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[MoneySpider]

"You Had Me At Ye!" Part 1


One day at the Charles Xavier Institute for Lower Learning, Storm was sitting in the kitchen browsing the Internet for Wakandan movies to download when a woman jumped through one of the kitchen windows and began choking her.

Storm: (gasping for air) "Was it something I said? Something I didn't say?"

The woman said nothing but continued squeezing Storm's throat to render her unconscious. A few seconds later, Emma strolled into the kitchen.

Emma: "Hey Storm, do we have any sugar packets? I need some for my coffee."

Storm: "Um, I'm just a little busy getting CHOKED right now!"

Emma: "So is that a yay or a nay on the sugar packets?"

Storm: (eyes rolling back in her head) "Bottom...arrggh....drawer., left....ug,ug, arrrgghh....left side!"

After Storm fell unconscious to the floor, Emma stepped on her stomach to get to the sugar packets. Once all the sugar packets were confiscated, she looked at Storm.

Emma: "It's not even 9 a.m. yet, Storm, and you're already taking a nap?"
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Series Opening there plays here, followed by a commercial for a cereal so sweet that it knocks kids' teeth out right after the first bite.
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Storm awakened on the floor to see the woman standing over her.

Storm: "You're still here? Don't make me use my mutant powers."

Woman: "You do not scare me, mutant."

Storm wiped some more dust onto her X-Men uniform. "What's this all about, exactly? I don't even know you!"

Woman: "My name is Eva, and you stole my amulet!"
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Elsewhere in the school, Emma walked into the den and saw a grizzly bear standing next to a coffee pot.

Bear: "What up?"

Emma: "Not much. I've never seen you around here before. Are you a mutant?"

Bear: "Nah, I just wandered in after waking up from hibernation. I'm Ted E. Bear."

Emma: "I'm single er I mean I'm Emma Frost. If you need a tour of the school, just let me know. I'd be more than happy to show you around the place."

Ted: "I would like that very much, Emma."

Emma blushed. "Has anyone ever told you that you look exactly like this teddy bear I used to have when I was 9?"

Wolverine walked into the room. "She still has that teddy bear to this day. Sometimes she takes it outside with her, like on dates...just the two of them."

Emma: "Shut up, Logan! No I don't! ANYWAY, Ted, like I was saying, I used to have this teddy bear that looked just like you..."

Ted: "Actually, I have been told that before by a few people...about how I look like teddy bears they used to have when they were younger."

Emma: "I lost that teddy bear when I was 11 and I've been looking for a replacement ever since."

Ted: "Can I have that tour now?"

Emma: "Of course."
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Storm was hiding under a desk in one of the upstairs classrooms when she saw Emma and Ted walk into the room and hold hands.

Storm: "Well there's something you don't see every day."

Emma: "You mean me holding hands with a bear?"

Storm: "No, I was referring to you wearing pants. I guess you didn't feel like shaving those sasquatch legs of yours this morning. And I'll have you know that you're not the first female to ever hold hands with a bear, or any animal, for that matter. Before I ever met T'Challa, I once held hands with a killer whale."

Ted: "Whales don't have hands."

Storm: "You know, now that I think about it, I KNEW there was something "fishy" about that whale!"

Ted: "Well, hopefully you two had a "whale" of a good time!"

Storm held her sides, pretended to laugh heartily and then glared at Ted.

Emma: "Ororo, why are you under that desk?"

Storm: "There's this woman out to hurt me, since I stole her amulet. Can I help it if I like to steal shiny objects?"

At that moment, Charles Xavier passed by with his shiny bald head, and Storm jumped out from under the desk and attempted to stuff the professor's shiny head in her pocket.

Emma sighed.

Jubilee ran into the classroom and said "Storm?"

Storm: "Shhh! Not so loud, Jubilation! That woman might find me!"

Jubilee: (even louder than before) "WHAT WOMAN, STORM? FROM WHOM ARE YOU HIDING?"

Eva: "She's hiding from THIS woman."

Eva grabbed Storm's head and put it through a wall; Jubilee, Emma and Ted watched the beat-down for several minutes.

Jubilee: "That hurt, huh Storm?"

Storm wandered around in a daze, trying to remember who she was. Eva ripped the amulet from around Storm's neck and placed it around her own. As soon as the amulet touched Eva's neck, the mirror in the Ladies Washroom on the 5th floor opened up.

Storm: "What's so special about that amulet, anyway?"

A far-away gaze appeared in Eva's pink eyes.

Eva: "My lover is in the building."

Emma giggled and hugged Ted.

Emma: "What a coincidence! So is mine!"

[MoneySpider]

"You Had Me At Ye!" Part 2

Storm: "You and your lover need to leave the school, Eva! The two of you aren't even supposed to be here!"

Eva: "I will not leave until my lover reaches my side. Lover? Wherefore art thou?"

Eva's lover suddenly appears at her side, after having taken the elevator down from the 5th floor.

Guido: "Thou art here at your side, o fair maiden!"

Storm: "Oh deareth Goddess."

Guido: "Long has it been since I last gazed upon your fair cheeks, o love of mine! Long have I pined away for you whilst trapped in that dreadful mirror dimension!"

Emma: "Methinks I will be sick."

Eva: "Ignore these mere mutant mortals, Guido. They know not what true love is all about."

Emma: "I know what true love is all about, don't I, Ted? Come on over here and give me a bear hug."

Ted ran over and hugged her, lifting her off her feet.

Eva took another long look at her lover Guido and gasped.

Eva: "Guido! You've grown so...so...skinny! What's happened to your rippling muscles, dear love? Wherefore have they gone?"

Guido: "Oh sweet muse, they have deserted me! When your warlock of a father trapped me in the mirror dimension, my separation from you was too much for me to take! I ate nothing, I drank nothing; I wanted nothing except to be in your short hard arms once again! My muscles withered, my stomach growled and my head and heart ached!"

Eva: "Dost thou think ye still has what it takes to make me swoon?"

Storm: "Look, couldest thee and ye swoon somewhere else? Believe it or not, this is a school, and we have work to do...we'll do it poorly, but we'll still do it."

Guido ignored Storm and continued talking to Eva. "I still have what it takes, dearest sweetheart."

Eva: "Prove it. Prove your manhood, your masculinity to me. How will you make my silly heart pound, my ridiculous pulse race, my creepy body quiver?"

Storm: "Whoa whoa whoa, nobody's body is going to be quivering up in here, okay? This is a place of learning, and a professional environment, despite my risque outfit."

Guido: "For you, my little frosted flake, I will slay this here bear!"

