Digest Archive

[Brian Cronin]

Every so often, poster extraordinaire howyadoin collected some of the best quotes from CBR posters and posted them in a DIGEST. I figured it'd be nice to save these Digests for posterity...

08-11-2005

"Why is it I'm always funny when I'm self deprecating?

It must be my hormonal bitch titties."
~ Dom Jigsaw


"Drinking Diet Soda is kind of like taking a really smelly crap.

If you stay in the bathroom long enough, you don't notice that it stinks."
~ SteelTownr


"Its easy to be kind and magnanimous when someone else is picking up the check."
~ Boldido


"Back when I was a professional balloon twister, I didn't even join any of the clown societies or organizations."
~ MacQuarrie


"never trust a southerner, unless he's playing Freebird."
~ Alex


"I was going to serve salmon puffs, but then I realized that they're pretty gay, so instead, we're going to snack on shards of broken glass dipped in crude oil, a manly man's snack if there ever were one."
~ NormanB


"I hate it when anyone says (in regards to America):

'Love it or leave it'.

Here's a third option, jackass: FIX IT."
~ pennywisdom


"Only Adam Blah Blah Blah can solve this one for us."
~ Joe Rice


"I kinda wish Kevin Smith had been the writer for Identity Crisis."
~ PatrickG


"I have Hellen Keller's sketch book. She really couldn't draw."
~ Dom Jigsaw


JeffreyWKramer: "So, whaddaya have to say about sex?"
MacQuarrie: "Since we shut down the baby factory and had the whole area rezoned as recreational, it's been very good indeed."


"Knockouts are unfortunately rare in gymnastics."
~ Slam_Bradley


"I camncot tyoe, but I loev yoiuy!!!"
~ cosmic cat


"The quote was 'Hispanic and Latino women with blond hair look like hookers to me...' To which the defense was that he only said they looked like hookers, not that they were. To which the obvious response is I only said Byrne sounds like a total douchebag, not that he is."
~ StoneGold


"Real names on a comics message board?

Maybe we should put on a tie and comb our hair each time we make a post too."
~ cactusmaac


"No, I'm not a theme park nerd. I'm an 'enthusiast'."
~ Gilda Dent


"Being politically correct just means using the parlance of the day, and often bowing down to whichever psychologist was last on Oprah plugging their book."
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem


"It's actually amazing that conservatives are able to get out of bed in the morning -- everywhere they go, something gives them maidenly vapours."
~ Wesley Dodds


"I have an ear- and nose- hair trimmer. The tip is cylindre-- cylendri--- IT'S TUBELIKE AND HAS A ROTATING BLADE THING THAT GOES WHHHIIRRRR."
~ Ed Cunard


"Straight people should know that gay people come from another dimension and all want to turn your sons and daughters into zombie sex slaves for the devil."
~ Converge


"I love landscapes but I haven't been humping tree stumps."
~ kmeyers


"In spite of what you may believe, history is complicated, and cannot be reduced to simplistic platitudes and bumper stickers."
~ Tages


"Wake up! It's the internet! Don't you know Lucas raped your childhood?!?!"
~ Valmore


"Reading back over that, I think I've used the word "cool" so many times that's it's lost meaning."
~ Gilda Dent


"doo doot doo do doot doot do doo doot doo.

Lord knows why I don't have a record contract."
~ twilight


"Alex and Fabian,
sitting in a tree,
Pee Eye Bee Bee Eye Enn Gee...


ew."
~ Pól Rua


"Is it possible the decline in the morality of man had something to do with Reagan's vaunting of greed or Nixon's contempt for democracy?"
~ Wesley Dodds

[Brian Cronin]

9-18-2005

"Mispronouncing something doesn't make it a different word."
~ Paradox


"Batman, Batman, Batman, I'm sick of hearing about how much better than me Batman is! We're practically the same! He's a disturbing loner, I'm a disturbing loner! He never gets laid, I never get laid! He has a questionable relationship with a minor in short pants, I... I've said too much."
~ Michael Pullmann


"Bert belongs to the Fuzzy Pink Lampshade of the Month club."
~ Deathstroke


"Sex education doesn't encourage people to have sex, having genitals encourages people to have sex."
~ Mike Smash!


"What a tiny elephant. I've never seen such a whimsical imperialist crusade before in my life."
~ Archyduke


"Once again, dating yourself dear...of course, you might as well...."
~ priestvyrce


"I was dissapointed when I first dropped acid because of the lack of Lucy's in the sky."
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem


"I completely and totally agree with Joe Rice.

**hands Satan his ice skates**"
~ Paradox


"Agreement. Link to previously-written thing tangential to the point in order to hype owner's blog.

Poor attempt at witty closure."
~ Ed Cunard


"Half the fun of taking a bath is playing Monster Island.

'And who's that, coming out of the dense foliage? It's Dongzilla! RAR!' "
~ Paul McEnery


"Does your weiner scream at an ear-shattering level when you have to pee?"
~ MacQuarrie


"5. Thin Lizzy 'Jailbreak'

A good song to play before some wild **** is about to go down. Like if I'm going to clean the bathroom or reorganize the bookshelf."
~ Grant


"I dunno. I'm not as big a fan of this whole post-Crisis CBR.
I remember the pre-Crisis CBR where there was a whole fambly of Pól Ruas. There was Pól Rua jr., Polly Rua, Poopy The Wonder Dog, Flingy the Poop-Chucking Cat, Uncle Stinky...
Not to mention Bizarro Pól. Sanitary humourless bastard.

And all the different colours of poop.

Turquoise Munky Poo would give me the hiccups.
Fuschia Munky Poo would give me amnesia.
Beige Munky Poo would render me sterile.

Not that anyone ever noticed.

*sigh*"
~ Pól Rua


"killed the mood for the EVENING?? There would be no return engagements. Biting my nuts off is what I like to call a deal breaker."
~ kmeyers


"I've been eating loads of babies recently. As a Conservative, I recognise that it's quite common, but I really ought to stop."
~ BlairH


"kids theses days.... with you "ipods" and "down loads" .when i was a wee lad we had your "big blacks" , your" naked rayguns" , your "dinosaur jr.s, your "hoosker doos", your "birthday parties" , your "tom waits" your" mission of burmas " and your" napalm deaths" we didnt need any fancy "alternative" rockapaloosas or nuthin"
~ ultramandingo


"I am SHOCKED!

Shocked and CHAGRINED!!

Shocked, chagrined, and appalled!!!

Those are the three things I am right now!!"
~ Brian Cronin


"I'm sorry if I seemed a little too harsh. I respect that you feel your culture is different and unique, but come, join us. We're a pretty cool group and our women have all their own teeth."
~ Dom Jigsaw


"Would I, could I with a stripper,
Would she, could she with my zipper.

Would I, could I with a ho,
I don't know, I'll think some mo."
~ Slam_Bradley


"Qualifiers are for schoolgirls and politicians who are afraid to say what they mean. I am brave and emboldened in my internent comic book rhetoric."
~ Hoss


"Apparently gas is over 5 bucks where I am at, though I haven't seen it personally. This half tank I currently have's gonna last me this entire damn weekend if I have to piss in it to keep it going."
~ Hiromi


"You're quickly becoming one of my fav posters, and not just because you have large breasts."
~ HomerJay


"Hey I gave shellhead 20 bucks for a belly rub the other day.. I had better."
~ tricksterpup


"The titty fairy did not visit me until I had children of my own."
~ Corrina


"I thought you were dead, or worse . . . boring!"
~ falcoria


"You can't protect freedom by taking it away."
~ Cei-U!


"I sure hope the black people are speaking slowly and using small words so President Monkey-Face will understand."
~ Dennis K


"Frightening? We're cute and cuddy, like a herd of tax-cutting My Little Ponies..."
~ Samurai


"It's like that cream they sell to re-tighten certain female parts to re-virginize them. I also hear there's an operation to put the hymen back on. That would be quite a anniversary gift

"It's out anniversary honey, you didn't forget did you?"
"Nope, not this year"
"Well here's my present look! I made re-virginized myself so you can take me like you've always thought you did!"
"Christ, all I got you were flowers"
~ Fabian


"I used to do it all the time, but I would never call the next day so I broke up with myself for being emotionally distant.

I miss Lefty."
~ rudy


"The heathen method of hanging paper backward forces right-thinking americans to have to resort to unnatural movements to dispense their T.P."
~ MacQuarrie


"Please. your list is full of contradictions. It's like getting Earth-1 heroes with the Earth-3 heroes (who happen to be Earth 1 villain counterparts) and expecting them to make a crossover in post-zero hour continuity without a plot device. It's so simple and just can not be!"
~ Fabian


"Is this going to be another one of those threads where everyone else but you is wrong for not getting what you were trying to say?"
~ StoneGold


"One of the advantages of being engaged/married is being able to give up on impressing people."
~ Joe Rice


"Please contain the discussion of Power-Girl's breast consistency to the "DC Universe Breasts" subforum.

Thanks."
~ NormanB


"quote from article - 'I'm not a prude, but I find this offensive.'

and I'm not homeless, I just don't have a home. Pfft."
~ Deskad


"I find it humorously ironic that this country has only one monopoly commission."
~ Nitmo


JeffreyWKramer: "I won a free dinner through one of those 'put your business card in the fishbowl' sort of drawings."
Typo Lad: "'Sir? You put your keys in by mistake!'

'Oh sorry, force of habit.'"


