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  1. #751
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    Default Re-presentation of Traitor Game 10: I'll Take Valhalla!


    Jeremi 06-12-2007 02:29 PM

    Havik decided to fill out the questionnaire while waiting for Dwight's answer.

    Dwight Schrute Army
    Official Entrance Exam

    Section One: True or False

    1. Currently, bears represent the single greatest threat to human civilization. False....Order and balance

    2. Whether it be household chores, factory work or the defense of our great nation, robots will someday be a valued members of our modern society. False/True, Depending what you define with "good"
    3. Tardiness and wrongful or pretend illness are the most costly and terrible things to affect business. True...and thus it is a true path to chaos

    4. Battlestar Galactica is not awesome. True...Family Guy person myself.

    5. You suck. False...I don't eat lollipops

    Section Two: Advanced Mathematics

    1. What is the square root of Awesome? Chaos in it's purest form

    2. Think of a number between 5 and 7 that isn’t 6. 5.3454562031233434546

    3. Why is six afraid of seven? It isn't infact it's quite the opposite.


    Section Three: Free Association

    What is the first word that enters your mind in response to the following words and phrases?

    1. Bears - Cuddly

    2. Ninjas - Nuisance

    3. Battlestar Galactica - Rage

    4. Anime - Ikki Tousen

    5. Beets - Food

    Section Four: Essay Questions

    1. Which bear is best? Explain your answer. Polar Bears, they are the most ferocious


    2. What would happen if the cast of Battlestar Galactica crash-landed on the Lost island? Total and utter chaos!


    3. Prove in one paragraph or less that you are not secretly a bear or a ninja in disguise. Or some sort of bear/ninja hybrid. Have you ever seen a ninja/bear like me before?

    Section Five: General Knowledge

    1. Who started the fire? Midnight Oil.

    2. Other than bears, what is the #1 killer of children between the ages of 5 and 8? I am.

    3. Who should be contacted in the event of a bear attack? The Tarakan army

    4. Who is the perfect female? Me reincarnated as a femal

    5. Is Anne Rice correct, are vampires sissies? Yes, and my morningstar agrees

    6. Who's the guy who wont cop out when there's danger all about? Hotaru...

    7. Insert your own question here (and answer it) What is greater Order or Chaos. Chaos

    8. Name three things that can be used to kill a werewolf. Silver and wolfsbane are not acceptable answers. Anything flammable, me and a flock of bloodlusted hippos (trust me on this)

    Final Section: Important Personal Information (To be kept in strictest confidence)

    1. Secret Identity (If applicable) - None

    2. What weapons do you own and how proficient are you in their use? My morningstar and I am quite capable with it. I'm also a master of snake and tung so do

    3. Who should be contacted in the case of death or other medical emergency? No one, let them bleed to death and if dead just leave them there.

    4. What sort of salary are you expecting? 1000000000 Chaos dollars?

    5. Have you ever met Batman? If you mean that man in the cape who looks like a douche then yes, yes I have.

    6. What was he like? He looks like the goddamn Batman.

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    Superheroic 06-12-2007 02:32 PM

    "Very well, Scrute," Ares said. "I like a man who will step up and wrest leadership in times of War." Ares put his arm around the Paper Salesman. "But know this. If you turn out to be one of Hela's Agents you're head will adorn the mantle of this Tavern's fireplace and it's halls will run red with your blood."

  3. #753
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    Joe Acro 06-12-2007 03:51 PM

    Makeshift Journal of Roy Lincoln--Entry # Irrelevant

    I believe I haven't written an entry since before the crash, so I'll start where I think I left off. Myself and the rest of Dreadstar's Company were on the run from Instrumentality forces. After losing Doc Delphi due to a dimensional flux, we crashed onto some forsaken planet with no name. Dreadstar destroyed the ship with explosives in the hopes that that might make our enemies believe us to be dead. As a precaution, we split up and traveled our separate ways in the hopes that at least one of us would evade capture.

    The Instrumentality sent a team of super-powers, lead by the psychic Monalo, to retreive us. Willow and I, despite being in separate regions, remained in contact through telepathy. She had remained near the crash site and reported that not long after their arrival, the Instrumentality had taken down Dreadstar, Syzygy, and Skeevo. She decided to flee into the nearby jungle.