Ted: "Okay, you said WHAT now?"
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Eva: "You would slay this beast for me? Really? Do so, and I will forever be reminded of why I fell for your bumbling self, all those centuries ago."

Storm: "Centuries ago? Wait a minute, Eva. Guido mentioned that your father is a warlock...that means you're a witch?"

Eva: "Don't ever call me a witch. I prefer to be called a "dabbler" in the mystic arts."

Guido raised his sword and ran toward Ted, but Emma stepped in front of the bear to protect him.

Emma: "If you want to kill him, you'll have to kill me first."

Storm: "Kill her, Guido, with the quickness!"

Guido: "I will not kill this woman."

Storm: "Do you want ME to kill her? Because I will, you know."

Guido lifted Emma out of harm's way and once again raised his sword.

Guido: "Hold still, Bear, so that I can smite thee!"

Ted charged toward Guido and knocked him to the floor. Ted then broke the sword into three pieces and started slapping Guido first with one paw and then with both paws.

Eva: "My thawing heart swells for Ted!"

Guido: "What?"

Ted: "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"

Emma: "Your thawing heart does what? Is your thawing heart doing what I think you said it's doing?"

Eva: "Yes. My thawing heart swells for Ted. There, did you hear THAT?"

Emma: "Oh no you didn't just say that!"

Eva: "Only a beast as brutal as Ted can claim my soul; only one so powerful and furry can attract me. Ted, forget about that blonde chick next to you. Be MINE, and I shall never love anyone else."

Ted: "Really?"

Emma: "Ted! You're not actually considering dating that woman, are you?"

Ted: "I cannot help it, Emma. It was her "thees" and "dosts" that lured me in. You know that "You had me at hello" line from the "Jerry McGuire" movie? Well, Eva had me at "ye." I will be moving on from this school now, and Eva and I will run away together!"

Guido: "And what about me, Eva? You're just going to leave me?"

Eva: "I will return you to where my father first placed you, within the mirror dimension. O hereditus maxinuff osiris pesticoff!"

Guido: "Nooooooooooooooooo..."

Guido called out to Eva, pleading with her to spare him from spending an eternity within the mirror dimension, but his body vanishes, and Eva and Ted walked out of the Xavier Institute for the Gifted into an uncertain future.

Storm looked at Emma and said "Well, Bigfoot, it looks like you won't be getting a new teddy bear after all."

Emma slapped Storm on the back and said "That's alright, Bozo. With you running around loose, there was only room enough for one animal at this school anyway."

Storm chuckled and then said "That's good...very good. But I want you to know that you should never, EVER refer to the Queen of Wakanda as an animal."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Oh please, "Your Majesty." Am I supposed to be scared that you are now T'Challa's wife? Do you think your new title is going to change things between you and me? Are you going to go run and tell your precious king-husband every time I insult you, or every time you get insulted by someone? You may be Queen Ororo now, but don't get it twisted. I can still run you over any time I want, okay?"

Emma snapped her fingers in Storm's face and then quickly switched out of the room so that she could have the last word, and Storm took out her Kimoyo card to contact T'Challa and tell him to add Emma's name to the list they were compiling.

Next: Storm, Rogue and Psylocke come to blows with the Easter Bunny in a tale entitled "Beware Bunnies Bringing Beatdowns."

[MoneySpider]

"Beware Bunnies Bringing Beatdowns" Part 1

Ororo Munroe, with her long dark hair (with white streaks) flowing behind her, darted into the nearest mall to avoid being further pursued by the Easter Bunny, who was shaking fists at her. Ororo summoned a gust of wind and flew onto an escalator and literally bumped into Psylocke and Rogue, who were fellow members of the mutant superhero team known as the X-Men.

Rogue: "Hey girl, why are you all out of breath?"

Storm: "Is she still behind me?"

Psylocke: "Is who still behind you?"

Storm: "The Easter Bunny! She's after me! I'm gonna die!"

Psylocke: "Girl, you're trippin'. No one is gonna die."

The Easter Bunny jumped onto the escalator and then hopped toward the trio.

Rogue grinned with excitement and said "The Easter Bunny! Yay! I didn't get a chance to talk to you last night! How have you been, huh? Are you hungry? Do you want some carrots? I've always wanted to meet you! Do you want my autograph?"

The Easter Bunny shoved Rogue and Psylocke out of the way; due to the Easter Bunny's superhuman strength, Psylocke was hurled into a shoe store on the other side of the mall and Rogue was tossed five levels up into a fitness center, which worked just fine for her because she felt she needed a good workout. Before the Easter Bunny could move another inch, Storm kneed the creature in the stomach and then delivered a series of karate chops to its neck. After the Easter Bunny fell with a groan and a thud, Storm danced around in triumph but stopped dancing when mall security cops escorted her away.
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The series music plays here, followed by a Marvel Entertainment advertisement for "Original Sin" which reveals that one of Charles Xavier's original sins was that he lied to Storm when he went to Africa and told her that she was not a goddess, but a mutant.

The truth is, Storm is both a goddess AND a mutant. Charles had lied to her because he desperately needed her power set on his second team of X-Men, and he felt that had she continued to believe she was actually a goddess, she would have ultimately chosen to remain in Africa.

Charles Xavier hopes Storm never discovers his original sin...
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In the mall security office, Storm was noisily smacking her gum and tapping her feet on the floor in order to annoy the mall cops.

Officer Friendly: "Would you like to tell us why you were attacking the Easter Bunny?"

Storm: "No." She blew a bubble with her gum, loudly popped it and then grinned.

Officer Un-Friendly: "Would you like to be arrested for assault and battery?"

Storm: "Batteries? I didn't steal any batteries!"

Officer Un-Friendly sighed and shook his empty head.

Officer Friendly: "Let me rephrase the question: do you want to be arrested by the New York police department?"

Storm: "Not really, no."

Officer Friendly: "Then tell us what we want to know. You assaulted the Easter Bunny because...?"

Storm: "Am I being videotaped?"

Officer Friendly: "No."

Storm: "I'm not? Why not? This is outrageous! I know my rights! I have the right to be videotaped!"

Officer Friendly: "No you don't."

Storm: "Then I won't talk." She folded her arms in defiance and stared straight ahead without blinking. Officer Un-Friendly picked up the phone to dial 9-1-1.

Storm: "Although, the more I think about it, the more I realize that video cameras add ten pounds to a woman's figure. Okay, here's the deal: the Easter Bunny is trying to kill me. Why, do you ask? Because I don't believe in her."

The officers exchanged glances.