"I must say, the extent of the photo library on your computer is as impressive as it is disturbing."
~ crystalline green


"If I cross my fingers any tighter, I'm probably going to break my knuckles."
~ Monty Props

[Brian Cronin]

11-18-2005 (PART I)

"The best way to describe the movie to me is,

Imagine getting a really amazing blowjob, and during it getting punched in the stomach."
~ Donald Stone


howyadoin: "Are you one of those alpha comic geek males? Because I have no self opinion; everything I say is just bandwagon-jumping."
Paul Newell: "I totally agree."


"It's Circuit Party Aquaman. He's going to be released in an action figure set with Fetish-Club Huntress and Skanky-whore Catwoman."
~ Tadhg Adams


"Alright. I now realize that CBR is probably not the best place to ask things like "Who'd want to have sex with someone who'd dress up as a superhero?"."
~ The Mirrorball Man


zogger2: "If we ever get human cloning figured out men actually won't be necessary, heheh, perhaps not even created."
HomerJay: "Then there will be a world full of jars that can't be opened, heavy objects that can't be lifted, and lawns that remain uncut."


"Ha! Well I don't care what you say. When I accidentally become a father I'm going to be proud of my psychotic disfunctional creature of the night!"
~ Asmith


MacQuarrie: "The Scarlet Witch has foiled our plans."
K'Nort: "I'm going to have to remember that one."
HomerJay: "I've always enjoyed 'The Alabama Crimson Tide has made another defensive stop.' "


"Theres a comic called Seriously Astonishing X-men??
Is that like a companion mag to No, Honest, This Is Pretty Good Spider-Man?"
~ Asmith


"Wouldn't it be much simpler to declare that the world's sexiest woman is Adobe Photoshop? Most women we see in magazines are computer-generated anyway."
~ The Mirrorball Man


Sanagi: "I hope the Dems don't run Hilary."
Rabid Trekkie: "Why not, everyone seemed to like her first two terms."


"Try this math problem out... which number is bigger? 90% of 127 million, or 90% of 300 million? Don't worry, it's not a trick question."
~ Shellhead


"You know... when your glib remarks are about something I disagree with, they generate hackles.

When I agree with them however, I feel the need to say 'ZING!'.

I have SUCH double-standards."
~ SOGG


Dennis K: "Iron Maiden wants you for dead."
Slappy san: "Oooh...im shaking in my chainmail."


"I regret to inform you all that the OrangaTalex experiment failed miserably. the Trixpanzee had sex with him till he expired."
~ kmeyers


"You know what they say--straight is just a river in Egypt. Wait, no, that isn't right."
~ Ed Cunard


BlairH: "Mock the much maligned snacks all you want! They're tasty and can almost kill heads of state!"
Noah Johnson: "Well, sure, when they're backed up by a fifth of Maker's Mark. That's like saying Spider-Man could beat Captain Marvel if he gets to bring Galactus with him."


"Gaz, when Mr. Hand took Spicolli's pizza and gave it to the rest of the class, did you think he was being a dick?"
~ Dreadstar


"Well I remember my prom. There was this redheaded girl from the other side of the tracks that I was crazy about. We were best friends but I wanted it to be something more. She knew I was crazy about her, but she just saw me as a friend. Anyway, she started dating one of the really popular boys and it hurt me pretty bad. He was supposed to take her to prom, but kind of fucked her over at the last minute. She decided to go anyway and made this beautiful pink dress out of two dresses that she had. She thought she was going alone, but I surprised her by showing up at the prom as her date. I was dressed pretty cool. The popular guy saw her, however, and after talking to her for a while, I could tell that he would make her happy so I made her go with him. It was hard, but Elizabeth Shue was there to help ease my pain...oh ****, I'm sorry, that was Pretty in Pink."
~ Boldido


"**** you!!! What I say is God's word. My dick is bigger than your dick. It takes three licks to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop. Football is better than baseball. Redheads are freakier than blondes. Anchovies suck. Baked potatos are better than french fries and aliens are only giving us anal probes so we sound like idiots when we complain about abductions.

Enlightenment my boil covered ass!!!"
~ Boldido again


Slam_Bradley: "I'm in the middle of writing a Planning and Zoning decision. I've entered Hell."
K'Nort: "That would be more poignant if you weren't already in Idaho."


"I'm not sure if any would qualify as a crush though. I don't sit in my room writing our names around hearts, angels, and stuff.

Except Brian Cronin. I have a room full of his photos!!!"
~ i_mmmchocolate


"I played the sax in Jr. High, but you could fit what I know about being a musician in a upside down cowbell."
~ SteelTownr


Alan2099: "Listen, if I was making 8 million a year and my boss told em I had to star showing up dressed in a chicken costume, I'd do it.

There's always a downside and usually a dress code to just about any job you get."
Ed Cunard: "For $8 million a year, I'd blow the guy in the chicken suit."


"Kurt Busiek is not your monkey. He will not put on a little bow tie and bowler hat and dance for you.

Not unless you pay him extra."
~ Shades0077


"I had one metro moment with MattBib when I was angry that I forgot my special hair goop and I asked what Matt uses and he ended up using the same hair goop but he also didn't bring his. Then we had whiskey to be men again."
~ Fabian


Dreadstar: "Man, I've got to work on that predictability thing..."
K'Nort: "We knew you'd say that."


"I really think that a father owes it to his son to sit him down and say, 'Son, you owe it to any girl you date to be the darkest, most deviant chapter in her sexual history. You want to be the guy who causes her to shudder and smile at the same time whenever she thinks of you and to sigh wistfully when she thinks of the incompetent shmuck she's banging now. So here are a few pointers to start you on the way.' "
~ Boldido


"There is a vast gulf between 'Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound' and 'If you're not white, you'll be dead.' "
~ Michael Pullmann


Tages: "You're all going to Hell."
Spike-X: "If Hell is full of people who love having threesomes, count me in!"
Tages: "Threesomes do not equal the joy of moral temperance and self-denial.

On a different note entirely, I hate you all."


"Is it possible to be unaware of being terribly self-aware and having thin skin?"
~ Dreadstar


"Did you albescentize today? You know, woke up to your Classic Rock station, turned on your morning Wayne Brady show, ate your mayo sandwiches, put on khaki pants and blue shirt, and walk with a broken rhythm?"
~ Fabian


"I heard Giant Man and Tigra's love child was a big pussy."
~ Davideaux


"We should have a contest to write a new Austrailian anthem.

Here's my entry, chock full of my extensive knowledge of the nation's rich culture and wildlife:

Here in Austrailia, we've got Koalas,
We've got Koalas, here in Austrailia;
Here in Austrailia, we've funny accents,
We say, "G'day mate," here in Austrailia;
Here in Austrailia we play Didgeridoo,
And throw boomerangs at the Kangeroo;
Here in Austrailia, we've got Koalas,
We've got Koalas, here in Austrailia;
We've got Koalas in Austrailia;
Yes we do!"
~ Donald M.


Ronald Bryan: "I WILL write a 50,000 word novel in a month. But which to choose from, that's the question..."
StoneGold: "Write Fahrenheit 451, that was a really good one."


"Sometimes, when I remember conversations I've had on CBR, I can't make the distinction betwween you and Wesley.

Which is a shame, because you are slightly cooler than he is."
~ BlairH


"I thought we were wild when I was jailbait, but the new generation's got me singin' Cole Porter tunes in my head."
~ Ed Cunard


"First rule of Rainbow Parties is that you don't talk about Rainbow Parties.

Second rule of Rainbow Parties is: raise those colors high, baby!"
~ Guapo Méndez


Ronald Bryan: "It's like Dan Apodaca and BlairH had a child!"
Michael Pullmann: "Well, now I have a reason to drink in the morning."


"I think much of this comes down to females feeling more pressure than males to retain their virginity. Virginity's most commonly defined by vaginal intercourse.

They found a loophole to exploit. That loophole just happened to be an *******."
~ west3man

[Brian Cronin]

11-18-2005 (PART II)

"RUN ALEX!!! RUN! because you can't pedal away!"
~ kmeyers


"I'm a huge hater of SUVs, particularly when they are driven by young single women. Why the hell do you need a Yukon? You weight 100 pounds and have no children! What could you possibly need this for? To haul around your purse and tiny dressed-up dog?"
~ phoenixrising


MsSpring: "Nah, my lust is reserved for on particular geek around here."
BlairH: "Lucky guy must be 10 feet tall. Arms like tree runks. Eyes like fire, and a voice that can move mountians!"
Typo Lad: "Well, then we know it's not you..."


"My woman hates drinking liquor, but I can sneak it into mixes. And then when she gets drunk, she does all sort of crazy things.

Last week, she painted my fence."
~ Dom Jigsaw


"Wouldn't your favorite candy be your favorite no matter what you were wearing? It's not like I strip to my skivvies and suddenly think, 'I like Skittles better than Twizzlers now that there's wind on my dong.' "
~ Michael Pullmann


MsSpring: "I find I like Nerds better when I'm naked."
StoneGold: "Too easy to drop and roll into unfortunate cracks."
Ray_Rivard: "Having worked many a con, I can tell you the sound of multiple asthma inhalers all being operated at once sounds not unlike thunder."


"I'm guessing 'Surprise me' is the last thing a eunuch's gonna say."
~ west3man


MsSpring: "I'm only really good at two things.

One is cooking."
Spike-X: "The other is double entendres?"


"The one thing all Superman editors eventually discovered was that if you fly the flag of continuity too close to the (yellow) sun, you will get Byrned."
~ Lone Ranger


LegacyInfTy: "White = soulless."
Loren: "So that's why automatic doors don't work for me..."


