The LGBTQIA-community

[Kieran_Frost]

I'm just wondering because I have a friend whose father is gay because she caught him one time. I'm not sure if her mother and other family members know though. But I think my friend doesn't want to accept her father's sexual preference for fear that it might break her family. But I was also thinking, how about the feeling of the father? I'm sure he wants to be free too. But I guess it's better to pretend since family is more important.

So I ask that question so that if in case my friends will open the topic again, I can give her an advice. I was thinking that maybe she should just help her dad withough being caught. I don't really know.

Firstly it is never, ever better to pretend. EVER. So let's kill that thinking right now. Secondly, screw the father's feelings, the wife deserves to be freed from him (not only because he's cheating, but if he is gay, then it's not fair on her to be tied to a lie). He must, at the very least breaks it off with his wife. Her feelings in the matter are just as important. Your friend needs to understand a family apart but happier is always better than a "none broken" family held together by lies and empty fulfilment.

[RLAAMJR.]

Firstly it is never, ever better to pretend. EVER. So let's kill that thinking right now. Secondly, screw the father's feelings, the wife deserves to be freed from him (not only because he's cheating, but if he is gay, then it's not fair on her to be tied to a lie). He must, at the very least breaks it off with his wife. Her feelings in the matter are just as important. Your friend needs to understand a family apart but happier is always better than a "none broken" family held together by lies and empty fulfilment.

Really??? But it will also affect the life of the wife and most especially, the lives of their children. I understand that it is not good to pretend. But sometimes it is. Some married men still have relationship with other women but they keep it secretly because they don't want to break their own family. Most probably because they love their family. So if you want to keep your family happy and you want to be happy too, then do it secretly.

[Kieran_Frost]

Really??? But it will also affect the life of the wife and most especially, the lives of their children. I understand that it is not good to pretend. But sometimes it is. Some married men still have relationship with other women but they keep it secretly because they don't want to break their own family. Most probably because they love their family. So if you want to keep your family happy and you want to be happy too, then do it secretly.

a) as I said, pretending is NEVER the answer
b) "but they keep it secretly because they don't want to break their own family" No, no, no... no they keep it secret because they don't want to get caught, because they want their cake and eat it to. Love and family have nothing to do with cheating.
c) THE WIFE DESERVES A LIFE!!! She deserves to be with someone who isn't gay; and who truly want her. Screw the father; if he wants to rot in his closet fine, but he has an obligation to free her of this lie. It's not fair on her, at all. Why should her life be stuck in limbo while he "decides" how he feels. That's just so selfish. While he may take years to come out; she could be moving on with her life, with someone who can truly love her back. If 5 years down the line THEN he comes out, THEN he breaks up the sham marriage... that's five more years of her life gone on a lie.

The most important person in this situation is the wife. If your friend TRULY loves her mother, then she needs to free her. Now I would suggest she goes to the dad, and says he needs to end it (or she will). If the dad's not ready to come out, fine; he can make up an excuse. Life is full of hard moments, things that would be "easier" to just pretend away or not confront. But that does no-one any favours.

[RLAAMJR.]

a) as I said, pretending is NEVER the answer
b) "but they keep it secretly because they don't want to break their own family" No, no, no... no they keep it secret because they don't want to get caught, because they want their cake and eat it to. Love and family have nothing to do with cheating.
c) THE WIFE DESERVES A LIFE!!! She deserves to be with someone who isn't gay; and who truly want her. Screw the father; if he wants to rot in his closet fine, but he has an obligation to free her of this lie. It's not fair on her, at all. Why should her life be stuck in limbo while he "decides" how he feels. That's just so selfish. While he may take years to come out; she could be moving on with her life, with someone who can truly love her back. If 5 years down the line THEN he comes out, THEN he breaks up the sham marriage... that's five more years of her life gone on a lie.

The most important person in this situation is the wife. If your friend TRULY loves her mother, then she needs to free her. Now I would suggest she goes to the dad, and says he needs to end it (or she will). If the dad's not ready to come out, fine; he can make up an excuse. Life is full of hard moments, things that would be "easier" to just pretend away or not confront. But that does no-one any favours.

How about this.

What if he wants both? A bisexual.

1. He wants men still but he wants women too and wants to have a family.

2. He is happy with his wife and his family but he still wants men.

[bert]

a) as I said, pretending is NEVER the answer
b) "but they keep it secretly because they don't want to break their own family" No, no, no... no they keep it secret because they don't want to get caught, because they want their cake and eat it to. Love and family have nothing to do with cheating.
c) THE WIFE DESERVES A LIFE!!! She deserves to be with someone who isn't gay; and who truly want her. Screw the father; if he wants to rot in his closet fine, but he has an obligation to free her of this lie. It's not fair on her, at all. Why should her life be stuck in limbo while he "decides" how he feels. That's just so selfish. While he may take years to come out; she could be moving on with her life, with someone who can truly love her back. If 5 years down the line THEN he comes out, THEN he breaks up the sham marriage... that's five more years of her life gone on a lie.