Storm: "My life is not a simple one. Although I seem like a woman without a care in the world, you would be surprised. By day, most of the time I am a teacher at the Charles Xavier Institute for the Gifted...sometimes called the Institute of Higher Learning. By night, I am a member of the highly-disorganized superhero team known as the X-Men. So last night during an X-Men meeting at the Institute, the other X-Men dared me to reveal a deep dark secret. Having consumed way too much Wakandan root beer, I made the mistake of revealing that the Easter Bunny is not real, never has been and never will be."

Officer Un-Friendly rolled her eyes and said "Uh huh. And then what happened?"

Storm propped her booted feet up on the desk while the officers stared in disbelief at her boots up there on the desk. "After I made that stunning statement, and after the other X-Men gasped, the Easter Bunny crashed through a wall of the Institute and began chasing me around the room. At first I thought it was some sort of American game...I thought maybe Nightcrawler or Iceman had somehow dressed up as the Easter Bunny and had started chasing me to tease me, but when the Easter Bunny spoke, I realized it was not a male. She threatened to tear my limbs out of their sockets, so I did the only thing I could think to do at the time: I stuffed some Cheetos in my jeans pocket and ran like heck. I was running all night and most of this morning."

Officer Un-Friendly: "You honestly expect us to believe all of that?"

Storm: "Yes please."

[MoneySpider]

"Beware Bunnies Bringing Beatdowns" Part 2

Officer Friendly: "That's it, we're calling 9-1-1."

Storm: "Really? Okay. Tell them I said "What is up?"

While the officers dialed 9-1-1, Storm received a call on her Kimoyo card. At first she thought it was her husband the Black Panther calling, but it wasn't. As Storm stared at her Kimoyo card, the male mall cop watched the gorgeous mutant woman and listened very intently to her husky voice. He couldn't stop staring at her, and he kept replaying her physical characteristics in his mind: the woman was about 6 feet tall with an unbelievably attractive face and a dynamite body. Pouty lips, dangerous hypnotic hazel eyes, slender yet curvy build, long dark legs, sparkling teeth, blemish-free smooth-looking dark skin.

Storm: (speaking into the Kimoyo card) "This is Queen Ororo."

Rogue: "Ororo, where are you? Are you still being chased by the bunny rabbit?"

Storm: "As of right now, no. I'm sitting in the security office answering a whole bunch of questions. Where's Psylocke?"

Rogue: "She's right here, wondering if she should exchange the shoes she bought. Are you under arrest?"

Storm: "I guess I will be soon. These officers are talking to the New York police right now. Will you and Betsy write to me while I'm in an American prison cell?"

Rogue laughed and said with a Southern accent "Sorry, 'Ro, but we hardly knew ya. See ya in 20 years!"

Rogue was about to say something else but the Easter Bunny ripped the cell phone from her hand and shoved her and Psylocke aside again. This time, Rogue was thrown into the food court three levels down and Psylocke literally bounced on her butt into the womens washroom, which is where she needed to go anyway, to make sure her hair was still looking good.

Storm: "Rogue, are you still there?"

Easter Bunny: "No this ain't no Rogue. Ahem...I mean, "No, this is not Rogue. This is your worst nightmare come to life!"

Storm: "Emma Frost?"

Easter Bunny: "No, this is not Emma, fool! This is the Easter Bunny!"

Storm: "How did you get this number?"

Easter Bunny: "I stole your friend's phone! Now listen up good, girl: I'm a comin' to get you!"

Storm: "I'm a woman, not a girl. Secondly, if you're coming to get me, make it quick, because I hate to be kept waiting. Oh, and hey, if you pass by the food court, please bring me some chocolate chip cookies with the M&Ms baked into them. My husband T'Challa loves those."

The Easter Bunny mumbled under her breath and crushed the cell phone with a single paw.
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Ten minutes later, there was a knock on the security office door.

Officer Friendly: "That must be the New York police department."

Storm: "That must be the Easter Bunny with T'Challa's chocolate chip cookies."

Officer Friendly opened the door and was hurled aside by Rogue.

Psylocke: "Storm, let's go! We're outta here!"

Storm laughed. "You two are rescuing me?"

Psylocke: "What does it look like?"

Officer Un-Friendly: "It looks like THREE women are going to the slammer instead of just one!"

Rogue: "Never that!"

Storm and Rogue both took an arm of Psylocke's and lifted her into the air as they flew out of the security office, narrowly avoiding flying into the city cops, but the flying ladies and Psylocke were unable to avoid flying into the Easter Bunny. When the three female X-Men fell to the floor, the Easter Bunny reached into her basket and pulled out various colored eggs. After she hurled the eggs at the X-Men, they ducked and the eggs broke in front of all but one of the law enforcement officers. Officer Un-Friendly tackled the Easter Bunny and handcuffed her paws to the railing.

Officer Un-Friendly: "You are under arrest for assaulting officers of the law. You have the right to remain silent..."

The remaining law enforcement officers, who were still gagging on the smoke and tear gas left behind by the eggs, looked around the the female X-Men, but they had long since escaped, having flown out of the mall and into the furthest movie theater they could find from the mall in order to watch "Godzilla."

Officer Un-Friendly attempted to remove the Easter Bunny's mask to see who was really underneath the costume, but the officer quickly discovered that it was no mask, and it was no costume.

[MoneySpider]

One day Emma Frost was sunbathing in the microwave when Susan Storm called her on her iPhone.

Emma: "I'm not here."

Susan: "Yes you are. Listen...I need you to babysit my kids because I and the rest of the Fantastic Four have to go into the Negative Zone."

Emma: "No. Have Storm and Black Panther babysit."

Susan: "I just tried calling them in Wakanda, but they are not there. And they're not in America."

Emma: "Isn't there anyone else you can call?"

Susan: "I tried to reach the Ghostbusters, but I think they're blocking me calls, so you were next on my list."

Emma sighed. "I'm on my way."
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As soon as Emma showed up at the Baxter building, Valeria and her brother Franklin huddled together in a corner of the living room and then proceeded to tie Emma to some toy train tracks while Susan looked on.

Emma: "This is completely outrageous. Untie me!"

The kids giggled and began jumping back and forth over her body.

Emma: "Susan! Tell your kids to untie me!"

Susan: "Kids! Shame on you!"

Emma: "Finally..."

Susan: "You two should have tied those ropes TIGHTER! She could escape!"

Franklin: "Good eyes, Mom! Val, help me a second here."

After Franklin and Valeria tied the ropes tighter, Emma lost all sensation in her wrists.

Emma: "I'm going to get you for this, Susan."