"If I hadn't already posted my real plans now, I'd write something stupid like, 'I'm going to be doing traditional activities on Thanksgiving, like giving Native Americans smallpox.' "
~ StoneGold


"Were you around for the great 1983 Cabbage Patch Kids Christmas Massacre?

We buried a lot of good people that year."
~ Dreadstar


Taskmaster: "Fire can't solve everything."
zombie: "See, that's where you're wrong. Fire can even solve fire."


"Political correctness at work in our society once again! It makes me so angry I could strangle a Welshman!"
~ BlairH


"GOD DAMN WORK MAKING ME GOD DAMN SIT IN THIS GOD DAMN CHAIR THREE MORE GOD DAMN HOURS UNTIL I CAN GOD DAMN BUY THIS GOD DAMN BOOK GOD DAMN

GOD DAMN"
~ Doug Strange on All-Star Superman


"Is it an American quintillion or a British Quintillion? Pedantic nerds need to know."
~ Tadhg Adams on All-Star Superman


"I may be a Claremont fan, but I'm not a retard."
~ mattbib


"Family values are in danger! The sanctity of religion is threatened on all sides! Klingons off the starboard bow!"
~ Sanagi


"Narcissism beats the heck out of "he made my hair fall out" as far as master-villain motivation."
~ JeffreyWKramer on All-Star Superman

[Brian Cronin]

12-13-2005 (PART I)

"Here at the Deathstroke Information Services we strive to provide the finest in Polish death metal audio clips."
~ Deathstroke


"Do you have any actual documented evidence for this, or are you studying at the University Of Your Own Ass?"
~ Michael Pullmann


"Back when she had arms, Venus De Milo was 'raped' by a nobleman that snuck in afterhours. Tradition has it that a discolored spot on the marble near the 'groin' region was caused by the nobleman's jism."
~ fly on the wall


"Making a 14-year-old boy have an orgasm isn't proof of anything; 14-year-old boys come if you look at 'em crosseyed."
~ Noah Johnson


"I think I'm having a mental breakdown in a thread about penises. Someone shoot me."
~ StoneGold


"If I believed the movies I saw about what women want I'd bring an octopus that looked like Mel Gibson into bed during foreplay."
~ Fabian


Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "OK, so vote on Saturday or Sunday. Where's the problem now, smarty pantses?"
Dreadstar: "The media wouldn't allow it to go two days.

Gotta have a circus."
Ed Cunard: "Which is really odd, as circuses are usually three day engagements.

OH! AND THEY HAVE ELEPHANTS!"


"I would hit it in a box,
I would hit it with a fox.

I would hit it in the rain,
I would hit it on a train.

I would hit it in a chair,
I would hit it anywhere!

I would have hit it as a teen,
I'd hit it now, and cause a scene."
~ Dreadstar


Sir Tim Drake: "Name two CBR posters who have been moderators at Alvaro's."
Doug Strange: "Lameoid and Traitorpants."


"And 'hit it' means SEX?! OH!!

I thought we were talking physical violence. I kept asking, why do you want to hit them?

Damn those rappers with all their hip slang."
~ Adluck666


"Oh boy, its the slippery slope.

I would like to take this opportunity to warn people against using their penis for anything but urinating. I say this while typing with my penis lodged firmly and painfully in a bear trap. How did my penis get in a bear trap you ask? Good question.

When I was a lad, all I used my penis for was urinating. I would pull it out briefly, urinate and put it right back in. Then one day, I took it out and played with it for a while. Well as you can imagine, I enjoyed that thoroughly, and that's when that pesky slippery slope started to creep its way into the picture. First, I would just play with my penis with my own hand, then the hand of some accomodating young lady was used. Then other parts of the young lady were used. I thought that if a young lady was this much fun, then how about other things lady related. (See? See the slippery slope? No? You will.)

First I tried a lady bug, but given the enormous size of my penis and the miniscule size of the lady bug, I found it to be unsatifying. So next I tried a ladyfinger. This was much more pleasant than the lady bug so of course I thought, "If this pastry is so damn sexy, what else would I like?"

Sure I tried the usual, crullers, jelly donuts, pecan rolls (those pecan rolls hurt like the dickens by the way). Then I tried a bear claw. Damn that bear claw was a freak!!! The slipperly slope kicked in again and I thought, "hmm, if a bear claw feels this good, what other bear related things would I enjoy?"

Suffice it to say that I am banned for life from the Toysrus stuffed animal section. I am also saddened to say that I am banned for life from the Lowry Park Zoo, but I do owe them my life for reasons I prefer not to go into on this forum. I just narrowly escaped a mob of angry football players from Chicago and had to flee into the woods to save my life. While there, I came upon a bear trap and you can guess the rest.

The point of all of this is that as Screwtape so correctly pointed out, there is nothing more real, nothing more dangerous, than the slippery slope.

By the way, does anyone here know how to open a bear trap?"
~ Boldido


"Then i'll spend [my birthday] the way stonegold spends his weekend nights.
Crying in my room while half heartedly masturbating to my own posts."
~ Alex


"I've got no problem whatsoever with people of faith. My problem is with people who would, for any reason, deny other people their human rights. I don't give a damn about your motivations. I don't care if Jesus or Buddha or the Tooth Fairy or Ayn Rand or Ernest P. Worrell told you it's okay. I don't care if you meditated on a mountaintop for a decade before coming to the conclusion that you had to strip other people of their rights. Nothing makes it okay. Don't hide behind your religion as though it justifies human rights abuse. Nothing does that."
~ Noah Johnson


Royal: "Goat's milk is good."
Charles RB: "...do you have taste buds?"
Typo Lad: "The trick is to milk the nanny goat, not the billy."

"What a peculiar world you live in, where you believe there actually are 'enemies of capitalism'."
~ Paul McEnery


"That's one of those religion things isn't it? Damn, I'm glad I gave religion up for Lent."
~ Slam_Bradley


"Is that the New Warriors guest appearance entitled, "I, Warrior"?

When Speedball learns that the girl in the subway is a Morlock, I just lost it."
~ PatrickG


"This war gets more total reboots than the Legion of Super Heroes."
~ Mike Smash!


Dreadstar: "Yeah, like I'm going to want to listen to a lead-in to the top story from someone going through a mood-swing.

'Police have ascertained that the crack house was used and then neglected, in the same manner of neglect as from EVERY MALE WHO FINALLY GETS WHAT HE WANTS.' "
PatrickG: "This is what some network needs to dethrone Fox News and simultaneously take the "Fair and Balanced" label.

Anchors who are bipolar, schizoid and very sensitive.

'The president did an excellent job in diffusing the unwarranted attacks on his Iraq policy today. I can relate since I've had a number of unwarranted attacks ON MY CROTCH! Everybody wants to hit me in crotch. Well, Bob Saget can go screw himself 'cause he's not getting the video and neither is the CIA despite the hidden cameras in my house. You can't have the satisfaction of ATTACKING MY MANHOOD, Mr. President! BITE ME! BITE ME! ...Back to you, Lisa.' "


"90 meters is about 100 yards. That's pretty much the maximum range at which I can kill a man."
~ MacQuarrie


"It's a little known fact that Microsoft XP includes a Smoke Signal feature for alerting customer service to potential problems should the internet connection be down.

Just wait four week and Microsft will be sending out a repairman to finish wrecking your computer.

Microsoft XP: Innovating Total System Failure since 2003!"
~ Donald M.


"The Steelers are the 'Gentleman Crack Smokers' of the NFL."
~ SteelTownr


"I honestly can't remember the last time I had Irish whiskey*.

*It was 2 weeks ago. I just can't remember it."
~ Dreadstar


"I hope you're happy because now I'm crying.

I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL YOU'RE EATEN BY WILD DOGS.

YOU'RE MEAN.

BYE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!

See you guys tomorrow!"
~ i_mmmchocolate


"This thread will go down in history as the first instance in the English language where a sentence containing the phrase 'Hooters and Narnia' was first put to electronic form."
~ Tages


"Gilda's a goddamn Egg Jedi, if you ask me."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr


"Oh, man. I bet Cronin feels dumb now. 'Jack Davis' inDEED. Wow. WHAT A GAFFE! Social blunder of the year!"
~ Joe Rice


"Does Shania's new perfume really make you smell like Mutt Lange's been laying on top of you for an hour? Just asking."
~ Dennis K


nervmeister: "I believe that masturbation is the key to enlightenment and self-actualization."
Iangould: "You need to spend some time behind the counter at a comic shop."


"If you want to stir **** up just to get a reaction, go kick a dog in the testicles or something."
~ Brian Cronin


"No one's trying to write bigotry into the Constitution because of the powerful athiest voting bloc."
~ phoenixrising


Sabrinaset: "When are we going to have a medical thread around here where I can be the expert!"
Iangould: "I think Ann Coulter looks like an anorexic, crossdressing male crack whore, is there any way to confirm this diagnosis?"


"You read your porn? You must be poor."
~ Fabian

[Brian Cronin]

12-13-2005 (PART II)

"Kicking dogs in the testicles... tips and tricks.

Any dog with a head bigger than yours should not be kicked in the nuts. Reciprocation is a bitch, especially if the bitch is actually a sire you just beanbagged.

Any dog wearing a sweater is fair game.

Any dog with styled hair is fair game.

Points for kicking a weiner dog in the nuts, based on irony, and skill for making the small target between those tiny, nervous legs.