The most important person in this situation is the wife. If your friend TRULY loves her mother, then she needs to free her. Now I would suggest she goes to the dad, and says he needs to end it (or she will). If the dad's not ready to come out, fine; he can make up an excuse. Life is full of hard moments, things that would be "easier" to just pretend away or not confront. But that does no-one any favours.

it COULD be a cultural thing Kieran.

in East Asian countries Hijra's (Transexuals, but typically they identify as "the 3rd sex") quiet often provide sexual encounters with married men.

National Geographic Channel's "Taboo" show did a whole episode on it.

more info about "Hijra's" is on the Wiki page here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hijra_%28South_Asia%29

so it could very well be that the wife DOES know, and accepts it.

It's really no one's business but the Father's to inform others.

[Kieran_Frost]

How about this.

What if he wants both? A bisexual.

1. He wants men still but he wants a women too and wants to have a family.

2. He is happy with his wife and his family but he still wants men still.

Again your focus is what he wants, what about what SHE wants? That matters more.

it COULD be a cultural thing Kieran.
in East Asian countries Hijra's (Transexuals, but typically they identify as "the 3rd sex") quiet often provide sexual encounters with married men.
National Geographic Channel's "Taboo" show did a whole episode on it.
more info about "Hijra's" is on the Wiki page here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hijra_%28South_Asia%29
so it could very well be that the wife DOES know, and accepts it.

I agree IF she knows, IF she accepts... that's fine. But that needs to be established; we don't know. If she doesn't know, she has a right to know.

It's really no one's business but the Father's to inform others.

I disagree, it's very much his wife's business. It's her life too.

[RLAAMJR.]

I wonder how did I ever get here. Lemme check on my first post.

Anyway, I hope I'm not creating trouble here.

Ok. I've checked on my first post(probably) on this thread.

I wanna go back to it but next time.

[RLAAMJR.]

Again your focus is what he wants, what about what SHE wants? That matters more.

The wife doesn't know so for as long as she wouldn't know, then she's going to be fine.

[Kieran_Frost]

The wife doesn't know so for as long as she wouldn't know, then she's going to be fine.

So basically screw her having a real life; she can stay married to lies. Good to know.

[pro]

What if he wants both? A bisexual.

A cheating bisexual is still a cheater who lies to his partner while desiring someone else.
Being bi doesn't give one some unwritten right to sleep with someone else without informing a partner who believes she's in a monogamous relationship.
Being bi doesn't mean you -have- to sleep with both men and women. just means you can be attracted to either.
Just like straight people or gay people don't suddenly become unattracted to other people men or women just because they have a partner.
Being in a monogamous relationships means making a choice together to be faithful to each other. If one isn't faithful the relationship is a sham, a lie.
If the guy wanted to sleep with both men and women he should have gone for a partner(s) who'd be okay with that, not get involved with someone who isn't and then sleep around behind their backs. If you want to sleep with both men and women and don't intent to be honest and faithful to a partner who thinks she's in a monogamous relationship don't get involved with that partner.

I don't care what anyone does within an open relationship. That's up to the people involved. But cheating is cheating and a lie is a lie.

1. He wants men still but he wants women too and wants to have a family.

2. He is happy with his wife and his family but he still wants men.

1.He can maybe have that but not with a wife he lies to about being monogamous.

2.Everyone is tempted from time to time. Whether he is bi doesn't matter. Monogamy is a choice.

[PretenderNX01]

So basically screw her having a real life; she can stay married to lies. Good to know.

Well it depends on where she is in life but some women do feel the "security" of having a husband is important to them even in today's liberated world.

It's tough to just say, let her walk out when maybe she's made the choice to pretend she doesn't know. Back in the day they used to day "Denial isn't just a river in Egypt" cause "denial" and "de Nile" sound the same. We don't really know and her own child may not know what she does or doesn't know. Many women have stayed with gay men over the years, especially those who weren't seeking a sexual relationship from their husband. And even with straight cheaters, we know many who stay together "for the kids" or for the connections the spouse may have (think Hillary Clinton and Jackie Kennedy but that exists even in smaller scale). Does the mom even have means to support herself on her own? What if he doesn't pay spousal support? I don't even know what country this is in or what the divorce laws are. Could the father go to jail for sodomy?

I would say that child shouldn't promise to cover for her father though if he asks for it, then that would indicate he really is hiding it. All in all, if the child really wants to confront it, it would have to be with the dad first.

Just dropping a bombshell on one's mom can be cause of a lot of strife between mother and child and maybe even mom blaming the child for making mom confront it.

[SickAlice]

Cornfuzzeling. The only thing I can circle around to is this:
" If you care than nothing else should matter. If it matters than you never really cared. "
I think it was an old Southern hymn or something...
The reason I'm currently puzzled is I just, like a couple minutes ago found out that someone who threw themselves at me is and was married and has children.
So do say something?
Nuh. I'll go with the train of thought here that states I would only potentially serve to harm a stable family situation and otherwise at no gain other than to appeal to scorn.
Why make a stride to add more pain to an already painful world?
Again good luck with all that though.