Reed walked into the room and peered down at Emma.

Reed: "Hi Emma."

Emma merely grunted as she struggled to free herself from the train tracks, but she realized she was running out of time, because Valeria had just climbed into her toy train and was starting to roll down the tracks toward Emma's face...
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In Latveria, Doctor Doom looked around to make sure no Doombots or servants were around before he took two action figures out from a drawer and began playing with them.
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Storm and Black Panther were skipping down the beach in Barbados when Namor jumped out of the water.

Black Panther: "Hey Aquaman."

Namor stamped his feet in the sand to express his anger. "No, no no! I am NOT Aquaman! I'm Prince Namor, the Sub-Mariner!"

Black Panther shrugged and said "Same difference."

Namor: "Storm, can you please tell your husband that I am not Aquaman? To suggest such a thing is truly an insult to the king of Atlantis!"

Storm: "But Aquaman IS the king of Atlantis, no?"

Namor: "I don't even know why I bother talking to the two of you. Just wait until I destroy the surface world! Just you wait!"

Storm: "We've been waiting for YEARS for you to destroy the surface world, but you have yet to do it, despite your threats."

Namor: "Yeah, well, this time will be different. You'll see!"

Black Panther: "Sure thing, Subby. By the way, Susan Richards says hello."

Namor eyes widened in excitement. "She did?"

Black Panther: "No. I lied."

As Storm and Black Panther ran away laughing, Namor shook his fist at them.
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Doctor Doom threw his toys in a corner when the Green Goblin entered the throne room.

Green Goblin: "Were you just playing with toys?"

Doctor Doom: "What? How DARE you insinuate such a ridiculous thing! Now report!"

Green Goblin peered in the direction pf where Doom had thrown the G.I. Joe action figures. "Spider-Man has a tummy ache."

Doctor Doom smiled under his armored mask as he tucked his favorite teddy bear under his armored arm. "Excellent, my plan is working perfectly..."
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Rogue was shopping in Whole Foods for some corn bread mix, just whistling away when Adam the Blue Marvel brushed past her. She had never seen such a fine specimen of man since T'Challa the Black Panther, so she opened her mouth wide in awe of Blue Marvel, and she didn't even realize she was drooling until she slipped in her own spittle.

Suddenly Rogue felt the urge to meet him, so she grabbed a nearby cantaloupe and lobbed it at Adam's head. When the cantaloupe hit Blue Marvel in the face and exploded into several pieces, he ran over to her.

Blue Marvel: "Did you just throw fruit at me?"

Rogue wasn't used to initiating contact with men, because they almost always came up to her, so she giggled shyly.

Blue Marvel: "We'll, young lady, aren't you going to say anything?"

Rogue: "I'm a rogue, and I think you're cute, so I wanted to get your attention. A nice woman would have done something different, but I'm a slightly reformed member of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, so throwing something at you was the best option for me. So are we going out or not?"

Blue Marvel: "I think not. So if you'll excuse me..."

Blue Marvel was about to fly into another aisle, but Rogue touched one of his massive shoulders.

Rogue: "If you don't go on a romantic date with me, I'll break a little old bony woman's legs. I'm sure there's a little old bony woman in this store somewhere."

Blue Marvel: "That's blackmail."

Rogue: (looking around for the nearest old bony woman) "It sure is, sugah..."

[MoneySpider]

Superman was taking out Lois Lane's trash when Thor popped out of the bushes in front of Lane's apartment and sucker-punched Superman into orbit.

But it wasn't actually Thor. It was really Loki, who had disguised himself as his brother to cause mischief. Pleased with himself, he turned back into Loki and rang Lois' doorbell.
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Back at Avengers mansion, King T'Challa also known as the Black Panther was hanging up a picture of his wife, Queen Ororo, also known as Storm of the X-Men.

Black Panther: "Thor, would you mind using your hammer on this nail I've stuck in the wall? I'm going to hang this picture up of my beloved."

Thor: "That's not really what Mjolnir is for, so..."

Black Panther: "So..."

Black Panther and Thor stared at each other for a few seconds as Iron Man and Captain America walked into the room.

Iron Man: "I'm telling you, Cap, she's perfect for you. Just let me set you up with her."

Captain American blushed. "Oh gee golly no, that's alright, Tony. I can get my own dates, thank you very much."

Iron Man: "Spending quality time with your shield doesn't count."

Captain America: "Why not? I love her!" He kissed his shield and then said "Who's my favorite shield in the whole wide world! YOU are, that's who! Come here, you!"

He kissed his shield again (this time with his tongue) and he was very unaware of how Black Panther, Thor and Iron Man were slowly backing out of the room.
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A few minutes later in the kitchen, Thor was drinking a glass of mead when Black Panther appeared from seemingly nowhere and said "So are you going to hammer that nail or not?"

Thor jumped in surprise and nearly choked on his mead. "T'Challa, I didn't hear you come in!"

Black Panther: "I walk like a cat."

Thor: "Indeed you do! And no, I won't nail that hammer. Mjolnir is not just any hammer, T'Challa. She is an enchanted hammer, used only to bring justice and peace to the universe! I suggest you go to the hardware store and get a hammer."

Black Panther: "I think I have a better idea."
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Mystique was ironing her waitress uniform when her daughter Rogue finally came home.

Mystique: "Where have you been? I needed you here an hour ago!"

Rogue: "Calm down."

Mystique: "Anyway, I'm going to need you to watch your brother Kurt while I'm at work tonight."

Rogue grabbed a bag of Doritos off the kitchen counter and flopped down in a chair. "What are you talking about? Nightcrawler's a grown man! I don't babysit grown men!"

Mystique: "I'll pay you $50."

Rogue: "$100."

Mystique: "$75."

Rogue: "Fine, but I absolutely refuse to read him a bedtime story this time. And why are you even ironing that outfit? Can't you just use your powers to make it look like you're wearing a waitress uniform?"

Mystique blinked a few times in rapid succession. "Oh, right! Sometimes I can be quite ditsy."

Rogue: "Sometimes?"

Mystique: "Tread lightly, daughter, before you get disowned."

Rogue: "I have a date tomorrow night."

Mystique: "That's lovely, dear. With Gambit, I presume?"

Rogue: "Uggggggggggggh! I am SO over Gambit!"

Mystique: "The Sentry?"

Rogue: "Nah, he cries too much. He cries more than I do."

Mystique: "Then who?"

Rogue: "Adam the Blue Marvel!"

