Soooo Fvck it
I'm a pretty Bro-ish Dude, even more so on campus/around my fraternity I chew tobacco, make crude jokes, think poop is hilarious, my Dog/friends are Douches etc. Naturally most of my 2 night stands are unavailable Str8 Dudes which was cool with me Im happy-go-lucky, social czar but emotionally stunted So it was a big fvckin surprise when I told Carlos he can keep staying over till the paperwork he needed to continue working/living in Spain were finalized and it was an even bigger surprised when he agreed. We unknowingly started our Quarantine early March 4 the day after my birthday and never were apart for more than 5 minutes till his flight on the 18th of May, We smoked, watched weird scifi movies, smoked, drank, had our own Cexy Cinco De Mayo, he tried to strengthen my piss poor Spanish for when I joined him in a study abroad I think I fvcking woke up early to make him breakfast every morning the last month, the sorority girls I lived with would gush over our PDA but I couldnt get enough of his furry body, It blew my mind I loved having him there
I guess it sounds trite but being happy waking up to the same person made going to sleep so much easier for this insomniac. 2 Weeks into our Brown LoveFest he got past the devil-may-care facade, and I confronted and expressed actual real goddamn feelings. And I don't think Ive ever been my truest self with anybody else till him. It's either I had to act more/black around my moms family/kids at school Or more white around my Dad's side/kids at school and always always had to act straight. But fvck it felt good to be as gay or as weird as I wanted to be. When it was getting time for him to leave I suggested he stay and become a Spanish Prof, and I could raise champion Jack Russells, Of course I reverted to my nonchalant default when I brought it up but Goddamn I was serious. I shoulda been more serious. He had last minute sh!t to do on the day of his flight so I didnt see him. Didn't say goodbye or nothing like that He was in Spain on Tuesday the 19th.Mutual friends let me know he was admitted to the ER on Thursday, and Carlos died on Saturday May 23, Meningitis. And that was that.
I wasnt allowed at his very Catholic funeral. I honestly thought it was a ploy for some reason so he could stay in Spain, It didnt help that for a day or 2 after I found out a relative of his was on his Facebook I guess closing down his account and I sent sooooo many messages. It was no big surprise to me that I went instantly back being 100% agreeable with everyone. No one wants to be around a sad Party Animal. Hell this is the most Ive shared with anybody since.....but at a small smoke sesh a song came on and fvck that pain fvckin hit like a ton of bricks. And I fvcking cried for the 1st time. Even with whats going on its easy for me to say that sh!t wasn't fvckin fair.
I love you Carlos Miguel
It's crazy how grateful for this nerdy ass forum I am rn.
Thanks Queers lol
Now back to your regularly scheduled spacey BroHomo