[Kieran_Frost]

A cheating bisexual is still a cheater who lies to his partner while desiring someone else.
Being bi doesn't give one some unwritten right to sleep with someone else without informing a partner who believes she's in a monogamous relationship.
Being bi doesn't mean you -have- to sleep with both men and women. just means you can be attracted to either.
Just like straight people or gay people don't suddenly become unattracted to other people men or women just because they have a partner.
Being in a monogamous relationships means making a choice together to be faithful to each other. If one isn't faithful the relationship is a sham, a lie.
If the guy wanted to sleep with both men and women he should have gone for a partner(s) who'd be okay with that, not get involved with someone who isn't and then sleep around behind their backs. If you want to sleep with both men and women and don't intent to be honest and faithful to a partner who thinks she's in a monogamous relationship don't get involved with that partner.

I don't care what anyone does within an open relationship. That's up to the people involved. But cheating is cheating and a lie is a lie.

1.He can maybe have that but not with a wife he lies to about being monogamous.

2.Everyone is tempted from time to time. Whether he is bi doesn't matter. Monogamy is a choice.

QUOTED FOR TRUTH!!!

Well it depends on where she is in life but some women do feel the "security" of having a husband is important to them even in today's liberated world.

It's tough to just say, let her walk out when maybe she's made the choice to pretend she doesn't know. Back in the day they used to day "Denial isn't just a river in Egypt" cause "denial" and "de Nile" sound the same. We don't really know and her own child may not know what she does or doesn't know. Many women have stayed with gay men over the years, especially those who weren't seeking a sexual relationship from their husband. And even with straight cheaters, we know many who stay together "for the kids" or for the connections the spouse may have (think Hillary Clinton and Jackie Kennedy but that exists even in smaller scale). Does the mom even have means to support herself on her own? What if he doesn't pay spousal support? I don't even know what country this is in or what the divorce laws are. Could the father go to jail for sodomy?

I agree it depends what she wants; but she isn't being given a choice. If the situation is explained, if the father is bisexual she should be told, and decide if she wants to be married to someone who is actively seeking what she cannot give elsewhere. What she wants is paramount, but no-one can know the answer until she is presented with the facts. IF stability is more important, she much choose to turn the other cheek, or have the relationship become open, or whatever. But her choice in this matters. I have nothing but sympathy for someone who married when they thought they were "str8" and now realises they never were. You can't help how you were born, and it's of course very upsetting/confusing/scary. BUT it's not only his life that's effected. And while it's confusing for him, it's just plain unfair on his wife. Imagine the mom isn't told, and the father spends the next ten years deciding what he truly wants, is he gay, is he bi, is he not... and imagine after ten years he the realises YES he wants to leave and be with a man. That's another 10 years of this poor woman's life gone; over something she had no control or say over. If she was told now she could be married to another man and very happy (happier even) in her new marriage by the time ten years goes by.

The easy thing is to do nothing, but life shouldn't be about easy choices.

I would say that child shouldn't promise to cover for her father though if he asks for it, then that would indicate he really is hiding it. All in all, if the child really wants to confront it, it would have to be with the dad first.

Just dropping a bombshell on one's mom can be cause of a lot of strife between mother and child and maybe even mom blaming the child for making mom confront it.

I would suggest confronting the father and telling him he needs to sort this out with the mother. So the "blame" falls on the father, not the child.

[America / Bucky / Russia]

Queer as Folk Episode 1: Pyramids of Mars plus fifteen year old guy butt? I am sold! (Except no 15 year old looks that old in real life, but I digress.)

[Crimson Knight]

Queer as Folk Episode 1: Pyramids of Mars plus fifteen year old guy butt? I am sold! (Except no 15 year old looks that old in real life, but I digress.)

Maybe it was the stress of the job, Bucky! C'mon!



Yeah, there was this one hilarious moment where Quinn Fabray in Glee said, in Season 3 episode Hold Onto Sixteen, where she says about holding onto 17, I think, like she was.

My Dad, while watching this with me, 'You ain't no 17, honey!' Ahhh, was lethal, tho'!

I think the trouble there was, cast grand, to start with. Young enough looking, or were young, but with every episode, or Season, they kept getting older, as in Harry Potter, but the idea that they're meant to be this specific age when they're clearly not, just doesn't work after a while.

Like, sure, was it not handier, sequels or not, that Peter and Susan didn't have to come back for The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader - even though they did? Or, whatever about The Silver Chair or future Narnia films, no more need for Edmund, or Lucy, and those actors to pretend to be ages they're not. And, by how much. Only questions there, for me, is whether Will Poulter, of Son Of Rambow, The Maze Runner etc, would come back as Eustace, or better to recast, etc?

Is Aiden Gillen in Queer as Folk much so far - or at all? He's Baelish Littlefinger, a mustached schemer in Kings' Landing, in Game of Thrones.