Traitor Game L: Existential Crisis

[Chris Lang]

---

Weirdopky 06-12-2007 11:28 PM

---

Sorry I'm a little late to the paty, been having some ridiculous issues with the airport system in my house. Anyway, CL, I'm so sorry for your loss. A friend of mine recently passed, and it was even hard then. You have my condolences.

Anyway, to try and get back to the game...

Hey, Thorpool, I'll play in the drinking contest. Let me take a seat, and I'll drink you under the table faster than you can say "Merry Christmas to all, now you're all gonna die" (reference to the Weird Al song)

What Santa didn't tell TP was that he'd been given a cybernetic liver, that could handle 100 times the amount of a regular liver. He began drinking.

---

Donald M. 06-12-2007 11:35 PM

---

Hela suddenly manifested in the Player's Tavern. She looked at the ruined Hostess vending machine with a glare of anger. Snapping her fingers, the machine reconstituted itself.

Turning to Grimlock, she said "Be sure never to target this machine again, foolish contraption. Sno balls be SACRED to Hela, mistress of Niffleheim."

Hoping to gain Hela's confidence and perhaps learn the identity of the traitors and bring the game to a swift and victorious end, Dwight stood up and said, "Yes Hela, I can see why that would be so! I too enjoy the flavor of fluffy, tender pink balls in my mouth!"

Dwight smiled in satisfaction, but then suddenly realized what he'd just said and looked around at his fellow players, his face a mask of horror.

"Ummm, no . . . wait . . . that's not what I meant . . . I mean . . . damn!"

[Chris Lang]

---

Kevin M. 06-12-2007 11:41 PM

---

Hoping to gain Hela's confidence and perhaps learn the identity of the traitors and bring the game to a swift and victorious end, Dwight stood up and said, "Yes Hela, I can see why that would be so! I too enjoy the flavor of those fluffy, tender pink balls in my mouth!"

Dwight smiled in satisfaction, but then suddenly realized what he'd just said and looked around at his fellow players, his face a mask of horror.

"Ummm, no . . . wait . . . that's not what I meant . . . I mean . . . damn!"

"Why human enjoy balls in his mouth?" Grimlock asked. "Pretty strange"

---

Donald M. 06-12-2007 11:44 PM

---

"Why human enjoy balls in his mouth?" Grimlock asked. "Pretty strange"

"Oh yeah? Well . . . . You're pretty strange!" Dwight said to the enormous robot, ducking slightly behind his desk in case the dimwitted robo-dino tried to take a swipe at him. He wondered idly if retard strength applied to robots. If so, this would be one super-extra strong robot.

[Chris Lang]

---

Tommy 06-12-2007 11:46 PM

---

Bo leaned up against a wall. He was trying to stay out of the way of everyone. He casually put his hands into his pants and found a crumpled piece of paper there.

Unfolding it he looked at the exam Dwight had given him. Well, he thought, he might as well finish it.

Dwight Schrute Army
Official Entrance Exam



Section One: True or False


1. Currently, bears represent the single greatest threat to human civilization. F Someone has been watching too many episodes of the Colbert Report.

2. Whether it be household chores, factory work or the defense of our great nation, robots will someday be a valued members of our modern society. T I guess

3. Tardiness and wrongful or pretend illness are the most costly and terrible things to affect business. T F Don't know, never had a job.

4. Battlestar Galactica is not awesome. T F What is a Battlestar Galactica?

5. You suck. T F I find this question homophobic




Section Two: Advanced Mathematics


1. What is the square root of Awesome? 0

2. Think of a number between 5 and 7 that isn’t 6. 6.2

3. Why is six afraid of seven? Seven is the number of the lord.




Section Three: Free Association


What is the first word that enters your mind in response to the following words and phrases?


1. Bears-Pie

2. Ninjas-Japan

3. Battlestar Galactica-What?

4. Anime-Adult Swim

5. Beets- Doug




Section Four: Essay Questions


1. Which bear is best? Explain your answer. Yogi the bear. He was really smart.


2. What would happen if the cast of Battlestar Galactica crash-landed on the Lost island? I haven't ever seen Lost. And I would just guess a big explosion?


3. Prove in one paragraph or less that you are not secretly a bear or a ninja in disguise. Or some sort of bear/ninja hybrid.

I am not furry, and I don't have a facemask.


