Traitor Game L: Existential Crisis

[The Purple Skull]

Countless individuals start pouring out of the tubes. Due to the magical energies Roy has merged to the Treadmill, he is able to send a message to everyone who comes through. "You have all served in a Traitor Game before. I'm sorry for the intrusion, but you are needed one more time. Please, for yourself, for your home, for your universe, help us to save all reality." For these are no mere individuals. They every person, alien, animal, monster, machine, or god-like entity that ever participated in a Traitor Game, is now a player in this final fight for the Omniverse.

"Isn't it great, gents? The gang's back together! I bloody love being a Rogue!"



"This changes nothing, Digger. We live through this, you're a dead man."



"Success! I've managed to use my mirrors to live stream this entire battle across worlds! You said I couldn't do it, but ol' Sam Scudder doesn't back down from any challenge! Think of all the views we'll have! The Rogues have truly hit the big time!"

SIGH "Let's just get back to work.

Alright, Rogues! Flash Formation A-7!"

[The Purple Skull]

"I will not fail! Not again! I'm doing this for you Sakura! And you Jimmy! And especially you Father! And after we save the world, everyone will know that the Saikyo Arts is the strongest style! So suck on that, Ryu!"



"Ha! That's the spirit, Hibikison! Side by side once again with Volstagg the Voluminous, we can't be beat! Stories of this glorious day will be retold in song. For I, the Lion of Asgard, will not stop. Will not waver. Will not give up until the day is one! So come one! Come all! Volstagg will st--"

"Hey...could we just, you know, get started?"

"...Very well. Have at thee!"

[The Purple Skull]

"Now truly this is a battle worthy for THE UNBELIEVABLY HANDSOME, DASHING, DEBONAIR, BRAVE, COURAGEOUS, AND MOST OF ALL MODEST...DON KARNAGE!"

::TRUMPETS FLARE::

"And of course, there's also the matter of the treasure that should await the victors, yes-no?"

[The Purple Skull]

"And then I was like No way! And then Dani went to me all like Ugh, as if! So Illyana was up on my gill with Shut up, girlfriend! So I told her, WHAT-EVER!!!! So in the end, we ended up having dinner at Saladworks."

"....Shut up and blow up the ****!"

"Tick-Tick-Tick!"

"'Splode!"

Alpha Flight - We comin' for you, next!

[The Purple Skull]

"SONIC BOOM!"

"PSYCHO CRUSHER!"

"SONIC BOOM!"

"PSYCHO CRUSHER!"

"SONIC BOOM!"

"PSYCHO CRUSHER!"

"SONIC BOOM!"

"PSYCHO CRUSHER!"

Guile & Bison actually haven't been fighting. They've just been arguing for the past 3 hours over which move was better. Everyone voted and decided Bison had the better special move.



"Yes! YESSSSSS!"



"BISONNNNNNN!"

[The Purple Skull]

Suddenly, of all things, a Delorean appears, running over various statues, demons, and other sorts of cannon fodder.



"Alright! Took a while, but we finally made it to the Traitor Game Awards Show! Oooh. Umm, nobody was really attached to those statues, right? Sorry about that."



"This ain't no award show, Franky. You heard the guy. We gotta save the world one more time!"

"Damn Chuck, I've covered some wars, but that has got to be the worst rally cry ever! Do you ever not sound monotonous?"

SIGH "Just try not to die okay, Frank?"

[The Purple Skull]

Out of the sky....



the one and only Titan Maximum!

CRASH

Of course its being manned by the one and only Commander Palmer. And in classic Commander Palmer fashion, Titan Maximum lands right on Frank West's Delorean.

"Mother of Mercy! My car!"



"Time to do what I do best....PUNCH THE LIVING CRAP OUTTA EVERYBODY!"



"FACE PUNCH!"

[The Purple Skull]

"Welcome back, Traitor Game fans! We got ourselves a barnburner here! It's a real donnybrook! A true pier six brawl! Our lives are at stake, and we need to depend on...ahem...Dick Dastardly to save the Multiverse! Whaddya have cookin' now, Dick?"



"Well, bubsey, I have erected this oversized vacuum. This ingenious invention will suck up the whole lot of these shadow demons and purple starfish. I'll be labeled a hero! Yes, I'll finally get that long-awaited gold medal! Here we go!"

Dick Dastardly flips the switch, but nothing happens!

"No! What's going on?! This was supposed to be my moment!"

Dastardly approaches the from the vacuum and begins kicking it.

"Hunk of junk! Useless piece of scrap! Worst $10 I ever spent!"