    Ignoring the plan, out of concern for my allies, I used my super-speed to reach that jungle. Unfortunately, Monalo had already determined Willow's location and was slowly heading through the trees, slowly catching up. Through a few radiant thoughts, I was able to ascertain that Monalo felt that he wouldn't need any help to take down the two of us. I hoped to prove him wrong.

    As soon as I found him, I charged him with my speed. He sensed the attack coming and attacked me psychically. Suddenly, I found myself in a warped reality of my worst fears. I battled through them, knowing that if I didn't my friends would be lost. Soon, I was confronted by a giant Monalo. He reached into my head, or at least seemed to. I could my head on fire. In an act of desperation, I cried out my pain in psychic shock. I can only assume I then fell unconscious.

    I was awoken by who I soon learned was Odin, Lord of Asgard. I found myself amongst a group of at least two-dozen people and creatures. We were as different as geology is from linguistics, all united under one cause. We had to participate in a game, with a few working on the side of Odin and others working on the side of Hela, Odin's competitor. The rest were without a true cause, other than to support Odin's side. The entire thing seemed to rest on some dispute over Valhalla, the hall where honorably warriors are placed in the afterlife.

    A variety of things soon followed. We were told to enter the Player's Tavern. Thorpool, some sort of version of Thor garbed in red and having a quirky attitude, chatted with Loki, who arrived declaring that he would simply act as some sort of inquisitor. The one known as Spider-Girl, who I would approach later, spoke in disgust toward Loki. Two trouble-makers named Bob and Earl, an agent of HYDRA and an agent of A.I.M., respectively, conversed with Odin and a few others, always with humorous results.

    Around that time, a man at a desk began handing out questionnaires. It seemed that he wanted to get a feel for those participating by having us answer some questions. Not seeing any harm, I ran over to him, grabbed a questionnaire on his desk and a pencil and returned to my seat in the corner of the tavern. I avoided using too much speed to avoid the questionnaires flying off the man's desk.

    I answered the questionnaire with the quickness of any brilliant speedster. I have duplicated it, with my answers:

    Dwight Schrute Army
    Official Entrance Exam



    Section One: True or False


    1. Currently, bears represent the single greatest threat to human civilization. T F

    False

    2. Whether it be household chores, factory work or the defense of our great nation, robots will someday be a valued members of our modern society. T F

    Neither. The question is flawed. They already are.

    3. Tardiness and wrongful or pretend illness are the most costly and terrible things to affect business. T F

    False

    4. Battlestar Galactica is not awesome. T F

    False.

    5. You suck. T F

    False.


    Section Two: Advanced Mathematics


    1. What is the square root of Awesome? The same thing as the square root of "awe" multiplied by the square root of "some".

    2. Think of a number between 5 and 7 that isn’t 6. 49/8.

    3. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is far more popular. (I hope you weren't expecting that dreadful child's joke.)




    Section Three: Free Association


    What is the first word that enters your mind in response to the following words and phrases?


    1. Bears--Grizzly

    2. Ninjas--Deadly

    3. Battlestar Galactica--Blurry

    4. Anime--Lost

    5. Beets--Nonexistant




    Section Four: Essay Questions


    1. Which bear is best? Explain your answer. The polar bear. If the panda or the koala were actually bears, I'd say one of them. As it is, in all my travels, I've never found a type of bear quite so clever as the polar bear. It adapted to its climate quite well and did so while making itself look unlike it actually it. It's all quite intriguing.


    2. What would happen if the cast of Battlestar Galactica crash-landed on the Lost island? I only vaguely recall this Battlestar Galactica you keep referencing. I also only vaguely recall Lost. I do know they were both TV shows. Luckily, though, this isn't about what I remember. The answer is hidden in the question. If the cast of that show crashed on the Lost island, I would assume that almost all of them would die either due to impact or injuries sustained therein.


    3. Prove in one paragraph or less that you are not secretly a bear or a ninja in disguise. Or some sort of bear/ninja hybrid.

    I am human. I could give you a DNA sample to prove it, as I carry one in case of emergency. I am not a ninja, though don't let my speed or martial arts skills fool you. I've never liked using blades and have never lived in Japan. I did fight a few ninjas, though. I hope all that suffices.