When kicking poodles in the nuts, try to string together combos, using strong upwards hits to keep the animal in the air while you continue attacking. Like hackeysack, without the 'being a flake' thing."
~ CoffeeStained


"The only reason you people connect with DUNE so much is the drug use metaphors with the Spice. Which frankly is pathetic, but then after meeting so many CBRians in person who want to do nothing but get drunk or stoned, I guess I really shouldn't be surprised."
~ Bright-Raven


"Wait a minute. You're not honestly considering taking the critiques offered by a group of comic book geeks seriously are you? I mean, sure, we can tell you how many different guys have been Captain America, but our collective dating knowledge couldn't fill Ant Man's helmet."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr


Paul McEnery: "America's so-called Christianity is just an excuse to be authoritarian dicks who want to hurt people to take the edge off."
Michael Pullmann: "He's just getting that now."


nervmeister: "Seriously though, if I came across a gay male couple, I wouldn't be nervous."
phoenixrising: "Well, no one is by the time they get to that point."

[Brian Cronin]

1-27-2006

"The question is 'would you pay for coffee that come's from an animal's butt?'
Most responses are negative and yet, many of us actually do pay for comics that come right out of a writer's ass."
~ Spackling Compound


"teeheehee. now where did my panties go?"
~ Nathan Carroll


"Everytime I masturbate, God kills an inker."
~ the4thpip


"You are the Rita Hayworth of our discontent."
~ Pól Rua


"One thing Blair should watch out for: as a Garth Ennis protagonist, Tulip is required to have a huge dick. You might want to make sure it's one of the metaphorical ones."
~ Noah Johnson


Weetomuncher: "Is Dan Slott's Thing worth picking up and having a look at?"
thehod: "If that aint a line for the "out of context digest thread" on the Comm board, I don't know what is."
the4thpip: "Almost as good as Rob Liefeld's 6 inch Shaft.

And yeah, grab his Thing already. I get a lot of enjoyment out of his Thing."
Dan_Slott: "Sure hope Ma and Pa don't see this..."
Gail Simone: "I'll plug Dan's Thing here, too. When it comes to humor and fun, no one can touch Dan's Thing."
Tom: "Just don't put Dan Slott's Thing in your mouth.

It gets soggy and it tastes terrible."
Ian Boothby: "Dan's Thing reminds me of when I was younger and would enjoy the old Two In One if you know what I mean."
EdContradictory: "Mark my words: some day Dan Slott's Thing will be huge."
Gail Simone: "Wouldn't it be great if Kurt Busiek had a new book and called it, 'Kurt Busiek's WEINER'?"
Kurt Busiek: "... it's no JUGHEAD'S EAT-OUT COMIC BOOK MAGAZINE, but it'll do..."
TCJohnson: "I don't mean to embarrass you or anything, but make sure you capatalize Dan Slott's Thing. If you don't it makes it look like you are talking about his penis."


"Hey, let's run down to the drug store to have a phosphate. Maybe we can go to the moving pictures later."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr


"it's not as confusing a question as how Goofy and Pluto can both be gods, yet one is a person and the other a pet."
~ Donald M.


"make sure to rinse the woman parts!

ya never know if the date might have a 'happy ending' "
~ bert


"Checkers is for children with mental problems."
~ Brian Cronin


"Nothing like snorting a rail of coffee for that morning kick."
~ Lubichev


"Yes, ...yes I am freakin Whitney Houston. Now get me some crack, or I will sick Bobby on you."
~ wader0069


StoneGold: "Enough with the emo bullshit. Suck it up and take it like a man!"
Blessed_Nightmare: "Ewww your not gonna take off your pants are you?"


"Boxers ....

Because I don't mind .... hold on a sec, strike that .... I ENJOY adjusting my balls.

That's right, I said it.

Every year for my birthday I hope that I'll get an extra nut and a couple more fingers, but alas, it's not to be."
~ JolietJake


Sir Tim Drake: "What are you, the wolf that cried wolf?"
Fenris: "Nowadays, the preferred term is lobbyist."


"If you want to be a two faced cheapskate, you get to put up with people treating you like a two faced cheapskate."
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem


"Anyway, congrats to Mssrs. Thick and Thin, or Rocket Man & Tiny Dancer or whatever you want to call them."
~ Doug Strange


"When I go out to eat that's what I want to do, eat. I dont want a tiny reproducution of the Taj Mahal done in mashed potatoes and alfalfa sprouts!"
~ Rachel Grey


"Man, how did this thread turn from a discussion of casual lesbianism to 'who's uglier?'

No wonder the women are all fucking each other."
~ StoneGold


"nothing says 'direct approach' like a live chicken with a lit M-80 in it's rectum."
~ Mr. Manifesto


"Ahhhh melodrama, the first refuge of the low self-esteemed."
~ Typo Lad


"Dude, we're about as complicated as a pair of scissors. If you can't figure out how to work the gear, I'd be worried."
~ Gaz on the topic of men


"You're a very strange man/woman."
~ Dom Jigsaw


"Once you add the unavailable daddy into the picture it becomes complete. You are attractive because you are unavailable and she is reliving a very old battle she could never win with daddy but maybe can win with you because with you she can use her sexuality as a weapon.

I now retire at the peak of my analitical career in charting the unknown regions of man's relationship with woman, and return gratefully to a gentle life of smoking puff, drawing comics and scratching myself."
~ Greg Blackman

[Brian Cronin]

3-5-2006

"I stand nearly six feet and Dr. H's legs are so long, they brushed me under the table several times in a non-sexual way!"
~ SteelTownr


"Play to lose?

Interesting.

Fabian should excel at that version. He has plenty of practice losing."
~ Brian Cronin


"It's threads that begin like this that confirm why some of us don't use our real names.
That and the soon devolution into talking about gay sex interupted by bad breath or something to do with Jesus."
~ Spackling Compound


"Spock: Captain. The phasers are offline, and photon torpedos are out. We have no weapons.

Kirk: Dammit. There must. be something. that we can. use to penetrate. that Klingon ships. hull."
~ thehod


Justin Davis: "I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Fluffernutter is disgusting. Mainly because I hate marshmallow fluff."
MacQuarrie: "I've said it before and I'll say it again, you only feel that way because you can't deep-fry it."


"Anyone who values their freedoms should be VERY concerned about the practice of "tacking on extra charges" for the heck of it."
~ Calybos


"Infantino was a 'Comic Mob Boss'? Man, I always wanted to be a 'Made Fan'. You know Tony, a comicbook is alot like a family, and you don't disrespect family. So when I tells ya, dis guy needs to be inked, you ink him. Got it? So how come you guys don't buy our comics? You think yous bedder den our comics? Is that it? You think you can find somethin' bedder? Nice little newsstand you got here, nice and flamable. Break his legs, boys."
~ dr_cyclops


"Just because it's from the 80s, doesn't mean it's good."
~ Spike-X


"Dammit!
I'm still signing the Year of the Goat on my checks!"
~ BoosterBronze


"If a chick is by herself, does she have to call a friend over to go to the bathroom?"
~ Alex


Brian Cronin: "Man, my freshman year in college, I ate soooo little."
kmeyers: "my freshman year in college was the opposite, I drank sooooo much."


"Would Van Gogh have starved his whole life if he could get some Lexapro and a good job doing graphic design?"
~ Hoss


"I think grammar is crying somewhere right now."
~ Guts/Batman


Bloopinator: "I almost left the fight because I remembered that the principle told everyone that if we watch the fights we'll get suspended if we're seen because there are cameras. But the cameras suck anyway so I'm not afraid. But the fight was awesome! TheLoser is really a loser as Buttmunch's arm is still healing from when he got it broken. BUT THE FIGHT WAS AWESOME!!! It was awesome when Buttmunch slammed TheLoser. Good times, good times"
thehod: "Ladies and Gentlemen.

I give you. The future President of the United States."


"Would you like fries with that persecution complex?"
~ Gail Simone


"Her biological clock was ticking.

Unfortunately it was a cuckoo clock."
~ Slam_Bradley


Adam Crocker: "The threat of Simply Red as a disciplinary tool never fails to succeed."
BigJayStudd: "If you don't know Simply Red by now, you will never, ever, ever, know them. No, you won't."


"I didn't get broadband. I still use dial-up. I leave the porn downloading every night before I go to bed and when I wake up it's the porn fairy came to my harddrive."
~ Fabian


Sir Edward: "I remember wanting to be a mad scientist but it never panned out for me."
zombie: "Was it the science or the madness that gave you problems?"


"If there was a 'shoot your pistoleros into the air' emoticon, this would be a good time for it."
~ Joe Rice


"Ms. Simone, who wins in a fight, Batman or Captain America?

I will hate you forever if you are wrong."
~ ThomasGuy


"The Jews are working, along with the Illuminati, with the Council on Foreign Relations alongside the Trilateral Commision through Dr. Henry Kissinger in controlling the Pacifica Network in order to affect key members of Haliburton by which the Bush Administration issues key codewords to the New York Times to order select members of the Masonic Order to orient members of The Green Party and its affiliates in Scientology to spread key stories in the Main Stream Media so that others who listen in the United Nations can assume control when the time comes.

Remember, you heard it here first."
~ Sabrinaset


"Congratulations. You have officially provided the least helpful post in the universe."
~ Paul McEnery


Forefinger: "Last night I cooked for the first time in God knows when. My wife really appreciated it.....I mean 'really appreciated' if you know what I mean."
Tadhg Adams: "You mean she did the dishes?"