Mystique fainted.
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Spider-Man and the Punisher were busily beating the crap out of a warehouse full of goons smuggling drugs into New York when the Black Panther jumped out of the shadows and dragged the goons' boss out of the warehouse. When Spider-Man ran after the King of Wakanda, he and the goon boss were nowhere to be found.

Punisher: "What was that all about?"

Spider-Man: "I have no idea."
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A little while later at Avengers mansion, Black Panther used Hammerhead's head to pound the nail further into the wall so that he could put up Storm's portrait...

[MoneySpider]

When Loki rang Lois Lane's doorbell, she opened the door.

Lois: "Yes?"

Loki: "I am Loki, the god of mischief."

Lois: "And you're telling me this because..."

Loki: "I am a naughty god."

Lois: "Okay..."

Loki looked puzzled. "Don't girls like naughty guys?"

Lois: "First of all, I'm not a girl, I'm a woman. Second of all, I'm so over naughty guys. I prefer predictable boring guys, like Superman."

Superman: "Gee, thanks Lois."

Lois: "No problem. Now fawn all over me, like the boring guy that you are."
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At Avengers mansion, Wolverine strolled into the kitchen and saw Captain America staring fearfully at a microwave.

Wolverine: "What's up, bub?"

Captain America just said "Uh huh" and continued staring at the microwave. Suddenly he raised his shield and pressed a button on the microwave. After he rolled under the kitchen table for cover, he peered out from under the table and stared again at the microwave.

Wolverine: "What, you're scared of a kitchen appliance?"

Captain America: "Back in my day, we cooked food in stoves."

Iron Man clanked into the kitchen and Wolverine said "Hey bub, guess what? Old Stars and Stripes is scared of the microwave."

Iron Man and Wolverine laughed, which made Captain America turn red. He was about to throw his shield at Wolverine, but Black Widow walked into the kitchen wearing a tight black bodysuit. All three men stared at her as she went on about her business.

Black Widow: "How are you, Steven?"

Captain America's face reddened once more.

Captain America: "I'm fine, how are you, Natasha?"

Black Widow ignored the direct question and then said "You and I should hang out some time when we're not on the clock. Let me know when."

She exited the kitchen after winking at him, and as Iron Man and Wolverine looked at him in disbelief, Captain America smacked himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming.
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Back in Wakanda, King T'Challa and Queen Ororo were playing patty-cake while sitting on their thrones in the Throne Room when someone knocked on the door. After the Dora Milaje opened the door, a Wakandan entered the room.

Wakandan: "Good morning, Your Highnesses."

King T'Challa: "Good morning, Sliggy."

Queen Ororo: "'Sup, Sliggy?"

Sliggy looked at them nervously and said "I hate to be a bother, but I was wondering if the Queen would be able to make it rain on my dry plants today?"

Queen Ororo studied Sliggy for a few seconds before she said "What's in it for me?"

King T'Challa: "Ororo!"

Queen Ororo shrugged. "I like to make things interesting."

Sliggy: "What would the queen desire?"

Queen Ororo: "Your gold watch that I saw you wearing the other day."

Sliggy: "But my wife gave that watch to me on our first wedding anniversary!"

Queen Ororo: "And I don't care. Either you give me the watch and I make it rain on your plants, or you keep your watch and your plants die. Your choice, but choose carefully, Sliggy."

Ororo and T'Challa were about to resume playing patty-cake when Sliggy said "Alright, Queen Ororo, you win. The watch will be yours."

Queen Ororo's hazel eyes flashed with mischief. "It's been a pleasure doing business with you, Sliggy. Now bring me the plants and the watch, and be quick about it. Better yet..."

Queen Ororo leapt off her throne and chased Sliggy all the way back to his house to make sure that he gave her the watch. But after one point when Sliggy's back was turned, Queen Ororo took his watch and his plants and flew back to the Palace Royal with them.
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After Mystique woke up from having fainted, she saw Rogue and Nightcrawler standing over her.

Nightcrawler: "Momma, are you alright?"

Mystique: "Yes, Kurt, I'm fine."

Rogue smacked her.

Mystique: "Ow! What was that for?"

Rogue: "I just wanted to make sure you're awake."

Mystique: "Of course I'm awake! Didn't you just hear me say something to your brother?"

Rogue filled a pitcher with water and then threw the water at her mother.

Mystique: "Rogue! Now I'm drenched!"

Rogue: "Just making sure you're really awake!"

Mystique: "I already told you I'm awake!"

Rogue was about to pinch her but Mystique caught her gloved hand.

Mystique: "Enough!"

Rogue: "What I want to know is, why did you faint when I said I have a date with Blue Marvel?'

Mystique quickly turned away from Rogue and Nightcrawler for dramatic effect and gazed off into the distance.

Mystique: "I used to be married to the Blue Marvel."

Rogue: "Oh mah God! Really, Momma?"

Mystique chuckled and said "No, child, I was just having fun with you."

Rogue: "Oh how I hate you, Mother..."

[MoneySpider]

At a special dinner in Wakanda, the Fantastic Four were guests of King T'Challa and Queen Ororo...

Ororo took a sip from T'Challa's glass and he didn't have a problem with that until she kept sipping from his glass.

T'Challa: "Honey, why do you keep drinking from my glass? You have your own drink."

Ororo: "Yeah, but I want yours."

T'Challa: "But why? You have the same exact drink that I have."

Ororo: "True, but I want yours."

T'Challa frowned. "I still don't understand. If you have exactly the same drink that I do, with the same amount in your glass as I have in mine, why do you need to deplete my drink while yours is left intact?"

Ororo: "I wanted to drink from your glass because it's romantic." She kept sipping from his glass until the wine was gone, but when T'Challa reached for Ororo's wine glass to take a sip of her wine, Ororo hid the wine from him.

Ororo: "That's my drink, baby."

T'Challa: "Yeah, but you just said it's romantic if we share drinks."

Ororo: "No, I said it's romantic if I drink from your glass. I didn't say anything about you drinking MY wine. Do you understand?"

T'Challa: "Huh? How does that make any sense?" He looked at Reed, and Reed was just as puzzled.

Susan: "Ororo's explanation makes perfect sense to me."

Ororo: "Thank you, Susan."

Reed: "I'm confused."

Ororo and Susan looked at Reed and shook their heads, and then they headed to the bathroom together like women tend to do as T'Challa and Reed attempted to understand the logic of what had just transpired.
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At Empire State University, Peter Parker (whose mind had been replaced by that of Otto Octavius) walked into his English Lit class and saw Mary Jane Watson.

Mary Jane: "Hi Tiger."

Peter: "Good morning, Red."