    Section Five: General Knowledge

    1. Who started the fire? God.

    2. Other than bears, what is the #1 killer of children between the ages of 5 and 8? From the point I came from and the area I was in, I think he #1 killer was household disturbance.

    3. Who should be contacted in the event of a bear attack? I suppose it depends on whether the bear is attacking a person or not. If so, probably the police or local medical authorities. If not, no one.

    4. Who is the perfect female? I cannot answer. I don't know at what point in time I am. Therefore, I don't know my options.

    5. Is Anne Rice correct, are vampires sissies? Many are. They whine a lot before they die.

    6. Who's the guy who wont cop out when there's danger all about? Shaft, if I'm remembering right.

    7. Insert your own question here (and answer it)

    What's your favorite color? Red. It has been for the longest time.

    8. Name three things that can be used to kill a werewolf. Silver and wolfsbane are not acceptable answers.

    A psychic assault. A high-yield explosive. The sun. There are other options. I do want to mention this: I once heard from a colleague that they can also be killed by being stabbed by a sharpened apple.




    Final Section: Important Personal Information (To be kept in strictest confidence)


    1. Secret Identity (If applicable)

    At one time, Roy Lincoln was my secret identity. Now that's what everyone knows me by.

    2. What weapons do you own and how proficient are you in their use?

    My two special abilities of telepathy and super-speed could probably be considered weapons. I am fairly proficient in both, but moreso with my speed. I am a master martial artist, therefore I could be considered a weapon. I also own two guns, one a gift from an old friend (Westinghouse variable-cartridge blaster) and the other a standard laser pistol.

    3. Who should be contacted in the case of death or other medical emergency? Dreadstar and Company, assuming they are alive.

    4. What sort of salary are you expecting? What am I expecting for this game? Nothing. Odin didn't say anything about a salary.

    5. Have you ever met Batman? I've met a few who claimed to be Batman.

    6. What was he like? One was generally moody and isolated, but generally calm and likeable. Another was fairly bitter and angry. Yet another one was far too cheery for the role, but had the name anyway. Just note that throughout time, every emotion and social type can be found by searching through Batmen.
    I then returned my paper, this time at a leisurely pace. I complimented Dwayne on his survey and then asked for some paper and if I could keep the pencil.

  4. #754
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    Schornforce 06-12-2007 04:03 PM

    As the various beings who were gathered in the tavern began to mingle and chat, the ceiling of the tavern-- in fact, the very sky over Val Halla itself, seemed to open up.

    As a chorus of sorts started singing and a pillar of light shone down, the following descended from the parted clouds into the center of the tavern:






    "Thank you ever so much, dear Peter, sweet Mary, handsome Paul, beloved Jane, and of course-- Tom, I could NEVER forget you, cherie." Miss Piggy purred her thanks at Those Who Sit Above In The Shadows who were lowering her down. Each one had her autographed picture and a signed copy of her memoirs. 'Tom' turned to the others who were staring at him quizzically. "What? I'm a fan..."

    Piggy now turned her attention to the mass of gathered characters in the tavern below.

    "Greetings! Kissy kissy! It is such an honor that all of vous have turned out to see.... Moi!"

    Miss Piggy took this time to strike a dramatic pose as the sparkling heart-shaped platform continued to lower. Unfortunately, doing so caused the small platform to tilt, spilling the pig into the crowd.

    "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!"

    Miss Piggy quickly stood up and dusted herself off. "Pardonez, moi, dears!" she said demurely as she stepped off the slightly squished Bob and Karl.

    "It's SUCH a joy to see that so many of my fans have gathered here to greet me."

    Dwight Schrute unceremoniously handed Piggy one of his forms. Piggy gleefully got out a sparkly pink pen, scribbled on the form, and then graciously handed it back.

    The form read: "To my number one fan, Kisses, Miss Piggy" in big sparkly and swirly pink letters. Hearts were drawn around her autograph.

    Now, Piggy turned to the dazed crowd in order to meet her 'adoring fans.'

  5. #755
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    Deadpooligan 06-12-2007 04:03 PM

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeremi View Post
    Meanwhile back with Gan Ning who was still drinking at the bar when he heard Thorpool and Volstagg talking.