"Dragula by Rob Zombie gets me pumped up to play some Barbie Horse Adventurers."
~ Cotton


"oh say does that star spangled banner yet wave
for the land that has been seized.. and the home that's taken away."
~ Night


"Wine in a box is good for making Sangria. Which will keep the chicks from whining while the men drink real liquor."
~ Slam_Bradley


"Imagine a road-show production of 'The Royal Tannenbaums' performed by the cast of 'My Name is Earl.' That's my family."
~ MacQuarrie


"For those outside the Christian subculture, whenever someone loudly declares themselves a Christian, it's too often a sign that they're about to ask for money, ban something, burn something, attack the Constitution, or form a terrible band. Yes, this is a minority of Christians, but you have to realize that they're the ones everyone else notices, because they're the ones who can't shut up about how Christian they are."
~ Noah Johnson


"Greasy food is my anus's worst enemy."
~ nervmeister


"I find it most interesting that it appears that the first call to the White House after the incident went to Rove, not Bush.

I can just see it: 'Hello, this is the President.' 'George, put down the phone and go get Karl. I'm in a shitstorm here so go back to your Legos and get Rove ASAFP.' "
~ Ray_Rivard


"I'm still trying to figure how voting to restrict other people's civil rights because the guy you're voting for also says he'll lower your taxes is an act of heroism."
~ Michael Pullmann


"I love the smell of Xenophobia in the morning."
~ Tadhg Adams


"I hate ketchup on my sandwiches. Whenever a sandwich has ketchup on it, I won't read it.

Eat it, I mean."
~ Doug Strange


"My upstairs neighbour has a sound clip of a lady climaxing when it rings. Really annoying.
Though it was intriguing before we realised it was a phone."
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem


"Leila, the Falcon's girlfriend back in the early-mid seventies, didn't have a surname that I recall, but she sure didn't take no honky jive."
~ B Smith


"Makers Mark.


It tastes much better than AQUA VELVA."
~ tricksterpup


"When a little person and Retard get together everybody is a winner."
~ EZMOHR


"I'm surprised the republicans aren't more pissed at Cheney for this, cause remember how furious they were when Clinton shot someone in the face?"
~ Clement


"I let celebrities dictate my style. Always have.

I Flock of Seagulled in the Mid 80's
Got down with my hammer pants in the late 80's
Wore my Cobain cartigan in the early 90's
Became a straight up O.G in the late 90's
And now it's all about being Metro.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get my eyebrows waxed."
~ BigJayStudd


"Who cares about larger cultural relevance? When you turn it up loud enough, everything's relevant."
~ Jonathan Bogart


"My disbelief was naughty, so I suspended it."
~ Azrael52


"Hyperbole on the Internet is worse than Hitler."
~ Crash-Man


"When I ride through the countryside of medieval France, I do it to the pulsing beat of the Alan Parsons Project!"
~ leonaozaki


"Don't be simple just because you're on the internet."
~ Leslie Lee III


"Man, you guys need to leave the cloister from time to time."
~ Spackling Compound


"Our popular culture embodies the best of Puritan values -- sexuality is something to be afraid of, so we'll just give enough of a taste so you keep watching."
~ Ray_Rivard

[Brian Cronin]

4-15-2006

"C'mon, if your name is Pretty McCutiepie, you're bound to have people comment on your physical features. It's one of the reasons I don't go by Genius Bigschlong."
~ Justin Davis


"Ultimates is NOT the real Marvel Universe! It's just a big, dumb lizard dressed like Marvel."
~ tangentman


"Mrs Hod'll just have to quench her thirst with wine.

Which won't be a massive change, it has to be said."
~ thehod


west3man: "Right now folks are looking at you the way they used to look at me when I'd ask 'the wrong' questions in Sunday School."
Chevan: "Well, tell those people to turn their webcams on! I can't see them over the internet."


"Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night."
~ Necktie


Jeff Brady: "Another question for the ages:

Who's the black private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks?"
Kyuubi: "Uhhh... Matlock?"
Jeff Brady: "I was thinking Perry Mason, but sure, Matlock works."


"My husband did not break my computer. I only feel sorry for him because he married bipolar crazy girl. I should have married Fly On The Wall. Clearly he hasn't suffered enough."
~ bipolar danger girl


"as the swallows return to Capistrano, so do the nerdlings return to Boulder Creek."
~ Puma


"First you're talking about Garth Ennis' penis, now you're all up on Green Arrow's jock, you're showing a different side of yourself today."
~ StoneGold


"Chris Claremont and George Perez would be such an affront to the senses on every level, I might have an anuerysm."
~ Kid Omega


JeffreyWKramer: "think when Chuck Austen and Rob Liefeld team up to do a comic, that will bring about the end of the world."
tricksterpup: "I agree, if you reread Revelations, it does make mention of this."


"The booty shakers shall inherit the earth!"
~ Greg Blackman


"BFrank, please allow me to 'be frank'."
~ hulahulk


Fabian: "I hope I don't go bald. I would look bad with a bald head. It's a lose lose...I could go blind thanks to my mother's side or be bald thanks to my father's."
Boolean: "The good news is, you could go bald and blind. That way you'd look like crap, but you couldn't see it!"


"i feel that the real issue with comics lies in their portrayal of robots. why are robots so serious? why are most of the notable ones white hats?
they're robots, for chrissakes. they should have spinning death lasers, rocket-powered fists, inexpicably poor grammar, and a desire to eat people. sure, they require no sustenance and thus no need to eat anything, much less people, but they can do whatever they want because they're ROBOTS! anyone who has a problem with that, they can just eat."
~ captain gloves


Sabrinaset: "You know, Gail, if I weren't so busy on my knees servicing my professors so I could keep my grades up, I'd be really angry at the way Tate treats you!"
Super Sonic: "Do you have a website or anything?"


"Jessica Simpson annoys me more than George Bush. Sure, she's just a vacuous pop star, while he's Satan incarnate (or at least not very good of a President), but still, she does. It has nothing to do with this, even. At least Bush doesn't expect me to care about him just because he's got a nice body and wears Daisy Duke's shorts. I mean, he does, and you can't deny him that. Guy works out. He's a shitty President, but man, what an ass! What was I talking about?"
~ Brad Curran


"Honestly, I am a total manbabe. A glow of perpetual radiance surrounds me at all times, and has incresed in strength in recent years so that these days I cannot sit in a public place without being surrounded by a host of adoring woodland animals, like a sort of male Snow White."
~ Greg Blackman


"What, none of you got your free pudding when you saw Brokeback Mountain?"
~ Fabian


Spike-X: "Come on, Jonathan. You know how much Crocker hates writing about music."
Adam Crocker: "Yeah! Writing about music is gay!"


"Much like an unopened coke can, my fizz for you is eternal."
~ Wesley Dodds


lonesomefool: "I think people look back at their youth as idyllic because they had the chances to experience so many things and had little to no responsibility."
Cam63: "I'm sorry I saw Flashdance."


"Tell me the restaurant you work at and I'll be sure to ask for your table. I'll tip at least 50% so you can buy a sense of humor."
~ Boldido


"I thought "feti" was a Greek cheese."
~ Ray_Rivard


Gail: "Anyone seen a GOOD thriller lately?"
Night Swordsman: "I watched 30 seconds of the Spongebob Squarepants movie.

I was thrilled to turn the channel.

Does that count?"


"I wish I knew how to quit you, Slam Bradley..."
~ Ray_Rivard


"If you are "Having a Bad Day" stop in for a large bowl of "**** You" Soup."
~ SteelTownr


StoneGold: "My left knee. Not what it used to be."
Dan Apodaca: "That's my bad one, too. We should get a super-powered potato-sack and run in circles, fighting crime within a five-foot radius."


"Asmith almost got a harrasment complaint because he corrected an american co-worker on that.
Everytime she said em-oo he said 'Emu' and she thought he was making fun of her, so she complained.
They took it very seriously until they found out what the harrasment actually was (he'd corrected her on other words as well).
Apparently when the boss told her 'actually, he's right there' she screamed at him, and was soon after given time off to get over being crazy."
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem


"Now that's just sad. It's Brisbane. The way Americans say it it sounds like Bane's not only going to break Batman's back, he's going to chop off his foreskin."
~ Wesley Dodds


"Frankly, I'm a bit worried, because god knows kids need a name like 'Milo Manara' to Google if they're looking for porn.

It's tough to find porno on the Internet if you're not specifically looking for it, y'know. Hidden nuggets, I calls 'em."
~ Ray_Rivard


"Everything Metal is, Sabbath is. That's definitive."
~ Neil


"You had me at trebuchet."
~ Pól Rua


"I will maintain a constant vigil for stateside Emu Masturbation opportunities."
~ Greg Blackman


"Ah, I can see by the four hands on the two clocks, it's booze o'clock."
~ Pól Rua


Phrozen: "Nothing would destroy civilization more then losing 9/10ths of the population."
Michael Pullmann: "What about losing 10/10?"
Phrozen: "That would suck too."


"Why do we celebrate St. Patrick's Day, have Oktoberfest celebrations and have celebrations of Chinese New Year in bigger cities? Being an American doesn't preclude identification with your ethnic origins."
~ Slam_Bradley


"Jesus, the blazing four-wheeled cuntitude of some people."
~ Greg Blackman


"Why are we still griping out this? Nubly is permabanned. The threat is over. Go back to your homes."
~ StoneGold


"Porn does not make you un-smart! That is crasy tak."
~ Typo Lad


"Pennsylvania? That kind of sounds like Penis. University of Penis. Heh."
~ StoneGold


"Double post edit

since I have this space, I'll share the fact that I like cheese with everyone. So, everyone, I like cheese. Thank you, that is all."
~ Forefinger


"If you don't have something nice to say...