Section Five: General Knowledge

1. Who started the fire? Your mama.

2. Other than bears, what is the #1 killer of children between the ages of 5 and 8? Alcohol poisoning.

3. Who should be contacted in the event of a bear attack? A forest ranger.

4. Who is the perfect female? Kylie Minogue

5. Is Anne Rice correct, are vampires sissies? No. Anne Rice sucks.

6. Who's the guy who wont cop out when there's danger all about? Ghostbusters?

7. Insert your own question here (and answer it) How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A woodchuck would chuck all the wood he could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

8. Name three things that can be used to kill a werewolf. Silver and wolfsbane are not acceptable answers.

Werewolves are people too you know.



Final Section: Important Personal Information (To be kept in strictest confidence)


1. Secret Identity (If applicable) Don't have one.

2. What weapons do you own and how proficient are you in their use? Don't have any.

3. Who should be contacted in the case of death or other medical emergency? Jimmy.

4. What sort of salary are you expecting? Five billion dollars.

5. Have you ever met Batman? Yes.

6. What was he like? A looser.

Bo walked over and handed his test to Dwight.

[Chris Lang]

---

Kevin M. 06-12-2007 11:47 PM

---

"Oh yeah? Well . . . . You're pretty strange!" Dwight said to the enormous robot, ducking slightly behind his desk in case the robo-dino tried to take a swipe at him.

Grimlock staired at Dwight. "Me not strange, me Grimlock" he said as he walked off.

---

Indigo Al 06-12-2007 11:47 PM

---

Batman noticed Dwight's gesture of kissing up to Hela.

He turned to him and whispered, "Good thinking, citizen! Gain her confidence and we may yet get out of this alive!

Now then....



Some tea for your Sno Balls?

---

Froggy 06-12-2007 11:48 PM

---

Bo was getting a little skittish. People seemed to be rather agitated at the moment, and he had already gotten beat up twice today.

Perhaps he could find someone a more clam to talk to.

Megaman ahd sat downa nd decided to survey these people. ONe was faster than Quick Man, one seemed to be like Guts man, another reminded him of Wily himself

---

Tommy 06-12-2007 11:53 PM

---

Megaman ahd sat downa nd decided to survey these people. ONe was faster than Quick Man, one seemed to be like Guts man, another reminded him of Wily himself

Bo saw Megaman sitting by himself. Unlike the other robot wondering around, Megaman seemed a little bit more stable. He walked over. "Mind if I sit here too?"

[Chris Lang]

---

Donald M. 06-13-2007 12:00 AM

---

Batman noticed Dwight's gesture of kissing up to Hela.

He turned to him and whispered, "Good thinking, citizen! Gain her confidence and we may yet get out of this alive!

Now then....



Some tea for your Sno Balls?

Dwight turned greatfully to George Clooney, who had offered him a graceful exit from his embarrassing homoerotic faux pas.

"Yes, yes, I love teabagging! Uh, I mean . . . that is to say I love tea! Tea! Tea is good! National drink of England you know."

He stepped up close to the the actor in the bondage suit and said, sotto voce, "Jim Halpert put you up to this, didn't he?"

[Chris Lang]

---

The Purple Skull 06-13-2007 12:04 AM

---

"Come, Karl. Let us make some new female companions."

"I'd rather just watch. But really, is this necessary? Is this really going to be where you find the future Mrs....umm..quick question. What's your last name?"

"Karl, just like we are destined to be buds, I feel that one of these fine cutlets will be the future Mrs. Agent of Hydra! Hail Hydra~! Now are you going to help me or not?"

"How about that lady over there? At 12 o'clock?" (Points to Tara MaClay)

"Nice choice. I got a nice one for you too at 9 o'clock." (Points to Rocky Balboa)

Dude, that's a guy!

"My mistake...............or was it?"

SIGH Look, my popcorn is ready. Just get on with it.

"Watch the master at work."



Bob then proceeds to hit on the women in Valhalla.

Spider-Girl

"So check it out baby. I know Baron Strucker.
(Gives the gun point and wink.)

Tara Maclay

"Say...do you like....magic?"

(Bob begins pulling a whole string of colorful handkerchiefs from his sleeves. At the end of the last handkerchief is a condom. Bob then raises his eyebrow in a sexual manner.)

Miss Piggy

"Wassup sweet thang. Got Pork? Gimme some time and I'll show you why the ladies call me the 'Only White Meat'. That's right."

Gerta Dammerung

"You look like tons of fun. As the late great Big Punisher would say, I bet you like to crush a lot. Which is all right with me, you brickhouse you."

Hela

"By the tone of your voice, you seem to be a vengeful goddess. But by the look at your outfit, you seem to be a 'horn-y' goddess. Uh-huh. Yeah."

(Bob points out Hela's headress.)