    Slamming his mug with wine on the bar desk Gan Ning walked up to them. "Whatcya talking about some kind of drinking contest?And you didn't invite me? I'm outraged! I'm certain I can drink ol' feather helmet under the table...unless you aint' up for the challenge HAMMERBOY?"
    Thorpool laughed heartily, with enough Godly humor to shake the table.

    "Thou thinketh thou can outdrink me or even Volstagg the Roundeth? Thou must be joking! Look at this mug, tis larger than thou's torso!!"


    Eternal Torment 06-12-2007 04:08 PM

    Apocalypse formed a hammer and whacked Thorpool across the head. "Why are you asking so many questions? And what will you do with that information you collect?"

  6. #756
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    Donald M. 06-12-2007 04:33 PM

    Quote Originally Posted by Schornforce View Post

    Dwight Schrute unceremoniously handed Piggy one of his forms. Piggy gleefully got out a sparkly pink pen, scribbled on the form, and then graciously handed it back.

    The form read: "To my number one fan, Kisses, Miss Piggy" in big sparkly and swirly pink letters. Hearts were drawn around her autograph.
    Dwight looked at the autographed questionnaire as though he couldn't believe what he was seeing. With a sour look on his face he put the sheet of paper through his shredder.

    "I'll have to keep my eye on this one," Dwight muttered, thinking of his collection of Muppet Show DVDs. "Her Judo is almost as strong as my Karate*."



    OOC: Of course you realize this means a martial arts battle between Dwight and Piggy is inevitable.



    * Pronounced: KAH-RAH-TAY

  7. #757
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    The Purple Skull 06-12-2007 07:31 PM

    OOC: Thought you guys needed a laugh to lighten the mood. :)





    Quote Originally Posted by Donald M. View Post
    Dwight put first one, then the other brochure through the shredder.

    He looked up at Karl and Bob.

    "This baby can shred credit card, CDs, it's pretty amazing. Wanna see?"
    "Yeah..maybe it could shred YOUR FACE! You have some nerve turning down an organization like Hydra. It was a once and a lifetime opportunity and you pretty much slammed it on the ground and did the Mexican Hat Dance all over it! I should just straight up bust a cap on yo----"

    Karl drags Bob away from Dwight.

    "Easy there, dude. Don't let that guy get on your nerves. He seems really smart. He might give you a headache."

    "You're right. I'm going to go back to telling off Odin over there."

    "Don't even think about it!"

    "Look, if you don't want me talking to the big guy or the hot chick, what do you propose we do now?"

    "I don't have the slightest of clues, dude. But I think to be on the safe side, we should just lay back and see how things unfold."

    "I got a better idea. EVERYBODY LISTEN UP!"

    SIGH "Here we go again..."

    "As many of you already know, we have been transported to Asgard to partake in a strange game of Clue. I propose that we all should stick together. A united team might make it easier for us to weed out our enemies."

    "For once, you are making some sense."

    "To make this happen, you should all agree to make myself and my colleague the leaders!"

    "Well...so much for that."

    "I am Bob: Agent of Hydra! This is my best friend---"

    "I'm not your best friend."

    "This is my best friend, Karl: Engineer of AIM! Together we can make a better tomorrow! HAIL HYDRA~!"



    With his arms still raised, he turns his head towards Karl and speaks under his breath.

    "Well? Come on! Say whatever catchphrase AIM has already! Don't leave me hanging here."

    "We kinda, sorta, maybe don't have one. Company policy."

    "Are you kidding me?! You're telling me that your bobblehead of a leader, with all his long-winded overdramatic speeches, can't even think of a catchphrase for your organization. Just make one up!"

    "Ok. Ok. Umm....All right, I got it...AIM IS AWESOME!"



    Bob just stares at him.

    ".........."

    "What?"

    "AIM Is Awesome? WTF?!"

    "I. Hate. You."

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    Tommy 06-12-2007 07:40 PM

    OOC: Sorry Chris, if you choose to leave you will be missed.

    IC: Bo noted that two players were making a huge spectacle of themselves. He realized he had never seen these two players more than a few feet apart. He walked over to the gentlemen from AIM and Hydra.

    “Are you two like… together?” he asked.


    Indigo Al 06-12-2007 07:47 PM

    IC:

    All of a sudden, the Players were startled by a loud banging noise. They looked over and saw Batman by the Hostess vending machine. He was kicking it in a series of trained martial arts moves.