...say it in Rita's."
~ mattbib


"The last time I bothered to wear makeup I got called Sir by a sales clerk."
~ Jayna


Ray_Rivard: "Old McDonald v. Ferdinand......where bullshit literally equals evidence of criminal trespass......nothing beats a literal example..."
Slam_Bradley: "The real problem is that the bull is getting in with the guys cows and breeding with them. Shouldn't be happening this time of year. And there are breed differences that factor in to it.

I'm pretty sure that Ferdinand never tried to breed with Old McDonald."
Ray_Rivard: "Oh, so it's a seminal case."
Slam_Bradley: "It will be once I take it to the S'perm Court."


"Every day I wake up thankful that the toughest decision that I'll have to make is whether I want to eat burritos or hot pockets for lunch."
~ Xero Kaiser


"I miss out on so much when I'm at work. Why do I even go there?"
~ Forefinger

[Brian Cronin]

5-12-2006 Special 10th Anniversary Edition with just quotes from the pre-vBulletin days (PART I)

"Mad Dog 20/20 is only good for rolling One-Eyed Alice behind the Sav-Mor."
~ Dreadstar


"There is something about a laundry hamper full of kittens that warms a family even more than being doused with hot piss."
~ fly on the wall


"The machines!

Curse them! They that have captured my candybar, hanging Fay Wray-style by a plastic corner as my money jingles inside."
~ klemptor


"Friends come and go, as do relationships but if you build a solid foundation with alcohol it can be a union that will last a lifetime."
~ Asmith


"Thats because we are at our best, when we are at our worst. I might even quote myself on it."
~ Alex


"I am furious and flabbergasted. I went to the store today and found they were selling boxes of a snack foods called 'Cracker' Jacks, Cheese 'Nips' and 'Ju' 'Ju' Bees. I want the store closed, the manager fired and the stock boy summarily executed."
~ Boldido


"and what instrument did you play at band camp?

(please say flute, please say flute, please say flute, please......)"
~ tranceptor


"Legolady you suffer from a common problem on message boards called the delusion of fellowship or ‘Imaginary Friend’ syndrome. You have never met Doug Strange. You wouldn’t know him if he walked right by you on the street. Doug Strange is no more your friend than newspaper columnist Robert Novak."
~ fly on the wall


"You're married to the headless .. uhm...... fancy man!"
~ DarkBlade


"Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man, while communism is the opposite."
~ Roquefort Raider


"The bestiality, on the other hand, was... interesting."
~ Sir Tim Drake


"Good song.

We played it at one of my weddings."
~ rick d


"Some posters have been adjusting their avatars more often than a teenage boy adjusting his drawers as he walks by a nude beach. The Avatar represents YOU. Stop playing with yourself!"
~ fly on the wall


"Good night, sweet Fishstick, and flights of angelfish sing thee to thy rest."
~ WriterBoy


"If giving it to some dirty-faced orphan is what turns your crank, who are we to judge?"
~ edgore


"Alan Moore could be writing the further adventures of Captain Mar-Vell and his brother Kik-Arss and his sister Big-Norrgs and his bunny Eets-Beets, and I'd still be pissed off that a character as charming as the Big Red Cheese has no place in this world of comix wot we so love and cherish."
~ Pol Rua


"Justice doesn't suck."
~ Greg Hatcher


"Was it Kierkegaard or Jackie Gleason who said, "How sweet it is"?"
~ klemptor


edsmonkey: "And yes, midgets make EVERYTHING better!"
Trix: "They made my stew taste gamey. That's not better."


" 'Oh, Jeff! You should go to this dentist! They are so awesome! They gave me a real toothbrush, and everything!'

'A real toothbrush?' "
~ Slick


"WE had an interesting Thanksgiving... it was more of a "No Thanks" giving."
~ FlameStar


"A nice smile goes a long way, but a good smirk can last a lifetime."
~ Evil Sneak


"Feel the love! Hug your monitor!"
~ theLex


"Darlin', there's always time for Strip Chocolate!"
~ knightsky


"Cute lady trolls are called trollops."
~ MacQuarrie


"OzBat is going by his day job name too? What is it? Reginald Snivelingsworth?"
~ fly on the wall


"Any of you who included Lemon in your list need to re-evaluate what you look for in a candy."
~ Ponda


"Now that I'm done with this, I guess I'll have to go find something else to be an ass about."
~ Doug Strange

[Brian Cronin]

5-12-2006 Special 10th Anniversary Edition with just quotes from the pre-vBulletin days (PART II)

"I used to work with this girl who had the hugest breasts...now I come to think of it that was pretty unrealistic for a woman to have big breasts in an office."
~ Captain_Video

"If Quarterwolf wins I'm off to Alvaro's forever even though it has been recently brought to my attention that the Alvaro's Community Message Board has been out of commission since last November."
~ fly on the wall


"Hot dang these are all good quotes. I wish to someday spout something irreverant but with a hint or truth and spoonfuls of humor to be in the cookbook of Team Digest."
~ Spider-Lantern


"Your 'schlosh' & Mel 'schlosh' can be totally different, but if it's the schlosh you know, it's the schlosh I be."
~ Royal


"Pretty soon, the National Hockey League will be comprised of cities that only see snow when it's shaken up in a globe."
~ ArchivalGrading


"The nasty one I WAS using was Aquafresh Extreme Clean. She was using Colgate Total with Whitening. Now we have switched because she apparently likes the taste of month-old chum with an orange stripe of radioactive forrest gnome ****."
~ Doug Strange


The Grand Beef: "I only found the Quote button a month or two ago."
Royal: "Congrats. We'll have you eating with a full dining set within the week."


juz: "aren't you being just a little pedantic there?"
Odin Son: "What, you don't like 15 year old girls?"


Slayven: "Anyway what is the deal with the increasing number of S&M references in comics now a days?"
Odin Son: "You mean in the highly visual books about big burly men and busty hard bodied women wearing leather and spandex suits and beating each other sensless in the middle of the night?

I'd say the industry finally got honest..."


Pol Rua: "What in the name of Prince Albert's Crown Jewels are you doing posting on the internet then, you big geek!?"
Paul Newell: "Bragging."
WriterBoy: "Well, enough with the bragging, and back to the shagging!"
Paul Newell: "I wonder it'll involve gagging?"
Greg Hatcher: "Only if the noise sets the neighbors to ragging."
Spike-X: "Disturbing the neighbours? That'll get tongues wagging!"
Paul Newell: "I hope they have decent ventilation, with all that moisture buildup his comics will need bagging and the roof could start sagging."
Greg Hatcher: "Or maybe...

...uh...

...damn it. My gift for rhyme is flagging."
Paul Newell: "C'mon Greg, keep up! You're really lagging."
13th: "Six month marriage and still no nagging?"
DonC: "I would also post my congratulations only I can't think of an "agging" rhyme. I just suck."
Paul Newell: "Trying to think of something sent your thoughts zig-zagging?"
Pol Rua: "Has fly responded to this one, or is he still pig-tagging?"


"Fly, if you say something I can understand, I'll be very, very disapointed."
~ Gail


fly on the wall: "First you'll have to butter me up a little."
Maniacle Mike: "Oh thats it mister! Now you're toast!!"
Richard Onley: "I'd like to contribute, but I guess I lactose pun-making skills . . ."


"dirty nose-breathing surface dwelllers.....the mole people will one day rise and conquer all!"
~ kmeyers



"please, be gentle. I bruise like a peach."
~ warpedwonder


"And now it's time to say goodbye to Jed forever more
Because he's finally gone right through the final dying door
You're all invited back to grieve 'bout his mortality
And have a heapin' helpin' of my immorality

Bipolar that is
Take your shoes off
And throw them at me"
~ fly on the wall


Punchy: "I believe that the she's only slept with one guy about as much as I believe that hundred dollar bills are going to drop out of my ass."
Royal: "*hides in Punchy's Septic Tank*"


"Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Let's go bike riding!"
~ WriterBoy


DonC: "You scare me sometimes, Bert."
bert: "Only sometimes?"


"I feel all warm and fuzzy...

actually, that could be the cat hair.
"
~ Cosmic Cat


"RADIOHEAD SATURDAY! IM GONNA SLEEP WITH A GIRL THAT HAS LOW SELF ESTEEM!"
~ Alex


"I know a single chicken who'd be all over your pecker!"
~ bipolar-danger-girl


falcy: "Is there anything bigger than a decathalon but not as commercial as the olympics?"
Greg Hatcher: "Marriage."


"And yet, because of my niceness (about which several Psalms are written), I tell Falcoria to date you - the one who truly (and by truly I mean "I have no idea, you are all imaginary people on a message board for god sakes") loves her."
~ edgore


"Do not mistake my whimsical tone and florid syntax for insincerity."
~ Pol Rua

[Brian Cronin]

5-12-2006 Special 10th Anniversary Edition with just quotes from the pre-vBulletin days (PART III)

"Look at him trying to wriggle out of this. Like Oedipus' parents trying to evade the prophesy.

He brought this on himself with his honeyed words. Now he must live with the Demon he has conjured, and the Demon hungers for Cheese Steak."
~ fly on the wall


"Comm board can be cold and unforgiving unless you suck up to Joe Rice"
~ Slayven


"in the valley of the mullet, the air guitar champion is king."
~ Smell


"That 'sarcasm' you speak of so lightly, perchance it is the lifeblood that dost keep my legs mobile and heart a-beatin'!

Why, you might sooner ask a bird to stop it's glorious flight! Or an elephant to forget it's lifetime of elephanting!"
~ Kamandi


"my hand has no complaints

HAHAHAHA FIRST HAND JOKE

Im so lonely"
~ OMGFLAT


Smoogis: "I need mental help..."
Tranceptor Cat: "*Looks for a mallet*"



"I thought I could drive a standard because I played so much Pole Position as a kid.

