I follow your line of thought, but I'm wondering why it's an issue for you when what you describe has never really been a part of any Spider book. Any relationship Ben or Kaine "haven't truly earned" was actively ran away from by both men. In his solo series, Kaine moved to Houston to completely remove himself from Peter Parker's life. And back in the days of the Clone Saga, even when he was back in NYC, Ben actively tried to stay away from anyone who knew Peter so that people wouldn't ask questions.
In fact, that's one of the major arguments in FAVOR of having these guys back: having them in a book requires us to ponder what it would mean to let go of a life that every part of your being says is your own.
-Pav, who only wants Ben back in the hands of the right writer *cough*I'lldoit*cough*...