"Dick Dastardly, folks. Racer. Inventor. All-around cheapskate."

"Oh shut up!"

Meanwhile, in the distance, Dastardly's faithful pet, Muttley, sees an unplugged. Being the good dog that he is, plugs it back in.

VVVVRRRRMMMM!!!!

"OH NO!"

The vacuum does its job, sucking up shadow demons, starfish, and Dick Dastardly himself!

"MUTTLEY!!!!! HELP!!!!!"



::SNICKERS::

[The Purple Skull]

"I knew this was going to happen. Worlds are going to hell, and its up to me to save anyone and everyone."

"Uh, Duke? I think were plenty other options in regards to saving everything."

"Son, don't interrupt me while I'm doing my internal monologue. It's very rude."

"I can hear you talking, Du--"

"Son, not now. They need Duke Phillips, and darn it, Duke Phillips will deliver."

"Oh god, you're not going to go into the whole "SCAGIC" thing again, are you?"

"No, son, I'm going to use what got me to the dance.....using my vast wealth."

Suddenly, a pack of helicopters fly in, dropping off the RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE TRAITOR-TRON 8500! And with a push of a button, it transforms...



into the LUDICROUSLY POWERFUL TRAITOR-TRON BOT 8500!

"ALL HAIL DUKE! DUKE IS LIFE!"

[The Purple Skull]

"Good evening. My name is Gordon Allsworth, and welcome to a very special Traitor Game edition of Monsters, Myths, and Marvels! In today's episode, we're smack dab in the middle of the biggest war in the Multiverse....this year. And unlike other reporters who wouldn't have the cajones to cover this event, yours truly will be here to the very end!

Let's see if we can get a word with one of the current participants of this Traitor Game. You there, you're the Superior Iron Man, correct? I must say, for an AI, you're doing a bang up job trying to coordinate such a large scale attack. Tell me, how do you manage to do it so efficiently?"

"Are you nuts?! Unless you're here to fight, I would suggest you find a safe area...now!"

"You're mistaken. I'm here to lend a hand as well. Put me in, coach. Throw me some armor and let me prove myself!"

"....Fine. Fortunately for you, I have the the perfect armor for you. Heads up! It coming towards you."



"Well...this is certainly new. But I can work with this. Let's see who else we can speak to. Excuse me, may we have a w---"



"HA HA HA! AT LAST THE SKULLIES ARE FINALLY MINE! NO ONE WILL TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME THIS TIME!

I WILL NOT BE LAMED BY ANYONE HERE!

I AM ELEKTRA! I DO NOT CARE!"

"....Let's go to a commercial break."

[The Purple Skull]

"Tarnation, Groot. This here's one heckuva bar fight, huh? Someone must've been caught cheating at cards."

"I AM GROOT."



"Damn right. Let's show 'em why you don't mess with the Shootin' Star-Lord and Groot! Heck, if we play our cards right, them sheriffs might finally wipe our records clean."

"I AM GROOT."

"For the last time, I didn't rob that train!"

[The Purple Skull]

"Bloody hell. How do I always end up in these weird situations?! Ah well. Its beats being in bloomin' Newark, New Jersey I'll tell you that. Better do what I do best."

And with that, Trevor Slattery does what any world renowned actor would do.



"Out of sight. Out of mind. If you don't see them, they don't see you. I am invisible. Haha, bloody hell those blokes over at HYDRA were on the button with this stratagem!"

[The Purple Skull]

Meanwhile in another area, a group of enemies are locked in a musical trance....courtesy of the Music Meister!



"Winner takes it all!
Loser takes the fall!
Fight to the beginning of the end!
Winner takes it all!
'Til he breaks the fall!
In time he'll make it over the top!"

[The Purple Skull]

"Golly gee whiz, Superman. I guess its your turn to help put the W in the win column, huh?"



"Umm....nope."

[The Purple Skull]

Suddenly, a bright pink light flashes, and a hologram appears!



"Crystal Palace to Roy Lincoln, do you copy? This Heather Hudson of the Exiles. I've managed to link communications from the Crystal Palace to you all. I know a few of our newer recruits are already down in the trenches, and they'll help keep the odds in your favor. We'll take care of the doorways. Blink and the rest of the Exiles have joined up with the Captain Britain Corps, and they're hard at work trying contain those portals and ensure you don't get anymore unannounced guests from the Anti-Monitor's Rolodex of Evil. You just focus on taking down the Anti-Monitor for good. Lord knows we don't need another Thanos-level event."