I was wrong."
~ 13th


"we will talk in your secret lair later. (giggle, giggle)"
~ Greg's Girl


"Only the guy that wins the best poster contest gets to impregnate any of the female posters. So don't let anyone catch you trying to mount any of the female posters, and be judicious about any territorial urination you might do in the first six months."
~ fly on the wall


"Slayvenocity defies the Heisenberg uncertainty principle."
~ Slayven


juz: "You have slept in a bed with Michael Jackson now haven't you MarZom?"
MarZom: "I'm not at liberty to discuss this matter, now if you'll excuse me, my gold plated rocket car is waiting."


"G'day, mates!
i'll be floyin een ta Seedney t'noight.
i reckin i'll be theah on Froidaaey..."
~ Mr. Jip


"And as much as I would like to sit here and talk with Smoogie and stare at Slayven's breasts, I gotta go to work"
~ Hawk


Slam_Bradley: "I pay $450 a month for a 3 bedroom house on a double lot. How's that sound? "
ManchesterTrix: "It sounds like you live in Idaho."


"Marriage is risky at best, though. As I have posted on once or twice in the past. Nothing excessive."
~ fly on the wall


"Flat Top is a mole.
We'd better tell Mole about the mole in the web.
As a side note, tell The Web about the new changes in the web."
~ Alex


Typo Lad: "I can probably type with my feet at this point."
SteelTownr: "Maybe you should give it a try since it is obvious that you can't type with your hands."


"Hold your horses there, Cheeks. Didn't mean to make you bust out the capital letters."
~ Ruggedmonsta X


"Why did Jim Henson have to die?

Couldn't we have lost Pee Wee Herman instead or something?"
~ Tynne Fanel


"I'm just lucky Alex is here to provide an answer I completely disagree with."
~ CheeksTheToyWonder


"I drank with her hoping that my show of solidarity would break down her resistance and get her to realize what a swell guy I was.

Instead we vomited on the rose bushes together."
~ MacQuarrie


"Thank god Fly checks out that obscure right wing news website, CBS.com, for news that the liberal media doesn't carry..."
~ Odin Son


Alex: "Man want sex, women want food, use men."
ManchesterTrix: "Christ, you sound like a cave-man.

Men want sex, women want shoes."


"Ahem. I believe the word you're looking for is 'angsty'. Sort of 'cynicism-lite'.

'All the crabbiness...half the experience!'"
~ Paradox

[Brian Cronin]

5-12-2006 Special 10th Anniversary Edition with just quotes from the pre-vBulletin days (PART IV )

On a related note, a bunch of fly's collected writings:

"Are the stars out tonight?
She don't know if they're cloudy or bright
Cause she only has eyes for Writer Boy--OOooo.

She posts here, so does he
Maybe dwarves swarm around them and pee
But she only has eyes for Writerboy--OOOooo"

____________

"I pledge alliegance
To my M'Odd
Of the Community Board and pornography
And live vicariously
Through his antics
One M'Odd
physically impressive
With sex toys and fitness tips
For Everyone

Amen

Play ball"

____________

"You can microscopically inspect
Every known aquarium
But you will never find the beast
That you have named 'planarium'

Of words that do not quite exist
I think you've broke that barrier
In future times the word to use
Would probably be planaria"

____________

" 'Double your pleasure
Double your fun
I doubled my post
Not the size of my gun'

By gun I meant my phallus."

____________

"Happy Birthday Jim Beard
Of you I never heared
You needn't be skeered
Of me 'cuz I'm weird"

____________

To the tune of 'Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh':


"Hello reader
of my comic
Letters like this
make me vomic

All your spelling
can't get worser
And I think your finger's
glued onto the cursor

*****
You don't know if
you have reached me
You insult me
then beseech me

You thank God that
I am reading
Then you try to prove
your IQ is receding

*****

You worked so hard
Just to find me
Then did nothing
But remind me

Comic books are
mostly drawings
and them that read 'em
themselves have been pawing

******

Now I don't want
This should scare ya
But a cricket
Could out stare ya

And remember
Thank your teacher
But I'd choke the bitch
If I could only reach her

******

Leave me alone, I hate your letter
Even you could have done better
Don't write me a single letter more
I'm sure, you're probably turning four

There's no point, to even read it,
In the snow, you could have peed it
Go spend time with Spawn and Wolverine
That's keen. Are you a human being?

****

Wait a minute
You paid money
For my comic
Thank you, sonny!

Please keep reading
I'm your debtor
Stupid jackass kindly
Disregard this letter"

____________


To the tune of 'She Love You' by the Beatles:


"Your birthday
yeah yeah yeah
Your birthday
yeah yeah yeah
Your birthday
yeah yeah yeah YEAH

You think I missed your birth
Well I posted yesterday EEE A
About your expanding girth
And how some say you are gay EEE A

Now it's your birthday
And you know you should be glad
It's your birthday
Without meds I would be mad OOOOOOOO

Your birthday
yeah yeah yeah
Your birthday
yeah yeah yeah
With a birth like yours at least you weren't aborted
With a birth like yours at least you weren't....

ABORTED!

yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah
YEAH!


I was in a hurry. So sue me."

____________


"I think that I shall never spy
A billboard lovely as me, fly
But it would be like hearing music
To see a billboard of Kurt Busiek


*sigh*"

____________


"Promethea we once met
I'm sure you were impressed
I saw you check me out
With your eyes I was undressed

As you accomplished this feat
I cowered in maidenly fear
At how you unbuttoned my shirt
with your eyes but nary a tear

Happy Birthday!"

____________


" 'I dreamed I saw Joe Rice last night
As drunk as you or me
Says I, 'But Joe you're three sheets gone'
Says Joe, I've got to pee
Says Joe, I've got to pee.

'My bathroom it is that way, Joe'
I pointed down the hall
'Use proper aim and also, Joe
Write nothing on the wall'
'Write nothing on the wall'

He stumbled down the hallway
I feared that he would puke
But later he walked slowly back
I gave him no rebuke
I gave him no rebuke

But when I went to use the John
The walls were marked up bad
' 'Tis Benes that draws kiddie porn
And let's all murder PAD
And let's all murder PAD'

'The comic bosses will kill you, Joe,
They'll shoot you, Joe,' says I.
'Unless my hands are on your first
Then sooner you will die.'
'Then sooner you will die.' "
~ fly on the wall

____________


"That's Strife
On the Message Board
I thought of putting
All those hosebags on "Ignore"
But the way I scatter shot this room
It's what they hope that I'd do to'em

That's Strife
Funny as it may seem
Some posters get their kicks stompin' on my schemes
But it's them that seem the big retard
The way they're waggling the Special Interest card

I said a pirate or pauper with hands in the coffers shouldn't---run the thing
They whipped me up, down, over and out
And made me feel the sting
Every time a right wing thread gets posted in this place
They spin their PC lies to put the guy in disgrace

That's Strife
On the message board
They get to say that I'm out of my goard
But it's okay I don't get no slack
It's fun to beat 'em with a hand around my back.

I said a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn or a king.
If they don't pay no taxes
they don't choose the tune to sing,
If your tender heart, to read this, causes it to break
Perhaps I've got some pills that you oughta take

That's Strife
On the message board
You say I said something that was so untoward
But the thing you never want to hear
Is if there's going to be a raise of price in beer

But the only thing you never want to hear...
Is if there's gonna...be...a raise of price...in beer"

____________


"Slayven Slayven
Always misbehavin'
Slayven Slayven
Using Nair for shavin' "

____________


to the tune of yellow rose of texas:

"Oh the Yellow rose of Goddess
Is a poster I don't know
Although it is her birthday
This confetti should I throw?

I'm not sure if I have met her
Or if she would say I suck
No the Yellow Rose of Goddess
Isn't someone I would f

(Oh dear. The little birthday poem was going along well and then suddenly took a nasty turn.)"

____________


"I'd like to teach the world to sink
In pervert harmony
And fondle people where they're pink
until they smile at me"

____________


"Up and at 'em Adam Rant
Put your leg inside your pant
Time to rise and shine and say,
"Hey you, World! It's my birthday!"

Cake and ice cream presents, too.
And they're all adressed to you!
Pretty ribbons, party hats
Party favors, stuff like that!

Up and at 'em Adam Rant!
Put your leg inside your pant!"

[Brian Cronin]

5-26-2006

"Elijah Craig is like Aphrodite's pussy juice in your mouth."
~ Joe Rice


"My heart is so crushed. Crushed like the ice in a smooth blended drink on a hot summer day."
~ Fabian


"You think many would have the balls to slam Lohan to her face?"
~ SUPERECWFAN1


"Are you still in the closet? I came out the other day. I was in there looking for a shirt."
~ Forefinger


"I always drink beer with my pinkie out!"
~ Paul Newell


"Bad Pizza is like expecting a bj and getting shat on."
~ Typo Lad


"It's silly enough that fan-fic writers actually think they can write (an illusion enabled by the mutual masturbation society that is the internet fan-fic community) but for one of them to actually self-publish and attempt to sell their subliterate tripe . . ."
~ Donald M.


"Now, back to your regularly scheduled 'Yay! You got an iPod! vs. Ew I hate iPod!' discussion."
~ Larry Dixon


"I'm not going to get cock reduction surgery!!!!"
~ Forefinger


Nikita: "Another babe.

I bet you're beating off the girls left and right."
kmeyers: "Ideally, they'd be beating me off left and right."