Not to be outdone, Gwendolyn Stacy played with her hair and quickly tried to think of her own pet name for Peter.

Gwen: "Hi Hippo."
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After his English Literature class ended two hours later, Peter changed into his Spider-Man costume, crawled up the side of one of the campus buildings to contemplate why Gwen had called him a hippo and then jumped in surprise when he saw a woman also perched on the side of the building.

Vixen: "Hi, I'm Mari Jiwe McCabe, but people also know me by my code name of Vixen. You're Peter Parker, right?"

Spider-Man: "Uh, no. You must have me confused-"

Vixen: "Odd, but both Spider-Man and Peter Parker have the same exact scent."

Spider-Man: "Uh...well...you see, what had happened...um, about that...it's like this...the thing is, though..."

Vixen looked at her watch.

Spider-Man: "What I'm trying to say is...now before you jump to conclusions..."

Vixen sighed, mimicked the flight of a bat and flew away, and Spider-Man resumed wondering why Gwen had called him a hippo...was she trying to tell him he was getting fat?
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Wonder Woman quietly flew into the Batcave, careful to avoid all of the surveillance and security sensors that were no doubt set up by Batman to keep people out. She peered from behind a pillar and then dodged a downpour of bat feces. She then looked around for Batman and saw him doing push-ups.

Batman: "56...57...58...59..."

Wonder Woman: "Hello Bruce."

Batman yelled "Ahhhhh!" in surprise and toppled to the cave floor, which made Wonder Woman chuckle.

Batman: "You made me lose count! It's not funny!"

Wonder Woman: "Why so serious?"

Batman: "The last time someone said that to me, he got locked up in Arkham Asylum."

Wonder Woman: "Quit your whining. I just got off the phone with Superman. We're putting a team together, and we want you to be a part of it."

Batman: "No."

Wonder Woman: "Be a part of the team, or I'll rip your arms off and make you beat yourself with your own severed arms."

Batman: "I'm in."
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At IHOP, Adam the Blue Marvel pulled Rogue's chair out for her, but after she sat down, he hesitated.

Rogue: "What's the matter, sugah?"

Blue Marvel: "I'm still not sure this is a good idea. You're blackmailing me into going on a date with you."

Rogue flipped her hair and immediately looked around for a bony old woman to break, and when she found one, she jumped up from the table and grabbed the woman...who turned out to be Peter Parker's Aunt May!

Rogue: "Sit down, Adam, and order me some Rooty Tooty Fresh n' Fruity pancakes and a Breakfast Sampler, or I swear to every African god you believe in, I'll break this woman's bony wrists!"
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In the Palace Royal in Wakanda, Queen Ororo was in the bathroom washing her face before she turned in for the night with T'Challa; suddenly Deadpool's head popped out of the toilet.

Deadpool: "Hey queenie, quick question: can I borrow some vibranium?"

Ororo: "No."

Deadpool was about to protest, but Ororo clubbed him over the head with the toilet bowl brush and then flushed the toilet...

[MoneySpider]

Spider-Man was swinging over New York, still trying to figure out why Gwen Stacy had called him "Hippo" when he saw Black Cat eating an apple on a rooftop. After he swung over to her, she looked him up and down.

Spider-Man" Hey Felicia."

Black Cat: "Hi Spider."

He removed his mask, and Black Cat instantly recoiled.

Black Cat: "Please, Spider, put your mask back on!"

Spider-Man: "But why? You act like I'm hideous-looking or something."

Black Cat was beginning to lose her appetite for the apple. "I would just prefer it if you kept your mask on at all times."

Spider-Man: "It's an odd request, but okay..."

He put the mask back on and Black Cat breathed a sigh of relief and took a huge bite out of her apple.

Black Cat: "And you should wear the black costume with the white spider logo next time I see you. I like that costume. It makes you look bad."

Spider-Man: "Another strange request..."

Black Cat: "Is that going to be a problem, Spider?"

Spider-Man: "You have some pretty weird requests for me every time I see you."

Black Cat: "In that case, you won't think this request any stranger: I want you to dump Mary Jane whats-her-face."

Spider-Man: "She and I aren't really dating."

Black Cat: "Good. Then come back here tomorrow night, say 8:00 p.m.? Remember: wear the black costume, and keep your mask on. I literally do not want to see your face. See you tomorrow night!"

Black Cat jumped off the building, and when Spidey ran to the edge of the roof to find her, she was nowhere to be found.
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Back at IHOP, Aunt May was busy trying not to get her wrists broken by Rogue!

Aunt May: "Please, Adam, do as she says, and buy her a meal!"

Blue Marvel: "Alright, I'll do it, but only because I don't want anyone getting hurt."

After he sat down, Rogue threw Aunt May back in a seat.

Rogue: "There, was that so hard, Adam?"

Blue Marvel: "Yes!"

Rogue snorted in amusement and drank some orange juice. Then she looked at him.

Rogue: "What should we do after breakfast?"

Blue Marvel: "Part ways?"

Rogue: "Now where's the fun in that? Let's see...we could go to the movies!"

Blue Marvel: "I'd rather not pay $15 for a movie ticket."

Rogue: "It'd be more like $30, since you'd be paying for both of us. But if you don't want to go to the movies, we could always illegally download the new movies. Not that I do that, or anything..."

She looked around quickly, as though she didn't want anyone to hear her talking about Internet piracy.

Rogue: "My momma likes to illegally download movies."

Blue Marvel just smiled and looked at his watch.

Rogue: "Would you like to meet my momma?"

Blue Marvel: "Is she anything like you?"

Rogue: "At times."

Blue Marvel: "No thanks, then."

Rogue was about to grab Aunt May again but Blue Marvel jumped to his feet and said "Look, Rogue, I don't think you have it in you to brink any old woman's anything. I will no longer allow you to threaten little old ladies and blackmail me into dating you. If you want me to date you, than have enough courage to risk rejection without resorting to harming others!"

Rogue: "Great speech, but if you don't come with me after breakfast to meet my momma, I'm going to break a bony YOUNG woman's bod."

Blue Marvel (sitting back down) "Well, it was worth a shot, right?"
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Storm, who had quickly teleported back to New York in the blink of an eye thanks to Black Panther's invention of Shadow Physics, was now seated at a table in a room in a building in secret location; also seated at the table were Susan Richards, Mystique, Vixen and Nightcrawler.

Storm looked around the table, smiled and then said "Welcome everyone, to this secret meeting. Rogue is otherwise engaged, or else she would be present as well."

Mystique: "Why are we here, Your Majesty?"

Storm's hazel eyes danced. "T'Challa and I are putting a team together..."

