Digest Archive

[Brian Cronin]

7-28-2006

"I might have this wrong, but are you saying that Liefeld isn't really all that bad but Picasso sucks?"
~ gary bolt


"Guy came in one night, had a bet with his friends. Ended up with his penis stuck in a coke bottle. The doctors decided they had to break it to get it off, and the guy gets upset. They can't figure out why, then they take a closer look.

Tattooed on his penis is a ship."
~ Rallura


"Rare is it that a post makes me want to both wince and applaud."
~ Dreadstar


Michael Pullmann: "My fucking arm hurts."
Dan Apodaca: "Tough being single, huh?"


"Ladies and gentlemen of the forum, I'm just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever.. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, I wonder: 'Did little demons get inside and type it?' I don't know! My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know - when I want images of girls dressed like superheroes, I shouldn't have to go and search for them myself--strangers should do the work for me. Thank you."
~ Ed Cunard


Larry Dixon: "I want to see more Comics Rage!

RAAAAGGGE!!!"
shrike: "GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

how's that?"
Cam63: "I almost put my beer down in fright!"


"Time to get my Essential FF and read about the first appearence of the Sapphic Surfer."
~ Sabrinaset


"People love big breasts........even if they are on Captain America."
~ Forefinger


"Does your friend really exist, or is it a 'hello Doctor Ruth, a friend of mine has a very small penis' kind of friend?"
~ The Mirrorball Man


Chris CCL: "Hope to all of your faces there."
Cei-U!: "I sure hope the missing verb in that sentence is 'see.' "


"We had the worst music CD ever playing in store today! It was this rap CD, but it was really lame, non-offensive/non-threatening stuff. Me and my manager were in heaps trying to "out rap" each-other by coming up with extremely lame non-offensive raps.

'I pay my taxes! I go to church!
I help the fuckin old ladies cross the street! YO!'

We have the lyrics written down somewhere. We called it 'Will Smith's commentaries on everyday situations.'

I'm slightly tipsy with alcohol."
~ BlairH


"I've got organic mouthwash. You would have to do some work for it though."
~ Forefinger


"I don't know what I'll be wearing. But I'll look good in it."
~ mattbib


"There's some comics that if they were written in three days I'd be horrified. Well, not really 'horrified' but internet horrified."
~ Joe Rice


"I hate ska more then Ann Coulter, The Phantom Menace and the new Spider-man costume combined."
~ GRANT!


Larry Dixon: "If you want a little red wagon to tool around in, I'll hook you up. We'll tubeframe you a blown, small block V-8 into custom snake pipes and a rock crusher tranny to feed the fastchange positraction diff. We'll put some fat Mickey Meats and tub the rear so there's room to bloom when you hammer that bitch down to the firewall."
Cam63: "Larry says he has a car."


"Every man has a 24-hour porno reel running on his mental desktop. Some guys just bring it full screen more often and some know better to keep the window minimized."
~ HomerJay


"Some Dicks are popping up that are unusual, but basically the majority are just your average run of the mill white dicks"
~ Puma


HomerJay: "Has anyone seen Nubly lately?
I miss his narcissistic take on modern life."
Michael Pullmann: "He was banned months ago. Jeff Brady threw a small celebration.

In his pants."


"What color stripes should my socks have next week?

What wallpaper should I put in my closet?

What kind of reflectors should be under my bike seat?"
~ Kid Omega


"Please, Samurai, stop the knee jerk reaction. No one is exiling them to the Phantom Zone."
~ Mike Smash!


"That's my new name for far right blather: Neenerneenerism."
~ Paul McEnery


"I'm sweating like Whitney Houston at an awards show!"
~ ElvisGuy


"It's hard to drop Shotglasses into a skull to do carbombs."
~ Tadhg Adams


"If 'assiduously massaging' the appropriate organs caused them to retract, my ball-problem would have been solved years ago."
~ Erebus


"Just because something is old doesn't make it valid."
~ Mike Smash!


"That's why I enjoy Swanson's Angry Man dinners. Even the dessert is made of meat."
~ HomerJay


"If you're being 'forced' to choose between your religion and treating people as equals, I think that says something about your religion."
~ Spike-X


"Sleep is important.

But drinks are better."
~ MsSpring


Tages: "Funny thing, I don't really remember much of what happened after that, just then when I woke up in my room my butt was bleeding and there was a dollar pinned to my shirt."
StoneGold: "****, I wondered what happened to that dollar."

[Brian Cronin]

8-23-2006

Gail Simone: "Sabrina, don't be silly."
TCJohnson: "Isn't that kinda like telling a bear, 'Don't be furry!' "



"I've always wondered what the best thing in the world was.

Only now do I realize it's a gay pride Slinky."
~ pennywisdom



"How can homosexuality be a violation of natural law when it occurs in nature?"
~ Grazzt



Typo Lad: "I'm not into physical submission, thanks. Just mental and verbal."
Deathstroke: "Better known as marriage."



"Stupid lightning man! Grundy drink Pepsi!"
~ Cei-U!



"The CBR servers are going down faster than Paris Hilton."
~ Sabrinaset



"It's all fun & games until your reality-warping powers trap two pieces of the soul of Mephisto allowing you to get pregnant by an android."
~ ragnarok_2012



Gail Simone: "Jeez, who filled the toaster with condoms?"
Dedagda: "Shrink to fit - I bought box size too large."
Larry Dixon: "They make a size BIGGER than your size? For what? Horses?"
Cam63: "Australians, Larry. They're for Australians."



"I gotta call the milf tonight and see if I can arrange the F part."
~ jessecuster2



"I choose not to talk about rap. Who knew 'fifty' was pronounced 'fiddy'?"
~ Spackling Compound



"I can respect that you stick with your str8 side but it most definatly was a gay bashing."
~ DoubleShot, to Tom



"You know, if the commboard had more discussions about bacon, this would be a happier place."
~ i_mmmchocolate



"While I'm all for taking the Great Sixties Myth down a peg, erecting a Great Eighties Myth in its place is certainly not the way to do it."
~ Jonathan Bogart



"Is this the Coronary Breakfast Room...or did I take a wrong turn at the giant pile of bacon crusts?"
~ Drew Van T.



"Well, rest assured, DC is certainly not writing comics like they used to in the Silver Age, just as Marvel isn't. The cheese melted."
~ Jack Zodiac



"You can't polish a turd. You can, but the shittiness rubs off on you, so be careful."
~ kmeyers



"Alcohol does have unusual effects on people. I've been drunk twice, and both times, I never became an anti-semite. I did, however, start reading Austen comics and drew like Liefield."
~ Sabrinaset



Sophisticated_Gamer: "So what is your favorite comic that you have boght in the past month?"
twilight: "The adventures of SHUT THE **** UP boy #17"



"My heart is like a can of pepsi, shaken in a paint mixer"
~ Royal



"Anyone who can't stand after one bottle of flat Guiness doesn't deserve to rule the world."
~ K'Nort



"This thread titilates and offends my fragile sensibilities all at once.

Hey Randal, I typed 'tit.' "
~ Valmore



"A coworker once described me drunk as 'it's like Mike, but more of him'."
~ Mike Smash!



Forefinger: "I'm down with calling my wife and I equals, but when it comes down to it, I have the final word."
dingo: "I always have the final word. The final two words in fact.

They are: 'Yes ma'am.' "



"Spider-Man 2099 was ten pounds of kickass in a five pound bag!

That means when you held it, pounds of kickass literally poured down your hands.

Meanwhile, ounces of kickass were leaking through the bottom of the bag, coating the bottom until it congealed into a sticky kickass ring.

Hope you used a coaster, beeyotch!"
~ Sean Whitmore



"I love me. I use a sock!"
~ Forefinger



Jeff Brady: "What also sucks is meeting a great girl who is very much your type, but knowing that you are not her type."
Typo Lad: "Careful mate, your tears will water down the beer!"



"I had a mullet.
And it wasn't one of your Joe Dirt Shitkicker mullets either. It was an art school mullet. Like Longshot's. And it was cool."
~ Pól Rua



Donald M.: "Have you ever lost something so completely that you cannot find it however hard you look, ever?

I do this at least twice daily."
Forefinger: "Is it in your toilet?"



"I hooked up with a stranger
a hot, hot, beautiful stranger
she was older and asian
and I tried cunnillingus for the first time."
~ Dan Apodaca



"On YABS we have pages of explicit lesbian talk that pushes deeper into the female vagina than a long-armed gynecologist."
~ Spackling Compound



"Strep mostly just hurts like deep-throating a chainsaw."
~ JeffreyWKramer



i_mmmchocolate: "What does the Italian word 'cretini' mean?"
K'Nort: "Small dummy?"



"Fred Durst wore Yankees caps, and if Fred Durst doesn't epitomize pure evil, I don't know what does."
~ Valmore



"When the 80's pop music in retrospect was edgier than its remakes... you know the great beast of the apocalypse is nigh."
~ Spackling Compound



Lester Carthan: "A male friend of mine, NOT ME HONEST, took Viagra even though he is a healthy man in his twenties. He had himself a really good time until his penis turned purple and he was rushed to the hospital."
Kyuubi: "What ended up happening to YOUr friend ?"



"Does nobody in NY shave?"
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem



howyadoin: "If you're defrosting milk, the size of your jugs is an important factor."
Iangould: "Unless its condensed milk, then it's the size of your can."