    "You have swallowed my quarters!!! I need my Twinkie! ODIN! I NEED MY TWINKIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!"


  9. #759
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    tangentman 06-12-2007 07:59 PM

    Back at Bifrost

    Faith grinned at Tara. "Lemme take this one, Tara." Stepping up in front of Heimdall, Faith frowned up at the towering sentry. She extended her right hand up toward the god's face where he'd have a good view. "Check it, Boromir. The seal of the Valkryior, plus, I'm wearin' Freya's Cloak of Feathers. We've got the VIP pass to Viking Heaven, so get outta the way." Faith gestured to the right. "Scooch, biggun."

    Tara paled at Faith's blatant disrespect toward Heimdall. She spoke in very cautionary tone. "Um, Faith. I think that's Heimdall. He's, like, the Guard of the Rainbow Bridge. It's kinda his job to keep out trespassers." Saying so, Tara smiled meekly up at Heimdall. "We really are supposed to be here."

    Heimdall's lips drew up in a tight smile. He seemingly regarded the pair with bemusement. "Thy boastful manner doth not flatter thee, raven-haired one. I shall not grant thee passage ere you...!" However, Heimdall stopped when he saw Faith's ring. "[b]Truly, thou doth wear the sigil of the Valkyrie. I beg thy pardon, O Chooser of the Slain. Bear thy charge hence!"

    When the god of the Rainbow Bridge stepped aside, Tara was suddenly enveloped in a glow. Faith raised eyebrows as Tara was conjured to the assembly by the magicks of Hela & Odin. She sighed, "Guess I'll head on to the mead hall."

    Meanwhile, Tara materialized with the other players. Even one versed in life-long practice of the Craft couldn't help but find the display of power overwhelming. "Whoa." Still, the young witch didn't waste time assessing the situation. "Hela and Odin...a game of the gods." A year ago (her time), Tara had encountered a demonic entity who claimed godhood.

    However, not even Glory could compare with the awesome and terrifying might of the Asgardian gods...

  10. #760
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    Kevin M. 06-12-2007 08:04 PM

    Grimlock saw Batman hitting the vending machine and went up to one of them.

    "Me want to smash strange machines too" Grimlock said as he fired his rocket at one of the vending machines. The resulting explosion sent twinkes glass, and metal flying all over the place.

    "Ops"


    KamenRaida 06-12-2007 08:07 PM

    Kamen Rider Odin took note of the two players attempting to place themselves as 'Leaders' of the group. Odin merely shook his head in condscencing manner. He could tell that them and that other player handing out the pamphlets would not get along too well in the near future.

    Kamen Rider Odin, however, found it strange how the two seemed to perpetually in close distance of one another. It was as if they were moving as one entity, like some cosmic force deemed that they could never be seperated from each other (and in fact, Kamen Rider Odin did happen to notice the effect of one straying too far from the other). He wouldn't be suprised if a certain closeness would be developed between them, if that hadn't happened already.

    At that, a loud voice suddenly boomed in the Tarven:

    The Ambiguously Gay Duo
    The Ambiguously Gay Duo
    They Are Drinking On Evil, Come What May
    They are Fighting All Crime To Save The Day
    They Are Really Close In An Ambiguous Way
    They Are Ambiguously Gay
    They Are Ambiguously Gay
    The Ambiguously Gay Duo
    "......This is complete insanity."

    OOC: It had tohappen eventually....

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    Tommy 06-12-2007 08:10 PM

    Quote Originally Posted by bigboi2 View Post
    Grimlock saw Batman hitting the vending machine and went up to one of them.

    "Me want to smash strange machines too" Grimlock said as he fired his rocket at one of the vending machines. The resulting explosion sent twinkes glass, and metal flying all over the place.

    "Ops"
    "OW!" Bo cried as a flaming twinkie hit him in the head.

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    The Purple Skull 06-12-2007 08:11 PM


    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy
    Bo noted that two players were making a huge spectacle of themselves. He realized he had never seen these two players more than a few feet apart. He walked over to the gentlemen from AIM and Hydra.

    “Are you two like… together?” he asked.
    "Well..yeah..wait no...well...it's complicated. Wait that sounded wrong. You see, we're bound together for some strange reason."