"Divorce. It's kind of like anal rape, but without the intimacy and togetherness."
~ Ray_Rivard


"I live on the second floor, so no drive-bys for me."
~ Xero Kaiser


"The most famous legal case involving the borrowing of a song is probably George Harrison's "My Sweet Lord", which was ruled to have been based upon "He's So Fine" by the Chiffons (although, fortunately, he wasn't forced to change the title of his song to 'My Sweet Lord/He's So Fine')."
~ scratchie


"If we could just get rid of most of the people posting on the internet it would be fine."
~ Joe Rice


"I think you better check your pockets, you may have lost your subtlety."
~ Dreadstar


"Remember the tradition, when you lower the French Flag, raise a white one."
~ Winslow


"I don't like the Asian-small penis stereotype. Because I don't. No, really, I don't have a small penis.


STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!!!"
~ Erebus


"This thread has been cleaned up for greater viewing pleasure."
~ Buried Alien


"You are the most wrongesty person ever!"
~ Alex


"I was in a dark depression, and seeing people make virtual brownies for each other only made me more suicidal."
~ Kid Omega


"."
~ MrBlond


Joe Rice: "Women need a man that'll tell them what to do and to shut their traps when they get too gabby."
Ed Cunard: "Are you writing your own vows, Joe?"


"Loosing my inner ******* was so much fun it scared me shitless."
~ Cei-U!


"Just cause it's in the dictionary doesn't make you right!!!"
~ Mac Danny


"My flatmate came home early and caught me goofing on the luchadores.
I was so embarrassed!"
~ Pól Rua


"There must be just dozens of people worldwide who will find this exciting news."
~ Dennis K


" 'Night Thrasher'? How much does he charge?"
~ Screwtape


"The fetishization of virginity, whether motivated by religion or garden-variety psychosexual weirdness, is a stupid, stupid idea."
~ Noah Johnson


"I don't care if these people are Christians or Martians: This **** is crazy."
~ Lone Ranger


"It takes a moron to lead a moron down a moronic path."
~ Lubichev


"CBR is like a nerdy version of MySpace."
~ Mac Danny


"You know, for years I thought loading the dishwasher meant getting my wife drunk."
~ Captain_Marvel


"Is Locutus gonna have to assimilate a bitch?"
~ Dennis K by way of Forefinger


"Wesley Dodds
Wesley Dodds
Riding through the Glen
Little John
Little John
Shot him in the end
Thought he was a deer
Shot him in the rear!
Wesley Dodds
Wesley Dodds
Wesley Dodds"
~ fly on the wall


"My first rule of dating is: Don't let the wife find out!"
~ Harlock


"Even worse... it was part of a series where every Spidey book that month had some kind of wacky holo cover. The Spider-Armor was just the corn in the feces on that one."
~ StoneGold


"You were intimidating to me because I had seen you argue. You were a freight train of cold, hard logic dragging a jangly, happy caboose of dry wit. A bazooka of expostulation that fired bullets covered in ticklish feathers of laughter."
~ Jeff Slack


"You know a comic book is special when the art can be described as sub-Liefeldian."
~ Generic Eric


"Don't fear the pink. Love it. Embrace the pink and it will embrace you back."
~ Typo Lad


StoneGold: "What's the latest thing you've done to insure you won't get laid?"
Jeff Brady: "It seems all I have to do is breathe. The rest takes care of itself."
HomerJay: "Ever try a tic-tac?"


"Somewhere in America, there is a first-named Willie marrying a girl called Fanny, and the British wedding guests are the only ones who can't keep a straight face during the ceremony."
~ Drew Van T.


"Why would I want to sound British, anyways? I'm not trying to have homosexual intercourse with anyone."
~ StoneGold


"I am Jack's inflamed sense of jealousy."
~ Forefinger


"Europe is a lot of fun, but so is getting laid."
~ Clayholio


"Irish Car Bombs are like delicious milk shakes of death."
~ Ronald Bryan


"Why do you not like observable facts? Were you abused by one as a child or something?"
~ Noah Johnson


"Marlon Perkins: 'I will sit over here in the safety of my Land Rover as Jim subdues the wild Jew. Watch how he wrestles him into a safe position. Jews can be very dangerous, given potency of their language. But Jim is very experienced in handling them, and I don't expect any difficulties.' "
~ Dreadstar


"I woke up at 3:30 AM to use the Little Jews Room."
~ Typo Lad


"If you're gonna be a bigot, you shouldn't be surprised that some people aren't gonna like you. Some people might also assume you're a douchebag, since the overlap of the 'bigot' category into the 'douchebag' category is pretty high."
~ JeffreyWKramer


"Never invite two people over for a threesome if you're the worst lay in the group."
~ Dreadstar

[Brian Cronin]

6-28-2006

"Dammit, I'm an American and I want my instant gratification!!!"
~ Forefinger


"I thought Xenu was alive (and immortal) but chained under a mountain somewhere. But one day, he'll rise again and the shadow of his grasp will cover all of Middle Ear -- I mean the universe."
~ Mike Smash!


Mike Smash!: "Is there an official medical terminology for someone with no sexual feelings or urges whatsoever?"
Spike-X: " 'Wife'?"


"If gay people would start their own religion, another board would have to be started for that."
~ Forefinger


Lubichev: "So, what are you wearing?"
Dreadstar: "Old Spice"


"I am in extreme state of arrousal. Please to make sex all over my face!"
~ Ronald Bryan


Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "It's kind of hard to let my balls hang out when they're in my wife's purse."
Ray_Rivard: "Overworked paranoid insecure overly competitive type-A personalities one assignment away from a nervous breakdown tend not to be a lot of fun once the semen has dried."
Shellhead: "Supposedly porcupines need to urinate on each before sex to soften the quills. Attorneys are even more extreme that, metaphorically speaking."


"Is there such a thing as Kosher media exposure?"
~ Paradox


"Pedantic focus on the letter rather than the spirit of a given work is the hallmark of the worst sort of fanboy."
~ literally exaggerated


"Ah, yes, 6606, the number of the Beaost."
~ Sanagi


Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "I don't know about anyone else, but I feel like I'm playing "Clue" and I'm missing half of the pieces."
Dan Apodaca: "Sorry, I ate the rope."


"Your mom's on my pull list.....

Just kidding. It's actually your dad."
~ atoningunifex


"Let's take a moment to reflect on this.

South Africa had racism as an official government policy, and proudly announced this to the world, as recently as twenty years ago.

Either they've come a long way in an awful hurry, or we stopped to tie our shoe somewhere around 1994."
~ Michael Pullmann


"RealPlayer never called me n____!"
~ west3man


"Try being coherent."
~ Mike Smash!


"Holy Carpet-Muncher, Batman!"
~ JeffreyWKramer


"You are the most 'Christian' pagan I know."
~ Winslow


"You're killing my thread!

Killing it!

And not softly with your touch either!"
~ Typo Lad


bfrank: "the first thing women notice are finger nails and kicks....both should be neat and clean...."
Josh S: "I'm married."


"One of the girls came up to me and asked where the girls balls were. I said what?"
~ Deathstroke


"what is a nympho!?"
~ Ullar


"If Giant Sized Man-Thing is wrong, I don't want to be right."
~ Grazzt


Dom Jigsaw: "I feel born again, baby."
Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "You mean, all shriveled up and covered in goo?"


"I'm the COTM and I deserve to know stuff!!!!"
~ Forefinger


"Jinxed again. I owe you some Snark-brand cola."
~ Ed Cunard


"If Stonegold anally raped my grandmother, I'd be pissed, but if he did it wearing an Eros costume and giving her a superboy prime retro donkey punch. . .well I forgot where I was going with this. Grandma sucks."
~ Fabian


"I don't know whats going on with me. Am I growing up, or just becoming an *******?"
~ Forefinger


"Whenever a young person on a computer wants to know why macaroni and cheese is called Kraft Dinner... I'll be there.

Wherever people want to answer questions like you would in the mall... I'll be there.

Wherever freedom to pick from a list of preferred condiment choices and sexual positions isn't offered to you... I'll be there."
~ Mac Danny


Boldido: "If any of you have been to the Caymans I would appreciate any advice, especially for ways I can make it more special for my wife."
Ed Cunard: "Let her finish first?"


"Did you just compare 'Cars' to the autobiography of a genocidal fascist dictator and the holy books of the world's two largest religions? Wow."
~ Zengei


"Namor has to yell out 'Imperius REX!' while climaxing inside aquaman."
~ Alex


"You're like a lawyer for cannibals."
~ fly on the wall


"I am the terrier that yaps in the night!"
~ west3man


"Earth-2 Dr. Hfuruhur (from the theory that spelling would simplify a la 'Dr. Mid-Nite') fought in WWII and has the magic-based power to become completely immobile in front of the radio. He retired briefly after the HCUA hearings in the 50s, when he refused to give the names of his Mystery Meat Men (except for Earth-2 Dom Jigsaw, whom he immediately threw under the bus). Just after he returned to active duty, he was accidentally trapped in a meat locker trying to 'borrow' another case of bratwurst and remained cryogentically frozen until the mid-70s, when he was mistaken for an obscene ice sculpture and wheeled out into the middle of a disco in Soho. He has joined the reprocessed Mystery Meat Men, and now fights alongside Dr. Carroll, Ray Rivard, Jr., Fred Cunard, howsitgoineh, Slam_Bradley II, Michelle Pullman, Winslower, Puman, west4man, Forehand, tricksterhound, as well as the aged and incontinent Dreadstar."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr


shadowraven: "What would you say the sex ratio is?"
Spike-X: "The more comics you buy, the less sex you're getting."