"Forefinger, you're breaking my heart
You're shaking my confidence daily
Oh, Forefinger, I'm down on my knees
I'm begging you please to eat bacon.

Forefinger, you're breaking my heart
You're shaking my confidence daily
Oh, Forefinger, I'm down on my knees
I'm begging you please to eat bacon
Eat Bacon

Eating Bacon in the afternoon with Forefinger
Up in my bedroom (cooking it up)
I got up to wash my face
When I come back to bed
Sausage has taken my place

Jubilation, I cooked it again,
I fall on the floor and I laughing,
Jubilation, I'll cook it again,
I fall on the floor and I laughing"
~ jessecuster2



"Make sure mommy dresses you right and packs a healthy delicious lunch. Talking to girls is hungry work."
~ Donald M.



"You got an A on this test, Pussy Galore!"
~ Sabrinaset



"Sorry, Doctor, it's the freakin' FONZ!!

Dude battled a super-powered alien to standstill with just his THUMB!"
~ Brian Cronin



howyadoin: "The 70s were pretty golden if you were a kid. That's when I got drunk for the first time and touched my first boob."
Jeff Brady: "Ha! Me too! Granted, I was born in the tail end of '78, was breast-fed, and dad thought it was cute for the baby to hold a beer bottle..."



"I love howling late at night."
~ tricksterpup



jaguarshark: "I'm almost scared to ask this, but what the hell is a furry?"
Wesley Dodds: "See also, Morts."



"I guess sometimes WOOT just means WOOT."
~ fly on the wall



"Loving yourself is a beautiful thing.

Preferably the kind of love where you keep your pants on."
~ raikage



Typo Lad: "Suzannah hates the term 'Jap'. Then again, she also hates the behaviors involved in the concept

Even if she does have three Kate Spade bags.

'Jap', 'Shiksa', and 'Goy' don't get said in our house."
Michael Pullmann: "How about 'Craigslist Sugardaddy Girls?' "



"Some characters don't NEED to be redesigned."
~ mattbib on Captain America



"A world where the majority of the population is under 16?

No thank you. I'd rather not live on Planet Emo."
~ atoningunifex



"You've managed to find the intersection point between nerdy and gay."
~ Michael Pullmann



SnowTrooper: "What does that have to do with wrestling?"
Devon Campbell: "You know, I say that a lot when I'm watching Raw."

[Brian Cronin]

9-20-2006 (PART I)

"I've had a girlfriend for 8 years. We are in a deeply committed relationship. We connect on all levels and are soul mates.

So no, I don't get laid."
~ Dom Jigsaw



gary bolt: "It looks like the astronomical community has decided to call the new class of planetary bodies dwarf planets."
The Mirrorball Man: "Will there be elf planets too?"
howyadoin: "If they have hobbit planets, I'm leaving."
Ontir: "Would that make Jupiter a Balrog Planet? Uranus would HAVE to be a Balrog Planet!!!"
thehod: "After a very hot curry and a few bottles of red wine it usually is."



"I normally just set aside an hour or two a day to go back and read my past posts. That Azrael52 is just too funny."
~ Azrael52



Paul McEnery: "My personal belief is that the universe is like a sleeping dog, and every now and again, it twitches a leg and we switch from one multiverse track to another, and the only people who notice are crazy or on drugs. It would explain a few things."
Dreadstar: "That's a great idea for a book. We could call it The Lassie of Heaven."



"Go, Michigan! Now you can start firing people who drink, 'cause that's every bit as, if not more dangerous than smoking. Then you can start targeting people who eat badly, because high cholesterol and fatty foods can lead to heart problems and serious health risks. Let's see, what else?

Oh, driving! Driving is fucking dangerous. Everybody who works in Michigan should walk everywhere, especially those folks at the plants in Detroit. Set a good example for your daredevil customers. And while we're at it, the sun's pretty fucking harmful. Y'know what? Everyone should just stay inside. All the time.~ Jack Zodiac



"I'll have to put this in my Terms-I'll-Never-Use Book. How about that, it fits right between 'LOL' and 'ROTFLOL.' "
~ DonC on "Mary Sue"



Re: Lisa Loeb
stealthwise: "She's got some reality show that deals with her search for love or some such crap."
howyadoin: "She should be looking in Vancouver."
Spike-X: "You misspelled 'Australia'."



"Excuse me, sir? This toothpaste is 3.99, but as a fiscally conservative, socially liberal independent of no religious affiliation, i beleive i should get it for free!"
~ Alex



"Holy skid marks Batman!!"
~ TinMan



"I can't believe this thread has gone on for so long.

It's almost as big as Pullman's behind!"
~ Dan Apodaca



Re: AzBats
cactusmaac: "The character smells of greatness."
Jack Zodiac: "Wasn't he French? Are you sure that was greatness you smelled?"



"Next person to follow me into the bathroom asking questions is getting urine in the eyes."
~ Tadhg Adams



K'Nort: "And is it totally illegal to leave your pedometer on when you're going into the kitchen for a second slice of pie?"
Tadhg Adams: "It's fine as long as you do an extra lap around the kitchen."



"Don't make me hungry; you wouldn't like me when I'm hungry."
~ Ed Cunard



jessecuster2: "Dear Jew,

If a gentile touches a box with your kosher plates in it, are they no longer kosher ?"
Typo Lad: "Only if he smears filthy pig blood on it.

FILTHY FILTHY PIG BLOOD"
Josh S: "I'd help, but I'm covered in pig blood. And I live in Texas."
Tages: "Isn't the above statement somewhat redundant?"



"It isn't that mythology and superstition are claims about objective reality, because they aren't. They're guides to behaviour, and as such, they are objective reality in themselves."
~ Paul McEnery



"wow...you're weirder than I thought..."
~ kmeyers



"When I first saw the term 'flat daddy', my first thought was that it was an opposite counterpart to 'chubby chaser'."
~ Pól Rua



"We Are Gail Simone. Your Characters Will Be Assimilated And Improved Upon. Your Weak Backstories Will Be Embellished. You Will Service Us And Bring Sushi. Resistance Is Pointless Because You Know You Want It."
~ Larry Dixon



"We Are Gail Simone. Bitches Betta Recognize. Resistance Is Wack. Word."
~ Larry Dixon



"We Be Gail Simone. Compton Be Assimilated An' ****. Resistance Is Fo' Suckahs."
~ Larry Dixon



"Oh, and so this thread isn't entirely on-topic, I'd totally put it in Mary Marvel's butt."
~ Jack Zodiac



"Sour grapes THIS."
~ Elegance Liberty



Paul McEnery: "Beer.

Beer is always the solution."
berk: "I personally was busy solving problems all last evening."



"Why should someone settle for some photos in an album or on a computer when they can have a LIFE SIZE photo right there. LIFE SIZE! Like, as big as LIFE! Only flat. And cardboard. And unable to interact with you in any meaningful way.

But still....BIG!!!!"
~ atoningunifex



Forefinger: "I like cheese."
Pól Rua: "I like to poop.
We should form a band."



"Now paint thinner, that's a drink."
~ StoneGold



"Drink your way to health! Slim Fast tastes WAY better with some Malibu in it."
~ Mac Danny



TomStillwell: "Gail Simone coined the phrase 'Baby got back.' "
Larry Dixon: "I love that song, and I can not lie."



"I'm a big proponent of separating an artist from his work, but seriously, was Byrne's sense of basic human deceny shot off in the war or something?"
~ ducklord



"I've been as busy as a high priced whore at an electronics convention."
~ Lubichev



Kid Omega: "I like it to spank it while thinking about Ginger Spice as a bar wench, covered in filth in turn-of-the-century London.

She's all sultry and sweaty, and I give her a tuppence for a hand-hjob... from there it gets good.

'Oi, luv! Ow bit a bit of vee ol' poke n' porridge?'

Then she sticks her finger up my ass.

'Oi! Ye like 'em in ye wee arse-hole, eh?'

Then I take her from behind, over a cracker barrell, and spray my seed all in her fake red hair.

Plus a donkey punch is in there somewhere."
howyadoin: "Sheer poetry. Almost made me swoon."
Mike Smash!: "I just had it embroidered on a pillow."



"First the bartender, now this.

Call me crazy, but you could always just ask these women if they're interested in you."
~ Donald M.



"The Constitution won't magically appear to physically protect you from a face-eating **********."
~ Jack Zodiac



"I work in a PVC pipe factory. My hobbys include jacking off, going to flea markets, and playing really heavy stuff on my guitar. What the **** do I need a cedar shoe tree for?"
~ P-Man



"This must be some usage of the word 'cool' in a derogatory way I was previously unaware of. Yes, provided it's an insult, this indeed very cool. So cool it makes my eyes bleed and my pets explode."
~ Damo



"Security in one's masculinity. Key.

Look at the NFL. They smack each other on the ass constantly.

For some reason, after my associate wrote a good memo and I gave him a smack on the ass to say "good job" he looked at me a little funny. I'll confront him about it later in the shower....."
~ Ray_Rivard



Winslow: "What are you? psychic?"
Pól Rua: "Only about farts... it's the world's shittiest superpower."



"That's what I like about you. You always manage to find the silver panty lining."
~ Michael_Pullmann



"Somewhere Keith Moon is crashing the Pope Mobile into God's lake for the heck of it."
~ SUPERECWFAN1



"I can't remember the last time I watched someone squeeze their bag with such artistry."
~ Dreadstar



Mike Smash!: "Ah crap. I think I dated a girl like that once."
Alex: "We've been over this, lingering outside their window isn't dating.
And breathing heavily into a phone isn't foreplay.
It's illegal in some places."