Sif

'Sup baby. Can I just say that you have a fine-looking Ass-gard. I guaran-damn-tee you, gimme a chance with you, and not only will I Ragna-rock your body, but I'll also make you Mjolnir over and over again."

Valkyrie

"So that sword you have there is the enchanted Dragonfang, huh? Well I got a sword of my own that you are worthy enough to handle. It's called my Dragon-wang. Oh yeah."



15 minutes Later....

Bob is seen walking with a limp with some of his clothes torn apart.


"I swear, dude. That was the funniest thing I have EVER seen."

"Shut up. We shall never discuss what happened 15 minutes ago ever again. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to collapse for a second."

Bob collapses.

"Great. That'll give me some time to use the computers here in Valhalla. I hope they have Counterstrike."


OOC: I figured Sif & Valkyrie would be there. Those who play the female characters of the game. Feel free to post exactly what happened after Bob gave his pick-up line. ;)

[Chris Lang]

---

Froggy 06-13-2007 12:16 AM

---

Bo saw Megaman sitting by himself. Unlike the other robot wondering around, Megaman seemed a little bit more stable. He walked over. "Mind if I sit here too?"

"No problem at all Bo......is it me or are those two....the yellow and green ones.....together?

---

GoGo Yubari 06-13-2007 12:17 AM

---

Every now and then, there comes an entrance so grand that you can't help but just watch in shock and awe at its magnitude.

Ty Lee did not get one of these entrances. With a burst of pink smoke, a portal had opened a good fifteen feet above the ground, and from it the scatterbrained martial artist was sent flying to the ground. To her credit, she managed to roll with the fall and instead of hurting herself, simply ended up in a sitting position. She hopped

"Wow, that was weird! Like... like riding one of those giant birds we saw when we were traveling through the Earth Nation! Not that I did it, because Princess Azula told me not to and everything, but Mai, you've gotta try it! ... Mai?"

Yes, it took the girl about a good twenty seconds to finally look around at her surroundings. After which, she asked one simple question to the general populace.

"... uh. This... this isn't Ba Sing Se, is it?"

((OOC: ... better late than never?))

[Chris Lang]

---

Tommy 06-13-2007 12:20 AM

---

"No problem at all Bo......is it me or are those two....the yellow and green ones.....together?

"Well they certainly seem... like... more than good friends. Have you ever seen them more than a few feet apart? But the one seems to have insulted every woman here..."

---

The Purple Skull 06-13-2007 12:22 AM

---

OOC: Purple Skull, you have once again stolen the show!

Thanks Kamen.

---

Froggy 06-13-2007 12:43 AM

---

"Well they certainly seem... like... more than good friends. Have you ever seen them more than a few feet apart? But the one seems to have insulted every woman here..."

Megaman nodded. "Good analysis Bo.....the hypothesis I have created seems to be ultimately correct.......if they are, it's not our room to judge, is it? still, there ARE some interesting beings here........makes me kind of wish Roll and the Doctor could see it

---

Tommy 06-13-2007 12:47 AM

---

Megaman nodded. "Good analysis Bo.....the hypothesis I have created seems to be ultimately correct.......if they are, it's not our room to judge, is it? still, there ARE some interesting beings here........makes me kind of wish Roll and the Doctor could see it

"Yeah. People shouldn't be judged for that. And I don't think interesting really covers it. Miss Piggy is somewhere around here..."

[Chris Lang]

---

Weirdopky 06-13-2007 12:53 AM

---

after having his fill of Asgardian Ale, Santa decided to speak to Bob & Karl.

You two, with the spandex uniforms. Why are you similar to the "Statler and Waldorf" of the fat pig's land? I feel that this may cause many of us to vomit, considering you two seem a little to, attached. And you, Milo Ventimiglia from that great show Heroes, what's with the goofy hair and the Werewolf talk? Aren't you supposed to "Save the Cheerleader, Save the World?" This place is weird.

All of a sudden, the spider-bot reappears, with a video screen.

Hello there, old chum. How's everything going so far? Wait, don't answer that, this is recorded, and I don't care anyway. So, I've decided to have my arachnodrone upgrade you some more, if needs be. The first upgrade will allow you to interface with organic material, such as the humans and other creatures that you may come across. Enjoy the upgrade. Also, I'm giving you a special surprise in your feet, but you'll only find out once you really need it.

Then, the arachnodrone went to work on the cybernetics of Crazy @$$ Santa. He then walked over to Bob and Karl, and tendrils shot out of his arms. Then, he began gaining information from the two, as to why they're in the position they're in.

