Write your own crazy Marvel spoiler Retcon!

[Superboy]

All the Marvel Universe stories are actually a weird dream by Millie the Model, after she snorted too much cocaine.

[Cthulhudrew]

Steve Rogers. Clint Barton. Hank Pym.

Avengers. Heroes. Friends.

But are they something else, as well? Is there a reason they're all three white, blonde, and look alike outside of costume?

Avengers: Clone Saga

[Cthulhudrew]

Jane Foster is able to wield Thor's hammer not because she's "worthy", but because Mjlonir is a sucker for the babes and enjoys "empowering" women.

I don't know. Mjolnir has always felt like a feminine object to me.

Could it be she's acting like a spurned lover because of Thor's treatment of her, and her relationship with Jane is a bond based on rejection and mutual support?

[williamtheday]

Blade is really Dracula.

[PyroTwilight]

The First Line has been subtly altering the Marvel Universe since the original Secret Wars.

They've hidden in the shadows and now...they're coming to this world out in the open. We're no longer JUST being WATCH-ed.

[MyriVerse]

Blade is really Dracula.

Whitewashing!

[Overhazard]

Cyclops's fear, doubt, and insecurities all mixed together become a "psychic pheromone" that makes him irresistible to telepaths. Think about it, the dude is spanish fly for psychic chicks. Jean, Madeline, Emma, Psylocke even licked his face once.

[Thor-Ul]

I don't know. Mjolnir has always felt like a feminine object to me.

Could it be she's acting like a spurned lover because of Thor's treatment of her, and her relationship with Jane is a bond based on rejection and mutual support?

In classic nordic mythology, Mjolnir represented the sexual potency of Thor. In fact, once time when his hammer was stolen, Thor had to dress as a woman to escape. Maybe he and Hercules had more things to speak about.
Back on topic, Jane Foster is the real Thor, who wanted again dress as a woman. Odinson is the amnesic Ultimate Thor who also survived the Secret Wars.

[ohsnapulon5000]

Emma Frost has always been Christian Frost, her brother and her heartbreaking tale of rejection by her father led to the most intriguing Tales of a trans character pulling themselves up by the bootstraps, subverting the high society she came from, and becoming the brutally successful woman he is now.

[Batowl]

Everything is a illusion created by Doom, Secret wars never ended and relaity is now mallabal.

[williamtheday]

No, he's black. And he's always been Dracula. Not the African Prince he once cursed.

[redrunner97]

Screw it, I'm going the long route.

Once upon a time there was a young girl named Theresa, "Terry" for short. Growing up she knew she was different than all the other girls. She didn't like wearing dresses to church on Sunday. She didn't like playing with dolls either, instead preferring science, nature, and numbers; the cold, hard facts. When relatives would visit, she'd hear her parents insisting that she was just a tomboy, certainly nothing more. After all, they wouldn't stand it, not in such a God-fearing household. Besides, what would the neighbors think? But her being a tomboy just wasn't the case. Terry always knew deep-down inside that she was a boy. And one day she sat her parents down and told them.

Not long after that fateful conversation, Terry graduated high school on a scholarship to Empire State University, vowing never to return to the town that raised her --no, him!-- to think he had to hide his true self. He cut his hair short, finally working up the nerve to ask out a fellow science student named Ellen; someone who loved Terry for Terry, and that's it. He'd eventually change his name to Ted, and he'd marry that girl from the lab.

He and Ellen would travel the world together in the name of science. Falling madly in love day after day, the duo changing so much over the years. But the biggest change of all would be the day Dr. Teodore "Ted" Sallis would be betrayed by his wife Ellen Brandt. That's the same day he was transformed into something else entirely, something... infernal. That is the day Ted would become... The Man-Thing!

[Icefalcon]

Steve Rogers. Clint Barton. Hank Pym.

Avengers. Heroes. Friends.

But are they something else, as well? Is there a reason they're all three white, blonde, and look alike outside of costume?

Avengers: Clone Saga

They were all draw by Kevin Macguire? No that's only his females