"My daughter is a two-time unwed Mom. It's all Obama's fault. Now, you must excuse me. I going to that island in Alaska to see Russia and teach them intelligent design."
"I'll start off with this..."
"But I didn't believe in the theory that human beings – thinking, loving beings – originated from fish that sprouted legs and crawled out of the sea. Or that human beings began as single-celled organisms that developed into monkeys who eventually swung down from trees (totally wrong about the theory of evolution, but what you expect?) ; I believed we came about through a random process, but were created by God." (Also, how is random process "intelligent design"? By calling it intelligent design, you're basically saying it's not random.)