It starts out with Thanos pounding Wade into Pastepool with his fists which is honestly how any Thanos vs (insert Street-Level Character) should end and this isn’t even factoring Thanos’ more esoteric abilities. Thanos then declares that he is removing the immortality curse.
The story now flashes back with Wade infiltrating Saint Cynthia Island and while Victor Von Doom removes his armor, Wade struts in and blasts him to kingdom come. As Wade discusses his reward for killing Dr. Doom, the blood-stained body gets up and comments that after feeling a lot pain and seeing darkness, Victor found himself in his childhood home and saw his mother before promptly blasting Wade away. Sure enough, Wade gets to see his baby as his near death experience has him in a hotel, pouring a drink, wearing a bath robe and sporting hair and a mustache like Lionel Richie. Death suddenly appears in the mirror and begs for help. Bad news folks who ship Wade with Shiklah or Copycat or Siryn or Steve Rogers (You SICK people) looks like Death is his one true love
Meanwhile in Malevolina Port, a sailor is watching the news stating how no one is dying and Wade having lost the leverage of threatening death, offers the man some “dirty Fury money” to take him to Taino Island to visit the Chicken Man, er I mean Black Talon.
We find out that the Avengers and Dr Strange visited his abode before Wade and Talon simply states that making people immortal would be bad for business and then he remarks about the curse that Thanos has placed on Wade. Wade concludes that Thanos has kidnapped Death and he tells the Turkey that he has a plan (if there are three words and an article that Wade can utter that should send shivers down his enemy’s spine it’s “I have a plan”) , unless of course the enemy is Thanos.
It wasn’t a completely bad plan actually, he had Black Talon sacrifice a goat, sic’ed the Avengers on Dr. Doom, and took one of Cable’s spaceships from the future so he could go to toe to toe with the Mad Titan. If it wasn’t for the ”fight Thanos” part it would actually be a decent plan
The story is now back to the present with Pastepool and Thanos removes the curse which sends Wade off between life and death and this time is in a blizzard frantically digging for Death who appears and calls him her one true champion. To say that Thanos is most unpleased with this development is a HUGE understatement.
Back in Taino Island, the zombies are protesting against Black Talon since re-animated humans have more rights than them before the leader gets incinerated by some guy who kind of reminds me of Emo-boy Prime (BOOOOO) who asks for Deadpool’s location.
In Starlin’s Bar, the remaining Blood Brother (whose name is Gary btw) is moaning about why his twin brother is still dead when he gets blasted by the Guardians of the Galaxy who ask him about Thanos.
Finally, Thanos has restored Wade back with Necromancy and Science and offers him a large assortment of jewels to help him find Death and Wade answers that he’ll do it for free (C’mon Wade)
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