[Chris Lang]

---

Froggy 06-13-2007 12:55 AM

---

"Yeah. People shouldn't be judged for that. And I don't think interesting really covers it. Miss Piggy is somewhere around here..."

Megaman's eyes got wide to that. "Miss.....Piggy? Do you mean the pig that was walking and talking earlier? weirdest organic creature I have ever seen!

after having his fill of Asgardian Ale, Santa decided to speak to Bob & Karl.

You two, with the spandex uniforms. Why are you similar to the "Statler and Waldorf" of the fat pig's land? I feel that this may cause many of us to vomit, considering you two seem a little to, attached. And you, Milo Ventimiglia from that great show Heroes, what's with the goofy hair and the Werewolf talk? Aren't you supposed to "Save the Cheerleader, Save the World?" This place is weird.

All of a sudden, the spider-bot reappears, with a video screen.

Hello there, old chum. How's everything going so far? Wait, don't answer that, this is recorded, and I don't care anyway. So, I've decided to have my arachnodrone upgrade you some more, if needs be. The first upgrade will allow you to interface with organic material, such as the humans and other creatures that you may come across. Enjoy the upgrade. Also, I'm giving you a special surprise in your feet, but you'll only find out once you really need it.

Then, the arachnodrone went to work on the cybernetics of Crazy @$$ Santa. He then walked over to Bob and Karl, and tendrils shot out of his arms. Then, he began gaining information from the two, as to why they're in the position they're in.

OOC: Robo santa is cold

[Chris Lang]

---

Tommy 06-13-2007 01:08 AM

---

And you, Milo Ventimiglia from that great show Heroes, what's with the goofy hair and the Werewolf talk? Aren't you supposed to "Save the Cheerleader, Save the World?"

Okay that was twice now that someone had said something along those lines to him. Bo was starting to get a little annoyed.

"First of all, my hair is not goofy!



Okay, maybe a little.

Secondly... why does everyone keep confusing me with people from TV shows?"

[Chris Lang]

---

Chris Lang 06-13-2007 01:57 AM

---

Bob then proceeds to hit on the women in Valhalla.

Spider-Girl

"So check it out baby. I know Baron Strucker.
(Gives the gun point and wink.)

OOC: I figured Sif & Valkyrie would be there. Those who play the female characters of the game. Feel free to post exactly what happened after Bob gave his pick-up line.

"Excuse me, but wasn't Baron Strucker a bad guy? Why should I be impressed that you know him?" Spider-Girl replied, ignoring the double entendre. "You know, you kind of remind me of those Soldier of the Serpent bad guys I fought some time ago. You're probably part of some criminal cult or something. Didn't I hear that Baron Strucker led some terrorist outfit called Hydra?"

Spider-Girl then shot a web at Bob's arm. She then grabbed the other end of the web string, and swung Bob around and around in the air until he threw up. Then, she tossed him to the ground.

"Sorry about that." Spider-Girl replied. "But I don't date terrorists."

Much to Mayday's surprise, Bob just got up and started saying cheesy pick-up lines to the other women present. Even Hela was not excluded.

Who does this guy think he is?, Mayday thought to herself.

She watched Bob's further mishaps with interest. As the Hydra agent limped back to his companion, Mayday wondered just what the story was with that guy.

Soon afterward, another person made an appearance...

Every now and then, there comes an entrance so grand that you can't help but just watch in shock and awe at its magnitude.

Ty Lee did not get one of these entrances. With a burst of pink smoke, a portal had opened a good fifteen feet above the ground, and from it the scatterbrained martial artist was sent flying to the ground. To her credit, she managed to roll with the fall and instead of hurting herself, simply ended up in a sitting position. She hopped

"Wow, that was weird! Like... like riding one of those giant birds we saw when we were traveling through the Earth Nation! Not that I did it, because Princess Azula told me not to and everything, but Mai, you've gotta try it! ... Mai?"

Yes, it took the girl about a good twenty seconds to finally look around at her surroundings. After which, she asked one simple question to the general populace.

"... uh. This... this isn't Ba Sing Se, is it?"

((OOC: ... better late than never?))

"No, this is Asgard." Spider-Girl replied. "Did you hear what Odin and Hela said? We're caught in the middle of a dispute between Odin and Hela. Hela wants to take control of Valhalla and send all the souls there to places they'll find to be less pleasant. Three of the people here are her hidden assassins, trying to murder as many of the rest of us as they can. To save those souls in Valhalla, we have to find out who Hela's assassins are and banish them."

I hope that was a good summary. Looks like she came in late.