"Unread books are like captive monkeys in an abandoned zoo."
~ Ed Cunard



"I hate PETA. Bastards threw red paint on my full-length chinchilla pimp coat."
~ Dreadstar



"Um, I just typed 'poop'."
~ i_mmmchocolate

[Brian Cronin]

9-20-2006 (PART II)

"Frankly, I miss the old days, when war profiteering was a crime to be prosecuted instead of a business model to be trumpeted as good government policy."
~ Noah Johnson



"Some people need to be reminded that Christ carried a cross, not a goalpoast."
~ Ed Cunard



"I'm sorry I didn't phrase it in fluffy bunny language, but my point stands."
~ Typo Lad



"I studied a broad in college. Lots of em, actually."
~ HomerJay



"I used to watch Alley McBeal."
~ Forefinger



"Excessively stylish! I won't drink anything that isn't served in half of a faberge egg!"
~ Jack Zodiac



i_mmmchocolate: "Michael's fat ass fills those jeans so nicely!"
Michael Pullmann: "Thanks, Lena. I based it off of what you do. Of course, I have to scale it down a bit."



"Ah, revenge! Just as tasty as a good steak!"
~ Carlton Donaghe



"Heed the words of Negrodamus."
~ C.O. Jones



"You're not the guy in his 70s who always reeks of gin and hangs around my workplace when I get out about 1 a.m., only to say (every day), 'Hey baby, I'm only old outside of my pants!'

THAT'S creepy.

And every day I have to say, 'HomerJay, go home to your wife and kids. And stop drinking so much gin.' "
~ phoenixrising



i_mmmchocolate: "So this 17 year old Orthodox Jewish boy has a crush on me."
ragnarok_2012: "i_mmmjailbait!"

[Brian Cronin]

10-25-2006

"I'm not infallible. I just act like it."
~ Cei-U!



howyadoin: "There were 4 guys with shovels, but only two of them were shovelling, and they took turns."
Typo Lad: "Just like at one of Jeffrey's parties."



"What type of person does it make me to be ecstatic about being included in here?

Hmm, maybe I'll ask my therapist this afternoon."
~ Azrael52



"Weird and sad? You married me sweetheart, who's the weird one now?"
~ thehod



"I'd replace Reagan with Carter. Or Kennedy. Or Kermit the Frog. ****, I'd consider Gonzo over Bonzo."
~ Noah Johnson



"Ed double-majored in redundancy."
~ Dreadstar



Brian Cronin: "The Comics Should Be Good forum is only for threads about how awesome I am."
Ed Cunard: "So that's why it's so dead."



"I'm not high right now, but I am pretty mighty."
~ Dan Apodaca



"I was deadly serious when I said the Quesadidioists would be the end of us all--goddamn pervert-suit loving cape-fetishists, those ones. I asked one if he had any Clowes, and he was all like 'what do you think I'm wearing, dipshit?' "
~ Ed Cunard



Tadhg Adams: "Us moral absolutists should form a club."
K'Nort: "And beat people with it!"



"I didn't think this was the Redbook version of being a 21st century man."
~ Davideaux



"Than you, Burger King! You can sneak into my house at six in the morning and wake me up with your frighteningly gigantic head any time!"
~ Jack Zodiac



"HELLZ YEAH! Give it up for the HORSE MAN! Any of you want some of dis??? FURRIES RULZ!"
~ Spackling Compound



jessecuster2: "Do you have anything at all in common with your wife Ed ?"
Michael Pullmann: "They both have vaginas."



"I usually have to make a trip to the bathroom soon after eating anything that I don't eat regularly. It doesn't even have to be anything exotic. I'm sensitive."
~ Forefinger



"Larry Dixon can slam a revolving door."
~ TomStillwell



"Doktor Johann Schmidt still needs someone to hold his wine spittoon."
~ Tadhg Adams



EdContradictory: "You know that day each year back in highschool when you got your yearbook and ran around getting people to sign it?

That's what MySpace is... but it never ends."
amboy00: "Hey sexy, have a great summer!

94 4 EVA!"



"The attempt to child-proof the world is a fool's errand. It's much more practical to world-proof your child."
~ Ogdred



"Fire-Crotch powers UNITE!"
~ Mac Danny


Sean Whitmore: "Seriously. Do you want the terrorists to win?"
Bored at 3:00AM: "Everytime a GL debate breaks out on the internet, Osama Bin Laden gets his wings."



"Come on, Jeff. Violently raping an innocent secondary character with a formerly laughable second banana villain, mindwiping Batman against his will, and bringing a flamethrower when you're just trying to scare somebody but somehow it proves convenient when you need to dispose of a dead body you created by enlarging to normal size after traveling through the phone wires and slipping into someone's ear?

What's crappy about that? It's inspired writing."
~ Ray_Rivard



"If I try real hard, I can count to potato."
~ Forefinger



Patient Boy: "Wasn't there somebody awhile back who was convinced that the US government was going to ban religion in the next fifty years, but arguing from the opposite point of view (ie, that banning religion was a bad thing)?"
Jerry Kraut: "That's a very popular theory with the tin hat crowd."



"Gambit's costume should never be confused with 'great'.
It is the ass sandwich of superhero costumes."
~ Pól Rua



"The human heart is irrational, my love. On Vulcan, you have been taught logic, and reason.

Let me show our earthly ways of passion, and madness, and frivolous nothings whispered on a moonlit night.

I will narrate our romance endlessly, and full of needless exposition, if that would make it more.... enticing for you."
~ Kid Omega



"A good cheesesteak is like a french kiss from Jesus' hot older sister."
~ Gingold



Tommy: "On my Myspace Friends I have: eleven cam whores"
Screwtape: "I read this post and honestly thought, "Elven cam whores? I've never even SEEN that website."

And I was a little excited, I'll be honest."



"I do wear the beret at a jaunty angle, though. I need to maintain some street cred."
~ Ray_Rivard



"I'd love to be her next unsatisfying sexual experience."
~ Deathstroke



jessecuster2: "Someone give me some post-dinner date ideas, I am feeling decidedly un-creative?"
TinMan: "I'd say ravage the juicy love box, but that's just me."



"Who doesn't remember the day when Harbinger #1 came out?

I know do.

I was at the comic book store... and I bought something other then Harbinger #1."
~ the film freak



"When I was 9 years old my Aunt Maris took me, my brother Matt and her kid David to see Elvis.

This was in Florida in 1972 and Elvis was way into his Captain Marvel Jr stage."
~ rick



Norrin Radd: "So all of a sudden Claremont sucks.

Got it."
Joe Rice: "It's not so sudden."



"Boize moi! By the goddess, mein freund, if you weren't mon ami, I'd have to use the focused totality of my power on you, sugah."
~ Dan Apodaca



"People aren't dismissing your POV because they don't like it. They're dismissing it because it's bullshit."
~ JeffreyWKramer



"The Golden Age is 12. And everyone is 12 at some point."
~ Michael Pullmann



Tadhg Adams: "Is that Winick or Johns?"
K'Nort: "I really can't tell them apart."
Tadhg Adams: "If a bunch of characters turn out to be gay, it's Winick. If it spends 12 pages explaining why Green Arrow shot his bow with the wrong hand in an issue 20 years ago, it's Johns."



"Speaking of the internet, the use of "pwned" is an instant indicator that you're a fucking loser."
~ Dan Apodaca



Kid Omega: "It's funny how the "please let's us all be friends" guys are often the worst when they get angry....

The turn from "hugzz!!!" to "I FUCKING HATE YOU JUST GO DIE!!!!" is quick and scary sometimes...."
Dreadstar: "It's the hypoglycemia. I can't help myself."



"You haven't lived until you've watched gay porn with your grandfather."
~ Jack Zodiac



"what's this? a woman who has never found Pitt attractive? i must have found myself in an alternate reality. THE MACHINE WORKS!!"
~ Stellar



Frodo-X: "Wow. And people in America complain that the government is in the bedroom.

Canada's government is in your pants."
Deathstroke: "Please, the Republican government has been up our ass for years."

[Brian Cronin]

12-8-2006 (PART I)

"If we give a specific reason, you guys just find a way to go around it

'I like older men' - you dye your hair gray

'I'm not ready for a relationship' - you just wait and ask again tomorrow

'My boyfriend's better looking' - Next thing you know, he's disfigured in a freak mailtruck accident

'I don't like guys with two arms' - and an arm's gone

You can't be trusted with anything concrete."
~ phoenixrising



Michael Pullmann: "You don't kick pretentious twats in the balls."
Gilda Dent: "This would likely be quite an excercise in frustration."



"I'm a rebel without a cause, or effect for that matter."
~ Jack Zodiac



Typo Lad: "Thing is, Leifeld's work does have energy. It appeals to some people. I can buy that."
Paradox: "True, but there's more than one kind of energy. Kirby's work is more like an athlete's energy. Rob's is more like a seizure."



"I think I'll change my handle to "PoshSpiceGuy" and stalk her. I could totally kick David Beckham's arse... at Scrabble."
~ Valmore



"So, to recap folks, I think sex is a race through a maze, Howy thinks vaginas are hamburgers, and Kramer thinks sex is a museum/petting zoo with an awesome gift shop."
~ Jack Zodiac



"In terms of technical craftsmanship, Rob Liefeld is to Jack Kirby as a 7-year-old building a couch cushion fort in their living room is to I. M. Pei. In terms of storytelling, Rob is to Jack as a department store security camera is to Orson f'ing Welles."
~ Cei-U!