    "That's cuz it's destiny, dude! We were meant to be together."



    "......"

    "That came off wrong as well, didn't it? Anyway, I don't know what you are implying here, buddy. But it's not like that. We're just friends. Best friends for that matter!"

    "You're not my be---"

    "And you know what? I saw your sorry excuse of a movie Cursed. And it sucked! And you sucked in Gilmore Girls as well! You treated Rory like crap. Damn you!"

    "I think you are thinking about the wrong person. Come on Bob, let's go."

    The two then notice Batman throwing a tantrum.

    "Is it just me, or can I see that guy's nipples protruding from his chest plate? It's not even cold here."

    "Yeah, let's ignore that."

    "Yeah, we gotta rally the troops anyway."

    "No, I didn't mean it li---"

    "EVERYBODY! As co-leader here, you should all practice taking orders from me. So, first things first, you there." (Points to Spider-Girl) The one who looks like Spider-Man....only with a nice set of knockers. Dance for us.

    Groan "Dammit Bob."

    "And you, mohawk boy." (Points to Ares)

    "Umm, Bob?"

    "I got this Karl. Anyway, with that armor you have on, I must say I like the cut of your jibb. Melvin is your name, right? Probably not. But you look like someone named Melvin, so that will be your name. Melvin, you will be my personal assistant. Whatever I need, you can attend to it. You can start by preparing a meal for Karl & myself."

    "Uh, Bob? Sidebar please?."

    "What Karl?"

    "That guy you just ordered around is Ares."



    "Son of Zeus?"



    "Listen carefully. He is also known as..."

    "Yeah...yeah?"

    The God of War.

    30 seconds later, Bob finally realizes it.

    "The who of what now?!?!?!"

    Bob begins sweating profusely.

    "Oh lord, I'm gonna die."

    "Uh..yeah.'

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    Tommy 06-12-2007 08:17 PM

    Quote Originally Posted by The Purple Skull View Post
    "And you know what? I saw your sorry excuse of a movie Cursed. And it sucked! And you sucked in Gilmore Girls as well! You treated Rory like crap. Damn you!"

    "I think you are thinking about the wrong person. Come on Bob, let's go."
    "I was never in a movie?" Bo asked confused. "And I have never even seen an episode of Gilmore Girls..."

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    tangentman 06-12-2007 08:18 PM

    Present

    Tara grinned at the showy entrance of Miss Piggy. During the journey to Asgard, Faith told Tara that she could expect to meet people she'd always assumed were fictional. Not that a heads up could prepare her for the incredulous delight of meeting one of her favorite Muppets. Stepping up beside Miss Piggy, she smiled warmly and said, "I thought you were great."

    Then, she overheard Batman's tirade. Staring quizzically at the Caped Crusader, she tentatively said, "Um, you might want to try something a little less...sugar-rushy?" Tara shrugged and smiled sheepishly. Comic book characters were well beyond her scope of experience; if only Xander were there, he'd know every one of the odd characters present.



    "Course, it's not every day I'm called for jury duty with the Nordic goddess of death and the All-Father." Tara shivered at the myths she remembered about the Nine Realms. Banishment to Niffleheim was a dire affair indeed. According to what she remembered of the Edda, it was a place thronged with the shivering and shadowy spectres of those who had died ingloriously of disease or in old age. Hel was also home to dishonourable people who had broken oaths. Hel was cold and low in the overall order of the universe. It lay beneath Yggdrasil's third root, near Hvergelmir and Náströnd.

    Hel was said to be a hall with a roof woven from the spines of serpents which dripped poison down onto those who waded in the rivers of blood below. The people who dwelt in the halls were given nothing but goat's urine to quench their thirst. Tara visibly shuddered at the thought of losing the game. "Not exactly pancakes in funny shapes at the Summers' house..."

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    Tommy 06-12-2007 08:27 PM

    I suddenly hit Bo that if he knew all these people from fictional works, then possibly he might be in a fictional work where they come from. How heady and metaphysical. But he couldn't figure out what about him was interesting enough to warrant making, apparently, a movie about. Unless it was the current situation with the werewolf.

    But that was mostly Jimmy's deal.

    Bo groaned as he realized he was just a supporting character in someone else's story.

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