat big fan of the muppets (since my bro's a fan, I'm a fan too), I can't stop feeling like you've done scripts fore the muppet show. :-) Now back to the game.

Well, it seems like I'm done with this. Now... is that Weasel Stomping day? Are those weasels wearing swastikas on their arms? Yay, time to crush some nazi scumbags. Santa joins in the fun of stomping weasels, not caring if people/PETA will be upset. Then, Santa hears a noise in the background. Is that what I think it is?


That's right, kids. Time for some accordion music from me, "Weird Al" Yankovic. If you're gonna have my song "Weasel Stomping Day," might as well have another song. This one goes out to my favorite murderous holiday icon, Santa! Some of you may have heard this song on the Traitor Game V soundtrack (now on i-Tunes), but here's a little reprise.

Down in the workshop all the elves were making toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye
"Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!"

The night Santa went crazy
The night Saint Nick went insane
Realized he'd been getting the raw deal
Somethin' finally must've snapped in his brain

Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers, and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbecued Blitzer
And he took a big bite and said "It tastes just like chicken!"

The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now, you can't hardly walk around the North Pole
Without steppin' in reindeer guts

There's the National Guard and the FBI
There's a man from the Eyewitness News
And helicopters circling 'round in the sky
And the bullets are flying the body count's rising
And everyone’s dying to know -"Oh Santa, why?"
My, my, my, my, my, my - he used to be such a jolly guy.

Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doing time
In a Federal prison for his infamous crime
Hey little friend now, don't you cry no more tears
He'll be out with good behaviour in seven hundred more years.

(Alternate verse used in concert)
Yes, Virginia, now Santa Claus is dead
A guy from the SWAT team blew a hole through his head
Yes, little friend, that's his brains on the floor
Guess you won't have the fat guy to kick around anymore.

But now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous
And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service
And they say Mrs. Claus she's on the phone every night
With a lawyer negotiating the movie rights.
(They talk about)

The night Santa went crazy
The night Saint Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like he was tired of getting gypped

Wo, The night Santa went crazy
The night Saint Nick went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' the raw deal
Somethin' finally must've snapped in his brain
Wo, Somethin' finally must've snapped in his brain
Tell ya, somethin' finally must've snapped in his brain.

[Chris Lang]

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Tommy 07-06-2007 03:06 PM

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Meanwhile at the Hall Of Justice… I mean battle field, Cobra Queen was still chatting up her soldier.

“Yessssss the Ssssssnakessssss are excccccccellent company. They are sssssssssurprissssssssingly good at monopoly.”

Several other German soldiers nearby were watching her.

“Ja, Cobra Queen is nasty, but ze Freakazoid villain you really have to vatch out for is Candle Jack,” said Hans.

“Candle Jack? Who’s that?” asked Fritz.

“He is zis really spooky ghost who comes and takes you avay if you say his name.”

“But ve said his name!”

“Ja, but… I don’t zink he is paying attention right now.”

Elsewhere…

“Vat are Hans and Fritz talking about?” asked Fronz.

“Candle Jack.”

“Vat?”

“CANDLE JACK!”

"Candle Jack?"

"Ja, Candle Jack."

And some place different…

“I can’t believe Zey are saying the name of ze spooky phantom man.”

“Ja, you vont catch me saying Candle Jack.”

"You just said Candle Jack!"



“Hello Nazis…”

[Chris Lang]

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Jeremi 07-06-2007 03:28 PM

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OOC: This happens before Faith kills Baron Blood

An army of rats flooded the area, overrunning Gan Ning. They wouldn't kill him, but if he stayed in the area, their sheer numbers would demand all his attention.

“Oh I frikkin hate rats!” The rats were climbing up Gan Ning’s legs faster than he could kill them. “I’m still going to kick those teeth down your throat you know! You are just delaying the inevitable!” Then lightning started cackling from his hands. “OH YEAH! Get ready vermin for some serious ass whopping!” Gan Ning starts to run at high speeds killing everything in his path, he then finishes off with a shockwave that kills all the rats in the area. “Now that’s what I’m talking about…and as for you Blood get ready for some seri…” Turning around Gan Ning sees Faith killing Baron Blood. “Ooooh, you got a nice swing their Faith. To bad you couldn’t see me in action. I would have amazed you. You’re nearly as good as me!…almost.”

[Chris Lang]

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Schornforce 07-06-2007 07:52 PM

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Wonder Pig and the evil Baroness Paula Von Gunther circle each other warily. Eyes narrowed and a rather tense air about them.


"You DARE insult my shoes, you svine-trollop! How many bubble gum wrappers did you have to save to get THAT outfit?"


"Oh yeah?!!! Well, YOUR dress still smells like the potato sack it was sewn out of! You-- you-- tramp, you!"


"Uh.... you two look busy. I'll just be going now." *The fairy godweirdo blinks out in a poof of fairy dust*

"No! Wait-- OH, NOW YOU'VE DONE IT!!! He was my ride outta this crazy joint! Get ready for a karate chop to the melon, lady!"

"Oh vhatever, you vorthless bore of a boar! I do not fear such a ridiculous opponent-- You vill not stand in my vay of finally realizing my dream-- CAPTURING THAT MOOSE UND SVIRREL--

...

I mean, uh.... somethingk havingk to do vith Nazis and schtuff...

Besides, in addition to beingk vell-versed in the occult, I am thoroughly trained in methods of Amazon combat! Do your vorst!!!"

"Hmph! I've yet to see an Amazon that could handle a pig!!! HIIIIIIII-YAAAAAH!!!!"

Both formidable fighting females leap at each other ready to engage in a battle worthy of Valhalla.

[Chris Lang]

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tangentman 07-06-2007 08:43 PM

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Faith watched Leni with nearly sisterly approval. "Damn. Junior Slayer knows her way around the sharp end of an axe." Pride was evident in her tone of voice. However, Tara couldn't approve of the carnage. "Isn't she a little...I don't know, young to be so...violent?" Tara knew she'd been even more brutal in the game.

However, Tara knew that her own violent behavior had been a cruel necessity during her time here. She turned away when the little Slayer sunk the Scythe into the nazi Amazon. "I can't watch." Instead, Tara focused on Miss Piggy. "Go, Missy Piggy! You can beat her!"