Sean Whitmore: "It sucked. Tasted like liquid ass peed out onto an ass full of pee."
the film freak: "I'm just amazed you know what ass pee tasted like in the first place.

What kind of clubs do you hang out at?"
Sean Whitmore: "Randy Papamopoulis' Pepsi Vanilla and Ass-Pee Emporium.

Yeah, I don't know why I keep going back there either."



"I thought DC was doing fine before Identity Violation Crisis of 52 Dead Booster Golds."
~ Hoss



"That joke is stretched more than Reed Richards."
~ Michael Pullmann



Gilda Dent: "Isn't this just typical CBR. Start a thread about a sexual matter and it quickly devolves into a discussion of theological philosophy."
Sanagi: "Well, sure, who's more interested in sex than internet nerds and priests?"



"I'm not a redneck Southerner and I ain't no clueless Yankee.

I'm an Appalachian hillbilly and don't you forget it!"
~ Joe Rice



"I'm approaching my ten year anniversary of arguing with other nerds here about Batman. I plan on celeberating by spending the night alone with a bottle of bourbon and then shooting myself in the head. After I argue with someone about Batman."
~ the film freak



Dom Jigsaw: "I'd rather bill clients for the time I post than actually do work for their financial gain."
Clint Barton: "Ever thought of going into politics?"



"Hey, we're not judging her for voter fraud, just for being ugly, unlikeable, anorexic, and a man."
~ Michael Pullmann on Ann Coulter



"So premature ejaculation is a good thing, not a bad thing, and exactly what women deserve."
~ fly on the wall



"You've out-vocabularied me."
~ StoneGold



Royal: "How do you feel about free weights, Gilda?"
Gilda Dent: "It's probably better than paying for them."



"I propose flying a crop duster over major metropolitan areas and hurling sacks of comics out of the cockpit."
~ Jack Zodiac



"When a Human marries a Cylon, is it rude to give them a toaster?"
~ Ontir



Jeff Brady: "Goddamn, how can people be so mind-numbingly ignorant?"
Brian Cronin: "Same way you get to Carnegie Hall!

Practice, practice, practice!!"



"I'm beginning to think that all the newer posters at CBR are one single person. Either that or our educational system is really and truly in the shitter."
~ Dreadstar



"That sounds like the bravado of the newly-pubed."
~ Ed Cunard



"Eating what's usually burried in the garden = healthy food. Carrots, Potatoes, moles, they're all good."
~ The Fury



Dom Jigsaw: "Are you sure you aren't an accountant?"
Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "Pretty sure. I mean, I'm not wearing brown socks with black shoes, so no, I don't think so."



"Seventy years down the line, bad children will be sent to bed for sleepless nights filled with worry that the Eye Warrior will come in the night and eat their corneas."
~ Ed Cunard



"My girlfriend always picks up my comics for me.

And she has sex with me.

And she has all her own teeth!

Wow, I'm sorry for all the bragging...."
~ Dom Jigsaw



"When he was little, Greg Land's mama caught him in the bathroom with a roll of tracing paper."
~ Ed Cunard



"Rum mixes well with almost anything except for common sense."
~ Jared_Humpherys



howyadoin: "I was being metatextual or something."
Paradox: "Sorry. Guess no one sent me the meme."



"Why do you have to pick on people's spelling all the time? It's not their fault they don't have the same level of education as you do, and that everything they learned in school fell out of their heads as soon as they finished."
~ Spike-X



"Cronin falls asleep to the tune of heavy breathing on the speaker phone."
~ Smoogis



"I love you Brian Cronin. There will be something extra in your tribute envelope this month."
~ Beast



coke & comics: "I can tell the difference between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter"
Ryan Kirk: "I Can't Believe Its Not Butter talks.

Wait.

That was Parkay."



"Gross! I hate sodomite. I don't know how the Aussies eat that crap."
~ Mike Smash!



"I just didn't want to make anyone nervous, and thinking that I'm just going to start banning posters just because their posts are dumb.

So rest easy, Cunard."
~ Brian Cronin



JeffreyWKramer: "So, what qualifies as good porn or bad porn for you?"
Jack Zodiac: "For a woman, I'm betting 'good' usually means the chicks eyes don't get glued shut in the end. Also, no horses."



"There once was a poster named Morna
Who answered my thread with much scorn-a
Her joke crossed some threads
And puzzled some heads
But at least it didn't have porn-a."
~ Fenris



"Do you hear the people sing? Singing a song of angry men! It is the music of a people who will not be slaves again. When the beating of your heart echoes the beating of the drum it is a life about to start when tomorrow comes!"
~ Valmore



"Hey guys, who wants to see the Golden Gate Bridge Sponsered by Vagisil?"
~ EZMOHR



Gilda Dent: "I apologize for having a username that's an anagram for Tangled Id."
Dreadstar: "Oooo! Let me play!

Lessee...

Sad Retard.


Crap."



"Actually, I get annoyed with my own long assed posts sometimes."
~ Nikita



"I know less about Internet Explorer than Trix knows about good television."
~ Brian Cronin



"Wow. The orchestra is a lot better if you drink beforehand."
~ Gingold



"But not to fear, there are easy ways of recreating the 'Bud experience': 1) take two thirds of a pint of Stella, 2) add one third of a pint of tap water, 3) mix, 4) have eight more of those. There you go!"
~ Drew Van T.



"Tell your mom not to put so much sugar in your sack lunch next time."
~ Jonathan Bogart



"In a sense there could be varying opinions on this. Both those who agree with me and those whose opinions are wrong."
~ coke & comics



"Hopefully me and Cronin will get as trashed as we got Monday night after the Knicks game. That boy can moderate the hell out of some beer!"
~ Punchy



Merey: "My apartment smells so good right now. Apple, cinnamon, pumpkin and chocolate. Yes, kind of an odd combo..but, yum!"
Jeff Brady: "It's like you've got a Jeff-Signal lighting up the sky."



"Slash posts are fun/lame. I should do them more often/never again."
~ Jack Zodiac

[Brian Cronin]

12-8-2006 (PART II)

Michael Pullmann: "My ultimate goal in life is to leave a trail of crying, pregnant women across the multiverse."
jessecuster123: "When this never happens, remember it's because you use words like multiverse."



"I'm definitely not a shopper, especially around Christmastime. I just like to run in there, get what I need, and get out as fast as possible.

...Just like sex."
~ J. Robb



"Can God make a hat so big even He can't wear it?"
~ TomStillwell



coke & comics: "I am constantly made fun of for my inability to get 'bear' and 'beer' right."
Paul McEnery: "That's the last time I send you to the corner store.

And that's not what I meant by a packet of fags, either."



"When we hate, we hate with style."
~ Royal



coke & comics: "I suspect you and I use a pillow for two very different things."
Sean Whitmore: "Hell, some nights I use it for three or four different things.

Don't judge me. I can't live the mild, buttoned-down life the rest of you lead."



priestvyrce: "Are male ballerinas called ballerinos?

The french danseur is correct, or the all inclusive 'balletomane'"
Cam63: "I think they're just called ballet dancers."
Spike-X: "Or, in Australia, 'poofters'."



"Thanks to your article, I feel vindicated on the most ridiculous argument I've ever made on this board. Vindicated by People magazine, no less. I have now reached the absolute basement of existence."
~ Ray_Rivard



"I sat through a calculus class for about a week, so I'm an expert. There are much worse songs that create stress on the hypotenuse of good music's arch."
~ kmeyers



Typo Lad: "So with all the Dar info posted, what does every one else think?"
Pól Rua: "Munkies.
Poop.
Boobs.

The usual.

...

Oh, think about HER? Sorry... wasn't paying attention..."



"I used to have very pretty, charming friends.

Now I have you people."
~ Ed Cunard

[Brian Cronin]

1-31-2007 (PART I)

"That's almost as good as his 'cumshot Sue Storm' from Ultimate Whateverthefuck, Just Give Us More Money."
~ Jack Zodiac



"I never fully realised just how cold it can get in New York until this morning when I left my bedroom window open and it was as cold as Ann Coulter's vagina in there at 4 am."
~ TheTen-EyedMan



"Aeiiiiieee! The bearded hurl sharp things!"
~ Cayman



"Nothing snaps me out of a bad mood faster than a chainsaw-gun or a fat ass."
~ Xero Kaiser



"We live in a world that's telling us everyone is having a great time, and there's something wrong with you if you're not.

Thankfully, Nick Cave is always having a worse time than you."
~ Paul McEnery



"Marty the Dancing Bear, everybody. Let's give him a big round of applause.

Next up, a woman who can swallow her own eyelids!"
~ Agent Helix



"Justice shouldn't smell funny."
~ Cam63



"You think we don't know movies? I think you don't know assholes."
~ coke & comics



"If you do go to a strip club and when you walk in you ask where the pizza buffet is because you definitely smell anchovy pizza but the waitress tells you that they don't have a pizza buffet?

Forget the drink minimum and find another strip club."
~ Dreadstar



"If you eat meat, you're raping your grandchildren. And causing a nuclear holocaust. And ensuring all music will sound exactly like "I'm Too Sexy." And supporting genocide. And killing comics."
~ Ed Cunard



"Hello, is it Ga-il? Thankz for the wel-come.