Batman emerged from the shadows and said, "And you all had better join that team, lest Wonder Woman break into your secret hideout and threaten to rip YOUR arms off and make YOU all beat YOURSELVES with YOUR own severed arms!"

Everyone seated at the table just stared at Batman, who very quietly and very slowly retreated back into the shadows...

Storm: "Riiiiiiight..."

[MoneySpider]

At Avengers mansion, while Captain America was staring in fear at an iPhone in the kitchen, Storm, Black Panther and Blue Marvel were playing UNO in the living room.

Blue Marvel re-arranged the cards in his hands and said "So, I've got this problem-"

Storm: "I was wondering when you were going to mention that. Yes, your superhero uniform is definitely tired."

Blue Marvel: "Wait, what? I wasn't going to say anything about my costume."

Storm: "Really? Whoops, would you look at the time? Come on T'Challa, we must be getting back to Wakanda now..."

Blue Marvel: "No, hold on a second, why exactly is my costume "tired?"

Black Panther: "Yeah Storm, what's wrong with it? It's blue and black...what's wrong with that?"

Storm: "With a white cape? Nah, the cape should be either black or blue. And the helmet needs to come back. But the helmet was white too, so you should make the helmet either blue or black.

Blue Marvel: "I no longer wear the helmet because I no longer need to hide who I am."

Storm: "True, but the helmet just reeked of coolness and mystery."

Black Panther: "Now THAT I can agree with. Masks make people far more mysterious. People don't know what kind of expression you have if you wear a mask. Am I smiling or frowning right now? You can't tell."

Storm: "I can tell. And you have to draw four cards, babe."

Black Panther: "I can't believe you used that Draw Four on me."

Storm: "I used the Draw Four on you because I'm in love with you."

Black Panther: "That makes absolutely no sense."

Storm: "Everything a woman says makes sense."

Black Panther felt Storm's forehead to see if she was feverish.

Blue Marvel: "So ANYWAY, like I was saying, I have this problem with Rogue."

Storm: "I have a problem with my Rogue's Gallery as well. Sometimes T'Challa's Rogue's Gallery tries to kill me as well, and sometimes my Rogue's Gallery will try to kill T'Challa because a lot of them don't like cats, or people who dress up like cats."

Blue Marvel: "No, I mean Rogue, from the X-Men."

Storm: "Oh? I didn't know you know her."

Black Panther: "Yes you do. Remember last week when I first told you that she and Adam went out?

Storm frowned and then said "Oh yeah, now I remember! You were talking to me while I was in my botanical gardens watering my plants!"

Blue Marvel: "T'Challa, how did you know that I had gone out with Rogue?"

Black Panther: "I keep my friends close and my enemies closer. You're a friend, of course. It's my business to know things."

Blue Marvel: "Well that's not creepy at all. That's sarcasm, by the way."

Black Panther: "So what exactly is your problem with Rogue?"

Blue Marvel: "She keeps threatening to hurt people unless I keep going out with her."

Storm: "Rogue's a sweet woman, and wouldn't really hurt innocent people, even though in the past she used to be part of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. She reformed, though, which is why she is now a very trusted and respected member of the X-Men. I can vouch for her, Adam. She's a sweetheart."

Blue Marvel: "Yeah, but all of the threatening she does-"

Storm: "-is all an act. She must really like you to go to such desperate measures. Do you think she's pretty?"

Blue Marvel: "She's gorgeous."

Storm: "Do you have a good time when you're around her?"

Blue Marvel: "When she's not threatening to break people's wrists, she's a lot of fun to be around."

Storm: "Are you attracted to her?"

Blue Marvel: "God yes."

Storm: "Then my advice to you is to DATE HER."

Black Panther threw down a Draw Four and a Draw Two that he had taped together, which was directed at Storm.

Black Panther: "I'm in love with you, Ororo."

Storm: "Stop cheating! There's no such thing as a Draw Six!"

Black Panther: "There should be."

Storm pulled six cards, glared at Black Panther and then told him "You're sleeping on the royal couch tonight."

Black Panther: "I sleep wherever I want, Ororo. You're not the boss of me."

Storm: "No, you sleep where I tell you to sleep. I command, you obey."

Black Panther: "Never."

Storm: "Always."

Blue Marvel: "Yep, you two are married, alright."

Storm: "I'm the deadliest of the species, Adam. Sometimes my beloved T'Challa forgets that."

Black Panther chuckled at her comment and stated "Meanwhile, back in the REAL world..."

Storm formed a tiny ominous-looking rain cloud over T'Challa's head and made it pour down rain.

Black Panther (pulling out a tiny umbrella from his cape and opening it over his head) "I am ever prepared."

Blue Marvel: "Okay, you two are crazy..."

[MoneySpider]

In Asgard, Odin was handing out allowance money to his sons.

Odin: "Here you go, Thor: $5. Loki, $4."

Loki: "Hey, why do I get one dollar less than Thor? YOU DON'T LOVE ME AT ALL!"

Loki ran to his room crying, and Odin shrugged.

Thor: "Thanks Daddy I mean Father."

Odin patted Thor on his head and then jumped in surprise when he turned around and almost ran into Angela.

Odin: "And you are?"

Angela: "I'm Angela, your daughter."

Odin: "Who's your mother?"

Angela's eyes teared up. "You don't know who my mother is?"

Odin: "I've dated so many women over the years..."

Angela held out her hand for allowance money, but Odin just smacked her hand because he thought it was some form of a greeting.

Angela: "No, Pops, that means PAY ME. You're giving out allowance to your kids, and I'm one of your kids, so pay me. Now."

Odin sighed and gave her $5.

Loki ran out of his room and his eyes bulged out of their sockets when he saw Angela putting the $5 bill in her pocket.

Loki: "Father, who is this woman, and why are you giving her money?"

Odin: "Loki, meet your sitter, Angela!"

Loki: "I don't need a sitter."

Odin: "Whoops, I meant "meet your sister, Angela!"

Loki: "I don't need a sister, either."

Odin: "Stop that, Loki, and hug your sister. Blood is thicker than mead."

Angela and Loki ran up to each other and tried to find the best way to awkwardly hug each other. Then Loki turned to his father and said "Yeah, and don't think I didn't notice that my new sister received a dollar more in allowance more than I did. YOU DON'T LOVE ME AT ALL!"

Angela: "Wow, he's emotional."

Odin: "You have no idea..."
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Meanwhile, in Wakanda, home of Storm and Black Panther, Storm's eyes were all white as she concentrated on the task at hand.

Storm: "At my command, water flows!"