[Chris Lang]

---

Froggy 06-13-2007 02:01 AM

---

Okay that was twice now that someone had said something along those lines to him. Bo was starting to get a little annoyed.

"First of all, my hair is not goofy!



Okay, maybe a little.

Secondly... why does everyone keep confusing me with people from TV shows?"

"I think it is cause you have a similar facial build to a certain TV character......and your hair is quite......odd.....but, I cannot talk"

---

GoGo Yubari 06-13-2007 02:05 AM

---

"No, this is Asgard." Spider-Girl replied. "Did you hear what Odin and Hela said? We're caught in the middle of a dispute between Odin and Hela. Hela wants to take control of Valhalla and send all the souls there to places they'll find to be less pleasant. Three of the people here are her hidden assassins, trying to murder as many of the rest of us as they can. To save those souls in Valhalla, we have to find out who Hela's assassins are and banish them."

Ty Lee frowned, trying to make sense out of the explanation as best she could. It wasn't that there were any problems with Spider-Girl's explanation itself, but more that as not only a girl from a different world entirely but a scatterbrained girl from a different world entirely, she was having a hard time grasping some of the concepts.

"Asgard...? Oh, is that one of those Water Tribe places? I never did all that well in geography classes back at the Royal Fire Academy for Girls... but, uh. Okay, so Odin good, Hela bad? I mean, that's right, right?"

[Chris Lang]

---

Kevin M. 06-13-2007 02:10 AM

---

Grimlock transfromed back into his T-Rex mode, and began to wonder around the place. "Me board" he said as walked by tables, knocking them over with his tail. "Me find something to keep busy" he said as he approached the sleeping quaters. "What in here?" he sais as roamed in.

---

Chris Lang 06-13-2007 02:13 AM

---

Ty Lee frowned, trying to make sense out of the explanation as best she could. It wasn't that there were any problems with Spider-Girl's explanation itself, but more that as not only a girl from a different world entirely but a scatterbrained girl from a different world entirely, she was having a hard time grasping some of the concepts.

"Asgard...? Oh, is that one of those Water Tribe places? I never did all that well in geography classes back at the Royal Fire Academy for Girls... but, uh. Okay, so Odin good, Hela bad? I mean, that's right, right?"

"You got that much right." Spider-Girl replied. "It sounds like you didn't do too well in your mythology classes, either. Asgard is the home of the Norse Gods from the Norse legends. Odin's the wise ruler of the gods, and the owner of Valhalla. Hela is the goddess of death, who wishes to take over Valhalla.

"And then there's Thor, the son of Odin. I haven't seen him this time around, but that loony over there has a hammer like his."

"But I have seen Thor's half-brother, Loki. He's the god of trickery. Don't trust him, because he's always using deception to get what he wants."

[Chris Lang]

---

GoGo Yubari 06-13-2007 02:25 AM

---

"You got that much right." Spider-Girl replied. "It sounds like you didn't do too well in your mythology classes, either. Asgard is the home of the Norse Gods from the Norse legends. Odin's the wise ruler of the gods, and the owner of Valhalla. Hela is the goddess of death, who wishes to take over Valhalla.

"And then there's Thor, the son of Odin. I haven't seen him this time around, but that loony over there has a hammer like his."

"But I have seen Thor's half-brother, Loki. He's the god of trickery. Don't trust him, because he's always using deception to get what he wants."

Ty Lee had decided to go with a very scientific method of keeping track of these gods she'd never heard of before (though she surmised that "Norse" meant that the girl had been talking about the Northern Water Tribe, thusly confirming her earlier suspicions); she was keeping track of the names mentioned on her fingers.

"Oh, okay. They don't really teach us about the mythology for the countries outside of the Fire Nation, but... so wait. We're supposed to... banish the people working for this Hela lady? Like, by fighting them or something or what?"

---

Chris Lang 06-13-2007 02:30 AM

---

Ty Lee had decided to go with a very scientific method of keeping track of these gods she'd never heard of before (though she surmised that "Norse" meant that the girl had been talking about the Northern Water Tribe, thusly confirming her earlier suspicions); she was keeping track of the names mentioned on her fingers.

"Oh, okay. They don't really teach us about the mythology for the countries outside of the Fire Nation, but... so wait. We're supposed to... banish the people working for this Hela lady? Like, by fighting them or something or what?"

Spider-Girl paused. "Well, we might have to fight them, but to actually banish them, I think we have to vote them out. Once we've got a crime to accuse someone of, we pick who we think is the most likely to have done it, and then we vote for that person to be banished."

"At least I got the impression that's how it's supposed to work."