I liked your work on Youngblood and hope that you collaborate with Chuck Liefled more often.

Please autographs for me?"
~ stealthwise



i_mmmchocolate: "I love the 70 degree weather, but I hope it does snow here. I would like to use the new toboggan."
Maniacle Mike: "I guess if you're going to have to live with something evil, you may as well enjoy it. I hear married people say that all the time."



"No longer will the trolls have free rain to cherry pick pot shots on the Rick Olney party train. Drinks are being served and I'm the bartender. Bottoms up!"
~ TomStillwell



"Nothing like a little cock sauce to spice things up."
~ Paul McEnery



"'Scmuck' is the sound Rick makes when he gets up off a chair."
~ Cam63



"Never kick a cow chip on a hot day."
~ Slam_Bradley



Agent Helix: "What the effing eff is going on? I'm so confused."
Ed Cunard: "Some people are bitching about CBR. Dread and I are making fun of each other. Typo's evidently on some kind of iPorn spree. Royal is shooting a potato gun."



"New woman eh ? Did you get a new air pump too ?"
~ jessecuster3



"Look, when I watch granny squid porn, I expect to see some full-on tentacle action. I don't care about the squid's motivation."
~ Agent Helix



"Just because a movie is meant to be fun doesnt mean that it has to suck."
~ CaptainAwesome



Mike Smash!: "What is the name of Picard's fish?"
Michael Pullmann: "Livingstone.

There, that oughta jinx me for tonight."



"Equilibrium=boobs"
~ coke & comics



Dan Apodaca: "Fucking Car!!!
"
Agent Helix: "
"Screw you too, Daniel.""



"If you take a rolling suitcase full of crap you want to get signed, the longest line at the con will be the one to kick you in the balls."
~ DonC



"There are many ways to improve Superman Returns.

Like taping over it."
~ Constantine Drakon



StoneGold: "Ye gods, this chocolate rugelach my sister sent me is sooooo sweet and juicy! It's like taking a moneyshot from Jesus!


And by Jesus, I mean the deity, not professional boxer Jesus Chavez."
nervmeister: "Not surprising. All German desserts are deliciously sexy."
Sean Whitmore: "Whereas all Mexican pugilists are, sadly, not."



"These donuts are dripping with delicious racism and intolerance!"
~ Jack Zodiac



howyadoin: "The Oscars are a joke."
Sir Tim Drake: "I take exception to this comparison-- it's an insult to jokes."

[Brian Cronin]

1-31-2007 (PART II)

"I have the supersecret original script to "Fantastic Four" right here.



Reed Richards: "Doom is such a jerk."

Victor von Doom: "I'm such a jerk."

Sue Storm: "I'm dating a jerk for reasons that are never made clear or, for that matter, plausible."

Ben Grimm: "What's implausible is you, darling, playing a scientist."

Sue: "Oh! I broke a nail!"

Johnny Storm: "Look at how wacky and crazy I am! Woohoo!"

Richards: "It's ten minutes into the movie. That's enough background. Now, we're on the space station and...look! We're about to be hit with cosmic radiation! Strike a pose, everyone!"

*They are back on Earth with no explanation*

Reed, Sue and Ben: "We have powers and are miserable. Mope, mope, mope."

Johnny: "I, somehow, can get a helicopter to get to the top of the nearby ski area. Oh, look." *accident*

Doom: "I'm still such a jerk."

Richards: "I'm not buying you as a megalomaniac."

Doom: "Nonsense. Oh! I broke a nail!"

Johnny: "Is this guy going to kill us or pick out our wallpaper? Hey, where's Ben?"

Ben: "I am the mopiest. Oh well, this clumsily contrived and derivative ACTION SEQUENCE will make me feel better."

*Cars crash and EVIL, BLOODSUCKING REPORTERS show up, since action movies are never allowed to show reporters in a positive light*

Reporter: "Hey, superheroes! What do you plan on doing now?"

Reed, Sue and Ben: "Leave us alone, we have moping to catch up on. When we're done with that we might find a cure."

Johnny: "Screw that! Chicks and thrills! Woohoo!"

Ben: "Are you such a two-dimensional caricature of a person that you have to conform to these lame archetypes? You're like a 60-year-old screenwriter's idea of a whacky twentysomething daredevil."

Johnny: "Uh...woohoo?"

Reed: "Quiet, it's time for another awkward moment between Sue and I."

Sue: "Yes. Enough of these awkward moments and I might accept a marriage proposal from you."

Reed: "Really?"

Sue: "Hah, just kidding! Real relationships don't work like that. It'd be like some lazy writer's copout to avoid giving us any real character development that might take attention away from the special effects."

Reed: "Uh...OK?"

Doom: "Right now, the audience finds me about as threatening as a pediatrist in an IKEA parking lot wearing an angora sweater. So, as I cannot be bothered to do anything actually cool or devious, I will randomly murder an unimportant character."

Unimportant character: "I am dead!" *dies*

Doom: "That was fun. Now to do it again. Since I am an obvious rip-off of Norman Osborne from the first 'Spider-Man' movie, I will now murder another unimportant character, strangely similar to a scene also from that movie."

Unimportant Character 2: "Ow, my everything!"

Doom: "Now to drive a wedge between Ben Grimm and Reed Richards."

*Later, in a restaurant*

Doom: "It must be terrible for you. At least the others can go out in public."

Ben: "We're in a 24-hour restaurant sitting next to a window that can be viewed from the sidewalk. We're in public right now."

Doom: "Right. But let's pretend we're not."

Ben: "Damn you, Reed!"

*Ben and Reed fight, Ben stomps off in a huff*

Doom: "Wanna' be normal again?"

Ben: "I can't see why a guy who's been treating me for the past few months like the least pleasant of pimples on his backside wouldn't be trustworthy, and you should have no familiarity with the equipment at all unless you've been spying on us, but OK."

*Doom changes Ben back*

Doom: "Sucker!" *punches Ben, goes off to kill the other three*

*Ben dusts himself off*

Ben: "What have I done?"

*Ben changes himself back*

Ben: "Wait a minute, I'm not a scientist, how the hell did I operate that complicated bit of machinery designed by one of the world's foremost scientific geniuses?"

Screenwriter, holding up a giant Lotto-size check: "Uh...magic little elves?"

Ben: "Good enough for me. It's clobberin' time!"

*The Four beat Doom in an underwhelming and completely lame action sequence, compared to the operatic battles between good and evil in "Spider-Man 2" and "Batman Begins"*

Ben: "Since we are running out of screen time, now I love everyone again, my angst and bitter disappointment now having magically vanished."

Reed: "Marry me, Sue."

Sue: "OK. It'll be a fun way to spend half an hour."

Johnny: "I'm the only character who didn't grow or change in any way at all! Woohoo!"

THE END"

~ Tages

[Brian Cronin]

1-31-2007 (PART III)

"Are you watching Plushie rape pornos? Oh wow, I love that stuff. I keep a vibrating stuffed unicorn under my desk"
~ Typo Lad



"I wanna' know where all these crazy nympho librarians I see in pornos are hiding. They're like leprechauns, except instead of gold, there's a vagina at the end of the rainbow."
~ Jack Zodiac



"Trying to think straight right now is like to trying to shoot an apple from a bear's mouth with an arrow. While drunk."
~ stealthwise



coke & comics: "I think the 'I'll buy you a hot dog' is what gives it away"
howyadoin: "I thought that was a very nice sentiment."
coke & comics: "I guess I'm not the hopeless romantic you are."



"I rhyme with tyre
And cause pollution
I think you'll find
It's the best solution

What Am I?"
~ Pól Rua



jessecuster3: "Forget Vegas, we can go to Indiana."
HomerJay: "I know all those words, but that phrase makes no sense to me."



"I'm torn between two aspects of my nature. On the one hand, "hey, bare vagina jokes!" On the other, "well, yes, hardwood floors do tend to be more aesthetically pleasing and increase the value of a home, but I also see the homey, warm bonus points of having wall-to-wall carpeting, particularly in bedrooms and family rooms.'"
~ Ed Cunard



"There will be no olive branch unless you accept a flogging from it."
~ Dreadstar



"Oh sweetie. You like Superman Returns and don't get music.

You can stop pretending to be a boy now."
~ Paul McEnery



"Penises get in the way of more good television watching.

That's why I keep mine in a glass case on the mantle and only take it out when there are reruns."
~ Sean Whitmore



"Friggin' Readers! Always reading stuff!
It's like illiteracy's too good for those fuckers!"
~ Pól Rua



"There's always someone with a younger, larger, blacker cock waiting to replace you."
~ StoneGold



"Sweet, sweet chloroform. Is there any problem it can't solve?"
~ Gingold



Da Apodaca: "You're such a stalker."
i_mmmchocolate: "I'm stabbing my Dan voodoo doll in the eyes right now."
Da Apodaca: "I can still see your shame!"




"I know a lot of female lawyers who have put their careers first and now find themselves single and deep into their 30s.

Every single one of them is suffering from Seed Lust.

I have to wear 3 belts to keep my pants on."
~ Lone Ranger



"Man of steel, tissue of Kleenex."
~ Joe Rice



"When I was a 5 or 6 year old - I used to play with my Star Wars figures in the bath. We had a drain with a pretty big opening.