Black Panther sighed. "The only reason why the water is flowing right now is because you're running the bath water. Stop fooling around and hurry and take your bath! We promised we'd take all of the Dora Milaje out to dinner in an hour! You're taking too long in getting ready!"

Storm opened her eyes, glared playfully at her husband and then jumped into the tub.

Storm: "Perfection takes time, T'Challa."

Black Panther: "All the time in the world wouldn't make you perfect, dear."

Storm: "What did you just say to me?"

Black Panther: "Huh? Wait, uh, what I had meant to say was...um...you know what? I LOVE the way your hair looks right now."

Storm: "Just for that little wisecrack, it might take me a few hours to figure out what dress I will wear tonight."

Black Panther rubbed his eyes and sat on the edge of the tub. "I thought you had already picked your dress out."

Storm lathered herself and said "I had, but now I'm thinking I want to go with a different dress."

Black Panther: "Please shoot me now."

Storm: "That can be arranged."

Black Panther stuck his tongue out at her, so Storm purposely took longer in the bath tub than she had originally intended to spend.
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Wonder Woman was on duty at the newly built JLA Watchtower when Vixen came into the observation deck and rubbed up against her.

Wonder Woman: "What the. heck..stop that!"

Vixen: "Sorry, I can't help it." She then ran over to Batman and the Flash and rubbed up against them as well.

Batman: "Uh....I don't even know you like that."

Flash: "More please."

Vixen: "Sorry, guys. I was mimicking the abilities of a cat, and well, rubbing up against various people is one of the side effects of mimicking that particular animal."

Batman: "Well, in the future, maybe you shouldn't mimic cats, alright? Geez, Mari, pick something else. I'm trying to be a deduce something over here, and I don't like to be interrupted by people rubbing up against me! Got it!?"

Vixen mimicked the ability of a woodpecker and pecked him repeatedly in the foot.

Batman: "Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!"

Vixen: "Better?"

Batman hobbled toward a chair and said "Okay, I see what you did there!"

Vixen and Wonder Woman gave each other a high-five...

[MoneySpider]

When Black Panther returned to the Palace Royal in Wakanda after a long day of chasing mice near the vibranium mound, he was astounded to see numerous X-Men running all over the place.

Black Panther: "Storm!"

Storm emerged from her greenhouse and said "Hi T'Challa, welcome home!"

Black Panther: "I didn't know we were going to be having guests..."

Storm: "It was a spur of the moment thing. I woke up this morning and decided that it would be great if we could host the X-Men here. And now that you're home, you can help me bring out the snacks."

Black Panther: "But I don't want to."

Storm: "Stop that, and come on here." She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the kitchen.
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Vixen was in New York, shopping at a supermarket when she got the feeling she was being watched by some of the store personnel. She really got suspicious when every time she stepped into a different aisle, a store employee felt the need to go into the same aisle as her and pretend to clean up some of the merchandise on some of the shelves.

In Aisle 19, when Vixen reached for a pudding cup, a store employee began rearranging some of the boxes of cake mix.

In Aisle 12, when Vixen reached for a US Weekly magazine, another store employee began alphabetizing the magazine rack.

In Aisle 5, when Vixen studied the prices of various brands of toothpaste, yet another store employee suddenly felt the need to mop the floor in that area.

In Aisle 20, when Vixen was looking at some canned vegetables, a staff member stared at her from behind a display case. He then began adjusting some of the price tags on some of the merchandise, but then when she left the aisle, he left the aisle...and when she ran back into the aisle a few seconds later, so did the male employee. After Vixen thought "Skunk" and then sprayed the male employee in the eyes with a foul-smelling secretion, she calmly walked into Aisle 3 to pick up a loaf of Butternut bread.

No one followed her into Aisle 3.
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Back in Wakanda, after Storm and Black Panther brought all of the snacks out to their guests, Black Panther stuck his foot out when Cyclops passed by and Cyclops went flying down some stairs into the basement. Black Panther chuckled.

Storm: "T'Challa! Stop being bad!"

As Storm went back into her greenhouse and tended to her plants and flowers, Black Panther stayed within sight of his guests, watching all of the X-Men very closely to make sure none of them got out of line, because if they did, he had a few contingency plans that he was really eager to try out on them.

Rogue ran up to him and stated "Hey sugah!"

Black Panther: "You will not address me as "sugah."

Rogue rolled her eyes. "It's just a figure of speech, hon."

Black Panther: "You will not call me hon."

Rogue rolled her eyes again and began dancing with an imaginary partner.

Black Panther: "So how are things going with you and the Blue Marvel?"

Rogue grinned, and her eyes lit up, which made Black Panther regret that he had asked the question, because she then began to tell him every detail about her dating the Blue Marvel. As she yammered on and on about dating "The Man of Marvels," Black Panther began devising a contingency plan to remove Rogue's voice.
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After Vixen returned to her apartment building with her groceries, she saw a man whom she had never seen before in her lobby; he was taking mail out of his mailbox and he was so engrossed in what he was doing that he didn't notice she was there.

Vixen was immediately intrigued by him because not only did she think he was really handsome, but there was an aura of mystery to him, so she thought "Cat" and began investigating him; she raised her hand very very slowly, like a cat raising its paw, and then she tapped the man on his shoulder once, then twice, than a third time, just to see how the man would react.

When Bronze Tiger looked at her, she stepped backward but kept her hand raised and her feline eyes focused directly on him...
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At Avengers Mansion, the Black Widow gathered up She-Hulk, the Scarlet Witch, Ms. Marvel (Carol Danvers), Sersi and the Wasp so they could proceed to watch Captain America work out in the mansion's gym. Since they wanted to keep their surveillance of him a secret, the ladies crammed themselves into a secret location within the mansion, and Black Widow turned on the surveillance monitors. When they saw Captain America exercising without a shirt on, they got all hot and bothered.

Sersi: "It's official. I've died and gone to heaven."

She-Hulk: "I'll never wash my eyes again."

Wasp: "Hubba hubba hubba, come to momma!"

Ms. Marvel: "He can order me around anytime he wants."

Scarlet Witch: "Would it be wrong for me to put a hex on him so that he falls in love with me?"

Black Widow: "I have a date with Steve tomorrow night. First we are going to see "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes", then we will have a romantic dinner overlooking the lake, afterwards we will go for a moonlit stroll on the beach. He's picking me up from my place, and he ordered a limousine."

Ms. Marvel looked Black Widow up and down and then said "God, I hate you."

When the Invisible Woman suddenly became visible and said "We ALL hate you, Natasha," all the women in the room laughed...