Years later when my parents renovated their bathroom, they discovered an ultra rare 'Yellow Stormtrooper'."
~ Lone Ranger again



"No way in hell I'm waiting 30 minutes for a burger unless it comes with a free side-order of blowjob."
~ HomerJay



"I appreciate DC giving me the occasional signal that I can keep saving my money for video games."
~ Sanagi



"after i told them to **** off, they saw my side of it."
~ kmeyers



"Philadelphia is as cold as a witch's clit right now."
~ Gingold



Lone Ranger: "As I walked home last night (it was zero farenheit and windy as all hell) a guy jogged by me.

I just hope he was running to his psychiatrist."
Ed Cunard: "I used to be a cross-country runner. Now I'm a smoker. I like that better."



"So, I spend part of my morning playing "What's under the blanket?" then switch to arguing time travel logistics.

I think I may have blown my brain's transmission by shifting mental gears so harshly."
~ Gilda Dent



"My wife may be a horrible person that is making me go through utter ****, but at least she's not a Bears fan."
~ Ed Cunard



Spike-X: "Hi Jaye!!

I'm using Linux!"
Jaye: "Hi Spike!!

Does his blanket get in the way?"
Spike-X: "No, it simply provides an extra layer of security."



"For penance you must say 20 'Hail Odin's and a 'Shazam'."
~ Sean Whitmore



"I'm just a drunken critic with an awesome opinion."
~ kmeyers



"Let's see, I can side with the living legend of World War II and human embodiment of American ideals or I can side with the alcoholic, the wifebeater with multiple personality disorder and the guy who once lobotomised his own son."
~ Iangould


"Fuckin' Jack. I'd hate the guy, but his name reminds me of whiskey."
~ coke & comics



"I can't remember how many times Jean Grey has risen from the water screaming 'X-men, I am no longer the woman you once knew.' Of course not dear, who are you this week then?"
~ thehod



"You just need to embrace your inner *******. It's like embracing your inner twelve-year-old, but you don't get erections from crappy STAR WARS prequels."
~ Ed Cunard



"Adequate. The bar where mediocre, unambitious and satisfactory have running tabs."
~ Athena Bast



"Wow, it's like choosing between vomiting or defecating into your own hand and then giving it to your high school sweetheart.

On her/his birthday.

Neither option is really that gratifying, but they're both still better than buying Civil War or Infinite Crisis, because you had to pay out some hard-earned cash for those."
~ stealthwise



"Seriously, how awesome would it be if they remade Star Wars to be more "modern and edgy".

Instead of saying 'Luke, I am your Father.' Vader could say 'Luke, I totally fucked your mom.'"
~ Typo Lad



"Nothing says superhero like...

The ability to make a series poorly informed comments on the objective nature of critiquing art."
~ Gene Marsh



"You cannot ascend to the ethereal heights of transcendental affect without scaling the base rocks of common technique."
~ thespianphryne



Winslow: "In the office next to me, our marketing assistant said rgb format.

I could have sworn she said 'Orgy B Format' until I thought about it for a few seconds."
Tadgh Adams: "I'm kind of scared how you'd mishear CMYK format."



"I drank milk in a bar the other night, except it wasn't so much milk as it was bourbon, and not so much a bar as it was my room.

Also, it was ten minutes ago.

And there was crying involved."
~ Tages



"Blah blah blah Greg Land blah blah hack blah trace blah blah draw blah blah boobs.

EDIT: Blah blah Olney blah rat-bastard blah blah Meltzer blah blah rape blah blah Crisis blah Civil War blah blah poop."
~ HomerJay



"Lightboxing makes ethics obsolete!"
~ kmeyers



Tadgh Adams: "Are you there Shazam? It's me, Mary"
Michael Pullmann: "Yeah, I did that joke on, like, the first page."
Tadgh Adams: "Just pretend that I'm Greg Land and your post was the SI: Swimsuit cover."



"You and yer fancy new drugs. Jose Cuervo is far cheaper."
~ Dreadstar



"When Geoff Johns sings it, he modifies it as follows

Superman or Green Lantern ain't got a-nothin' on me,
well that's not true for it's Hal Jordan because he's F'ING COOL!
But if it's another Green Lantern, then he ain't got a-nothin' on me,
and, um, I'm just wild about Saffron...what am I singing again?"
~ Cayman



"If you mean by ROCKS an old granny swaying back and forwards in her chair while her crocheted socks bunch around her ankles, sure, Genesis ROCKS."
~ Paul McEnery

[Brian Cronin]

3-7-2007 (PART I)

"Vegetarianism is nothing more than an immoral lifestyle choice that vegetarians are constantly trying to shove down our throats with their public displays of salad eating, openly advertising tofu, and even showing people on TV and in magazines actually engaged in this deviant consumption. I mean, hey what they eat in their own homes is fine with me, but in public they should show a little respect and at least have a corn dog once in a while."
~ Gilda Dent



"Is there any superhero team from Marvel or DC with a freakier sexual history than the Avengers? Jarvis must scrub the place down with unstable pennicilin or something."
~ StoneGold



"You're from Wisconsin. They add the word 'cheese' to the Pledge of Allegiance."
~ Ray_Rivard



"Necro plant sex? Is that like when I was a fatass and couldn't get any action to save my life and stuck it in avocados?

I mean, like Catman was a fatass. Yes, Catman."
~ Fabian



"Pig is my favourite dead thing.
Pig and Boston Brand."
~ Pól Rua



"I think I've finally managed to classify the ultimate example of the comic nerd: someone who goes into conniption fits when a female character gets laid."
~ StoneGold



Fabian: "Sweet Highfather! Can you imagine the porn you can get on a motherbox?"
StoneGold: "I generally try to hide my porn from my motherbox. That's a bad combination.

On the other hand, you could probably steal porn from your fatherbox."



"Art isn't art without the fear of heart crushing rejection."
~ Gene Marsh



"I'll bet I'm more modest than you are. And less competitive."
~ Gilda Dent



coke & comics: "Good morning, CBR. I'd love to stay and chat, but I think I will actually go to school and do things today instead."
Winslow: "Ever since we linked responsibility to manhood, you've been acting differently."



"I was using the nerd definition of pretentious.

pre·ten·tious
–adjective
1. full of pretense or pretension.
2. characterized by assumption of dignity or importance.
3. making an exaggerated outward show; ostentatious
4. Nerd usage. There are no superheroes. There are big words. It's structured very well. I don't understand it. I hate it."
~ Ed Cunard



"Young, dumb, and full a cum! That's the Cap A I love."
~ Kid Omega



howyadoin: "This thread ain't gettin' to 5,000 by itself, fuckers."
StoneGold: "Yeah, but if we were actually fuckers, we'd be doing something more interesting than posting here."
coke & comics: "Has anybody tried doing both?

'Hang on baby, howy's got something to say about Civil War.'"



"Jesus Howie, doesn't anyone just eat pussy anymore??????"
~ rick



phoenixrising: "Usually, I feel like I'm the least porn-like person ever."
Mac Danny: "I know what you mean.

I've never had a landlord try to waive my rent for sex.

I've never had any kind of repair or delivery person try to have sex with me.

I've never been taken into space by aliens to show them how to love.

And I've never had sex with someone to steal evidence from a poorly plotted mystery."



"I wasn't allowed to own any toys until I was seven after I made my Sesame Street characters have an orgy on my Lego Moon Base."
~ Jack Zodiac



"Ground control to Major Tom Ground control to Major Tom:
Clear your PM box and put your mod-hat on
Ground control to Major Tom: Commencing freak out engine's on
Check out this corny thread so I can PM you"
~ Ed Cunard



"I'm not a big Prince fan, but the man is enormously talented. Not only an incredible songwriter, but a consumate performer and a great guitarist. On sheer talent he has Elvis kicked to the curb.

Though he gets points off for dressing like the pancake lady."
~ Slam_Bradley



"If you're participating in some kind of alienation contest, you're winning."
~ Michael Pullmann



"AARCH! This place is so fonfusing most of the time for thinking people, but I think I understand it now thank you for explaining instead of being a JUDGEMENTALY PERSON sk77677!

PS TO BASH FORUM: I just got my internet working right again bash forum and I am NOT j-bolt because I have no ability to draw unlike j-bolt who does, which means we are not the same person! ALSO FIY real life is not like comic books and two people cannot be one person. When firestormer the nucleus man has two men turn into one man with his head on fire, that does not mean that two men can touch each other and turn into one man with their head on fire in real life. PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCE: If you see someone with their head on fire it is not because they are two people fused into one, it means that their head is on fire! So please get help for them!

Anyway I am not J-bolt and do not touch men or set my head on fire."
~ Dwight R. Vlahos



TomStillwell: "You bringing sexy back, then?"
hellokittykat: "It's better than bringing hairy back!"



"Stretches of weather like this make me want to skull-**** a snowman."
~ Ed Cunard



"Let he who is without nerdiness cast the first wedgie."
~ Bouncing Boy



"Oh. God. I offered to buy Howy a drink in the internet dating thread.

I really need to learn good context and timing."
~ PatrickG



"If it comes to it, I would kick Agent Helix's ass*.

*at Nintendo"
~ Matt Algren



"Mate, if you need to have a wank, have a wank. No need to beat yourself up over it.

Er...so to speak."
~ Spike-X



Iangould: "Every thread doesn't have to be an argument."
Fenris: "Evidence suggests otherwise."



"I know someone who actually says, 'I heart that' in conversation. I don't heart that. Frowny-face."
~ sehthan



Dan Apodaca: "Women have also been wearing pantyhose for a few generations now."
Tages: "Damn your Jewish lies!"



"Thank you for your encouragement Coke.

May I call you 'Coke'?

Do you prefer 'Mr. & Comics'?"
~ Donald M.



"His bumps,
his bumps,
his lovely warty bumps.
Check it out."
~ Ed Cunard



"Man, I'm just having a completely angrifying day that even the appearance of Mogo the Green Lantern that's a whole planet doesn't much improve."
~ Paul McEnery



"I broke up with Superman today."
~ Merey



Pól Rua: "I hate porn."
coke & comics: "That's not an addiction! Let's discuss whether this should be discussed."
Pól Rua: "Of course it should!
Porn fills me with discussed!"



"We Brits have had a pretty good history of bad boy musicians. Mick Jagger, Ozzy, Johnny Rotten, the Gallagher brothers et al, and if Robbie Williams is being included in with this crowd on the basis that he drinks too much red bull, then it's a sad day indeed."
~ thehod



"Sure Britney isn't talented, at all, but it seems that she's definitely going through a crazy patch herself and I think that she probably shaved her head for similar reasons, to set herself apart from the crowd and from her former self. Wow, I've thought about this way more than it probably deserves."
~ TheBatman



Winslow: "The best coffee I've ever had was at the Hershey Hotel in Hershey, PA."
howyadoin: "What road is that on?"
Gingold: "I couldn't tell you. The only time I was there, I went in through the back door."



"Same here. I've been working like nuts and my boss is in meetings all morning which is the only reason I'm here now.

Not to mention the crazy weekend I had:
- I checked into rehab then checked out after 24 hours.
- Shaved my head and got a few new tattoos.
Goddamn paparazzi won't leave me alone."
~ HomerJay



"Show us your stuff, and by that I mean your artwork, and not your genitals."
~ kmeyers



"I am a [Warren Ellis hyperbole] of hate."
~ Pól Rua



"Burger juice makes the mouth happy."
~ mgs



"Snobbery is as intrinsic to elitism as drinking is to driving a tree into a car."
~ stealthwise



"Das has no interest in your nakedness being rubbed in her face.

Hey, something she has in common with your wife!"
~ Typo Lad



"Ok, I'm more and more convinced that Cronin is a robot. I've seen several photos of him, but they all look the same. His beard is mesmerizing.

What was I talking about?"
~ kmeyers

[Brian Cronin]

3-7-2007 (PART II)

"Snark! Snark! Everyone out of the water!"
~ LtMarvel



Nikita: "I don't go up to girls or guys, and just 'grab their business' to see how they'll react. I prefer saying 'hello' first. Ya know, I'm old fashioned that way."
coke & comics: "If we ever meet, you may pretend you've already said hello."



"I just witnessed the breathtaking plumage of a Great Southern Tracksuited Warbler. Awe inspiring."
~ Agent Helix



"Apparently, All-Star Batman and Robin is a gutbustingly funny parody. Hilarious, NOT shithouse as I'd previously thought.
Boy is MY face red!"
~ Pól Rua



"In the future, our ant overlords will demand that all comics be sugar related. All hail ants!"
~ StoneGold

[Brian Cronin]

4-13-2007

"Even now, Oxford University Press's feared cabal of assassins are closing in on your location."
~ Michael Pullmann



"In another year we can get 'Mark Miller writes a bunch of characters badly again, and brings back Thor and Captain America!'
Or, as it may be titled 'Look! We can do the stuff DC does, but we do it with characters we have to bring back to life!'
Expect an event involving one of the black captain americans as well.
And lots of marvel press releases hyping how they replaced a white guy and how forward thinking they are. And then quickly realize it isn't 1960, and announce the black guy is also gay."
~ Alex



StoneGold: "I don't think you are going to find someone as representative of the porn industry as a whole than Jenna. Which is why I chose her. Jenna tends to be the all-around face of porn."
Mac Danny: "The all around sticky, glazed face of porn."



"please, Alan Moore's writing sux!!"
~ ouiyahtsiouiyah



"Ed's wife is really pretty. It's a shame you can't put a bag over her personality."
~ Winslow



"That's a relief. I was afraid we'd seen the end of the server problems."
~ Gingold



Pól Rua: "You have used a prescribed word, citizen.
You are strongly encouraged to curb such treasonous behaviour, and use the approved term 'freedom tube' in the future.
Your name and identity number is now on record.

Thank you for your co-operation."
rick: "You don't fool me with your 'Freedom Tube', Pól.

Freedom is never yellow!!!"



"Wow, I spelled Triscuits like some kind of retard, there."
~ Dan Apodaca



"Howy makes a great guide. He's like a drunken Batman when it comes to prep-time."
~ StarsAndGarters



Stellar: "Now that I think about it, it's kind of unfair. I mean, we've got women's faces, curves and asses to enjoy, what do they get?"
K'Nort: "Your money?"



"I can't enjoy a movie unless it tells all possible sides of the story, yet somehow doesn't offend someone. "
~ Slam_Bradley



"There was a group of former frat boys attempting to binge drink at the bar I just returned from. They ordered a round of some sort of mutant Car Bombs -- half a glass of Guiness but it was smaller than a pint glass, and shots of just whisky, no Bailey's. Next thing I hear, their leader is explaining to the bartender that they couldn't handle that particular selection. Soon, a tray of something brightly-coloured and schnapps-based is delivered to their section. Turn in your dicks, all of you."
~ K'Nort



Spike-X: "Waiting for this bloody Springsteen bootleg DVD to be bloody uploaded to a certain bloody bitTorrent site."
Tages: "I had no idea Australians used that expression too."
dingo: "Yeah, we say Springsteen all the time."



"It's like the fuckin' cast of 'Hee Haw' is in charge of this country."
~ Jack Zodiac



"Eco-friendly fisting?

That's a different way to make a staement, I guess."
~ JeffreyWKramer



jessecuster3: "Or you could, you know, lead your real life and not a stupid, fictional one with no point in cyberspace."
Pól Rua: "Is this ironic that this was written in a fake bar tended by robots with a munky, a puma, a coyote and whatever the **** Ed is as patrons?"



"Alcohol capacity is relevant to everything"
~ coke & comics



Ed Cunard: "Today, I learned that people pay money to pretend be elves with penises for arms in order to have sex with horses on the internet."
Mac Danny: "So you FINALLY read my blog then..."



"If their lyrics promote such things, they should be censored and banned.

By 'promote', I of course mean 'mention', or 'have language that could through a stretch be inferred to suggest such things'. Censor it!"
~ coke & comics



"I think of the internet in the same terms as alcohol: it doesn't make you an *******, just brings it to the surface."
~ thespianphryne



"I'm the Snark Descartes of CBR.

I Clown, therefore I am."
~ Dreadstar



"Come on Howyadoin.....get real.

If fly were to put his huge stacks of comics in that small amphibious vehicle and sent it out into open water, dont you think minor weather turbulence would cause the comics to get wet? Ruining their financial value? I dont care how well they are bagged and boxed...thats no defense against good ol mother nature. Ya think anyone in Australia will want soggy comics really? Sure they say that now, but you just know they will be like 'Stupid fly! We have lots of comics here in this country that arent all water damaged. Thanks but no thanks."

Ya have to think ahead.

A submarine would work much better."
~ JadeDragon



"Does somebody have a list of the political views of all comic artists and writers so I can know what to like?"
~ Gingold



"But what about the floaty bag? Tumbling, drifting, up and down. How delicate and ephemeral. That floaty bag touched my very soul."
~ fly on the wall



"The Easter Bunny died for our sins, and to make sure we could have chocolate eggs."
~ JeffreyWKramer



"I imagine you're a weepy drunk. Like you stumble home, and then you put in Revenge of the Sith, and you just cry along with Padme."
~ Agent Helix



"Fun was killed shortly after video killed the radio star.

True Story."
~ Mac Danny



"The Silver Surfer should get stuck in one of those Universes that are really hard to return from, like the New Universe. Out of the Multiverse and into the Omniverse."
~ fly on the wall



"Usernames are evil. It's like living a lie. And they are childish and silly. Grownup posters use their own names like Greg Hatcher if he's still around.

Usernames are like celebrating Halloween every day of the year and wouldn't that get old. And we'd all be fat from eating all that candy like Greg Hatcher if he's still around.

Also usernames cause Global Warming."
~ fly on the wall



Rattlehead: "It's not like she advocated baby rape."
Justin Davis: "That's in Spider-Man Four: Revenge of Spider-Baby."



"This just in:

Celebrities Have Opinions About Stuff

Story at eleven!"
~ Tages



"I think people who get all their information on drug culture from Chuck Norris films are funny.
I mean, Jesus Christ, people!"
~ Pól Rua



"Ed and Lena sitting in a tree,
E-L-I-T-I-S-T"
~ coke & comics

[Brian Cronin]

6-13-2007 (PART I)

"Goddamnit, if you can't kick a Nazi in the vagina, I don't know if there's any hope for comics!"
~ Jack Zodiac



"I call Jihad on Mike's Hard Lemonade and Smirnoff Ice.

Death to Malted Beverages! Death to The Infidel!

Alcohol Akbar! Alcohol Akbar! Alcohol Akbar!"
~ Royal



"my 'que?' was directed at Jeff but forefinger got his dick in the way"
~ morna



"I'm black, I can make all the racist comments I want."
~ Stellar



"It used to be that, whenever you needed a giggle you just worked in certain poster's names into your thread. I'm glad we outgrew that.

On an unrelated note, I miss iwarrior."
~ BoosterBronze



"I'll bet Giant-Size Man-Thing has seen quite a bit of Jungle Action."
~ Jeff Brady



"Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself cannot eat it?"
~ coke & comics



"Wow.

I don't even know how to respond. You might as well have just said "Chocolate tastes like oranges!""
~ Kid Omega



"Every time a dog eats pizza an angel gets its wings."
~ Slam_Bradley



Ed Cunard: "I remain in awe at the variety and quality of the microwaveable food available to today's consumer."
Gingold: "What a time to be alive."



"Nine pages of men debating abortion with one post by a woman. It's like we're the Senate."
~ Gingold



"You know what pisses me off? That Ghenghis Khan and his army of Huns!

man... those guys were jerks!"
~ Kid Omega



"I enjoy the nipples. And my joy shames and offends me."
~ coke & comics



"I'm a Criminal Justice Major. I've taken several courses on drugs, drug laws, and drug related crimes. Every teacher I've ever had has called the theory b.s. There's no studies that conclusively say marijuana is a 'gateway' drug."
~ Ryan Kirk



"I read half the Fourth World books with a chub on."
~ Jack Zodiac



"And now I can finally masturbate and cry myself to sleep.

Another day vanquished!"
~ Michael Pullmann



"I was TOTALLY JOKING when I told George we needed less fighting giant space monsters on exploding dessert planets and examining the archetypal hero that exists within us all and more sitting around yacking at space congress and annoying, vaguely offensive ethnic stereotypes.

Never dreamed he'd take me seriously."
~ Reptisaurus!



"The only true way to figure out a person's race is to play electric guitar."
~ Valmore



"Marlboro has always been my brand.

But unlike the rest of you, they won't kill me.

I know this because they whisper at me all the time that they won't hurt me, they are my friends."
~ rick



"Damn, I drink a lot. Or, frequently. No, it's a lot. And frequently. I frequently drink a lot."
~ hulahulk



"Look at me, writing Voyager fanfic. Before long Chakotay and Janeway will be doing it."
~ Matt Algren



K'Nort: "Is it possible to say 'Eek!' in a manly way?"
Sean Whitmore: "'Eek, beeyotch'?"



"Skepticle. The popsicle for the non-believer!

'Tastes like heresy!'"
~ Guapo Méndez



"NOW DO YOU 'GET IT' YOU FUCKIN' MORON!

*ahem*

I mean do you have any more questions?"
~ Winslow



"I wasn't trying to make an intelligent point, just an observation."
~ kmeyers



"Wesley Snipes. A skirt. A gun. Vampires will be sorry and awkwardly aroused."
~ Ed Cunard on Princess Blade



"I actually got through to a local radio show and asked 'Was there ever an episode of LEAVE IT TO BEAVER in which rather than take him to a barber, Mrs. Cleaver decided to stay home and trim her Beaver?'"
~ HomerJay



Dreadstar: "CBR needs real 'face time.' Preferably a drunken weekend at a secluded beach where people can actually look into each other's bloodshot eyes and get a feel for whether or not they really *are* an ******* when they say those things, or if there's a smirky twinkle in their eyes when they're saying it.

Then we drown the assholes in the ocean."
Ed Cunard: "That'll never work.

I can swim."



"I am also quite proud of my year in Japan in high school where I played rugby and broke a Japanese kid's arm. I like to look back fondly and imagine that the kid grew up, became a successful businessman, and engages in highly predatory pricing practices that have wiped out several American domestic industries as a result. Perchance, to dream."
~ Ray R.



"The thing about these statues is that you know the guys that buy them stick them up their anus while masturbating."
~ Joe Rice on Marvel's Mary Jane Comiquette



coke & comics: "What is this word, guilt?"
mgs: "I think it was invented by married people."



"I used to talk during movies until I realized I could see the screen better if I took my head out from up my ass."
~ Cei-U!



"Cyclops? That's a crap name for a superhero.

Captain Laserweiner, that's the ticket."
~ Paul McEnery



"Lesbians don't have tops and bottoms! Those are labels for sodomites only!"
~ Kid Omega



"Frank Miller has turned into what Mickey Spillane would be if his mother let him eat paint as a child."
~ Pól Rua



Winslow: "We need an ADD support group."
Gingold: "I can come as long as the meetings don't last more than 5 minutes."



"I hear tell that Warren Ellis has a forum. Anybody know what it's called?

*This post brought to you by the Association for Untimely Jokes.*"
~ Matt Algren



"I'm a crappy human being, and I might be scum, but it isn't because I'm a man, it's because I'm an *******."
~ Jack Zodiac



"I'd like to come back, all Crow-like, and take my revenge on those who killed me whilst wearing cool emo make-up/wailing on an electric guitar/Dual-wielding Colt .45's.

If I had my druthers, 'twould be that.

Realistically, my life isn't that exciting though.

I'd likely settle for haunting the local convenience store or someshit. Maybe Wal-Mart....I could haunt the hell outta Wal-Mart.
'OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH......JANICE.....DO NOT BUY THIS CHEAP COMFORTER OR YOU WILL DIEEEEE! WHOOOO-HAHAHA!'"
~ Shady Jack



Shady Jack: "On the plus side, this is the first Rita's thread where I didn't make a complete ******* out of myself."
Spike-X: "On the minus side, we still have over 2,000 posts to go!"



"I played the ponytailed, quasi-girl, massage the feet guy for about a year. It was like living the life of that whiny lead singer from "Live"."
~ Spackling Compound



"I could never be that man. My eating habits may fail to satisfy many women"
~ coke & comics



"It was a mistake,

and I stand by it.

And by standing by it, I refuse to fix it.

Because that's what America stands for."
~ ragnarok_2012



Michael Pullmann: "It's almost as if women are individual creatures, with different opinions and preferences."
Agent Helix: "Keep that pussy talk to yourself, son."



"Hello. I'm really, really excited about the new Transformers movie. Michael Bay AND Shia Lebouef? Sometimes they DO get it right in Hollywood."
~ Ray R.



"Perhaps I'm revealing my ignorance regarding some area of jurisprudence, but I've never understood why the hanging of an innocent man caused the lights to go out in Georgia."
~ Michael Pullmann



Jared_Humphreys: "Stayed up too late seeing Pirates last night."
HomerJay: "Layoff the peyote then."



"Man Junk doesn't get the lonely fanboy dollar."
~ Mac Danny



Gilda Dent: "In other news, my submit button is stuck."
Paul McEnery: "Lucky Emily."



"Rape is okay to deal with in any American medium, because rape is violence and violence is A-OK.

It's consensual sex we seem to have issues with."
~ Sean Whitmore



"I'm not a pirate stripper.

I have no booty."
~ coke & comics



"I usually don't vote in these things, but Paul McEnery's near death experience is enough to overcome my apathy.

In the future, if you want my vote, you too should have a near-death experience."
~ moebius



"ACT I

[INT: DAN DIDIO'S OFFICE]

DAN: 'List your qualifications to write Superman.'

GEOFF: 'Rape, decapitation, murder, torture, rape.'

DAN: 'You listed rape twice.'

GEOFF: 'I like rape.'


I love 'Blazing Saddles'."
~ Ray R.

[Brian Cronin]

6-13-2007 (PART II)

HomerJay: "I will also say that some of those gals appear to deserve the douches they're with."
Ed Cunard: "Some of them definitely don't look fresh."


"I believe in making the world better for our children. But not out children's children.

Because children shouldn't be having sex."
~ coke & comics



Michael Pullmann: "We have loons and beaver in America, too."
Jeff Brady: "Leave cross-dressing Giuliani out of this."



"Welcome to the Internet, Billy.

Where the inalienable right to critique people on nearly imperceptible flaws goes hand in hand with super-sizing your snack and fast food intake.

I think the formula is M < F/I X K

M = model, F = Fatness, I = Insecurity and K = average number of keystrokes per day."
~ Ray R.



Joe Rice: "Not a good day. Almost just cancelled Hamlet."
Ed Cunard: "So, 'not to be,' then?"



"'She's Catwoman's daughter? Okay, we'll give her cat powers.'
'Catwoman didn't have powers.'
'Shut up and get me a Latte.'"
~ Typo Lad


"Buh-Bye.

Thanks for flying Total Bastard Airlines."
~ Tommy



"Doucheocracy!"
~ Jack Zodiac



Spackling Compound: "Paris is going to appeal."
Sean Whitmore: "That'd be a first."



"Martini Glasses sounds like a more sophisticated version of Beer Goggles."
~ Pól Rua



"I wish I could menstruate. Then I would always know when to pay the rent."
~ Mac Danny



Spike-X: "Who the hell would want to download episodes of Designing Women?"
Jeff Brady: "What are you doing on Ed's computer?"



"Name actors won't guarantee anything anyway. You could cast Liam Neeson, Ewan Macgregor, Natalie Portman, Christopher Lee, and Samuel L. Jackson in a series of movies, and they could still suck. Right, Jesse?"
~ Gingold



JerrBear81: "Pentagon Confirms It Sought To Build A 'Gay Bomb'"
Drew Van T.: "The HRC has issued a statement saying that they are offended and outraged, but also curious and turned on."



"That make-up job is temporary.

Genital herpes is forever."
~ Dreadstar